3 Year Old Potty Training

What worked on my daughter was telling her that she couldn't go to preschool until she was potty trained. She also hung out with kids who were a little older than her and I made such a fuss over them (nieces and nephews) when they used the potty, without downing her for not being potty trained. Worked like a charm!

ha...Don't worry, every kid potty trains at their own pace and some are definately stubborn about it. My youngest has been fully trained for 2 months now and she'll be 4 in July. She so much wants to go to school so I told her she CANNOT go until she goes in the potty EVERY time. She had also taken a sudden liking to Tinker Bell, so I let her choose her "wearwear" and she was very excited to see Tinker bell at the store. This helped to, I guess since she had some control. Best of luck and don't fret, it'll happen, just continue to re-enforce how important it is to go in the potty all of the time.

a friend of mine had the same problem. Her daughter was 3.5 and she finally told her she was not going to buy her anymore pullups/diapers. her daughter understood that once the package was all gone that it was done. She has only had a few accidents

Why are you going crazy? Three really isn't that old. Speaking as a mom whose older kids were trained relatively late (one at around 3 1/2 years), I can say that it is a highly individual thing and it's a waste of time and energy to make a big issue of it. Just make the clean-up as easy as possible on yourself; you might try getting her involved with diaper disposal. What typically happens when they are older is that they decide to be trained and it happens all at once, fairly quickly. I remember one of mine was trained as a result of over hearing a chance remark at the day care with regard to "big kids." She decided she wanted to be one and was trained from that minute.

Using shame or comparing kids out loud is always a bad idea, in my opinion. She'll get there - look around you.

It is a historical fact - you can look it up - that in countries where toilet training practice are rigorous, there are more reported instances of bedwetting among army recruits. Stressing over it is not necessary nor advisable. It's literally the first thing over which the child can have total control, and you might as well start right now abandoning the notion that you can control your kids. They're separate people and will do some thing on their own time.

A., you're daughter is not going to be in diapers at her wedding, although it may feel like it now. And pp are right, kids vary completely when it comes to potty training. My daughter was just shy of four when she gave up the pull ups and started wearing panties. And that was only because I started making her change her own pull ups (when they were wet). I knew it was just a lazy thing by that time and after a day or two of changing her own pullups she figured out that getting on the toilet was much easier and less icky. I'm not suggesting this for you, but I just wanted to let you know you are definitely not alone. Potty training is one thing that we just can't completely control.

I agree with Julie & Beth! Get the book...potty taining in less than one day. I was very skeptical of it until I tried it. Several of my friends had used it with 100% success and then I tried it. It took a few days, but my daughter had success. The biggest thing to remember when using this book is make sure you can give her 100% one on one attention for the entire day with No interuptions! Good Luck!

If they aren't ready I think it is best not to force it. my son turned three last March and would not potty train. He would scream and cry if I put on the big boy pants. Then I had a new baby in Sept. and about two weeks after she was born he decided he was a big boy and potty trained in about two days all by himself! I can count the accidents since then on one hand. Don't sweat it yet.

All kids are different, I will suggest that you and her take a trip to the store and let her pick out her own big girl panties.

She may like this idea so much that she may decide on her own to wear them.

Do not force her she will do it on her own.

You may want to tell your best friend to have her daughter tell your daughter "look I a big girl now I am wearing big girls panties".

Hope this helps.

Dear A.- I feel your pain! I agree with those who say to relax, take some time off, and enjoy your little one. My oldest is 16, and potty training with her took literally YEARS! But I know now that she wasn't being defiant- that isn't her personality. She just wasn't ready! And I want to weep when I remember what a big deal I made out of it. So take a deep breath, buy a boat load of diapers, and let her do it when she's ready. Incidentally, my next child, a son, got the whole potty thing down in one weekend, and never needed a diaper again. So each child is different. It is no reflection on you or your mothering skills. And don't worry when your friends' kids get it. My 16 year old is now a brilliant, funny, kind, lovely, sensational girl, who hasn't peed or pooed in her pants in many many years! Blessings on you and your precious little ones.

Buy a big can of carpet cleaner and then tell her that she must wear big girl panties or nothing at all because she's not a baby anymore and she's not going to wear diapers except at night. Most don't want to go on themselves and will hold it as long as possible if they know what they urge feels like. Most kids I've potty trained will sit on the potty once they can't hold it anymore because they don't want to go on themselves.

Try a little potty chair if you are using sitting her on the toilet. She maybe afraid of it. If you are using a potty chair then try sitting her on the big potty and see if she likes that better. (you can even get little seats that fit on the toilet with handles for her). I had one child that would only sit on the toilet and one that will only go on the little potty chair. I just potty trained a 19 month old girl and she only likes the toilet. (both my girls were potty trained at 24-28 months)

I've found that a tiny chocolate chip reward worked with my girls (which they soon forgot about so it was no big deal) and much praise....the 19 month old has been going on the toilet for about three weeks now and she still cheers for herself everytime she goes.

I start them out with no pants on so they can feel the pee pee. We spend a day or two in the bathroom reading books and things like that with (much watered down juice in sippy cups to encourage pee pee often). After a day or two of sitting them on the potty real quick when I see it coming...they get it. Then we spend the day with those training panties on that look like they were made of cloth diapers. I remind them every few minutes not to pee pee in their panties and I try to watch them closely for the face that indicates they are having a bowel movement. If we have an accident I just tell them no no a bunch in a stern but not mean voice. I let them help me clean it up and then show them the poo going in the potty. We say over and over that pee pee and poo poo goes where? In the potty.

Basically you have to:
1. find out what they prefer...the potty chair, a seat on the toilet, or just to sit on the toilet.
2. can they communicate to you the word potty
3. do they understand the urge after a day or two of pee pee on themselves...my girls just didn't get it at first, so I stopped and tried again a few months later. The 19 month old I have now and my sister-in-laws little girl (who is 20 months old) both started holding it after two times of going pee pee on the floor. I knew they recognized the urge and then knew we could work from there. They might get a little upset and ask for the diaper because they are a little bewildered by the whole idea but they get over it very quickly when they successfully make it to the potty the first time.

It takes a whole lot of time and effort the first week or so. You won't get much done but remind them to go on the potty and follow them around to watch...but it only takes a few days of vigilence and then a week or so of just reminding them.

I've found that the first few days after they recognize they urge I will sit them on the potty every thirty minutes or so if they don't tell me they need to go just to be sure. After a week of that I don't have to do that anymore either. Like I said the 19 month old tells me every time now when she needs to go. If she's playing hard and I notice she hasn't gone in quite awhile I'll ask her or make her sit just in case...but she's only had two accidents in the last two weeks.

You are going to get all kinds of very different responses in this situation. I trained both of my children in a very loving manner, but it took a lot of focus from us. (and by the way 3 is old enough) We set a date (a Saturday worked for us) and it was no more diapers... NO MORE! We were very excited except for my son. He did not want to put on the underware... I sneaked them on while he was watching a movie... then he noticed and became excited himself. That was one accomplishment down... if she refuses to wear them then I would say let her run around without them on... until she understands no more diapers. Then for the next few days (don't go anywhere) you find fun things to do on the potty. They should sit on the potty every 20 min for 3-5 min. When they do use it you celebrate with some sort of treat... make it a big deal. It only took a day for both my children. Yes there will be a lot of messes you will have to clean up but they are old enought to know that sensation and they can hold it. As far as pooping is concern it did take a little more effort. My son would hold it till he said it would hurt. He was scared to poop on the potty and that is quite common. We went to the toy store and let him pick what ever toy he wanted and then we took it home and sat it near the potty. I made a sign that showed him if he pooped three straight times on the potty he would get the toy. (three times straight is important because this creates the habit) Now it took about three days for him to do it... he would hold his poop until the middle of the night and poop in his night time diaper in his room. We then made him sleep with us in our bed (because most children poop in a corner or another room... which is another sign they are ready for potty training) and the next day he finally pooped in the potty. I want you to understand that this is all done in a very loving manner and never was he made to feel bad about the situation. Just know that if you keep giving them a diaper here and there they will always wait till they have that diaper and they will fight, scream, cry til they get it. Make as much fun and as positive as possible... we made cupcakes everytime they used the potty and before you know it they were potty trained and I am proud to say we never regressed or had any acidients. I do not believe you should wait till they are ready... because they will take their time and may never do it. You are not hurting them but simply saying no more diapers... you are a big girl now. Trust me this won't come up in theray when they are all grown up. You just need to stay home for a few days. She may have accidients in her big girl undies... but that is part of the learning process. Good luck.

Hi A.,
I was in a similar situation like you. I have boy/girl twins who turned 3 in December. I am happy to say that my son is potty trained, and it's strange because my husband and I thought that my daughter would be potty trained first since she was the first to accomplish pretty much everything else. Although my daughter would occasionally pee in the potty, pooping in the potty seemed to freak her out. She would run and hide under the dining room table and hide next to the couch and do her business. I brought this up to my kids' pediatrician and she said to try to get my daughter to poop near the bathroom instead of the dining room or family room. This teaches the child that pooping takes place in the bathroom (even if she is still doing it in her diaper). Then when she is comfortable pooping in the bathroom, then have her try sitting on the toilet. I would also tell my daughter that if she poops in the toilet then she could have some M&M's (I would only give 3 and she was happy with this). But I have to say that I think it was also watching my son go to the potty that my daughter finally wanted to go to the toilet too. The key thing here is not to put so much pressure on her. I also had a friend whose daughter was potty trained a few months after she turned 2. It was also frustrating to me, but each child is different and it's best not to put pressure on the child. I am happy to say that my daughter is peeing and pooping in the potty now; only at night does she still use training pants, but sometimes she does stay dry in the morning. Just keep praising your child when she does pee or poop in the potty. Also, go shopping with your daughter and have her pick out the big girl panties that she wants. She'll know then that she can only wear them if she stays dry.

Good luck!
M.

This really depends on the child, they are all different, so hard to compare to others. I know that the diapers---you using disposable? --- make it pretty comfortable for the kids. Usually it's the comfort (making it more uncomfortable) level, and the independance that makes them want to do it. I would get some more absorbant cloth panties. Have her also pick out panties that she likes---favorite cartoon characters, bright colors, etc. You can put rubber pants over them, to contain the mess---or if you can handle the mess (have tile/wood floors) it will get "cold" and uncomfortable, instead of warm. Best of luck ;-) and be patient. It will come, and she will surprise you.

I used the same book as Beth for two of my 3 daughters. It worked well.

That being said, I would drop this issue with your daughter for at least a month. Go out, get the book and read it through a couple of times. Have your husband read it too. Once you have it down, then pick a date to go diaper free (at least give your kid a week's notice). Be all excited about it when you tell your daughter. "March 5th is the last day you'll wear diapers! Isn't that exciting? You'll be a big girl!" Remind her and count down to the day. Once that day comes, utilize the plan in the book. It won't be a surprise for her.

But remember, this is her body and you do not want to get into a power struggle with her over this. She won't be wearing diapers on her wedding night. She won't be in diapers when she goes to Kindergarten. All kids are different and you do your daughter no favors when you compare her to someone else's kid.

A. - No need to fret. She will get it before you know it. A friend recommended a book to us about potty training in one day. While I can't recall the exact title, I can share the basiscs which, have worked wonderfully well with three of our four kids (#4 is a baby). Basically the idea is to (1) make it a game; (2)give her the responsibility (so she feels so big). Get a doll that wets, a baby potty and have her first start with training the baby doll. Everytime baby uses the potty, your daughter gets a treat. Then it is her turn. Everything is positive. Put her in baggy underwear- and a t-shirt...no pants for the game. And just like the doll, give her lots to drink and then practice the "game" of using the potty. She gets to pull down her own pants, sit on the potty, go "tinks" as we call it, wipe, pull up her pants, carry the basin to the potty, pour it in and flush. Every practice initially gets a treat. Practice 10 times every 1/2 hour. I found this takes about three hours to really make the impression. Then the game ends and she only gets a treat every time she actually uses the potty. While I am not huge on treats...this takes about a half day and then they have it! And they love it. If an accident occurs the book recommends using phrases like "Oh, do we like wet pants? Noooo!" (in a happy voice)And it recommends doing dry pant checks (asking if pants are dry) all day (I kind of kept this up for a week) and then only giving a treat for dry pants after the game is complete. You get the idea. It is not rocket science...It can be adapted to your own personal style. I hope this helps. Before you know it diapers will be a thing of the past. Good luck! H., Chicago, IL

I know what you are going through!!! my (autistic) son will be turning 5 in march and he is just coming around to potty training! I know I have a differnt situation but i have found reverse psycology really works, I tell him "you can't use the potty" "you dont know how"...and so on ... It really works he trieshisbest to prove me wrong, but you have to stay consistant...good luck

I was right there with ya. Finally at almost 4 we figured it out. It took a lot of patience and will power on my part but, we did it. I found something that she really liked to do, in her case it was play "Blues Room" on the computer. I sat down with her one day, and explained that only Big Girls were allowed to use the computer. I didn't get aggrivated, I just calmly explained, that if she wanted to play the game by herself. (up to this point I always sat with her) she would have to use the potty and be a big girl.
The next day we went to the store and got some thicker underware. I set a time for every 15 mins and let her play the game (without my help) when the timer went off we went to the Potty. If she wet herself, the game got shut off and we tried again the next day. I did not put Pull ups on her (except at night). It took about a week but she has not had an accident since. (7 months and counting)

It also helped that the Preschool would not take her unless she was potty trained, and she REALLY wanted to go to school.

Hope this helps.

You need to recognize that this a battle that you can't win, so try not to turn it into a power struggle. When she decides she is ready, she will be far more cooperative and potty training will go much more smoothly. Don't feel pressured by other friends who have children who are potty trained earlier, because all children are different. Trust me, she will not go off to college in diapers!

My girls are in high school, but I thought my oldest would never be trained. I gave up at 3 and a half and thought I would be sending her to kindergarden in diapers. Then one day, right before she turned 4 she just decided that she wanted to wear underpants and that was it! She just needed to be ready. Just don't worry about it too much and just enjoy her. They grow up too quick...and they all get potty trained. One thing you could try is having your daughter wear underpants under her diaper during the day. They don't like being wet and the diaper protects them from that feeling. My sister did this with one of her triplets and it worked but she had to be persistent. Good Luck.

Hi--A.,
My daughter is also going to be 3 yrs. old soon and also is very bright but very stubborn. We have been struggling to get her to be potty trained also. I'm not sure if you have ever watched the show John & Kate plus 8 on TLC--they had a clever way to potty train their sixtuplets. They would sit them on the potty chair and give them a drink and tell them they could not get up until they went potty. I have tried this with my daughter and I is working great. We make such a big deal over it and praise her. She also wears the pull-ups which we refer to underwear to make her feel like a big girl. We just started this on Saturday and by Monday when we got home from daycare she was telling us she had to go potty and would go sit on her potty chair. We were thrilled because we were worried that it would take her a while to be able to tell us when she had to use the potty. You might try this, it is working great for us. Good Luck and don't worry so much about your best friends daughter being potty trained earlier, everyone is different and will catch up. No one will remember when she is in high school when she was potty trained.

You CANNOT go by what other kids are doing. Each child is different. When it is her time, she will know. By pressuring her and comparing her to another child will only make the situation worse. Besides...3 is a perfectly normal age to start. She already has interest...so just let her take her time to explore & learn. My kids always did train first beautifully with #1. It's the poop that always was hard to train them on. But just relax...Rome wasn't built overnight. Just take it easy, and go with the flow. You will see once you are relaxed about it, your child will be too!

hi! I know what you going through but will tell you it will get better! i was training my son who had no problem at first going and ten one day he just decided not to any more. My husband and i wonderedwhat i we do, but this is the one thing a child knows they control. Just hang in there! i made a potty chart and gave stickers, i would offer all kindsof things and then finally we came up with a "treasure chest" we had bought some like cheaper/clearence toys and kept them in the closet everytime he would poop on the toilet a day he would get to choose a toy he wanted! it worked great. Then when once we got that down i just told him one day "here are your big boy pants and i am not buying anymore pull ups" and then he seemed fine. Now we did have have some accidents, but well worth it. He was 38 months when it was all done with!!!!! Just always praise and don't show you are upset. at one point we had a song we made up that would make him so happy and laugh.
good luck.

Hi A.,

I'm C., mom of 4. First thing you should do is relax & stop comparing. Every person is different. Most of my children were not completely weened from the pull ups until 3.5y. As much as most moms want, it doesn't happen over-night. Ah, the age of instant gratification...we are devastated when we don't get what we want right away! I, too, would have loved for it to happen that way!

I used a timer for my girls. Every 20 minutes or so we would drop everything and run to the potty & read a book. Then I got tired of that and actually brought the portable potty into the family room. I have my own business that I do out of the home & the interruptions were getting on my nerves. The boys got the same treatment of the timer.

Our last child (boy) is just over 3.5y & FINALLY has pooped on the potty for one week straight! I still have him in pull ups, however I don't change them but once a day ~ just like if he was wearing 'big boy underpants'. I reward when he does the right thing only.

The first day he told me he needed to go I thought he had already gone in his pants. He was so upset. He hadn't gone #2 in a day. However, it was that he NEEDED to go. He did it (a lot) & we were so happy for him we even took pictures! It is a scarry thing for them. He was still a little terrified the next day, but he put it in the potty! He wanted to take pictures again. [The threat of not watching his TV shows helped;)]

Your daughter will come along just fine. If your stressed about it she'll be just that much more stressed. Try bribery, try timers, try songs or books. You will find what motivates her. There is even a silly book out there called "Potty Poo Poo Wee Wee". We have it somewhere and they crack up!

Sincerely,
C.

All kids potty train at different times. Don't stress out that a 2 year old is already potty trained. I have 3 kids, and my experience has been that they will do it when they are ready. A gentle push in the way of a potty chart worked for me, too. They got a sticker on a chart when they went potty on the toilet. After a row was completed, a small surprise - coloring book or something fun, was given. When the whole chart was completed, a grand prize was given. My advice, though, is to not get into a power struggle with your child. Make it fun and it will happen. You will be surprised. (And don't worry about other people with younger kids who are potty trained. They aren't better parents, just had kids who were ready and willing!)

I'm having a similar issue w/ my three year old, Morgan. She'll go pee most of the time, but not poop. She will wear panties and she'll still go. Mostly she's preoccupied w/ playing and doesn't want to stop playing to go use the potty. The past couple of days I've just put her in pants w/ NO panties (not jeans, of course, that would feel funny!) and she's been really good. I think even w/ panties Morgan felt a sense of security, like something was there to catch it. But, she's been good.

Another thing we've done that has semi-helped is go at particular times. When she wakes in the morning and from her nap; before she goes to bed at night and before her nap; before dinner; any time we are JUST about to leave the house and then if she doesn't go at that time, we find the bathroom wherever we are and she goes when we get there (even at stores/restaurants). It's seemed to have helped for pee, but poop she's still resistant on.

GOOD LUCK! I'm right there with you! :)

Oh, and I have a near 2 year old, too. So, today I'm starting something new... Everytime my oldest goes on the potty, my youngest, Jordyn, will, too. My oldest will sit on the big potty (which she's fine doing) and my youngest will sit on the little on. Jordyn has already wanted to sit on it when Morgan's on it so I figured why not give it a shot!

And yes, what other women have said is very true... every child is different.

If you find a technique that works let me know! :)

I used a book called "Potty Training in less than a day." It's an old book but the results were good. It actually took about 3 days but no accidents and no problems since! Good luck.

Hello, I know how you feel, my son was a late trainer. My husband and I felt, as hard as it was, to give him the time to mature into that step. We found on THAT weekend, when we laid a tarp on the living room floor with his potty where he was comfortable, HE WENT!
It took one weekend. He never went back to diapers, only an occasional pull up at bedtime. Mind you, he was 3 but he was ready. Lastly, with all things don't compare your child with other children. You will go CRAZY! You will find when another child is excelling at something and your isn't, your child will be advanced at something the next time around! It all works out.
As far as a mentor, you could always say someone she looks up to is wearing big girl panties like Dora or Cinderella if there are no big cousins around. Just encourage her, she needs to know she isn't in trouble. I know it's hard. Hang in there!

HI, I hear it's common for girls to have issues pooping on the potty. My girlfriend's little girl had an issue through the beginning of her 5th year. Finally she talked with a child psychologist (a friend of hers) and he suggested play therapy. SO the next few times she played with princesses with her daughter they carried on their normal dialog and then my friend stopped her princess and told the other princesses she needed to be excused to go poop on the potty. Nothing more was said to her daughter it was just played out day after day during play time. After 2 days her daughter was going on the potty no problems.
Hope this helps.

A. - I totally understand what you are going through. When my daughter was roughly the same age, I decided to "complete" the potty training. I ended up making my daughter miserable, my husband frustrated and my life crazy. The only "sane" advise I received was... it will happen. Let your child take her own and relax. Let yourself relax. (that is the hardest thing to do because as moms we stress over everything and just to let "it" happen is difficult.) When you are relaxed, your daughter will relax. Then the potty will not be a stressful situation for either one of you. Let her know the potty is there for her to use but there is no pressure. By the way, within 6 weeks after our "training" session, my daughter was completely potty trained...even at night. Good Luck! This could be a great start for your son as well.

Hi A.!
The more you fight, the more she will resist. She will not be wearing diapers on her wedding night. Peer pressure works best at this age. Have her more around kids that do it. Our son is almost 4 and still we have issues with the # 2 in the potty. But we have crossed the peeing challenge and he does great now in big boy underwear. Which he got to pick out -- favorite characters. It did change from one day to the next.
Good luck!
S. in Lisle

Find something that motivates her... Both of mine were potty trained by using stickers as incentives. Let her pick them out but she should only receive them IF she does what you are asking her to accomplish. I have heard of people using M&M's but do you really want to use food as an incentive... Again find something that motivates her personally and run with it.
My oldest son at 3yr and a couple of months old (is now 5) wanted to pick out his "own" big boy undies and that was the end of diapers and my 2nd son just decided at about 24 months old that he was done wearing diapers and he loved that his brother was getting rewarded with stickers sooo that was any easy incentive for both of ours. Best of Luck with potty training!