17 answers

6 Year Old Nephew Behavior

I have a daughter that is 21 months old and am now 5 months pregnant as well. My nephew who is 6 years old has been interested in kissing my daughter on the mouth. At times I notice he kisses her on the cheek but other times I notice he attempts to kiss her on the mouth. This is so irritating because I feel that I cannot trust him alone with her when they are playing. I feel like I have to watch him like a hawk when they are together. I have told my sister that he keeps trying to kiss her on the mouth, but she just gives him a look and tells him he needs to listen. I don't know what else to do. I start to think that if I walk away he would try to touch her in some inappropriate way. Am I overreacting? How should I handle this? By the way my sister has a 8 year old daughter, the 6 year old boy, a 3 year old boy, & twin girls on the way.

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So What Happened?™

Thanks for the input. I guess I should have been a little more clear. It is not a peck that he gives her on the lips. He comes onto to her with his body and kisses her several times but his head is in the way when he is kissing her & I have to pull him off of her because he is smothering her when he kisses her. It is almost like he is trying to make out with her. I just not sure if he is doing that because he is curious or what. His parents don't kiss on the lips with the kids.

Featured Answers

You're over-reacting. My son is 8 and he is basically still *clueless* about the whole seedy side of what you think is happening!

2 moms found this helpful

My daughter is almost 6 y/o and she will at first attempt a kiss on the mouth simply because that is how we kiss at home within my family and Grandparents.

I think you may be reading too far into it - at this point at least.

2 moms found this helpful

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your sister may well be giving YOU a 'look' because of your assumptions about what her little fellow is up to when he just wants to kiss his little cousin.
if you don't like it, tell him (nicely!!!!!!) that the best way to kiss girls is on the cheek or hand. then remind him (NICELY!!!) if he forgets, which he probably will.
because he's 6.
not some sex-haunted pervert.
relax, for heaven's sake.
khairete
S.

7 moms found this helpful

I'm wondering why you would assume that a 6 year old kissing his baby cousin on the lips is cause for concern. I don't know why you would assume this would automatically lead to some other form of inappropriate touching. He's 6 for heaven's sake. He sees other people kiss on the mouth. Heck, on toothpaste commercials they kiss on the mouth with clean fresh breath.
The ultimate question to ask yourself is....would you be as worried if he was a girl and kissing your little one in such a manner? Or....is it just because he's a boy?
Not all little boys, especially at this age, are pervs.
No offense, but what other inappropriate touching do you really fear from him?
My son has an older sister. From a very young age, he knew about bras and panties and mini pads. He's the LEAST pervy kid I know. And, he regularly babysits for people who know him to be a good and responsible kid.
There's the saying that you can never be too careful, but yes....you really can. If a little kid is showing innocent affection for his cousin and you read too much into it, then somehow showing innocent affection is naughty and dirty.
I could see it if you were worried about germs or something in general, but to think that he's going to elevate kissing to other inappropriate forms of touching....
That's kind of sad when you think about it.

Just my opinion.

7 moms found this helpful

?? They are cousins. I think you are looking way too into it. His mom probably just gives him a look b/c she is probably annoyed by your worrys. Dont you think it is a bit ridiculous that you are basically saying you think your 6 year old nephew is a perv and trying to hurt your daughter.

6 moms found this helpful

Honestly, I think you are making a way bigger deal about this then you need to...if he wanted to tongue-kiss, or see her naked all the time, or stuff like that, I would be more concerned, but at this age he doesn't see anything wrong with kissing on the mouth if that is what he's always done with his parents. If you don't want him to, then discuss it with your sister further - just like you don't want him running in the house or touching your computer. Kids should be expected to follow rules that are spelled out to them, but that's how I would look at it, rather than he is doing something suspicious and inappropriate. It sounds too like your sister has had enough experience with kids to be at a point where she doesn't see it as a big deal, whereas if your daughter is your only child it might seem like a bigger deal to you.

5 moms found this helpful

You're over-reacting. He's probably trying to kiss her on the mouth b/c his parents kiss him on the mouth - or he sees them kiss each other on the mouth - as a way of showing affection. Tell him that he can kiss his mommy and daddy on the mouth, but not your daughter. He can kiss her on the top of the head or her cheek instead, and give her gentle hugs too, and he can use his words to say, "I love you."

3 moms found this helpful

why would you automatically assume that this is a sexual kiss? I've seen kids many times kiss the babies on their mouths. Kids see their parents kiss each other on the mouths. I used to kiss my kids on the mouth when they were little. I'm sure he is just mimicking that, and that you are way overreacting. Maybe you can tell him that we don't kiss each other on the mouths because we don't want to spread germs. But be careful with that one cause you could open up a whole new can of worms.

3 moms found this helpful

I'm in the minority here, but I don't think you're over-reacting. That would totally gross me out - especially if it was more than a passing peck. At six years old, he should be able to NOT do something that you ask him to. Honestly, my guess is that his parents might be watching movies that show this type of kissing (not to say porno or anything - just excessive sexy kissing). I would be very firm (and protective of my daughter's personal space) be telling him - Suzie doesn't like to be kissed like that so please don't do that again. Your poor daughter!

3 moms found this helpful

I also think you're reading too much into it. Mouth kissing is normal in many places among friends. It's not usually a sexual thing, and is almost never a sexual thing among small children.

But that doesn't mean you need to ignore it. You get to set your household boundaries. If the rule in your house is "kids don't kiss on the mouth", then make it clear and universal. Write it down. Discuss it with your sister. Every house gets to set their own rules about touching, nudity, swearing, etc. This can be one of yours. Work with your sister to come up with some penalties for your nephew for breaking your household rules, up to and including being banned from the house for a while, if necessary.

I've been on both ends of these situations. The kids figure it out pretty quickly.

3 moms found this helpful

My daughter is almost 6 y/o and she will at first attempt a kiss on the mouth simply because that is how we kiss at home within my family and Grandparents.

I think you may be reading too far into it - at this point at least.

2 moms found this helpful

My 5yo grandson loves babies and younger children, and loves to hold, hug and kiss them. Since his family kisses each other on the mouth, he kisses others on the mouth. Just family custom. I don't think he's likely to touch them inappropriately, because he's never been touched inappropriately. It's extremely rare for kids to explore sexually with younger children if they've never been exposed to those influences.

However, there are kisses, and then there are kisses. If you are observing kisses that seem strange, extended, or suggestive, then I would worry that he's been prematurely exposed to sex and is acting out what he's been exposed to, whether through media or molestation by an adult or older molested child.

Before you go there, check your assumptions about kids and sexual exploration – do some research of your own to get the facts. If there seems to be a problem, raise big red flags, for the protection of your own child and your nephew. If doubtful, hold your concerns, because alarms like this can create terrible suspicions and strains within a family (I'm close to a family that went through this, and then it turned out to be normal childhood curiosity.)

2 moms found this helpful

You're over-reacting. My son is 8 and he is basically still *clueless* about the whole seedy side of what you think is happening!

2 moms found this helpful

Have YOU asked your nephew to give kisses on the cheek instead of on the lips? If your sister won't handle it then you have every right to if it bothers you this much considering it's your daughter.

However if it were my kids, and my siblings' or my in-laws' kids giving quick kisses on the lips that would have otherwise been appropriate on the cheek, I wouldn't worry about it. We're Italian and we kiss on the lips or the side of the lips... wherever you land. I even give my best friend and her husband "cheek kisses" on the lips, as well as my other two lifelong friends. It's just... done. Nothing sexual about it at all, it's just affection.

And it could very well be that your nephew has noticed that adult women and adult men sometimes kiss each other on the lips and he hasn't distinguished just yet that it's between spouses/significant others/etc. romantically. My 6 yr old daughter will every now and then say, "I'm going to kiss you like Daddy kisses you!" Of course I don't allow that, and explain the difference between a married kiss and a "cheek kiss" that's on the lips or the cheek.

1 mom found this helpful

He may just be affectionate toward her but you would have to base that on how he is with other family members. Mom dad 8 year old sister. I would suggest that when he attempts to kiss her then explain a gentleman always kisses the girls on the hand and then have him do that and turn his attention to something else. Such as Hey I really need your help with something could you help me. That will take his mind off of being affectionate and focus it toward whatever you would have for him to do. That way he is learning how to kiss a girl on the hand and that he is needed to help out with other stuff. He will feel important, needed and loved.

1 mom found this helpful

Do you know why he wants to kiss her on the mouth? Have you explained to him that he is NOT to do that? If you have and he continues to do it then you really need to get serious about it. It’s o.k. to tell him No. However, I agree that you may be over thinking this. I can’t imagine that he would want to do anything inappropriate to her. How would he even know what to do?

Nonetheless, if YOU simply are against it, then you have every right to be. She is your daughter, and your nephew and sister need to respect your wishes.

Please convey to your sister that YOU feel it’s inappropriate. She may not think it’s a big deal, but you do. That’s all that matters.

I kiss my kids on the mouth, BUT my kids know their boundaries and they have never tried to kiss someone else on the mouth. Not even their cousins.

1 mom found this helpful

I taught my son to kiss on the cheek, one thing to avoid unnecessary germs. However not everyone does this and it confuses my son and other people who do not do this. My son is 5 1/2 and he still loves giving people kisses, especially his little sister and other babies. Recently he has been asking about people who kiss on the lips. He may just be being affectionate and was taught to kiss on the lips. Unless he shows any inappropriate behavior then I would not assume that he is going to exhibit it in any other ways.

1 mom found this helpful

I'd be concerned about germs!

Your nephew is old enough to do what he is asked. I think you have every right to ask him or anyone else to stop any kind of behavior you deem inappropriate regarding your daughter.

You are in charge of her well being, whether you are overreacting or not, right?

1 mom found this helpful

Is it just a "peck" on the mouth like a kiss on the cheek or does it look to you like he's trying to imitate "adult" kissing? There is actually a big difference. I'm originally from Italy where it's perfectly normal for both men and women to greet by kissing each other once on each cheek. In SA, however, some people just give each other a peck on the mouth. I'm personally uncomfortable with that, but fine with the peck on each cheek. I think you should calmly ask him why he wants to kiss your daughter on the mouth instead of the cheek. It might turn out to be nothing at all, or you might discover that he's copying what others do to him! The most important thing is to calmly explain to him that he should only kiss your daughter on the cheek cos she's little. As he gets older he'll need even more calm guidance regarding appropriate and inappropriate touches. The most important thing of all is not to make too big a deal out of it. If you handle the situation calmly, you're more likely to get the result you want. Best of luck!

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