Calm Moms, Please Help Me Out!

I just wanted to thank you for posting that. I feel that way all the time, and I usually think I'm alone in it too. Knowing that another mom feels the "frazzle" the same way I do really helped me relax a little. Thanks for sharing. Thanks for being real.

Wow...just wow.... Stuck on "My husband had finished the drink I had just given him, so I had to give him a refill..." Sounds like you need a partner not a 3rd child.

As for the amusement park...as a SAHM my kids are with me all day, every day. We've always gone places together and they've always met my expectations as to how to act. I think parents that don't take their kids along on everyday outings are missing the opportunity to model the behavior expected in public.

Start getting kids to help. I mean they should be doing some things like giving dog water, taking dogs out, setting table and putting away their work.
You are not the maid. If you don not have them do these things now, you will be doing it forever.

You get your family to help you out instead of doing it all yourself.

I'll use your dinner example.

You're cooking dinner and the dog threw up. Call hubby or the older kid inside to clean up the mess while you finish dinner.

Five minutes before dinner is done, call the family inside to clear off and set the table while you finish the cooking/plating.

Your husband finished his drink. He can get his own refill. While he's in the kitchen getting said refill, and you realize that the kids don't have a drink, he can get those too.

As for the ketchup and salt, they can get it themselves. Same with the chives.

The dog's water can wait until after dinner, and again, a kid or your husband can do that chore.

As for bed time, you and your husband can tag team it. One of you do baths, one of you do stories. Work together and y'all will get it done faster and YOU won't be as stressed. Then, one of you take the dogs out while the other gets a start on the kitchen. Then, when the kids are in bed, HE can start his work and YOU can get some down time.

Why are you doing everything for everybody? Your husband can refill his own glass, the kids should pick up the art projects themselves and get their own condiments. The dogs can't fill their own bowls, but does it have to be you?? Stop doing everything for everybody and tell them to get to work!

Llama-

You've gotten a lot of good tips about delegation, downshifting your expecations, and teaching your kids/ hubs to do for themselves. Might I also suggest a few nights of nothing but take out, paper plates, a glass of wine, and a movie for the kids, and an early night for you? (try 3 or 4 in a row).

When you re-charge your batteries, you will be better able to introduce and implement the changes suggested, and make them stick. Change can be hard, it can be met with resistance, so you have to have strength and resolve to see it through.

Best,
F. B.

How old are your kids?
Seems to me like you are doing a whole lot that the kids could help with.
We pretty much serve our own drinks (son and Hubby both) but if anyone happens to be up (any of us), they will refill milk/water for drinks for anyone (me included) who wants a refill.
If there are art projects on the table then the kids had better help clean that up and set the table otherwise food/supper is not happening until they prepare the way.
You can try to have all the condiments on the table before serving but once you sit down to eat life won't come to a screeching halt if people do without salt/ketchup/chives for one meal.
If all the water they started with at the beginning of the meal was finished before the meal is over, they can wait while you eat or they can refill themselves.
You can also do meals buffet style - have the food on the counter and they can serve themselves then sit down at the table.
Kennel the dogs during mealtime.
After everyone has finished eating, EVERYONE helps to clean the kitchen - You put away left overs while the kids put their dishes in the dishwasher and wipe the table down.
Many hands make light work - so everybody had better learn to pitch in.
If you try to serve everyone at all times, you'll run yourself ragged and they'll happily sit back and LET you.
You need to start directing them how to help you (and themselves) and NOT JUMP UP every time one of them needs something.
That goes for Hubby. too.

I was my Mother's 'dishwasher' until I was 16 (from 10 yrs old - I stood on a chair at first to reach the sink).
That was when we finally got a dish washing machine.

You must learn to delegate. It will mean more sanity for you AND teaching kids (and husbands!!) responsibility is a good life skill.

At 3 and 6 your kids could have:
moved art projects off of the table
filled dogs' water bowls (which could have waited until after dinner)
gotten the ketchup from the fridge if it's not on a high shelf
gotten the salt from the counter
filled their own cups with water (put plastic cups in a low cabinet, and you are all set. I never have to get drinks for my kids)

And of course your husband is able to pitch in with all of the above, plus he could have cleaned up the dog puke while you cooked, and he could have done the dishes while you put the kids to bed. Why were you getting up every time during dinner? Do you ever say - honey, I just sat down, can you please get the ketchup and the salt?

As for the amusement park (or the mall, or anywhere there are crowds and a lot of walking), tell the kids they have to hold hands. Then they will be moving at the same pace.

There have been a few posts lately on chores that kids can do. You should take a look at them and see what you can adapt to your house.

Husband gets his own drink refills for a start! Why are you waiting on him?

If the kids are old enough: "Sam, the dog needs water. Please fill the bowl now." If you must do it: Why did you stop during the meal time to do this chore? The dogs can wait 10 minutes for water while you eat with your family. (And you're right, I would not have run out for chives -- they're nice but have them tomorrow.)

If the kids are not old enough to deal with the dogs, time for husband to become dog manager whenever he is home. If you are an SAHM you are already doing dog duty all day as well as kid duty. Make the dogs his responsibility when he's home. He can teach the kids to help him.

If husband and kids were just in the yard: When the dog threw up, I'd have called them in and told husband: "I'm in the middle of cooking food and the dog threw up. I don't want to be dealing with a meal and cleaning up dog vomit, so please clean it up. Thanks a ton."

Water, salt, ketchup for the kids? Or for dad? Dad can get his own and should offer to bring YOU whatever you need too. If the kids can, they can get the condiments and water themselves. How old are your kids? Even a child of four can get a drink of water. Don't let them think that when they are seated at the table, only mom can retrieve anything extra.

If husband's announcement that he had to work in the evening is a common thing -- you and he need to discuss that and HE needs to rearrange his time so that he has equal time doing bed with the kids. Or you each handle one kid for bedtime, so you are not putting two to bed but only one. Tag teaming this is something you could tell him is non-negotiable; they are as much his kids as yours. If the work at home was unusual, and he does take half the bedtime responsibilities all the rest of the time, that's great, but let him know that sudden changes in plan shouldn't happen unless there's a real crisis at work.

The little stuff like refilling his drink for him, giving the dogs water the very instant you saw a dry bowl, getting chives, etc. -- it sounds like you are spinning in a hundred directions at once and are not simply telling your husband, "We need X done, I'm doing Y for all of us this instant, please handle X." If he has issues with handling those kinds of situations that's a bigger problem.

If you have a feeling of "But he needs every second of special dad time with the kids so I should do ALL the dinner/dog/drink/etc. stuff so he is fun daddy," please reconsider that too. Kids need to see dad helping mom and contributing to the household cleanups and cooking JUST as much as they need to be outside playing with daddy after work.

The amusement park account seems to say that your kids just aren't ready for an amusement park, at least not together. Sounds like yours is possibly local, so take them one at a time while daddy has that quality time with the other. It IS fair and fine and OK to do this! Also, be sure that if you take both of them somewhere like that, you have very limited time frames and very limited expectations of what they will do -- you set the agenda, not them, and don't let them beg or guilt you into an extra ride or extra time.

Why are you doting on your husband SO much that you don't even get a chance to sit down?

Why couldn't HE clean up the dog's vomit?

Why couldn't HE give the kids some water?

For heavens sake, get smart and start farming out some of the work. If you don't, you're going to have a nervous breakdown. You need to tell your husband that if he doesn't want to have sandwiches for dinner, he needs to lend a frickin' hand. That includes cleaning up after dinner instead of "getting work done".

Honest to goodness, stop with "doing". If someone wants ketchup, let them get it themselves. If you keep doting on everyone, then you're enabling the kids not learning to do for themselves and you sure as heck are enabling your husband being a big KID with you running back and forth for him. Enough!!

You need to stop doing everything for everyone.
Your husband can get his own refill on his drink.
Your kids can get up and get their own ketchup and salt.
Your kids or your husband could have cleaned off the table when you were cooking dinner.
Sometimes we get so caught up in being a mom and feeling like we have to do everything that we forget that OTHER people in the house are just as capable.
As for the amusement park? Those stress me out too. Can't help ya there!!
L.

How old are your kids?

It sounds like you need to "train" your husband and kids. When I am making dinner I am directing one kid to clean off the table, another to set the table and getting my husband to get the beverages. I would have called one of the kids or the husband to take care of the dog throw up. My kids have been helping out this way since they were quite little.

When I take the kids to the amusement park I am always alone because my husband doesn't enjoy amusement parks. I tell the kids my expectations before we go, and let them know that if they can't stay together or stand in line properly we will leave. They are older now (8 and 11), so I just find a bench to sit on and read my book and let them go. I don't micromanage them. When they were little I dressed them in bright coloured matching t-shirts, and that helped me keep an eye on them in a crowd. We always had fun.

ETA: When my kids were little we usually only went to the amusement park for a short visit and I only bought tickets for a few rides and we would visit the other attractions. Now that they are older we get wrist bands and stay all day and evening.

Here is how I was raised, "Since all of us are healthy and intelligent, we can help ourselves and each other.

No one sits down until my mother sat down or unless she gave us permission to be seated.
During the meal she did not get up unless SHE wanted or needed something.

She would occasionally ask, "L., would you like some more Chicken?" If I answered "yes ma'am", she would say, "well help yourself and while you are up, please bring me a piece also".. Hee, hee. Eventually we learned to say, I am going to get a glass of water, would anyone like anything else while I am up? She did not put our food in serving dishes unless company was over so that we were only washing pots and pans and our plate, drinking glasses and flatware.. If a paper plate or a paper towel would work as well as a plate, that is what we used. Why use a plate for a sandwich and some chips and vegetable sticks?

If sister wanted ketchup, she would ask, "may I get the ketchup?" Again my mother would say, "yes, that sounds good, while you are up, could you please bring me a paper towel "or whatever she needed. You get the idea.

This was our normal and still is.

The pets were all of our responsibility. Vomit can be messy, so I agree since you were actually busy with dinner, I would have called my husband in, or if my child was old enough have her do it.

Laundry, everyone takes their own to the laundry room. If they are old enough, begin teaching them how to do laundry or at least how to separate the clothing and after it is washed and dried, teach them to fold.

Look around and start teaching them how to take care of themselves and how to be big helpers Believe me, it is just as important as teaching them how to read.

Quit being frustrated. speak up and get the help you need.

Your life sounds like mine and my chaos is due mostly to having a relatively useless husband. Yours sounds like real winner too. Why can't he refill his own drink, notice the dogs need water, and get up and down during dinner to get the ketchup and salt just like you? On that note, why can't your kids? If they're not in high chairs, they can go open a refrigerator door and bring back ketchup.

I think you just need to expect more of the people around you and tell them that have arms and legs and can pitch in too. I totally get where you're coming from as I'm ALWAYS the first one up and the last one to bed, I'm the one who sits down to eat after everyone else is almost done, who eats breakfast in the car because I don't have time to eat while getting the kids off to school, etc. But just because we do a lot and do it well doesn't make it right.

IMO, it's time to delegate more to your husband and kids. If they're old enough, put them in charge of the dogs' water dishes. Set up a schedule with your husband where you alternate who cleans up the kitchen, does the bedtime routine, or walks the dogs (no one should do everything any night) and if for some reason he needs a night off, he needs to tell you in advance. Same for you...if you need to be out in the evening, let him know ahead of time that he's in charge of the whole thing.

Yep, sounds like my house, but I do farm out jobs. Hubby is a big help when he is around, but since he is never around, it's usually me. Instead of the dogs, I have a toddler that is teething, so as of late, I have a baby clinging to my leg while I try to get dinner on the table

I find outings to be fine as long as I have had enough sleep, otherwise, i cannot handle the stress.

I also got so sick of the tsble being a mess before dinner that I bought the kids desks. They can leave their stuff on their crafting space, but not on the kitchen table.

Make a list of the things that stress you the most and then try to figure out ways to make things easier.

My kids handle the crumbs, help set the table, they clean up their own messes,etc. They are literally responsible for their own stuff, so they put away their cloths, etc. I started this at this time last year, so when I had a 3 and 5 year old. It has taken a year, but they are mostly trained! In fact. They have gotten really good at picking up without me present at all! So I can pick up a different mess.

Also, get a roomba. I couldn't live without mine now that I have it! Kids know that if I say roomba ready a room, they better get everything off the floor or roomba will eat it!

Why are you the only one doing everything? My kids, from a young age, learned to clean up after themselves. When we had our puppies, the kids were responsible for making sure they had water, food, etc. If someone at my table wants something (ketchup, salt, whatever) they get up to get it.

My house is not spotless, and I am not a server. Get your kids and husband to help out more.

As far as amusement parks, let things go. Things will happen, kids not paying attention, climbing the rails, not moving fast enough, etc...just relax. Was it Busch Gardens by chance? I take my kids there several times per year and we are like you...but I don't let it stress me, because then the day will be bad. Take things as they come, it will be fine.

Just off the top of my head you are not expecting, therefore not getting, your kids to do anything. I can get the three year old and water but six? Six year old should have got up and got the forgotten water. Who needed the ketchup? The rest of your family has arms and legs.

Amusement park the six year old should be paying attention to you.

In other words you need to let go of some of the responsibility.

My, does everyone in your family have broken arms and legs? :)

It sounds like prior planning and getting some help from your kids and husband are in order. In our house, everyone available helps in some way to get meals on the table. Before I start cooking, my son has to come clear toys/art/belongings from the area. He or my husband are in charge of laying out napkins and getting out cups for drinks. I am primarily the cook, but will ask our seven year old or husband to do some of the prep with me if it suits (me, and their levels of ability-- husband is great at many other things, which is why I am the Kitchen Queen).

What I think is missing is that maybe you aren't asserting *yourself* into your own list of priorities. When my son was three, and started asking for things when I had JUST sat down, I started teaching him that Mom needs to be able to enjoy her meal to. "I'm going to eat for a few minutes, and when I get up again, I'll get that for you. Or, you can get it yourself and we'll help you (pour, get out of container, etc.). " At the age that they can get things for themselves and know what they are getting, as long is it isn't something delicate or with a potential for mess (like an open pitcher), he was expected to get things for himself.

Once *I* started making it just a matter of fact that, once I sat down (and I do ask "anyone need anything else before I sit down, because I'm not getting back up") I was not playing waitress. Everyone is capable or they can wait five minutes.

It sounds like maybe some other activities need more support. Amusement park? I'd go as a family, so your husband has at least one child to give his undivided attention to. It may also be that this wasn't the right "sort" of activity for your children's ages, given their lack of patience. Even though our son is seven, we tend to avoid activities which require repeatedly waiting in lines. Not worth it. There are plenty of other things to do which are their speed: parks, even going to do the coin rides at the mall or an arcade... you will have to figure out if your challenges are related to the childrens' behavior, their abilities for their age, or just the adult:child ratio. But if my son wasn't behaving, even at something nice, we leave. One warning/time out and then, head home. We as the adults have to teach our children that we are NOT so invested in us having a good time as a family that we will negotiate their poor behavior. No way. Last night, our kid was giving us guff about our usual fun pub dinner (we take a small art project and always have a treat), so we told him that if he couldn't drop the attitude, we were fine with staying home, ordering Thai takeout for the adults, and he could just go play by himself. Once he saw that *we* couldn't get hooked emotionally into trying to get him to behave, that we'd just find something else which pleased the adults, he straightened up VERY quickly.

I can't tell you that it's just you... I have had frustrating moments as a parent when I wondered "why am I not enjoying this like everyone else?" It's a season. Trying to learn from frustrating situations is important, which is why it would be good to talk to your husband about the help and communication piece. For example, he should have told you he had work and would be expecting you to do bedtime much earlier, it should have been discussed as plan you both addressed together. My husband and I are not so much about telling each other "I have to do that, so you do this" but we do discuss "so, what needs to get done? When do you want to do X? Would this work for you if we did this....? " etc.

And please, teach the kids to help clean up too. There's no reason they can't help with pet care, or grab a rag to help with a spill. They are part of the family and families have tasks which need doing. Help them feel that they are important helpers by giving them more opportunities to contribute than taking it on yourself because it seems faster and easier in the moment.

Yep, sounds a lot like me. I've talked to my husband about a few things - I want us to eat together, so I don't want them to start without me. Still working on that one. Also, he doesn't care if the table is completely cleared. Our table sits 6, so as long as he can fit the 4 plates on it, he doesn't care if there's other stuff on the table. That drives me bananas! I like a clean table. (By clean I really mean cleared off. We both like a clean, undirty, table.)

Some of these things you need to talk to your husband about. He's a parent, too, and even if more of the domestic choirs are generally handled by you, he isn't helpless. Talk to him. Just a little help from him will make a big difference.

I, too, need to expect more of the kids. My boys are 5 and almost 8, and they are just a teensy bit pampered. It's really because so many of the things we do are habit. So, I'm going to make it my summer goal to little by little expect more from them. For example, today I made my oldest poor his own milk into his cereal. Not only was he successful, he was proud to do that. Why have I not done this before? Habit. That and my desire not to clean up more spills :-)

I'm also working on the two kids staying together in places. It's my youngest who's fast and my oldest who's a slowpoke. That definitely stresses me out, but like I said, we're working on it.

You are not alone!

Well I see a lot of myself here in your post and I'll tell you some of the things I've done/am doing to help.

First off, about dinner. We have a rule that no one eats until everyone is seated. My husband gets home late from work but the one thing I'm still trying to keep consistent is family dinner every (most) night. It can get hectic and I've definitely had dinners like yours above! Our main rule is that no one may eat until everyone is seated. For this rule alone it helps other people to help me get things on the table, because they are hungry. My husband is open to helping it's just that he doesn't really get what needs to be done…but if he sees I'm running around and everyone is sitting and NOT eating, then he will get up and help. :)

As far as stuff being on the table, etc. Put an alarm on for whatever time you need/want and when it goes off, everyone helps to clean up and put away. After that have a reward of you all read a book together or you go outside and play or simply that they watch a half hour show while you get dinner ready…whatever it is, it will work if you go about it happily and matter-of-factly. It's not a punishment, it's them helping you so you can help them.

In terms of going places, that's harder but you have to first have a set of expectations for yourself. What you're going to do, what you can handle and not handle…then communicate it to the kids before you go. I like to do it the day before, the day of at breakfast and the in the car on the way. That's what helps me. I say things like "guys, we are all going to stay together at the amusement park. It might be hard because X likes to walk fast, but honey, you'll have to stay next to me or holding my hand the whole time…" Or "the lines there are going to be long, what should we do while we are waiting…?" Then when you get there, just talk to them. Ask questions play I Spy, 20 questions, etc.

Personally, if I feel mentally prepared I can make anything work, I just need to be okay in my head so I can set a clear expectation for my kids and husband.

Sounds like my life - you are always the one doing for everyone else. But you know, we are blessed to have so many to take care of. DON'T TRY TO MAKE EVERYTHING PERFECT. Your kids won't remember all the perfect dinners and how clean the house was - their memory will be how you were always with them, and things were perfect because of that. Be present in the moment - don't miss it!

Okay, part of it is just normal "being a mom" stuff.
And trust me, not everyone is as smiling and having fun all the time as you think.
But...
You are doing way too much.
This isn't the 1950's, your husband can refill his OWN drink.
Your kids can get their own water, salt, ketchup, etc. (assuming they are over three years old?)
Table needs clearing? Again, husband and kids can do that while you're finishing dinner.
The amusement park stuff...I'm pretty sure no one notices kids climbing on railings or moving at different paces in the line, in fact we all expect chaos at a place like that, so unless your kids are screaming or pushing or hitting each other just try to let it go.
I have seen it time and time again, the most miserable moms are the ones trying to do it all. Let go of some of that micromanaging (which is not only annoying and exhausting but it sucks the fun out of everything) and you will be more relaxed.
Also some wine and mind blowing sex really helps too ;-)

You need to train your family to help. My first thought was who left the art projects all over the table; they should have been cleaned up when the project was done. Train your kids!

If the dog threw, up, call your hubby. You were busy. Or, let it wait. It's not going anywhere (as long as it's not on the carpet).

The dogs water can wait 20 minutes while you eat. Train yourself to prioritize what needs to be done and to differentiate between what "needs" to be done now and what can wait until later.

Your kids are driving you crazy in lines because 1) they've not be taught how to wait patiently and behave; and 2) you were not engaging them while in line.

Well, that is what my life is like every single night...dogs, hubby, kids, etc. But what I do differently than you is say, kids, go set the table please. And clean off your stuff first. I ask my husband to get the drinks on the table and get the baked potato fixings ready. Or to make the salad. Or clean the table while I'm cooking. Or feed the dog. I ask him to feed the dog every night actually. I ask the kids to clear the table. I have taught them how to load the dishwasher. If I cook, usually my husband cleans up. Ok, his cleaning skills are not really the best, but at least it's less work for me. I think you need delegate delegate delegate! Everyone needs to pitch in. Don't do everything for them. Your husband can get YOUR drink. Your 6 year old can snip chives. Start ordering them around!! :)

If it helps you make a list for yourself of EVERYTHING you do every evening. Then divide that equally among you. Your husband does not get to sit around being served dinner and then go work while you get the kids to bed and take dogs out and clean the kitchen. That's kind of rude. He can work after he takes the dogs out or bathes kids or whatever.

And if I were to take my kids to an amusement park all by myself without my husband...it would be a a bit stressful for sure!

I agree with everyone who stated you need to delegate more.

If I am working, and something happens that interrupts my work (dog throwing up, notice dog needs water, kids left mess on table), that means that I ask the kids or husband to STOP what they are doing and handle it. If I am working then you better be working, too because I am not the servant, you know? We all WORK TOGETHER until the job(s) are done.

Also, it helps to be proactive. So, for an example, what can your family do to prevent you noticing that the dogs have no water at 6 pm? Whose daily job can it be to fill the water bowl each day?

We don't do chore charts because I feel like it is just an extra step I do not have time for, but I DO write down what we need to do- just a short list that I leave on the counter so the kids know what jobs they need to do, and they have a bathroom list posted on the wall so they can remember what bathroom jobs need to be done daily. And if I notice that they dd not get done, that means the electronics are banned for the day.

I do have to remind and re-remind, because they are kids, but still , everyone pitches in, we have a schedule, we are proactive. Those 3 are key to the house running smoothly.

First of all, everything is a snapshot. Meaning when you see other families smiling...who knows what happened in their lives an hour ago.
So don't compare yourself to other people & their lives.

-You need to create some straight lines so you don't keep veering off the
path. If you pass through a room & notice something needs to be picked up & you're busy cooking dinner.....leave it. Pick it up later.
-How old are your kids? Can they help get the salt shaker or the ketchup
before you all sit down to eat?
-Dog's water bowls...can you direct a child to fill them up?
-Husband's drink was empty? He can refill it himself. You don't need to
wait on a grown man that can help himself.
-Sounds like you're trying to do so much that you're scattered & don't get
one thing done the way you want it.
-Pare down when you can.
-Also, sometimes when we strive to get everything perfect, other things
suffer. So don't strive for prefection. Just do what needs to get done as
you have a busy family life.
-I will enlist the help of my hubby to get something out of the fridge as I
make dinner (bbq sauce, salad dressing, ketchup etc.).
-Again, I don't know how old your kids are but if they aren't tiny they can
help get a few things out of the fridge.
-Get bigger water bowls for the dogs if they are big. If they are tiny dogs,
you get ones that have a little jug that keeps flowing out into the tiny water saucer.
-Don't try to do too much.
-Make sure you sit down to dinner with everyone else. You deserve it. You are not the wait staff.
-Make sure you are focused on the task at hand so you are not trying to
do too much.

I read this and the word codependent came to mind...And I don't mean that anybody is an alcoholic or anything negative...by any means. But, you need to stop doing every single thing and DELEGATE !

I am a parenting teacher and I am reading a book on codependency to learn about it. With that being said, you are trying to provide care for them ! The problem with that is that you will be super exhausted !!!
Parenting is hard. but, you had a family to work together. You sound like the only one working around the house.

I have been teaching parenting classes since 1996--on and off.

The questions I am asked: How do I get my kids to help? How come I can't seem to do everything? How do I get my kids to listen to me?

You should not be running until you drop every day. Tonight, one of my teens did not want dinner and asked politely if she could make an organic smoothie. My response, "Sure, if that is your plan...You are in charge of making it and hand-washing the blender, too."

If you ask your family members to help themselves...Will they? If they say, "no"...then, you need to say that beginning tomorrow....Everybody has a dinner job !

Delegate....In fact, tell the that on TUESDAY nights:
Dad and the kids make dinner and clean up because it's MOM'S night off from the kitchen ! You deserve it !

Your 6 & 3 year old can help clean up the table (it was THEIR art project(s) all over the table, right?) Or husband can get up and direct them in the clean up while you are cooking.

And I'm sorry, but I have to ask: your husband expects you to refill his drink? He can't get up and do that for himself? Yikes!

You never relaxed at the amusement park... pretty normal. It's a big place and kids DO get lost. Where was your husband? Was he there? Because that is a prime place to divide and conquer (even if you don't actually split up, but merely put one parent in charge of each of your kids--its one of the beauties of having the same number of kids as parents).

Just reading this post (not back reading older posts or trying to pull from my deplorable memory what your family structure tends to look/behave like)... JUST from THIS post.. it kinda sounds like you have some sort of control issues. Do you step in before giving your husband a chance to step UP? Classic mom behavior. Step back... let him jump in. Sure, he won't do it like you do, that's fine. It's actually great! There is almost always more than one way to approach/handle a situation and kids learn that from having different ideas modeled in front of them.

Another (same vein) issue seems to be that you like perfection. You want your kids to be perfect angels at an amusement park and stand in line without disturbing anyone else. That's admirable, to a point. Yes, you need to teach them the proper manners of waiting in line. However, you shouldn't expect them to get it and do it every moment, nor should you feel awkward or embarrassed if they bump the person in front of them. They're kids. They do this stuff. You apologize (and/or prompt your child to apologize for breaking the personal space boundary) and move on. Again, it's how kids learn.

There is, however, a certain amount of constant stream of interruptions in every thing you do when your kids are these ages. Been there. Mine are 3 years apart as well. Did I get stressed out sometimes? Well sure! But if my husband was home at the time (and often he was at work, b/c of the nature of his job he often was not at home at dinner time, so it was just me and the kids) he could and would step up/step in and help in some way. Whether it was directing the kids to do x, y, z, or putting a package of microwave veggies in the microwave, or making drinks or the dinner table, or sending the kids to wash their hands... taking the dog out, whatever.

YOU don't have to do it all by yourself. I hope. Do you? Or is that just the pattern you have set b/c you have taken it all upon yourself?

I distinctly recall my son having a fit b/c he didn't want Daddy to give him his bath. He wanted me. Well, I was exhausted and wanted a break. But I was going to go intervene and take over b/c "it would just be easier" than sitting and listening to him ask for me (who was at that moment not doing anything!! YAY!). My husband reminded me that he could do it just fine, and even if our son didn't like it, too bad. He was perfectly able to give him a bath (and he was, just did it differently than I did when it came to rinsing the shampoo). Son was clean, and it was something that "I" didn't HAVE to be the one to do every single time. It was an important lesson for me.

So, just reading this post, that is the impression I am getting. That you either have a husband who is a jerk, OR you have managed to take the reins in everything with the kids and not given husband the chance to step up and actually be useful by getting yourself out of the way when he tries.

Sounds like husband trouble for one thing. My life is very hectic, but I'm a single mom of three. When the kid's dad visits, he HELPS. He gets his own drinks!!! We split up the chores. We trade off the kids stuff. I feel like if I had a husband there EVERY day, life would be a breeze :) I know I could not possibly add dogs to our mix at this time-nor even fish-so we have none. I can barely water the basil plant on my kitchen windowsill in addition to taking care of kids. I look calm to outsiders a lot of the time out and about I'm sure, but believe me there are plenty of stressful times where the kids are scattering and I'm inwardly freaking out even if I'm keeping my voice down and looking relaxed while issuing threats...

Sounds like you need to accept you have A LOT going on, and delegate more tasks to hubs and kids. My kids must get all their own refills and stuff once I've served them or I end up on the hamster wheel of serving this and that for the entire meal...once you have everything you can possibly delegate delegated, you should cut out some stuff and simplify. Sometimes discipline needs to be upped when kids are in a particularly squirrelly phase. But we've all been there! Very few people have calm relaxing lives all the time even if you catch them on a cheery day out at an amusement park...One thing I notice when I'm out like that is that everyone else seems to be COUPLES tag teaming their kids. I wonder if anyone else is crazy like me taking three kids alone to do stuff....but they do. It only seems like the rest of the world is relaxed.

You are a mom and wife --not a servant. Moms teach kids how to be a helpful member of the family and in turn, society. Wives get help from their husbands, especially when feeling frazzled. Please don't be a martyr in the name of motherhood.

It sounds like you plan on having dogs for awhile, and it sounds like your husband is busy and your kids are little (I'm just inferring that from your post). So maybe a few convenience things and some boundaries and clearly stated rules would help organize the chaos.

For example, there are automatic dog watering systems - they're kind of like a bowl with a large water bottle over them that keeps fresh water in the bowl all the time. They're not expensive, and for a busy mom, it can be worth it.

Get a basket or container with sections - the kind they make to store and carry cleaning supplies from room to room (smaller items like cleaning sprays, gloves, sponges, etc), or the kind they make for picnic outings to carry all the condiments and supplies. Fill it with a bottle of ketchup, a bottle of mustard, a bottle of olive oil, a bottle of your favorite vinegar, salt and pepper, napkins, wet-wipes in a resealable container, all the things your family routinely needs during a meal. The container can be a utilitarian plastic one or a pretty wicker one - your choice. Just store it near the table or at one end of the table and it will eliminate running around for condiments. Teach your children to use it - this is not another thing for you to jump up and get something out of. If the kid wants ketchup, get up, get the ketchup out of the basket, use it, make sure it's not dripping, and return it after the meal.

If your children can reach the fridge or the sink or if you have one of those dispensers in your fridge, get them individualized water bottles. This can be either just regular disposable water bottles with some kind of color coded mark that you put on them with a Sharpie, or they can be washable water bottles that are color coordinated (pink for Susie, blue for Jeff, green for Joey, purple for Annie, etc). Teach your kids that they are responsible for: 1/ filling their own bottle; 2/ not leaving their bottle in the living room or in the bedroom but delivering it to the sink or dishwasher at the end of the day; 3/ getting their own water bottle when they sit down for a meal. You'll know if the green bottle is on the floor by the tv, that was Joey and you will not be jumping up to get Joey another drink.

Be clear about the rules beforehand. Post a chart saying "Dinnertime rules" and list simple (not too many) things like "get your water bottle or cup", "wait until everyone sits down before eating", "say please and thank you". When going to the amusement park, role play before hand. Show them how they will act in line. Figure out a dog plan, and assign a small task to each child (putting food in bowls or refilling water). Show your kids how clean-up after the meal happens, and post a list ("put milk back in fridge", "take dirty dishes to sink", wipe table with clean sponge"). Responsibilities can either just be listed (if it's on a dry-erase board, you can supply a dry-erase marker and chores can be checked off) or assigned (older kid loads the dishwasher, younger kid brings plates to sink). If your kids can't handle your dishes because they're breakable or they might chip or they're heavy, go to Walmart or Target and buy unbreakable lightweight dishes. Talk with your kids and husband about the rules and ask them for input. Have everyone help make the household rules chart. Even little kids can put decorative stickers on the border.

Just think: how can my whole family work together and are there ways to streamline things and get everyone cooperating? I'm not surprised your kids didn't cooperate in the amusement park line because it sounds like you have not established boundaries and limits and responsibilities in everyday life for them yet.

It sounds like the typical life of a mother. I don't know how to make you enjoy it -- maybe you can omit the chives?

Um, can't your husband and kids get their own refills?

I think it's possible you aren't expecting your family members to do enough for themselves.

just wanted to say all those tips sound great, but there are people in my life that would do all that you had done and done it easily and wonderfully and actually had 3 mins before everyone got up from the table, and done it all while wearing pearls, high heels and a smile.

I exaggerate a little but I know you know what I mean. they wouldn't let the dog puke sit, they wouldn't have forgotten the ketcup or the chives, or the water refill, they would have anticipated all of that and not had to think twice.

I actually get the bigger issue, and I don't have an answer for that. because if I am concentrating on cooking the hamburgers I'm not thinking about the ketchup, or about what dh might need. I'm playing around with maybe cutting out all the sugar in my diet I think I would think clearer. there is always the possibility that you have some sort of ADD issue, or sleep deprivation or lack of exercise all those good things that I know I wouldnt' have time to take care of while I was in the middle of dragging my butt through minute by minute.

I must be feeling contrary today because I also want to say, that it was great that your dh had the kids in the yard and was hopefully playing with them, and that it sounds like he does help with bedtime a fair amount. men are stupid sometimes you need to tell them, Honey would you mind refilling bobby's water and grabbing the ketchup as you go. I would appreciate it oh so much you big strong helpful man you. lol. if I can keep a smile in my voice Dh is usally willing to help out some. I can also say though that I just feel llike I should be able to cook dinner and have it under control with out needing his help. and I think that might be more your vent today.

so hugs, you are soooo not alone,

Not sure the ages of your kids but if you went to an amusement park I am guessing they are old enough to walk. You need to tell the quicker walker that he or she needs to slow down and walk with everyone or you will have to leave the park....would your slow walker be able to be in a stroller? Could your husband or friend go to the park with you next time?
As far as your husband, I am sure he is capable of refilling his own drink. If he had things to do, that is great, sounds like you did too. He could certainly take care of the dogs if you are getting kids ready for bed.
We do not have a dish washer so sometimes, I wait until the kids are in bed to do the dishes, that frees up time for baths and good nite stories. If you kids are old enough, could they bathe themselves? My 6 year old knows how to shower and wash her long curly hair by herself but each child is different.

Maybe I'm not calm enough to answer this question but here goes...
We have a family member that's hospitalized right now.
This person is fighting for life.
He'd be ecstatic to be able to fill up the dog dish or do any O. of the millions of mundane things we do every day.
I don't mean to be a Debbie downer, but I suppose it's all about perspective.

Hi, Mama:
Are you a "control freak?"

Your "job" as mother and wife is to teach personal responsibility.
Mothers are about relationships too.

1. You and your husband are partners. "The first and foremost purpose of marriage is intimate long-term companionship (not just bearing children in a family context), and sexual relations play an important role in that."

2. You and your husband need to sit down and discuss the roles of the children in the home. (Roles will depend on ages of the children)

3. You and your husband with the children decide on the chores and times they need to be done.

4. Create a chart.....appointment book....or whatever that everyone can keep track of their duties.

This is a start.

Let me know how it works out for you.

Good luck.
D.

Yeah, the drink for the husband tripped me up. I think we all have days like this, but it sounds like you are not handing out responsibility for anything.

You are a mom, and a wife, but that doesn't mean you have to do it all. You need to ask for help from every one who lives under your roof. Every one should be helping you; it is not just your home, it is your husband's and kids' home.
Kids can help you a lot even the little ones. My 8 yo boy started to help me around the house since 3 yo (little things of course, age accordingly), and now he helps with dusting, recycling, cleaning up his toys, set the table, load/unload the dishwasher, vacuuming, etc. My teenager also cooperates around the house, and both of my kids help with gardening. My husband helps pretty much as well. You have to delegate and accept help from everyone. Sit down and talk to your family nicely and calmly without nagging; ask your loved ones for help and cooperation. Divide your chores, and tasks among all of you,, and work as a team. It is not easy in the beginning, just keep trying and do not give up.
I love taking care of my kids and husband, cleaning and keeping my house as tidy and clean as I possibly can, but house chores and everything is too much for only one person, especially when the mess is not just mine.
Good luck!

Plan ahead and try to stick to a schedule even on weekends.
If you have a specific time set for each of your chores, then you most probably won't forget it.

If your kids are old enough try to let them get their own water or let them fill the dogs water bowl.

You don't mention your kids ages , but let M. tell you that not all kids are the same. Mine was a runner and I would see kids his age standing in line next to their moms, and it was just impossible for my son. He would just take off. It was difficult taking him to the mall by myself , and kudos to you for taking 2 kids to the amusement park!

Try to have right expectations. With two young kids it's better to avoiid the long lines in an amusement park. Taking them to a regular park or playground with lot of open space for them to run around, will be as enjoyable for them and stress free for you.

Plan your meals in advance. Buy groceries based on what you have planned for that week so you have everythng in hand before you start cooking.

Have folders or a box for each kid. Ask them to put in all their art projects in that folder/box when they get home/get done with the project. You can go through those later and sort them out. Designate places in the house for the kids art work , were the lunch bags and school bags should go , even have a specific place for all the mail until it gets sorted and put away. And don't let any of these pile up on your dining table or kitchen counters.

Set a time to fill in dogs water bowl... like first thing after you get back home or right before you sit down for dinner.

Try to cook in large quantities and freeze half of the food. So on the days your are late and really tired and stressed out, you will have food ready to thaw.

Hope this helps!

Updated to add:
Ask your husband to get his own drink. Your kids may be too young to help. But your really don't need to do that for a grown man.

Hello, you should Try to use the slow cooker for meals. I would have my husband get his own drinks. As for the kids drinks, I would pour them into cups with lids before dinner and place the cups in the fridge. My dog eats home cooked meals, so I just modify what we have and put the dogs meal into his bowl before I get everyone else's meal ready. I then place the bowl on the table and my daughter puts it on the floor when we all sit down to eat. With me or my daughter feeds the cats about an hour before dinner. Sometimes I get stressed out waiting inlines with the kids, but then I play I spy or something like that to keep them busy. I fill the dog water in the morning. We have a bowl that holds about a half gallon, so I only have to fill it once a day. I do add more water durning the day, when I fill up my glass of water to drink, just because I am in the kitchen. The slow cooker will cut down the amount of time you spend in the kitchen, and you will have less clean up. You can do a roast with veggies, chicken, pasta, slow cooked pork. The left over pork can be used for sandwiches or tacos the next day.