"Counseling of Sexual Behavior"

Updated on April 29, 2008
N.C. asks from Aguadilla, PR
10 answers

My three years old boy when we was shopping he touch the intimate part of a mannequin(dummy woman) in Macy´s and then he said the name of the part. Two days later he touch the intimate part of his father and said the name of his part. The two times are another persons sorrounded him. I want to know what I need to do?

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J.B.

answers from Miami on

It is okay that he said the names. We are only embarrassed because we are adults. A normal 3 year old who just learnt something new would touch the item and say the name. Do not act shocked or he may think the body parts are dirty.

The bonus is that if you taught him the correct names of the parts he may be safer from predators. Teachers find in school, that if the children who tried to them there was a problem used other names for these body part, they did not understand them until it was too late.

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S.B.

answers from Miami on

At this age you can ignore him in public or just convey disinterest. Clearly he has gotten the message that this is upsetting to you. At home you can agree that he knows the words for all body parts and must learn that touching private parts is not acceptable. He sounds smart to already know these words, so speak to him factually with real information. Men and women have different parts and they are private. Keep you hands to yourself is always a good message and applies to all parts. He is learning and you will direct him just like you wish until he fits into your family perfectly. It is no big deal. Monitor the older kids who play with him who might be prompting him in this new behavior.

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S.G.

answers from Boca Raton on

Dear N.,
I hear that you are embarrassed by your son's behavior because it is in public, but these things are natural and if you treat it calmly it is more likely to stop than if you get upset. The first most important thing is to be sure that your son is not being exposed to things that he shouldn't be. Where is he learning those names? Is it possible that he is being sexually abused or even just inappropriately exposed to anything sexual? Most likely, he is just showing off his knowledge of these words and also his knowledge of these parts. Do you remember when he first learned to speak and chances are he would point to his eyes and ears and mouth and say these words. This is all part of language development. So, instead of becoming embarrassed or angry, I suggest that you respond very calmly by saying something like:
"Yes, son, that is the word for that part, but we don't touch the mannequin like that."
"Yes, son, that is what we call that, but those parts are private and we don't touch any one else's."
It is very important for our children to feel comfortable with their own bodies and not ashamed, but also to understand that the parts that are always covered by clothes are private parts and we don't share them or talk about them.
Good luck!
: )
S.

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C.R.

answers from Boca Raton on

Because children are naturally curious about any and all things, this is just another part of his growing process. It is wonderful that at such a young age he is showing his intelligence by pointing things out. I think if we as parents do not make a big deal about it, this will be something that will pass. Children are innocent in their curiosity that sometimes can be embarrassing for us. We are their teachers, their morals and values come from us. If touching someone there is inappropriate to us then we teach our children that it is a personal private part of our bodies.

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M.L.

answers from Boca Raton on

I would talk with his doctor. He is too young to be sexual. As adults we know its wrong but in the eyes of a 3 year old he doesn't. So we need to teach them. He obviously knows there is a difference between boys and girls. Don't make him ashamed of it but tell him that its not nice to touch someones private parts but tell him he is right on the name of the body part. Looks to me he don't see anything wrong with it but wants you to know he is learning things and looking for a positive reinforcement.

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Y.S.

answers from Miami on

I agree w/ everything Cheryl said, I couldn't have said it better.

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W.R.

answers from San Juan on

jajjaaa N., this is completely natural because your baby is getting to know his body and yours as a mom. So every women should be as mom, and so every men as daddy. But, who taught him the words? How does he know the parts names? Take it naturally so he wont feel he's doing something bad. This is normal, all you have to teach him is that it is normal, but do not say it in front of other people. This has to be, for now, a secret between him and mom. When you get a bath, you should take him with you and answer his questions normally,but in a way he understands, so should do daddy so he can compare and feel that he will be as daddy.

He need to know everything around him in order to be himself, so don't get scared or preocupied, this is normal.

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L.O.

answers from Miami on

I heard on a show "Talk Sex with Sue Johnson" that you need to explain, at the moment, that there is a time and place for touching that area. Not at the dinner table, not at Grandma's house, not in school with friends, but if he/she feels the need to explore to do it in his/her room in private. This is a special and private place of the body and it may make people uncomfortable to touch or speak about it in public. Keep reinforcing it it a positive way. If it is made taboo then there is a negative association with it and may turn into sexual rebellion at a later age. They may also be teased at school with friends and feel ashamed...which it no good at all.
Curiosity and masturbation starts as young as 4 months old and is perfectly normal...although it may be uncomfortable and embarrassing to the parents.
Hope this is helpful.
Good Luck:)

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N.T.

answers from Melbourne on

Why do anything? This is normal behavior. Children are very curious about there bodys, and body parts.i feel you should embrace the fact that he uses the correct terms for body parts,also answer their questions about these subjects, if you dont someone will.i also feel that it is important to open a dialog with them at an early age, so later when it is most important for your chidren to feel they can ask these questions. Never be suprised at what they ask , or they may feel that you dont want them to ask. Be kind and let them know you are listening. You can also get info on how to answer some of the question,they have many hand-out about these subjects. When i worked peds we even had hand outs about masterbation in toddlers, and yes this is normal also.

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L.W.

answers from Miami on

I don't believe that you can jump to the conclusion that him naming these parts is of a sexual nature. My three year old knows the names of body parts simply because she's heard them from her older brother. But he didn't tell her in a nasty way, he was simply stating matter-of-factly that boys have them. (he's 5 and was taught the word when he asked what it was.) We have told our children what the parts are, but we also have told them it's not polite to talk about them in public. When they have made comments in public, we just calmly remind them it's not polite and move on. Getting mad makes them think they are doing something wrong. All children are curious about what things are called and I don't think there's any room for concern as long as he's not being too specific. Don't prompt him, but if he says anything more specific then just the names of the parts, I would talk to his doctor. Otherwise, just say, yes that's what it is but that's not polite conversation, and leave it at that. Even my 2 year old knows the word booby because he heard my husband say it. It's normal.

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