S.T.
i'd have no trouble having the baby call his bio-father 'father' or 'dad jim' or something OTHER than daddy. i get why it torques your bf.
but having a meltdown and ending the relationship, when you're pregnant with his child, means that you have picked a second loser, and right after the first.
i'm struggling to hold back a tirade. i'm so over women getting pregnant wantonly and irresponsibly, and with losers. women can do whatever they want, but screwing over kids this way is the ultimate in grrrrrr for me. the 'nothing i can do to save myself and my family' makes me tear my hair. you can't speak? you can't reason? you can't have an adult conversation? you can't schedule a session with a relationship counselor? you can't think for yourself? you can't make a mature decision with validation from a man? you can't help your confused tiny boy with something as simple as 'this is daddy. give him a hug. now come talk to your father on the phone'? you're utterly helpless in making any decisions about your life and that of your children? just a leaf in the wind?
i mean, you can cave (and at this point it would be caving, not compromising maturely) and do it your boyfriend's way. but doing that to pitifully keep him at your side sucks. since you have tinies who need adults to take care of them, i guess you do what you gotta do.
i called my stepmother by her first name all throughout my childhood. she never complained. when as an adult i started calling her 'mumsie' (to differentiate from my deceased mom) she was so thrilled.
as to your question, a step-dad SHOULD be someone who is dependable, sensible, and drama-free. this one might be 'amazing' but i fail to be amazed by someone who is abandoning the woman he impregnated, the unborn baby AND the little fellow who calls him 'daddy' because he's piqued over terminology. a step-dad should be sensitive to the issues of having a bio-dad in the picture, and be man enough to get over his own widdle hurt feelings and talk through issues.
and most of all, he needs to stand by his own decisions, and i doubt anyone had a gun to his head when he chose to have unprotected sex with a woman who wasn't strong enough to insist on it.
if you choose to keep loser #2, i suggest you learn how to set boundaries and demand certain standards of behavior. you've got kids to whom strong and thoughtful behavior MUST be modeled.
khairete
S.