9Year Old Boy Going to Funeral Home to Make Arrangments? Weird?

I think it would have been better for her to let him go with you, but the arrangements shouldn't be traumatizing for a nine year old. You just pick out everything, so he would probably be more bored and possibly uncomfortable with her grief than anything.

When I was 12, my grandfather died. My parents took me and my younger brother with them when they made the arrangements. It was a little creepy, but certainly did not scar me for life.
I did not take my sons with me when I have had to make arrangements.
But, I would be much more concerned about the unhealthy attachment.

Updated

When I was 12, my grandfather died. My parents took me and my younger brother with them when they made the arrangements. It was a little creepy, but certainly did not scar me for life.
I did not take my sons with me when I have had to make arrangements.
But, I would be much more concerned about the unhealthy attachment.

When I was 10 (my sister 8), my grandfather passed away.
We went with Mom everywhere to make arrangements.
I remember looking over quite a few grave stones while Mom was in the office making choices and paying bills.
I mean sure, it's not Chuck E Cheese or a play ground, but what's wrong with a funeral home?
Before there were funeral homes, people were laid out and viewed at home in the parlor.
Parlors became 'living' rooms when people started viewing passed away family members out side of their own home.
She needed him with her for emotional support.
Kids don't have any preconceived baggage about death or places associated with death - that's for the grown ups.
He might be bored running errands with her, but he's fine and there's nothing inappropriate about it.

In our family in our culture. Children are very involved in funerals.. Sometimes they go with the parents while the parents make the arrangements.

There is nothing scary to us about death or funerals, funeral homes, cemeteries..etc.. Our children grow up knowing it is just part of our lives..

They see us come together, mourn and then we are all ok again.. It is a cycle of life. .. etc..

I do agree with you that when her son said he did not want to go, she should not have forced him, but instead should have stated why she needed /wanted him there and then again let him tell her yes or no.

I would be very careful mentioning anything to her for a while. She is not in a place emotionally to be corrected or judged.

Just keep an eye on the young man and let him know he really is welcome in your home.

Ok have you ever been to one of these? The arrangements aren't really that bad..you sit in a room go over what you want done,pick out certain things like the signature book,the leaflet, the casket and so on. How is that going to traumatize him?
I didn't take my own sons when my grandfather passed away but I gave them the choice to go with me or not. But I would never assume a mother was going to traumatize her child by having them attend the arrangements meeting. It is her choice to make.

OK, my nephew is 10 and fully aware of what's going on with Tata, his grandfather. My Dad has kidney failure, diabetes, has had 2 strokes, developed sudden onset dementia a few months ago and was just diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, an aggressive bone marrow cancer for which there is no cure.

We've been to the mortuary that will be handling everything when the time comes, it's not a morbid place, and my nephew wants to be involved in the planning and came along. His paternal grandfather died when he was 2, and he feels he "missed out." He isn't traumatized, he's still fully a child, he knows the adults in the family are sad because of what is coming, but he's happier because everything isn't a mystery to him, and we've all talked about how we'd like to be remembered when our time comes in front of him so death isn't a morbid, unspeakable subject to him.

Each family does things differently, just be there for him if he needs you, don't try to pull things out of him, and try not to be critical of his grieving mom.

The part that concerns me is her not feeling she could be adult enough to make these arrangements without her son.
I have kids. I love them. In their lives they've been to funerals, but not viewings or making arrangements.
Death is a part of life.
Having lost many, many people at an early age, it is something that kids understand. Having worked in the cemetery business myself, I realize that all families deal with things differently. Some become angry in their grief. Some are too shaken up to cope. Some are actually very composed and glad that their loved one lived a full life or aren't suffering anymore.
I know that when I've lost people, including my dads ( my bio dad and step dad within a year of each other) it really made me appreciate my children and life more. I did cry. I did get emotional. I wrote my father's eulogy. You have to know the tears flowed as I searched for the right words to say. My kids were great about giving me hugs or just letting me have some alone time to work my feelings out.
Like I said, people handle things differently. It was very kind of you to offer to help watch the boy.
I never took my kids to help make arrangements, but working at a cemetery, my kids were around certain things. In fact, my daughter stood on stage led The Pledge of Allegiance at a Memorial Day ceremony at the cemetery attended by a huge crowd of people including representatives from all branches of the Armed Forces. There was even a fly-over. She was 9.

I just read your update.
Not sure what to say.
If it's true he's missing school to visit deceased people he never even knew, that's a bit much. For sure.
My family is from the southern United States. In Tennesse and Virginia, it's not at all unusual for kids to attend visitations. One summer when we were staying with my grandmother, visiting deceased people was just almost the same as attending church. We were dressed in our nicest clothes, she even bought or made us dresses and we went. We sat like little ladies while she paid her respects. She didn't cry or fall apart or anything though. We didn't know the people but SHE did. We understood that passing away was a solemn thing.
We weren't traumatized by it at all.
My grandmother didn't have a death obsession, it just so happened that she lost a lot of people she loved that summer and we happened to be there with her.
She did a lot of cooking and we went to a lot of houses sharing food. We sat like little ladies while she spoke with the family and offered her help.

I don't know that you should call social services as suggested because of the funeral home thing. CPS isn't going to take her kid away because he was present for making funeral arrangements. If he's missing school to the point he's truant, the school should be addressing that.
If you have documentation of what you consider to be an unhealthy attachment with her son, aside from and added to this issue, then do what you have to do.

That's just my opinion.
Everyone has differing views on death, etc.
If you don't want to personally say anything to her because she's grieving, you might want to consider how the authorities checking in on her will go over.

Again, just my opinion.

It's not disturbing she brought him, what is disturbing is that she *needs* him there and is emotionally dependent on him. My mother was extremely emotionally dependent on me when my dad died and I was 23 years old and had a hard time handling it.

I agree, social services should probably be notified. It's terrifying thinking what my mom put me through (I almost had her institutionalized) could be happening to a 9 year old child. It makes me wonder how life is going to be for him for a while when he mom is losing it.

The funeral is one thing, but taking a child to the funeral home to make arrangements is not something I would do.

Yikes. It is completely inappropriate. My first thought was maybe she didn't have a babysitter on short notice, but you were obviously willing and available.

It was inappropriate and I feel sorry already for the young girl out there whose future will include becoming her daughter-in-law. If she is not careful, he son will completely pull away from her.

My husband would let me, but he's a strong analyst and much less conscious of social & emotional appropriatness.

I think it is wrong of her to make him go when he said he did not want to go. I would not take my 10 year old to do arrangements for any of her grandparents. I would not want her to go through all the emotions that it could cause. I have not had to do this yet (thank goodness) so I do not know what all is involved. I can't imagine it being a place for a child to be. I do not think my husband would let me take my girls. We seem to think alike on those kind of things. I wish that little boy luck with his mom. It sounds like she is way too dependant on him. He is not her husband - He is her son and she needs to realize that soon.

I'd be worried for this kid. It sounds like mom only thinks about her needs and that's going to be very h*** o* him in the coming months.

if this were a one time thing, maybe i could see it but you keep saying unhealthy relationship and Yes i definately think that is a problem.!!

There are people who have unhealthy attachments to their children. I would find it weird to drag a 9 year old (or younger) child to all sorts of funerals. What is going on that the husband allows this? I'm not saying protect him always from death but limits, you know?

I think the funeral home has to have seen things like this before. I would hope they could say children were not allowed in those areas and that he could be entertained by the receptionist or something. Or even that she could come back once she had a babysitter. There are diplomatic ways for a business saying no kids, I hope they have those policies in place.

Geez, poor kiddo.

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