Advice About My 18 Year Old Son

Updated on January 12, 2012
J.T. asks from El Cajon, CA
6 answers

My son is 18. he works and goes to school, he is a good kid, but he is super lazy at home. He doesn't go out, he just lays around watching TV or playing video games. He makes no effort in trying to do any activities. He is talking about going back to live with his dad back east, but I have told him that he needs to finish his education here because his dad doesn't work and is not a good influence for him. He is an adult, but sometimes I feel like sending him there anyway. Any advice on what I should do? J.

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answers from San Diego on

Hey J.,

I think this lazy thing is common among the teenager. My niece is 14 years old and she doesn't want to do anything, so her mom have to be telling her what she need to do all the time. In a stronge firm voice tell him what needs to be done. Have you consider the Militay?

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

I don't have advice but wanted to say that my younger brother fit that profile at one time. For him, by age 26 he finally got a great job and took life seriously. He'll be 32 tomorrow, is married, has one child and you would NEVER know that at one time he just sat around all day playing vids. So, just to give you some hope.

Your son is 18, so I guess if he wants to live with Dad than he can, but if you can keep him from that situation, you'll probably be doing him a favor.

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answers from Los Angeles on

If your son is working and going to school he is probably tired! Is he in college or still in high school? If he is 18 he is an adult and should be allowed to make his own decisions about where he wants to live. If he choices to reside in your home then he needs to follow your rules. If he wants to move with his father explain to him that he needs to follow the rules there and his father may not allow him to lay around like he does at your house. If someone doesn't want to do extra-curricular activities that is their choice. Most 18 year olds don't want to work and go to school, so he is doing better than most. What type of relationship does he have with your husband? Maybe he can get him involved in a sports clinic or some sort of male bonding activity.

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answers from Los Angeles on

Hi J., my name is M. and I have a 22 year old son, a nearly 13 yr old girl, and a nine year old girl.
The whole lazy at home thing is actually pretty common. I know that may not be what you want to hear. I also have my own business. When my son turned 13 he went to live with his dad in OK. Now they don't even speak. Not a good thing. I would like him to continue his education, I would even help as much as I could so he wouldn't have to work. Just focus on school. But he's on his own doing what he wants, why should he change it? I believe his anger won't let him see things objectively. We can no longer communicate they way we once had. Boys that are now men have a difficult time expressing themselves. To everyone, not just mom. Maybe, just maybe, he has a hard time socially. If he is not an outgoing person, meeting people can be really hard. Words come easier to us. But if he hasn't already established a group of friends from high school then getting 'into' the scene now may feel impossible for him. Teenagers, even grown ones, aren't known for their olympic style house keeping and such. Just because he doesn't exibit an aptitude for the domestic doesn't really mean he's lazy. If he doesn't consider himself a contributor to the household and he doesn't have a social life, what else is he supposed to do? First off no name calling. His threats of running to dad's is just that. I would bet that he too knowns that dad is broke....that's no fun. What kid wants to work to pay his parent's bills? But if he gets his feeling hurt should he get called something that he doesn't feel he is by someone that he loves very much. He's gonna fihgt back. He probably knows that saying anything about 'dad' will get you good.
Have you tried to put in words or writing that there are expectations of what he needs to do around the house as a family member? If you would rather just see him get a girlfriend or life, he might be more inclined to do so to get out of the lawn work or the leaves maybe the dishes. I even talk to my girls about what I expect of their social life when it comes around. What I see them doing. Even the kind of friends they may have. I talk to them about everything. And if it is beyond them I promise them I will talk more when the time comes.
Your son maybe a lot more afraid of his future than you realize. Some kids his age take their money and move into rooms with others. They party and pretty much throw their lives away, one drink at a time.
I very much wish that I had been able to have understood some of what I do now when my son was younger. We speak now and then. But ...if I didn't talk back then, what of any significance could I say now? If you let him go, because he is an adult, just know that you did your best and now his choices are his. You can only love him and try to understand.



answers from New York on

My advice to you is to give him some time to grow-up, mentally. He is not lazy! He is working and going to school. He's just not mature enough to understand that he also needs to help at home. Even though legally he is considered to be an adult that doesn't mean he is mature enough to act like one. Don't talk negatively about his father that won’t help your relationship with your son either. Remember he didn’t chose his father, you did! I know how hard it is for you not having any help at home but try to be patient and don’t talk to him when you’re angry. Don't threaten him! If you want him to start acting like an adult then you must begin to treat him like one, with respect and tolerance! Try having an adult conversation with him when you’re calm. Try to have some fun together! It is hard out there, and you’re always be Mom not matter how angry you may get! Your son still needs you! Like it or not, he still is a teenager! He is probably worry and scared about his present and future. Don’t give up on him yet! From the bottom of my heart I wish you and your son the best. You both deserve it!



answers from Los Angeles on

make sure he finishes school and then if he wants to goto his dads then theres not much you can do since he is 18. he may get there and decide that its not worth being there and come back to you.

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