Young Mom

i was 23 when I had my daughter, not as young as you, but I used meetup.com and found playgroups on there and connected with a few moms that were a few years older but had the same personality....age doesn;t matter so much as personality, you'll meet some young moms that seem like Martha Stewart and Betty Crocker rolled into one housewife and then you'll meet some slightly older moms that are laid back and fun and have the same sense of humor as you

It's not that you are in your 20's with a young child. It simply because life gets busy...for everyone and if you are "losing" friends, then it's likely that those friends are getting caught up in life and losing sight of important friendships, if they were important at all. As priorities change in a person's life, so does their focus. Try not to take it personally. I've "lost" friendships too, it does happen to a lot of us. And yeah, it can make us feel lonely. I made a wonderful friend with a young woman at my grocery store. We saw each other every two weeks when I went grocery shopping and we'd always stop for a few minutes to chat. Our talks were always simple, "Hello, how are you, how are the kids..." I really liked her, thought she was super friendly but I just didn't know how to make our casual relationship into a friendship I desired. It's often awkward when we are adults. It's not the same like when we are children and we go up to another and say, "Will you be my friend?" It doesn't work like that for adults. So, 2 Christmas' ago, I made homemade goodies, wrapped them in a pretty container, along with a card with my name on it (because I got the feeling that over time she had forgotten what my name was) and a friendship began. We exchanged emails with each other and our phone numbers, and in February after she had her first baby, she invited me to her house. It takes time to find friendships that are worth having. Just try to be patient. Offer friendly smiles to those around you and I'm sure it will draw others to want to know you better.

start a new tradition by throwing a "Moms' Night"....or afternoon, etc.

Make it a forum where you & your friends....AND all the kids just get together at a park or at someone's home.....& just visit & talk about being Moms! You may have only 1 other family show up the 1st time.....but that's okay. Once you get it going, all of your efforts will be appreciated!

Keep it simple: drinks & snacks.....either rotate the responsibilty or provide your own. The hostess should provide the paper products. Have fun!

Different ages and different stages.
Friends come and go.
A lot of the time the people you were best buddies with in high school you never hear from them again till the 30 year reunion.
College happens
Careers and travel happens.
Marriage and kids and getting wrapped up in their activities happen.
Taking care of elderly relatives happen.
You are so not alone, but it can certainly feel that way sometimes.
Try a few Mommy's groups in your area till you find a good fit.
See if there's a chapter of Parents Without Partners in your area.

Age is pretty much irrelevant in this scenario... 32 and in a similar boat! Life happens and it gets in the way of friendships.

Just my experience/suggestion... let your child be your social connector! I take my son to a monthly toddler story hour at our local library and have become very good friends with two of the other moms. We email, FB, talk weekly and look forward to our monthly "mom date"- coffee while our kiddos are loving library time. We also do swim lessons on Saturday mornings and have made some friends through that activity.

Find things that you like to do with your little one- gymnastics, play group, swim lessons etc and you'll find other moms who share your interests!

It happens. I was 19 and 21 when my daughters were born. Fun times [eye roll!!]... I totally threw myself into work, school, and most of all, parenting, and actually learned more about myself during that time than I thought possible. I was single forever. I would go on a date here and there, but learned that I didn't even want to waste my time with guys. I finally started meeting other parents here and there, and that was SO nice, having something in common!

True friends will stick with you no matter what. Those people who aren't around anymore aren't even worth a second thought. It might hurt now, but in a few years, you won't even remember them, I PROMISE. Time heals all wounds. Focus on your baby girl and focus on yourself... children teach us more about ourselves than anything else. It's a gift in disguise :)

It WILL get better... hang in there mama!!

BTW, the average 'best friend' lasts 7 years. This has been proven ;) Time for a change sweetie! And it's for the better :)

A., Do you belong to a church? There are sometimes mothers groups in churches. I know ours has a mothers of young chidren group. The YWCA also sometimes has groups. park districts have groups. you can also ask at your pediatrician's office sometimes they can point you to one. I had a baby young also. It is amazing how alone I felt for the first few years. But as soon as your little one gets into a sport or dance or club you will reconnect with some of them. or make new friends who have children your childs age. Good luck.

This is normal and not because of your age. I am 35 and have very few friends that I see. I work full time, have 2 kids, a husband and a home to take care of. There are very few times I have to think about just hanging out with the girls. The weekends we tend to get together with our friends that have kids and hang out as a family.

Just life really. Good luck! Hopefully you can find a moms group out there. I have never been part of one, so not sure where to even look.

Before you start looking for mommy groups why don't you try reaching out to your friends that have kids. You may be surprised that they are feeling the same way.

You should look for playgroups in your area. We have a neighborhood parent's organization that hosts playgroups, and many churches, neighborhoods, YMCAs -community organizations do that. There's a big, national group called MOPS (I think) you may want to look into. I think it may be religious in nature, but I'm not sure about that or if that matters to you. Hopefully you'll find some other "young" moms, but most groups have a range of ages. You'll probably find it doesn't matter so much since you'll all have kids near the same age. Good luck!

friend groups morph as we move into different phases of life. it's natural. you'll shed the ones you had only surface things in common with, and keep the ones with whom you have a real connection. even if you don't see each other much.
look on the internet for MOPS and other local groups. you'll find kindred spirits there, (and most of them will move through and out of your life too!)
drop an occasional email or phone call to the old friends you love the most. the 20s are a busy decade, and you won't be able to keep up with a big circle of friends. but do make an effort to keep a line open to those you want to keep.
khairete
S.

i agree with TB. it may not be that you are "losing" your friends. is it possible that you are all just a lot busier? try calling them up and setting up a playdate or a girls night out. friends do drift apart naturally. our families take the place as the #1 priority. but it doesn't mean they are shunning you or cutting you off deliberately.

meetup.com. If they have groups for young moms in your area join one. You can also start a group your self. I did this when my middle was a baby. I ran a group for some time until everyone started getting caddy towards one another and I realized I didnt want to run a group full of grumpy bitching women. You can be very selective and have dues for the group to help pay for things ahead of time. Or have it be a pay as we do stuff thing. I did like it for a long time. I also became a member throgh my church too.

Also, try MOPS..if they have it in your area. It is through church and community stuff. They get together about twice a month, They are out there. You just have to dig sometimes:)

As for the fact everyone is sort of gone. It happens. The tride and true will stay with you. One of my closests GF after highschool found out she was prego the same time I was with my first and my last. Our kids are roughly the same age...I see her on birthdays and whenever I pop into her work. It is just how life goes after school and kids:)

It's the time factor. If your friends also have kids, I would think that you would really be able to relate to each other and have playdates and stuff. You just have to have someone take the initiative to arrange a time and a place that works for all of you (which is sometimes really challenging). I stopped talking to most of my friends after I had my baby (I was 21) but it was largely because none of my friends had babies--they were all still in college. But if your closest friends have kids, too, then it's probably just a problem with being tired and no one taking the first step of trying to get together. It's a great idea to go to meetup.com or find church groups with moms of kids with similar ages, but I would also encourage you to not give up on your friends just yet. Good luck!

I don't think it's the single mom thing. I tend to think that moms of babies / toddlers just don't have the time to maintain friendships. Don't assume that your "old friends" are all still hanging out together without you - they may not be hanging out at all.

Check out your local churches - many have MOPS groups (mothers of preschoolers) - our church has a ladies bible study and includes a nursery for the kids to go to. The bible studies are always based around practical stuff that we need to work on - relationships, parenting, etc so it's a great way to meet other moms. Check out the schedule at your local library for mom & child activities - they usually have free or low cost activities designed for moms & kids of different ages - including toddlers. If there's a YMCA or other community center check those out too. Nieghborhood playgrounds are also a great place to meet other moms.

Finally - if you really feel that you've lost some of your friends do a little sould searching - maybe you're not realizing something about yourself: are you a little flirty with their husbands/boyfriends? are you a complainer? are you in the phase where you like to go out and they aren't in that mode any longer? Are there differences in finances - such as they have the resources to go out for lunch while you can only brown bag it? Is there an unevenness in your babysitting trade-offs?

My best friend in the world is 10 years younger than me. So age generally doesn't matter much. But an observation based on what I've noticed on this site is that many (NOT ALL) younger moms are still pretty childish - still acting like teenagers with attitudes and adolescent insecurities - instead of mature parents. I'm not sure why - maybe becuase alot of moms aren't married these days and don't have that kind of security so they ARE still insecure? But all of that may play into the relationship thing that you're dealing with.

Finally - pray about it - ask God to bring you a good friend who you can relate to with a kid your kids' age. Sounds silly - but I truly believe that we have a God who cares about the details of our lives. I prayed for a best friend - and within a few weeks my best buddy and I found eachother - at a group our daughters belonged to at church. But I went out of my comfort zone and asked her to get together with the kids another time. Ends up her son was also the same age as mine - so we've had many years of being pals and sharing babysitting, sleepovers, childrearing woes, day trips during school vacations, etc. Now we are raising teens and we have a whole new set of issues to share! We've been there for eachother through deaths in our families, cancer, spouse's injuries and illnesses - and it's been amazing.

Good Luck A. - there is a group of friends out there for you. I know it. ;o)

Join some playgroups to meet other moms and have your daughter socialize with others. These are all people looking for socialization. If you can't find one - start one. Put up flyers at places where other moms hang out - children's resale/consignment shops, the children's room of your public library, and so on. Rotate them from one person's home to the next. You'll meet people and have fun. Also join story hour at the library and any programs at the Y or the gym - sometimes they have babysitting groups for parents who are working out, and they also have bulletin boards where you can put a flyer seeking others with similar interests.