My 11 year old son thinks that he should be allowed to watch any rated "R" movies, play rated "M" video games, have his own email address without any parental locks and create his own my space account or have his own website. Of course, when I tell him no I hear..."but all my friends can." He says that he doesn't understand why I am soooo strict. I tell him that it is because I love him. He gets so angry at me now. Up until now, he has never acted this way before. Is this puberty? I know that I am not the only one that thinks he is too young for these things, right? I told him that I hear so many bad things on the news about my space. His response was, "Why can't you just listen to me instead of what they say on the news." I do trust him. It's just other people I don't trust. Any advice or sympathy would be greatly appreciated.
Hi J.,
My ten y/o son is almost there too! I agree with what everyone else has said!
I just started a really good book "That's my Son" by Rick Johnson. It talks about what is normal, abnormal, how to set guidlines w/ boys and help them grow into strong men. I am on p 53, but so far it is very good!
All the Best,
D.
Believe it or not, time outs still work if used calmly and infrequently with all media removed. My 13 yo smart mouthed me the other day. I looked at him, reminded him that it is unacceptable to speak to me that way, ever. I removed all electronics, told him I loved him but would not tolerate that attitude and sent him to his room for the rest of the night (at 6::30PM). He was stunned. He actually read, did homework and fell asleep early (I think he was tired and crabby), but I have had a sweetheart for the last week.
Another tactic that I have been using with all 3 children is that I make a point of dropping whatever I am doing when they come home, greet them with a smile, look them in their eyes and engage them in (even if it's brief) conversation about their day - having a plate of healthy tempting snacks always helps them hang out a few minutes longer with me.
It has been amazing what a diliberate smile and welcome has done to transform our house....and how I feel about them.
Good luck - be creative and be calm.
Yes, mom, part of it is puberty and some of it is the outside influences. I'm afraid it's not going to get any easier; but stick to your guns on the issues you've described. You just tell him he's going to have to show you just how grown up he can be by accepting restrictions in the areas you feel are dangerous for him. Even adults have rules they have to follow.
See if you can get him involved in Scouts or a church youth group...not that he won't run into kids there with the same attitudes; but the stronger influence will be the activities these groups will provide for him. My grandchildren are limited on how much time they can spend in front of "screens", whether it be television, video games, or computer.
You'll have to learn to pick your battles and compromises. Just hang in there!
hi J.,
i am a former third grade teacher and have seen so very many of the same kinds of behaviors in many of my past students ages 8-9. i agree with one of the other mom's responces in that it would be great if he could get involved in some kind of group (ex: sports team, school club, etc). also, if your son's school has a full time counselor on staff you may want to cantact him/her for other resources or suggestions. stay storng mama, he's still your baby boy.
god bless,
C.
I'm sorry to hear that your son wants to be such an adult. My advice to you is let him be an adult and let him see the responsbilities of trying to be something you are not. He is just going to the phrase of whats cool kids do in school. I do agree that he is too young to do the things he wants. The whole thing with myspace gets out of hand. I hope any of this helps you.
T.
He can't have a myspace account until he is 14; unless he lies about his age. So that can solve that problem. I agree with the other advice too.
I just have a few things to say...
1. No matter what, you are the adult not him. That is a responsibility that you took when you became a mom.
2. Stand your ground. More and more kids have been hurt by people on the internet it is disgusting. And those kids are those whose parents let them have their own email address, my Space, etc. Also movies and games are rated so that you can make that choice whether or not he plays rated "M" games or watches rated "R" movies.
3. You are being a good mom. You are actually taking the time to care about him. He's in your face because you are doing your job.
I praise you for that.
S.
As the others have said this is perfectly normal. I have an 11 year old son and a 13 1/2 year old son. I will still not allow even T games in the house because if they're there, the 11 year old would have access. I also still only allow limited access to PG-13 movies. I wouldn't even consider letting them EVER watch R movies or have M video games in my house. They can make those choices when they're adults in their own homes. Yes, they get mad at you and say they hate you. But, I tell them it's my job to be mean and I'm just trying to preserve their childhold, which our society SO wants our children not to have. Once they get over their anger, they still tell me they love me, so I do get regular positive re-enforcement :)
I too have an 11 year old son. I am fortunate that he doesn't push his boundaries too much yet, but I am seeing signs that it is coming. My thought on this is you have to maintain your boundaries and not let him guilt you into giving in. It is not appropriate for him to watch rated R movies, have his own website, my space or email account without parental locks. My son's school has been teaching the dangers of the internet and I had to have some pretty tough conversations about what can happen on my space or other websites. I am also floored when I hear what some of my son's friends are allowed to do and can't believe the parents are better protecting their kids. My space should be banned for anyone not over 18 yrs old, no kid should be allowed to post or surf that site. You are doing what is best for your son and he will appreciate it someday. Sorry I don't have any solutions, but my advice would be just to stay the course and reinforce the rules of your home.
