20 Month Old That Hits and Pinches

Lots of kids that age go through this. You are not alone. He probably reacts pleased when he gets you by himself because that is what he actually wanted to start with. Toddlers have a lot of feelings and very limited ways to express them. Hitting and pinching is one way to get across his meaning. If redirection doesn't work maybe it would be more helpful to look at what is causing the frustration and try to help him that way. Is he jealous of the other kids? Does he need more one on one time with mommy? Or is he tired and just needs a nap? Luckily, he will probably outgrow it sometime soon, but it may help in the meantime.

I work in a daycare and in the 1 year old room we use a "sad chair".You might want to put a picture of a sad face on the back of the chair. This will remind him during the day when he walks by it. This is where children go to have a break from the activities and other children, when they misbehave, but just for a minutes for each year. In this case would be a minute and 1/2, or so.If he gets up just put him back on the chair until he sits there for the minute per year. He, also, will not be able to play with toys because he is no where near them. And when he is sitting in the sad chair you need not sit with him, since he seems to like it when you are with him, as most children his age do. At first he might not want to sit there but if you are consistant with him and make sure he is sitting there like a good boy. He will get the idea that when he does something that is not right he won't be able to do anything but sit.

Hi E.,

Welcome to the terrible twos. I swear they call them that because it's a terrible thing for the parents to live through!! I agree with the pps. You may have to pinch him back. Another thing you might try is when he pinches you pretend to cry and tell him "you hurt mommy". The down side is, he might think it's funny and try to get you to do it again. Also, a time out is an appropriate response at his age. It's one minute for every year of age with no toys and no attention. If he gets up, take him back and remind him that he's in time out for hurting "Annie" (or whoever it happens to be). I had one that refused to stay, so I sat and held him in my lap. He tried to hit me, so I crossed his arms and held one in each of my hands. I wasn't trying to hurt him, just restrain him. After the minute is over, remind him that he was there because it's not nice to pinch and it hurts other people. You may still have to pinch him.

Good luck!!

E.,
I also have a 20 month old who was the picture of the perfect child until about a month ago. He now does all of the same things your son does. Everyone tells me it is a phase. My sister said my niece did it too. I know it doesn't ease the problem, but from what everyone says they will grow out of it. I have done all the same things that you have, so if you get any ideas from people please let me know.

B. W.

Hey E.,
I don't know if this would help, but it worked with my 18 month old. We use the word "owey" for any thing that hurts. He scrapes his knee...it's an owey. He hits his head..it's an owey. If he pinched me, I'd immediately pinch him back, saying owey in a stern voice.. I think he could relate that what he was doing hurt, like an owey, and although he might pinch or hit every once and a while out of excitement, he doesn't do it anymore because I think he realized that it hurt. I hope this helps.. it might take a while for him to make the connection....Good Luck :)

I hate to say it cuz I'll sound like a bad mommy, but sometimes you just have to pinch back. I tried time out, no desserts/snacks, early bedtimes, in the corner, trying to get attention to someting else, apologizing, ect. I could go on. The only thing that actually worked with my son was pinching back. He pinched me and I pinched back. Not hard enough to hurt him but to let him know that it does hurt. If you tell him "Oh that hurts when you pinch Mommy" he can't really understand how you feel until he feels it himself. Hope everything works out for you.

I have an 12 yr old and a 20 mo old little girl who has also been doing this the last few months. My son used to do this and it will pass when they learn that you are not going to let them do this. It is a way for them to communicate that they are not getting what they want and they are learning to be assertive.I am assuming that he doesn't talk much just like my daughter. My daughter has learned my "i'm not happy with your action" face and immediatly puts her head on the floor and pouts. You have to be persistant. Make time out as boring as possible by not showing him your face if you have to sit with him to make him stay in timeout. and definately change your tone of voice when you are telling him "no" about something. they will get it and once he learns to talk, it will be much easier, which should be coming soon. Good luck S. G and 20 mo Sara

You are in the right direction with what you have been doing when he does pinch or hit. But what you might want to try is when he hits, put him in a place away from every one. Including you. No toys either. This is supposed to be a punishment so to speak and being able to play with toys during that time won't get the point across that it isn't nice to hit. If he goes back to the other kids, remove him again and put him back in his alone spot. When he does hit and you remove him, tell him why you are doing it too. As far as the pinching, pinch him back hard enough for him to know that it doesn't feel good. It may take one time, it might take several times of doing this but he will get the idea that it causes pain. I know we teach our kids not to hit that's why I didn't suggest to hit him say in his arm when he hits others, but that is completely up to you. And also, you can start teaching him words to express himself when he is upset or frustrated to help him use his words instead of being mean to others and don't forget to teach him how to say he's sorry after he has been mean to someone else.

I'm gearing up myself for these days cause my 10 month old, I have a feeling, is going to be a handful when he starts walking. I'm bracing myself now!!!

Good luck to you:)

S.

i think youve hit on it. he wants your attention. my niece used to bite her mother at that age and i noticed it was when her attention was elsewhere. i cured her by talking to her intermitantly and giving her some conversation she stopped biting. mind you try to do this before the pinching and hitting starts. we could always tell with my niece because shed get real close then boom there came the bite. trust me i came close to being bit several times ...i babysat for her but no mishaps. good luck:)