Effective Discipline for a 18 Mo Old

Love and Logic. They have both paper and audio books from the Library if you don't have time to sit and read. I listen to them in the car or any time I have alone while doing something else. Most importantly my husband listens too and really helps me with the follow through.

My son was biting and pinching being the "police man" when the daycare provider did not see other kids doing something wrong. We tried several things but the one that worked was Listerine in a small spray bottle. When he pinched or bit, we gave him a small squirt. He didn't (and still doesn't) like the taste/smell but he understood that he was in trouble. My kids are now 5 and 10. We started using it again when they would say mean things to each other and/or be rude to us. Hang in there.

I have a 26 mo old who was doing the same to me & her sisters from about 17mo on. I just recently have recieved the best advice to that problem when I read a response on mamasource & we have nipped the problem. When she hits I put a BIG SMILE on my face and say Did you want to play the hitting game? and hit back very lightly, same with biting, hair-pulling and pinching. We ask her if she wants to play that game and her immediate response is NO we use the same sweet voice every time we ask. She was in such a state of shock that we would actually do it back she has stopped all together and when I see it about to happen all I have to do is ask if she wants to play the game and she immediately stops. I know it sounds harsh, but like I said we very lightly tap her hand or tug her hair, and now all we do is ask and she Stops right away.

My 2 2/1 yr old sometimes thinks hitting the cat is funny because "she says meow!" He doesn't mean to be mean, but it is hard to make him realize it is serious. He just keeps laughing. What has been working for me is to sit him down and sit right in front of him and make him look me in the eye to listen. It takes a few - or several - times of "No, look at me...." but once I have eye contact, he listens much better. Good Luck!

Hi M.,

For starters I am no expert but I have 4 children and I watch 4 more, so I have to be very consistent on discipline around here. I have a 16 yr old, 7 yr old, 3 1/2 yr old and a 15 month old. Then I watch a 2 1/2 yr old, 17 month old, 14 month old and a 1 yr old.

The one thing I use consistently in my daycare is the corner or time out whichever you want to call it. The 17 month old that I watch has the problem of pushing people down, hitting, and throwing toys, for each of these he is sent to the corner and told NO and whatever he did. For right now it's more about letting him know that this will not happen no matter what. And just like your son he doesn't quite know what the purpose is but when I say A go to the corner he know where it is and starts to cry because he did something wrong. So be consistent if you are gonna sned him to the corner for doing these types of things then you have to do it every time, no matter where you are, what you are doing or who is there.

On another note make sure your son can tell the difference between your "I live you" voice, and "I am disappointed in you" voice. So for instance when your son pinches you, tell him NO in a stern deeper voice and then tell hime to go to the corner (or at this point help him get there), let him know that pinching is not nice and he has to sit in the corner. Now here is the part that I don't agree with on time out, when you send a child to time out they are supposed to stay there 1 minute per their age so if they are 1 it would be one minute. In a 1 yr old they don't even understand the concept of a minute, but what they do understand is that what was going on around him before he went to the corner is still going on while he is in the corner. So he sees that he is missing. Letting him sit there for 3 or 4 minutes is not going to hurt him. So put him in the corner let him know you were not nice to mommy and when this goes off you can get up. If he gets out put him back. Make him stay there.

I had 1 of my daycare kids last Saturday night and we were eating dinner at a restaurant and he started messing with the blinds. I asked him if he needed me to find a corner and he looked like a deer in headlights. He immediately let go of the binds and didn't touch them again.

Your son doesn't realizre that him pinching you hurts but what he will realize is that if he does mean things he has to sit in the corner. And that is not very fun for him.
Also when you talk to him talk in clear words and sentences. And make sure you are at eye level with him and explain what he did wrong and let him know that he can get out and give him hug and a kiss. Then go on about your meery way.

Timeout is effective if you use consistently.

M.-I suggest choosing one method and using it over and over. It may be as simple as holding his hand or wrist, firmly, and saying "NO!" or "You may NOT bite/hit". At that age the repetition will do the job. Also be sure to avoid any positive attention for 3-5 minutes after discipline. But pour it on later when he is behaving. Hang in there- boys have a very slow learning curve!!

[I have 4 kids- #3, my only son, is by far the hardest!]

I would recommend parenting with Love and Logic. Jim Fay is the author and just came out with a toddler book. Very positive and practical ways of discipline. Very effective and involves natural consequences. I pair this with a aprogram called 123 magic.

k, I know some parents find this barbaric, but drs and psychologists are recommending it for those difficult to discipline children. If he hits you, you hit him back, if he pinches you, you pinch him back, if he pulls your hair, you pull his hair back, if he bites you, you bite him. Of course you don't do any of these things hard so you don't leave a mark it's just so they see how it feels and you simply state if you don't like it when I do it to you, then you don't do it to others. My son did the same thing and once my son realized that he didn't like it when I did those things back to him and he realized that everytime he did one of those things to me then I'd do it to him he stopped because he didn't like it. It really does work. I hope this works for you.

Hi M., my son did the same thing at that age. I tried everything! But the only thing that worked is this (i believe I read it in the book "Children the Challenge" by a psychologist): When your son starts to hit you or pinch you, say to him with a smile on your face and an excited, happy voice, "Oh! You want to play the hitting game (or pinching game)!!" And then kind of slap him hard enough (or pinch him) to where it hurts and not on his face of course, but maybe on the arm. At first he'll kind of look at you either mad or surprised. If he continues to hit you, say it again and slap his arm (or pinch him) a little harder. Eventually he'll decide he does NOT want to play the "hitting game" or "pinching game," that it's not that much fun. I did this maybe 2-3 different times to my son when he started hitting me and then he stopped completely. The difference between this and hitting your son back in anger to "teach him a lesson" is that you have a smile on your face and say that it's a game. Again, he WILL decide he does not like the game. I know it sounds strange, but it worked for me and for my sister and her child as well. But be sure to say it in a cheerful voice. Otherwise, he'll just get mad and continue to hit. Let me know if it works!

The best thing you can do at that age is redirect, redirect. I know sounds like a terrible idea. When he start hitting, pinching, biting, try and give him an activity to do. Also try out these books. You can probably get them at the library. "Hands are not for Hitting.", "Teeth are not for Biting." They have several more titles too. Instead of telling him know all of the time give him ideas of what to do with his hands and teeth. Hope it helps!

Mother of a 2 1/2 year old and 9 month old.

As an early childhood educator, I see this very often. Thier is usually a reason for the action a child takes. A common reason for these outburst can be wanting independance.This is a typical age to start expressing thier wants. They dont know how to tell you yet with little to no words spoken. Unfortunatly they dont have enough skills to be as independent as they want to be. Giving one to two extra things to do by themselves can really help. It can be as simple to you as picking out clothes, brushing thier own teeth first, "washing dishes" (a few plastic ones in a small tub on the floor) or even "helping" you fold laundry. Have you tried giving one to two expressive words to your little one. Maybe saying "angry" " are you angry" can some times help if they dont know how to tell you.

Goodluck mine is 2yrs and 9months and does all of that and more!

My first thought when I read your story was: be consistant with your "no's" and also with your PRAISE!! At 18 months he doesn't understand the concept of time out. But, he will understand it when you get up and RE-DIRECT HIS FOCUS to another activity. Get on the floor with building blocks for a few minutes, put him in your lap and read a short book. I bet he just wants your attention. I am a mom of a 23 yr.old son and a 6 yr. old. I have been a Nanny for a family of 4 children. I have seen most of everything!! Nothing has changed in those years! I am older, yes, but my expectations of what is okay and not has not changed. I have to admit that the whole pushing/biting etc. thing wasn't present at home....obviously bad behavior is BAD! LOL Re-direct his attention and praise him for doing great. Notice him when he helps pick up his toys and puts them in a basket, or plays "nicely" on the floor, etc. What he can do is be loved and praised and if you are consistant all the time, you will see a big change. He will know that Momma means what she says and follows through. He'll be happier and so will you.
P.S. I am a stay at home Mom this time around. I am grateful for the time and opportunity. Even at the end of a long stressed out day with a long list of challenges. We are blessed to be able to be our kids first teachers. Raise your son to be the child and then young man and grown man you want him to be! That is our goal, too.

M.- I, too have an 18 month old. She is in day care and hitting, biting, and pinching is an everyday occurance. Ugh! For the hitting and pinching, I once took a class called "Love and Logic", their advice- when the child hits, change your voice pitch to very low, grab the arm (gently but firmly) and say "We don't hit, hitting hurts". Try to avoid saying "No" b/c that's a word they really know and it can become a game for them. They also suggusted to turn your head away from them. Also, if you are holding them, tell them you will not hold them when the hurt and put him down,(This especially make my daughter mad). As far as the biting, my daycare workers are taught to give the child a clean washcloth and tell them that if they feel the need to bite to bite the washcloth. Amazingly, they say it works. They also said that biting is a very primal need and if at all possible, try to catch your child, right form the start,b/4 they get a chance to "clamp" down. That once they do this, they will tend to repeat it to get the same feeling.
Basically, M., I think every child goes through this stage and I think you are doing a great job by inquiring and taking action! Good luck!

When I worked at a daycare center, they taught us that for time out at that age to sit criss-cross on the floor (indian style) and have him sit in the crook of your legs facing the same way you are and wrap your arms gently but firmly around him. Explain to him that he's in time out for (biting, hitting, etc) and that he has 2 minutes in time out. Then don't talk to him, just gently but firmly hold him on your lap for the 2 minutes. No matter how much he struggles, hold him there without talking for the full 2 minutes.
Each time he bites, hits, etc. put him back in time out.
Before time out each time out, let him see the owie he gave you or another and tell "that's hurts! owie!" rub it then have him rub it. Repeat "owie".... This will teach him that what he's doing hurts you and then follow up with a time out so that he realizes there are consequences for his behavior.

Have you checked his diet? Does he flare up after certain foods?
I have a friend whose son was very defiant and she started him on Reliv nutrition and he now is a different kid and he knows when he is going haywire and asks for his Reliv shake.
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You'll have to be persistent with him hold his hand get down to his level look him in the eye tell him you can't kick bite etc whatever he is doing in a firm tone and that it hurt's. He is still a lil guy so if you draw out the explanation he won't get it, so a few words will do