Father Sick with Cancer - Should I Go? Take Toddler With?

Take her let him enjoy her. My children lived through my fathers cancer decline and fondly remember papa they learned that family loves and cares for each other no matter what. As long as allowed even in the hospitsl let her be a part of his life.

She won't be traumatized. She won't really know, how old is toddler? If 2, thenI wouldn't worry..... Hope he is ok.

Go, and take your daughter. To be honest, if you are calm, so will your daughter. Children this age do not fear people who are old or look different unless they are given the cues.

Yes, you will have your daughter to care for, but maybe at times some of your friends and relatives can watch her for short periods of time.

Of not, she will be herself and will respond well at a schedule you can establish there. You need to see your father. He needs to see you and his grand child.

I learned a great lesson this last month. Say what you have to say. Ask what you have to ask and do not delay.

My loved one was given 3 months and died 2 weeks later with cancer.
No regrets, just do it.

I am sending you strength and a safe trip.

Your daughter will not be traumatized. Remember everything is new to her. She will not be aware of how seriously ill he is. She will accept the he's sick explanation. Also remember that she doesn't have the connection with him that you have. She's not dependent on him and will be just fine.

My granddaughter was 2 1/2 when my father was dying. He had been confined to bed for years, mostly paralyzed, was gaunt, and had no facial expressions. She accepted him as he was without any tension or concern. Mostly she ran around a played while we visited.

I urge you to go and go soon. As the cancer progresses he'll be less able to visit and be involved with you and your daughter.

Absolutely go!

It will not traumatize your daughter. But you will regret it if you DON'T go for the rest of your life.

She is 26 months old, she won't even remember being there next fall. She is going to enjoy seeing family and seeing her grandpa. I would go and not worry. Hubby needs to plan on coming over on at least one or two vacations though, just to give you a break.

If the wife is such a nice person I am sure she will be willing to help you so that you can spend some guilt free time with dad. If not surely there will be youth or neighbors that could babysit a bit to let you have some time with dad too.

My granddaughter got to spend time with my MIL when she was dying of liver cancer. She only asked why she cut her hair all off. The chemo made her bald. I told her she was taking some medication that made her hair fall out. It was no big deal after that.

I think you should take her and let her spend time with him too. It will do him some good.

you will regret this the rest of your life if you do not go.

your daughter will be the apple of everyone's eye! It will not traumatize her if you remain upbeat & make sure she has adequate activities during each visit to the hospital. Pack a goody bag & it will become an event. You will be amazed at how much joy she will bring to everyone.

Both of my children lost grandparents during toddler years. Both stayed by my side....& they still have a high comfort level with both illness & death.

Prayers to you & your family.

Well, I was in your shoes before, only my kids weren't 2. They were 7 and 8. It was very important for my dad to see my kids, and for them to see him. I'm assuming your daughter does not have a relationship with your dad, since he lives so far away? And if he doesn't, I'm sure that it would mean the world to see her. Just explain to her that Grandpa is sick, and we are going there to try to make him feel better. Explain sickness and death little by little with her so you don't dump it on her all at once, to kind of prepare her. I don't think you should leave her out of this, especially if she is going out of the country with you. You may need her too, and if you have to bring her to the hospital on a "spur of the moment" type thing you will want her to be prepared. I'm not sure but there are probably books out there that you could read to her on her level, before you go. I'm sorry about your dad. You are good to be doing this for him.

I am a 14month cancer survivor.. I was very sick many times over the course of my cancer and had to be hospitalized. At the time my granddaughters were 5 and 2. Since we were so close our family chose to include them in our cancer journey. A friend wrote a book for our 5 year old letting her know what to expect from my hair falling out to just feeling green sometime. My 2year old granddaughter went with M. to my appointments and the DR.'s and staff became like close family. She still asks if we are going to see Dr. Jordan when we pass that area? My 5 year old insisted she go to chemo 5 since she was five and the 2 year old would bring out the hand weights and tell me to lift them . It lifted my spirits just to see there smiling faces. Both girls have been to Spain and still remember their travels. Every situation is different but sounds like you want to go and see your Dad and tell him all the things you wish you had. Do not look back and have regrets. There are some things that can not be changed. My granddaughters now 6 and 3 are are more compassionate and helpful. I will be praying for your Dad and your decision.

I would go. Dying is part of life and it is fine for her to see that. Kids can be wonderful for people who are sick and grieving. You may very well need to hire someone to watch her part of the time. She may or may not be allowed into the hospital for visiting if/when your dad gets to that point. It will be good for your dad, good for you and fine for your daughter. She honestly will not remember it anyway. I am so sorry.

GO! You will regret it forever if you don't. It won't traumatize her. She honestly won't even remember it -and people die. Children need to learn about that like everything else. There are plenty of sitters there as well, so I'm sure you'll be able to find someone recommended by family to take her once in awhile.

My son was the nursing home and oncology ward "happy pill" when he was that age.

Doop doop dooping about. Smiling, waving, big sad blinky eyes and pats, unabashed laughter. Most people love kids. And in hospital settings, when you're stuck in a bed or chair, they become "babyvision" (like television). Esp with the elderly, their antics and youth make them happy. For the kids... they're Tgetting smiles and waves and tons of attention, which makes the kids happy.

There are places to explore, hallways to run down, adventures to be had.

It's a lovely age.

And they don't know enough to be scared. They just see people smiling at them and they smile back... or in pain, and they frown for them or come pat them to make them feel better.

It can be a GREAT tool for the emotional health of a toddler just learning empathy.

Now... if everyone is weeping, wailing, shouting... yeah. Keep her away. But that's not most hospitals, nursing homes, or hospices. Most are actually much more full of life and happiness than playgrounds.

Ditto, not everyone likes kids, even though most do. If someone doesn't want her around... it's a target rich enviornment... just move 20 feet to your left.

Go.

I agree with Laurie on everything she said.

I'll add that your family and friends will know dependable people who can babysit.

Deep Peace.

Go and take your daughter. She is young enough that she may not remember much if any. But your dad will and it would be good for him to see her. My boys were 9 and 7 when I took them to their first funeral. We had never talked about death or dying much before them so it seems harder for them to process compared to when I was young and attending funerals when I was 4 or 5.

God Speed.

I say go...if you don't, you will regret it. It sounds like you have support and people that will help once you are there. I am so sorry you are going through this. I lost my father to cancer 5 years ago. :(

I say go, I too lost my father and I quit a semester of college at the time to care for him and be with him in that final time. We too knew there was only so much time left. I ended up going back to college after and it took me longer to finish, but I wouldn't have changed it for nothing.

Now as for your child, my sister at the time had two kids one around the same age as yours and a 4 month old. As for worrying about traumatizing her, I wouldn't worry, more than likely she's not going to remember much of anything about this. My niece was around when we had my father had home and was caring for him and she doesn't remember any of it. It sounds like you know people over there, so I would start now before you go having them look around for a sitter/daycare that you could take her too. You've got to spend time with him, and I don't mean to sound harsh but I have been there, this is the last of you seeing him on this earth, you need to spend some quality time with him and not have to worry about your kiddo. Take her to a sitter/daycare and she will be fine. Prayers to you...

I can not tell you why, but personally, I would try to get someone to take on your toddler for a week while you went to Europe to attend your father.

You would be traumatizing her more by leaving her. You would be miserable without her. She will be the light of your darkness, as well as your fathers.

If only we could protect our children from death. But alas, we cannot. It's part of life. You and your child will be fine. And your father will appreciate the time with your grandchild.

Go! You will only regret it if you don't. Your daughter will love Europe and spending all her time with you. She won't be traumatized and won't even remember much in a few years.

I took my 2 year old with for 2 months to be with my M. when she was diagnosed with cancer and started chemo. No regrets at all. He was a little freaked out the first time my M. took off her wig. He is now eight and only remembers the day it snowed 3 feet.

The hardest part was the time away from my husband. He really missed us and could not come out.

I never answer these things, but I had the same issue recently, so I feel compelled...First of all, I'm so sorry you and your family are even in this situation. Cancer sucks. I spent almost a year flying back and forth from AZ to the East Coast to spend time with my dear father who was s-l-o-w-l-y dying from stage IV lung cancer (no, he was never a smoker)...all the while trying to take care of my 2 and 4 year old sons at the same time. My mother and sister are both nurses, so it wasn't an issue of physical care for me either, unless they really needed a break, which they often did. It was the most difficult, emotional thing I have ever had to deal with, and I've been through a lot! As you well know, toddlers need so much care and attention, too. And, they don't really understand what is going on. But, even when my father no longer looked like himself from all the weight loss, hair loss, tubes in his nose, etc., he was still just "grandad" to my boys. I never worried about traumatizing them - sickness and death are just a part of life, in my humble opinion. I explained things to them in very simple terms that they would understand. I know my father wanted to see my boys in small doses, but it was overwhelming for him to have them around all the time. They are so full of life and LOUD! Anyway, what I'm trying to say is I don't think it will traumatize your daughter, and I think you definitely need to spend time with your father. So, try to set up some suitable arrangement for housing and an occasional babysitter - Would your step-M. be willing to help with that? I slept at my sister's house, which was *horrible* but I had no other choice. My father was on hospice at home, so hospitals weren't ever an issue. I hope this helps a little. Best of Luck.