APD And Behavior Issues

This is not something a layman can solve. You NEED professional help for the both of you. I don't think you'll regret it. I just saw a special on Rachel Ray with Rosie ODonnell. One of her children has (APD) Their lives were changed and continued to be by a women named Lois Kam Heymann. She wrote a book on this called The Sound of Hope. You can go on the internet type in Rachel Ray show, go to May 4th show and watch the interview. It was so informative and uplifting. Hopefully you can see that entire part. They talked for quite a bit. She says her kid is a different kid now because of her child seeing this women and then doing these things she was taught by Lois. Maybe you can talk to her too. Good Luck -D.

If you can find a good occupational therapist trained in sensory integration issues, he/she might be able to help. I used to be an early intervention specialist and we used a scrub brushing technique that worked wonders.
Victoria

The book Communicating Partners by Dr. James MacDonald, is a huge help for any language disorders, including APD.

http://jamesdmacdonald.org/Articles/MacDonaldStart.html

His suggestion, and I've seen it work, is to respond to your son's positive actions with words and attention. But when he is misbehaving, stop his behavior, but do not acknowledge it by talking to him. Do not respond verbally. You can redirect or do time out, but don't talk to him. It really is effective.

You need professional assistance. Is he on an IEP at school. Individual Education Plan. If so, then you know the system and should be able to get some help from the school district. If he's acting out at home, he's also acting out at school.

Federal law requires that all school districts provide services to children with learning disorders so that they can succeed in school. My 6 yo grandson has a speech disorder as well as difficulties with behavior. A social worker came to my daughter's house and helped my grandson and his mother learn a different way of being with each other. My daughter learned some parenting skills that also help her with her daughter.

Disciplinary methods used with your other children are not working with your son. Since I don't know what you're using with them I can't give suggestions on alternative methods. I do know that with my grandson, boundaries have to be worded with just a few words and consequences have to be simple and consistently enforced. When my grandson and his sister are not getting along they both have to go to separate rooms until they are calm and can be courteous with each other. Your apd son may be the one who started the fights but his sibs are continuing them. They need to learn different ways to react to him.

The only consequence for my grandson is going to his room. This gives him an opportunity to calm down. It's like a time out but not so restrictive. He is the one who decides when he's ready to have reasonable behavior. I think this works better than time outs, taking away privileges, toys, is because the misbehavior originates in his lack of self control. Being alone in his room gives him the chance to regain control. Spankings never work because they increase the emotional and energy level. This is the opposite of what needs to happen.

I suggest that family counseling with a child therapist specializing in special needs children that includes your other children would be helpful. You son with apd is handicapped in more ways than just auditory. He needs to learn how to get along with others and is frustrated by his physical inabilities. Your other children also need to learn ways to deal with his frustration and his sense of having no control. I suggest that all of the children as well as you feel that the situation is out of control and don't know what to do to change that. A professional therapist can help you all to learn ways to get along.

A.,

My 6 year old has autism, sensory integration disorder and auditory processing disorder (a hell of a combo, I know). My biggest advice is to find a speech therapist who will do auditory processing therapy with him. If you are in Las Vegas, Nv A. Baca at Touro University of Nevada Center for Autism and Developmental Disabilities works with my son and she's great! It is difficult to find SLPs that have experience with auditory processing issues. But I can tell you that getting good, appropriate therapy makes a HUGE difference and really helps. If you can't find an SLP who does auditory processing stuff, I'd see if you can find a OT that is willing to tackle it. If he's having behavior problems a good OT (occupational therapist) who has lots of experience working with kids with "issues" is a huge help. Auditory processing and sensory issues are common in kids with autism but obviously lots of other kids can have the same issues. And autism resources tend to be really, really good. Because kids with autism are still kids, they are just very intense kids. So when you find something that works with a kid with autism it tends to work REALLY well with a kid who doesn't. I've heard great things about Berard AIT http://www.berardaitwebsite.com/ but I've never tried it personally. But the basic answer is that there is therapy available for auditory processing disorders and it works.

Just in general the most effective discipline for my son is time outs. Usually when he looses it, it is because he's overwhelmed and overstimulated. So he goes to his room until he calms down. It works well for him. It isn't unusual for him to go to his room without us telling him to. He knows when he's reached his limit and he's getting to the point where he can recognize it and knows that he needs to leave the situation to calm down and regroup. If he's really, really lost it, I will sometimes go in and just hold him until he calms down. Sometimes when your kids "deserve" love the least, they need it the most. My son isn't a "bad" kid. He's just a kid who can't always handle what is going on around him. We've focused much more on trying to give him the tools he needs to make it through instead of going for punishment...

Good luck. Auditory processing disorder is tough to live with. For everyone who lives with someone who has it as well as the kid that has it.

:-)T.

I was wondering if you have had any professional advice (intervention services/school special education) given to you yet. If not, is that available? What do they do in the school environement? As an ex special ed teacher, I would instinctively try to work around the auditory processing issue by using visual tactile etc methods to communicate. Unless auditory processing disorder is something that improves on it's own with time..or there is some specific tailor made way of working with it. (There may be.)
Good luck. I am sure someone else has been down this path...find out what they have done!

A., I am sure that you can find a path that works - asking for peer help is a great beginning. I have learned lots today by reading through your replies.
I think both Marda and Barbilee have suggested good and gentle ways to approach the parenting/discipline problems, and the education professionals have shared helpful thoughts as well. We have an extremely stubborn 5 year old and we do a time out until she is ready to be reasonable and "a part of the family at supper/Saturday" - her call on the duration - which works for us. But I'll be using word choices from my reading today in the very near future.

Are there like parents in your area? support groups can bring a lot to the table in terms of what worked for them (& what didn't work!), and a way to have comraderie as you work these issues through.

I wish you strength and humor and grace - with a healthy side of patience in there.

Have you asked his pediatrician? or his OT? I have a son w/ different challenges-and we are trying fish oil supplements. Just started-I am a bit leary, but it wont hurt him. I am like you I have tried EVERYTHING other than the controlled substance drugs. But, if that is what he needs I will not feel guilty, because I know that I have tried everything else.