Worried About My Mother...

Updated on March 11, 2012
R.S. asks from Kyle, TX
9 answers

Hello! I have concerns about my mother. To give you insight of the situation that I am concerned about, I'll try and be as brief as possible. Basically, my mother (60 years of age) has been on her own, for quite some time. She unfortuantely lost her job of 10 plus years, about 2 years ago. She became involved with a man, in what became and on again / off again relationship. He did not want a full commitment, however seemed to care about her, by helping her pay her bills, etc. She did manage to come up with a few short term jobs as well. It seems that every job she landed wasn't good enough, or someone treated her badly, she also feels she is struggling to find a stable job because of her age. She recently decided to finally call it quits with the (boyfriend). She is extremely depressed, and has gone into the hospital 3 times within the past month and a half, with pain in her chest / palpitations. EKG's and blood tests all negative. Diagnosis = Stress. We used to live blocks from each other, however I now live about 4 hours away from her. She seems to be in bad shape, mentally mostly, and I worry about her. I cannot financially help her, but am trying to research to see if there are any options such as financial assistance, etc.. that is available. I don't need to stress my self out over this either, but I just worry about her in the condition she has become. She seems to cry almost every time I talk to her, and she feels that she is alone and scared. Im not sure what to do or say. Any ideas, suggestions & advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading my long "speech"...

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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

Contact the county office for aging usually part of Social Services. They can hook her up with available services. She should be able to quailify for food stams and medical assistance. She may also qualify for senior low income housing.

5 moms found this helpful

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

I am assuming she is on anti depression medications.. If not, she needs to get some and if she is on them they need to be adjusted..

These are not "happy pills". They are pills to help her get her emotions a little more under control.. This way she can work out exactly what the problem is and how to make a plan to go forward. This should be under the guidance of a therapist.

My mother at one point had a room mate who paid rent and half of the utilities. She was younger than my mom and had a good salary, but wanted to save up for a home. This young lady was also uncomfortable living alone in an apartment. It worked well for them.. They did not do everything together, but got along. They each had their own interests.

It was supposed to be only for a year, but after a year they realized they got along so well, the young lady stayed for 3 years! And the young lady saved up a lot of money! By this time my mother had met my now Stepfather so it worked well.

IF your mother were to live close to you, what are her options for work?

Have you ever figured out exactly what the problems were at her other jobs?. It seems you are hinting, she may have been most of the problem..

It seems to be me there are so many people right now looking for assistance. Older people that need companions.. Would your mother be able to do this if she could get her depression under control?

Maybe assist people that run estate sales?

House sit

Work Part time in a little shop?

She needs to find a purpose in her life..

4 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

It's not a long speech. You have valid concerns about your mom.

can she come live with you? maybe get a place near you? so she will be close again?

She is a grown W.. What she may need more than anything else is companionship...which the lack thereof, could be causing depression. I'm sorry this is happening. Can you convince her to go to her doctor and tell him or her what is going on and ask for a referral to a therapist?

The crying and trips to the ER sounds like depression coupled with stress.

I hope things get resolved quick!!

4 moms found this helpful
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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

If she has not considered anxiety or depression, she should. She should see someone about those possibilities. When my mom was first divorced, she was very anxious and depressed. She was able to get a prescription for something (forget what) that helped her a lot and didn't need it after about a year. Some doctors, especially those that don't know you, can pass the buck with "stress" but if she's been to the ER multiple times, encourage her to look further.

Also, FYI, a sign of a woman's heart attack could be something as simple as dizziness. My grandmother felt dizzy and was diagnosed with a minor heart attack and leaky valve. She'd gone to her GP who sent her straight to the hospital. She was a nurse and chalked it up to caring for my grandfather when it was much, much worse. If your mom has odd symptoms that reoccur, something is wrong, be it stress or something else.

4 moms found this helpful
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C.C.

answers from Houston on

Maybe advertising for a female roommate might be all the company she needs. It's a thought! Lonliness is no ones friend.

3 moms found this helpful

K.M.

answers from Chicago on

Yes, I would find or hire her a companion and see if/how that helps her.

2 moms found this helpful
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E.M.

answers from Chicago on

The other responses were great. In addition, you may want to read this article about the benefits of owning a pet:

http://www.webmd.com/depression/recognizing-depression-sy...

Maybe it isn't what your mother needs, especially if she is struggling financially, but maybe it would help with her loneliness, give her a daily purpose, and perhaps get her some exercise, which also helps alleviate depression. My grandfather always had a dog and they were his best buddies. He never went anywhere without whatever dog he had at the time. I think it made him feel good to take care of them.

Just a thought.

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C.B.

answers from Boston on

Can she get an apartment closer to you but also in a city/town center where she can walk outside and be among people? I am from Europe and living in the suburbs can be very lonely, plus you have to drive everywhere which makes for more alone time. I plan to live in an apartment in a city center when I get older, or at least very close to a train/bus that takes me there cheaply.
Perhaps she can volunteer at a school system to be among youthful energy again? Otherwise she could call a temporary agency and get placed in part time jobs or short term assignments. It all depends on her skills. Digitizing medical records seems to be needed everywhere, fairly boring repetitive work, but not much skill needed and it would get her out of her "funk" to be in the workforce again, no matter what capacity.
If that is too much to handle, then get her signed up for a class in her hobby or a new hobby. How about a cooking class or a walking group? Check local town halls and recreation departments. Either that or a class that would help with the kind of work she would like to do - learning Excell spreadsheets or taking a course on medical coding.
Mostly, just treat her like an adult and speak to her as you would a friend. "So mom, it seems you are pretty down lately, shall we brainstorm about what you could do about it? Move closer, volunteer, take a course, etc." I would be more matter of fact and don't let her pull your heart strings too much or you will have another "dependant" for maybe 30+ more years.
Put your thinking caps on together and come up with a solution. Good luck.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

The facts are that at 60 she is not likely to find a new job. Many other, younger, people are applying for each and every job out there. People who will work for nothing and be happy to do it just to have a bit of money to buy groceries.

I know that if I were to go out and start trying to find work that I would be unsuccessful.

That's just the way it is.

She has had many life changes occur in just a few short months. If you took her whole life and then took just the past few months (years) they you could see massive change going on in her life.

She is dealing with her own mortality, the changes that happen to each of us as we become aged, the lack of a support group, the fact of knowing you will most likely end up living out the rest of your life in a nursing home, that you are starting to show your age, the body is beginning to really show the wear and tear, etc...all these things plus the break up, you moved away, other friends and family have gone on before her, she is faced with her mortality each and every day now. She has extra time to think about it too. Rejection, break up of a relationship, all these things start to cement the idea that a person is getting old.

She needs to find some good friends and a new support group that will get her active and participating in life again.

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