Advice for Pinching 10-Month Old

J., I have a 11-month old grandson he also likes to pinch under my arms. He leaves them black and blue. I also told him to stop "PINCHING ME". He still didn't stop. So what I did was Pinch him back and hit his hand. He stopped pinching. So now he likes pinching my neck. I did the same thing back to him. To my suprise he has not pinched me no more. I hope I've been some help to you because it worked for me.Good luck.
Darlene C

Hi J.,
Oh my gosh, our daughter did the pinching thing when she was a baby and for a while. It first started when I was nursing her then shed pinch herself on the tummy or on the top side of her elbow. She's now 14 and she still pinches the skin around her belly button when she's really tired. It seems to be a self soothing thing. We never really found anything that would replace the pinching. We did the same thing you are doing which is to move her hand and to tell her not to pinch. We tried to replace her pinching with different texture things and it never seemed to take the place of her pinching herself or us. It seems more like a coping reflex. With your 10 month old, she probably startles when you tell her to not pinch, because it is relaxing for her. The pinching somehow soothes her. I'm sorry I don't have a remedy that worked. Good luck!

T.

Both of my sons tried the pinching thing. I forget who it was who was first on the receiving end of a pinch but they pinched right back (not hard, obviously) and the shock and surpise was enough that the oldest never pinched again and the youngest only did it two or three times.

Good luck--I know how frustrating it is. {:)
M.

I think this is pretty normal behavior and it sounds like you are doing well. She is only a baby yet but she will get it and this will pass. Did I read someone suggest spanking a baby? Never! I never ever wanted to be responsible for inflicting pain on my child, no matter what they did that hurt me. I am older and bigger and stronger and obviously capable of making rational decisions and of course babies are not. OMG when my youngest was nursing, she would clamp down on my nipple and the only way to get her loose was to stick my fingers in her mouth and pry her teeth loose. She outgrew it. You're doing a good job.
L.

Hi J.!

OUCH! My nephew has an "unconscious" soothing need. He tried to pull our arm hair when he's tired, or just relaxing. Most of the time, I don't think he knows he's doing it....but it hurts!

Maybe your daughter does this has a way to sooth herself??? If so, you might need to find a "baby doll", or a blanky that she can do that to.

Hope that helps!

:o) N.

I agree with Anna. I had the same pinching problem with my daughter at that age so I would lightly pinch her back. She got the point that if she pinched me she got pinched back. It soon ended. Same thing with biting. She started to bite me, I think around 18 to 24 months, so I lightly bit her back after trying to tell her it hurt and she didn't get it. The biting didn't last long at all. They don't understand "ouch" if you just say it. They understand "ouch" if they feel it. They soon understand that their is a consequence for their action. It is just like giving time outs. I went through two weeks of misery when my daughter started the terrible 2's at 18 months. Every time there was a tantrum on the floor she got a time out on the time out chair for a minute. She would try to get down but I would put her back up on it. After two weeks though she realized that when it was time out she couldn't get off that chair and she calmed down. I even implemented it when we went shopping. I would put the cart aside and take her out to the car. If you nip things now you are blessed with the rewards later. My daughter is now 3 and doing really well. She is a very active tom boy but she really gets the consequence for her actions thing. It is a lot of work but so worth it.

I agree that there could be a soothing issue... skin squishing is common. Try substituting a different object to pinch "that hurts mommy, try this________". Like training a puppy with puppy teeth and chewing.

She is also testing her/your limits. I don't think it's inappropriate/unusual for her to cry when you put her down. This is what you want.. for her to realize that when she is inappropriate with your body she won't have access to it. This is healthy reasoning for all.

Be careful, If you then respond to her being upset/uncontrollably crying with any sort of attention, she will learn to continue to do that to get your attention. Perhaps you count when you put her down (maybe 10?), so she'll start to learn that it's a standard set of time until she is allowed access again, and not related to her reaction. She will get it if you can remember to be consistent (that is always a challenge when sleep deprived!). Good luck!

My son went through a pinching phase at that age, too. I think they just do it as a comfort/boredom thing but it sure does hurt! He was doing it when nursing, so every time he pinched me I would take him off the breast and tell him no. It only took a couple days of being consistent with this before he stopped.

I think she might be getting so upset because she's catching on that she did something "wrong" and she feels bad. It's amazing how early they pick up on things like that. My son still gets very upset sometimes when he gets in trouble (he's now 15 months). If I were you I would continue with putting her down every time she does it. You have to commit to doing it consistently though, otherwise she'll just get confused. She should be able to understand cause & effect by now: if I pinch Mommy, she puts me down.

My husband's parents are almond farmers too, by the way. You guys must be busy with harvest! Good luck and I hope the pinching stops soon.

Hello J. G.,

I used to have the same ploblem with my daughter who is 2 now. It started when she was nursing so I diverted her hands to my earlobe. I figured that if she was going to pinch, the earlobe would be better since it is thicker and harder to pinch. Now instead of pinching me she rubs my earlobes and sometime she does it to her own. It has come to be a comfort thing for her. Hope this helps.

M. Lopez

Dear J.,
I don't think your little one knows what she is doing. It's kind of like a habit she has devoloped. When you hold her...she pinches. It would be so much nicer if she just wanted to rub your arm to make herself feel better. My daughter always had to have a hold of one of my boobs. Or my mom's boob. Any woman who held her. Thankfully she didn't pinch. But, she yanked my hair.
I know it sounds mean, but I know yanking her hair back was the only thing that stopped it. My sister was a biter. Bad.....she drew blood. One day, my mom bit her back. She never did it again. Pulling hair, biting, hitting, pinching, they don't know how it feels until it happens to them. You don't have to leave a mark on them or anything, but we protect our babies from harm and pain....how else do they know what hurts? Everytime she pinches you...put her down. Give her something else to pinch. My son started biting me during nursing when he was teething and I took the boob away every time. He went in his crib with something else to bite on and I let him cry. Shocked and upset? Maybe. But baby teeth are sharp and I didn't want to have to go get my nipple sewn back on. I ended up nursing him for almost a year and a half....he learned not to bite me.
Just hang in there. When she pinches, put her down and walk away.

Hi J.,

Ouch a pincher! I agree with some of the things said, and disagree with some of the things said. I doubt that Allison has a word association with the word "ouch". Yet. So keep saying "Ouch, no pinching. That hurts!" and as her vocabulary grows those words will make more sense. Keep moving her arm away from the back of yours and if she keeps pinching, put her down. When I discipline my son (he's 14 months) he always cries. I always hug him and tell him I'm not mad and he's not in trouble but pinching (in this case) is not allowed. And the truth is I’m NOT mad and he’s NOT in trouble…his behavior is just not acceptable. I feel it’s really important to communicate with your kids even if they don’t seem to understand…they understand more than we know.

Pinching has been a difficult thing to overcome. Much more difficult than biting was and I think that is because it is in fact a soothing mechanism for them. You may benefit from trying to swap out your arm for something else. My son would pinch my neck and arms when trying to fall asleep. He never wanted a blanket or a stuffed animal. What finally won in the end? A pacifier. He would HAPPILY and contently play with the nipple end of a pacifier until he fell asleep. Go figure!

I have to say, I do not agree with biting or pinching or pulling the hair of your kid. That is just me and I don't judge people who do, however, it is my opinion that we are to be role models for our children. We are telling them that it is NEVER okay to bite, pinch or pull hair. Trust me, at some point they will be bitten, pinched etc by a playmate and they know that it hurts. It's not our job to show them by mimicking the behavior we are disapproving. But that it’s me…

Good luck J.!!

T.

Dear J.:
It sounds as though you are trying to be calm and reasonable even while in pain. That's a good start. She does not know she is causing you pain and she loves you and is trying out her skills.
I like to take the child's hand (gently) and get it to pat or stroke softly and say"be gentle with mommy" "nice "mommy" "Oh nice patting" or words to that effect. It also works when they start to pull hair, earrings , slap or hit. Using positive words and behavior rather than negative ones or loud and firm ones which only make the child more confirmed in the act that got a "big " response. Good luck, Sounds like she is pretty sensitive and perceptive which will also help. She wants to learn to do the right thing. Great grandma N.

It sounds to me like your daughter understands that she's experiencing a consequence for her action, and she doesn't like it. No one likes to be corrected, but we have to learn to deal with it. I would continue doing what you're doing - putting her down when she pinches you. Children understand a lot more than people give them credit for. You are telling her she can't do something she wants to do - it is normal that she'll cry. Stick to your guns - don't pick her back up and try to console her. If you do, you'll teach her that all she has to do is cry when she's experiencing a consequence and the consequence will go away, mommy will feel bad and she doesn't really have to listen to mommy when mommy says no. Give her some credit and stick to your guns!!!!