5 Year Old Sexual Curiosity

First, I would stop telling the child he is too young to think about this. He doesn't have a lot of choice in that, whether by natural development curiosity, or exposure. Some children are sensitive enough to that sort of a response that they turn inward on themselves with negativity and shame for then thinking it.

Second, I would personally be fairly frank with him, while emphasizing empathy for other people. When he talks about biting someone else's off, ask him how he would feel if someone did that to him? Don't you think that would hurt?

Lead him with questions and wait for his answers while he thinks it through. You get what you want, which is less deviance in the long run, an d he gets what he needs which is the chance to talk through his thoughts whether they came from a dream or not.

Question him toward empathy any time you can for a while about any subject where it applies.

That he's thinking about sex isn't so much a problem. That he's not thinking about the other person's feelings and boundaries and limits is. So teach him that by asking him "How do you think that would make them feel" sorts of questions and helping him think through his responses when he gets stuck or explain why when he needs that.

He is talking to you about it, and that's great. Little boys (and girls) have a very different perspective on the world than we do, and it shows. He is open about this, so he's not feeling bad about it. Be so careful not to feel bad about it either. Just be informative and supportive.

If you trust your counselor, talking with them seems like a good start. It seems like you have a balanced view of sexual development in children and are not overreacting.

At 2 1/2, when the original incident happened, most children do not form lasting memories. So this makes me curious about these "dreams" coming up now at 5. I would want to calmly investigate if any new incidents have happened with your son. Yes, at 5 most children are sexually exploring themselves and others, but the focus here on the oral contact seems unusual.

Good luck with this - it sounds like you are handling it well!

Hi T.! Wow! Some great insight here already. If I can add the thought that the dreams may be directly related to something he still fears --something happening to him beyond his control. Clinically, of course, it makes sense he would fear another traumatic experience happening to him and I am glad you were proactive with counseling. He may feel more of a need to control his life and we can remind him of all the things he controls already (from something as "small" as whether he does his home work, to what he does with his free time). Good luck! S. A. K., MFT
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?v=feed&story_fbid...

I know you've received a lot of great responses. I just wanted to add my 2 cents. My son was has not had a negative sexual experience, but when we talk about strangers and good touches/bad touches he will say things like "if someone tries to grab me I will bite him and kick him in the wiener". So for him to say that he would bite his wiener off, I don't think is too much of a concern, the sucking however may be a little of a concern and definitely talk to his counselor/therapist. I'm sure his therapist will know how to communicate to him about communicating appropriately.

I think he's just trying to communicate his feelings to you, and unfortunately little boys seem to love saying things that have shock value! My son loves potty talk, even though he knows it's not appropriate. He also knows the consequences to potty talk which is a time out. Don't be afraid to enforce discipline if he is using inappropriate language, give him a warning and ask him how he could have communicated that differently. Give him an alternative phrase to use but if it continues you may need to enforce whatever discipline you use in your family (ie; time outs taking a privilege away etc.) Make sure he understands it isn't necessarily what he is saying but how he is saying it.

Good luck, I'm sure everything will work out, especially with loving and supportive parents I'm sure he will turn out just fine!