3 Year Olds Behavior - Lindale,TX

Hi A. I hope you have had a blessed week for the most part. My daughter used to do this very thing with me until I cracked down more on the discipline. My kids pediatrician told me that this was their way of testing the water to see what they could get away with. She said be firm and don't give in to much. Start doing time outs, depending on age depends on how long. Soon after I started this with my daughter she quit her little temper tantrums as I called them and started acting like a young lady. Every once in a while she tries to push it a little but I just count to 3 and she knows now that if I get to 3 then she is in some serious trouble. (We hardly ever get to 3, just 2 3/4 :-) ) Hope this helps out some.

Hello, I just want to say I KNOW how frustrating this is for you and especially for him! My granddaughter, also 3 and very bright and sweet, has had a tendency to do this also. I give her 10 min, then 5 min warnings to any change in activity. I then tell her it is time and if she starts to yell and scream, I just take her by the hand, get down on her level, and tell her, in a pretty normal voice, "You are a very smart girl and you know that yelling and screaming will NEVER get you anything with me! If you want to do something different, then you need to use your big girl words and tell me and we will see if we can do something differently." Period, that is pretty much it. If she continues to "carry on" or "have a fit" I just take her to her "time out" spot and tell her she has to stay there until she can use an inside voice and talk to me. I tell her I understand she is upset, but is she wants to change anything, it takes words. I had read this somewhere and gave it a try.. it does not mean she never throws a fit.. she is, after all, three. And learning to handle emotions is very difficult. But she has become a super communicator and will ask me, "5 more mins please?" or "one more min?" Usually I will say yes, as I am teaching her that by communicating, she actually does have some control over the situation. And the yelling ONLY gets the time out spot. Our home is much more peaceful most of the time. Now, to get the 2 year old to stop whining! LOL
God Luck, GrandmaVal

I don't know about you, but when my kids throw tantrums (because at times are strong willed too) I ignore them. First I get down to their level and tell them that i understand how they feel angry, sad, hurt, want to play, etc.... ( I do this even when they are still yelling and kicking ). You have to let them know that you too know how it is, even if you could care less. Then I tell them that if they are going to act that way then they may do it in their room with the door closed. Take them to the room, sometimes you have to stand on the other side holding it closed, and tell them when they are finished not being nice you will come and get them, until then they are to stay in there room. This really works with my three year old son. He now knows that I mean business and behavior like that will not be tolerated in our house or in public. Only once have I had to resort to a spanking after I started the room thing. My one year old daughter, almost two, has only had to be taken to her room once. She knows better. I love my children and they love me and we have a happy fun time 99.9% of the time. Oh, I also explained to the older one what a good choice is and what a bad choice is, now I ask him if he is making a good or bad one and he is catching on. He gets rewarded with $ store toys or gum when he makes the right choice. Hope this helps. ~A. (ministers wife)

It does sound like you have a strong willed little boy on your hands. Dr. James Dobson wrote a book called "The New Strong-Willed Child". He has some awesome advice on how to get through to them and I think it covers all age ranges. I would go to www.family.org to see if you can get more information or go to any bookstore (I know for sure Christian bookstores carry them) and see if you can get a copy. I am sure you could get some great advice! I wish I had some easier advice for you, but I really think this book could help you.

Best of luck!
V.

Reading this reminds me of my oldest son. He was diagnosed with ADHD and we tried a doctors recommendation of Pamalor, which was an antidepressant and he became suicidal so I immediately stopped giving it to him, called the doctor and he said it was a possibility that that can happen.

Over the years we went to several doctors and tried different meds. He was very trying and my husband and I were under lots of stress for quite a while. He was held back from going into first grade and his Extended First Grade teacher (kindergarten the second time) said she created his own "office", which was a sectioned off area. She had over twenty kids in that class--all were ADHD boys. (After the first few weeks she was ready for Christmas break!)

When in high school he cared about baseball and football and made poor grades. We survived and today our son is awesome! Now at only age 24 he just finished his Masters Degree in Public Administration from Sam Houston, Bachelors in International Economics, with a Double Minor in Business Admin AND German from Univ of Toledo. He studied abroad in Germany after paying a H.S. Intl Exchange Student from Germany to teach him after school so he could be ready as soon as he finished High School. He wanted to go to Germany as soon as he graduated--took his cap & gown off at the airport! He stayed for summer and fall semesters May-Dec of 2001. Travelled all over Europe by eurorail-also went to Paris, Venice, Swiss Alps, Berlin, etc. with friends he met and campus field trips and also visited relatives. Was on the Dean's list with excellent grades. Was Vice Pres of Intl Business Assoc, German National Honor Society, Resident Assistant to dorm students on 9th floor, and much more.

In March, six months ago he was hired by the Dept of Defense and moved to Washington DC to work and live. He called last month and will be travelling back to Germany, Italy and the Netherlands on business with a supervisor and his boss to meet with 4-star general at Ramstein Airforce Base.

So, please hang in there. I wish I had been more patient but it was hard. Strong willed, hard headed, and defiant he was. It turned out to be amazing assets for our son! We are proud and amazed. So, learn what his currency is--I never thought of this--his "currency" as Dr. Phil puts it is what you earn to get what you want. Everyone wants something. Try that. It's hard to look back and wonder how I would "REDO" it all. Just pray, be patient, and he may turn out to make you very proud.

Dear A. - I'm not having the difficulty you are, my son is 2 and he did start with some "typical" tantrums. There are a couple of good resources that other moms have commented on that may help:

"The Strong-Willed Child" book
"Total Transformation" behavioral transformation CD's for parents with exceptionally difficult situations; you can order these by calling 1-800-762-2409.

Hope this helps.

If you've ever read any of my other posts, you might think I sound like a broken record, but you might want to check out www.nogreaterjoy.org. I just got a letter from someone that found my reference to it in another column and found it helpful. Look in the archives--I'm sure you'll find some applicable articles to help your situation.

Hey, I am A. H too! and I am originally from up near you (Sulphur Springs LOL)!anywhoo...

If you really don't think it is a discipline issue, have you thought of mood disorder? Children can be bipolar. If you feel in your heart that it isn't him being strong willed or a power struggle, you should push your pedi or try another. Finding problems early are so much better than waiting until your child has a terrible time in school. It doesn't hurt to visit a child psychologist. They may decide it is a phase he will mature out of or they may check out other options(conduct disorder, oppositional defiant disorder)

I just don't see what it hurts to ease your mind and possibly help him. If it truly is that he is testing you, then you know for sure and don't spend time punishing him when it is out of his control. I have heard too many parents say how they felt bad for fighting with and punishing children that in the end couldn't help the way they act.

Read up on some of the symptoms and educate yourself. If you see something there. See your pedi one more time. If the pedi doesn't listen, you might want to think about a new pedi.

GOod luck!

I have a 3yr old and an 8yr old. And i have found that sometimes they can be jealous of eachother. Even when we as parents cant see or understand why. I have found that if i spend a little of my time alone with each of them it really helps. Maybe your 3yr old is having the same trouble my kids went thru with being jealous? So try to give them each a little more one on one time with you and see if that helps. I hope it works for you like it did for me.