When to Tell the "Truth" About Santa

I would say definitely tell her the truth before she starts school. Its bound to come up and middle school is hard enough already without having other kids making fun of you for believing in Santa! I plan on breaking the news to my daughter (when shes older) by telling her that Santa lived a long time ago and he gave every child in the world presents on Christmas. When he died the parents were so sad, they decided to carry on his life work and provide presents to children on Christmas.....or something along the lines of that. I hope this helps!

Wow! I'd go ahead and sit down with her. Explain to her now that she's going into middle school that she is now old enough to know the truth. Explain to her that you did not lie to her, but you tried to make this magical and special for her as a child. More than likely, she'll probably tell you that she already knew...lol!

I found out when I was 7 or 8 because I caught my mom and grandparents in the act of putting "From Santa" presents under the tree.

My daughter, who is 6-1/2, already tells me that Santa is not real, but she believes in the the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy...lol!

When my boys got to the age where they heard that maybe Santa wasn't real and asked me about it, I just told them that in our house we believe in Santa. In some houses they don't. It got to a point where it was a joke because they were old enough to know better. I just kept telling them that as long as they believed, he would continue to come, but as soon as they didn't he would stop coming to our house. They would ask me questions like how come we didn't hear him, how did he know what I wanted if I didn't tell him, etc. I made up every excuse I could think of to keep the magic alive. Of course when our oldest figured it out, we still had two little ones that still believed which is one reason we kept it going. We still talk about the presents that Santa brought and my boys are 17, 20, and 24. It makes Christmas just a little more fun for us all!!

My opinion isn't a popular one. But I don't believe in lying to children. My children have never been taught Santa is anything more than a fictional storybook character. At the appropriate times I've taught them about the real "saint" that he was based on.

Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without Santa. We will write from Santa on our gift packages when they are young. They'll talk about Santa almost as if real. But they know better. The hardest thing has been keeping my daughters from telling the other daycare kids the truth! They've all done that at least once.

I'd bet my last dollar that she's known for a long time. Unless you live under a rock, homeschool and tightly control her friends and don't own a tv, she's figured it out.

Suzi

A.,

My name is J. L.; I actually figured it out for myself. Eventually, she will just stop believing. Kids are cruel at any age. Continue to let her believe. Let me know how it turns out please at ____@____.com. Thank you, a friend for life.

A.:

I must confess I have never told our children that there is NO Santa, etc. My children our 21, 18 and 14. Of course they know, that there is no santa, but when they ask me...I always say, you must believe, just believe...and to this day,they have not heard it from me...because I keep saying..Just Believe, you gotta believe.

C. F

A., I have to agree with Jennifer.
My son, age four, told me tonight that "fairies" are only real in "fairy tales" and that broke my heart. I wondered who told him such a thing and I of course am not ready for him to believe that, so I spent a few minutes asking him if Santa and the Easter Bunny were still real and in his voice "Yes, mommy of course they are, but not fairies." Then went on a little more discussion on my part why he needed to believe in fairies, but that is a whole other story. So, let children be children, and let them believe. I am still bothered that someone has led him astray, that should be our choice, right???.
Now, I am working on de-programming back to fairies...
Hugs, M. N.

sorry ladies...it's really not that big of a deal. It will only be traumatic if you let it get out of control emotionally. & I'm shocked to hear of so many children still
"believing" at such an "older" age. My sons are 9 years apart, & both "knew" by 8 or so. & with both, the truth came out at school.
That said, since I knew it was coming, I prepared the boys by emphasizing on the true reason for Christmas. I also have a book detailing how the history of Santa Claus came about. It is beautifully illustrated & fun to read for all ages. & there are many other books similar to this. We also have the book about Santa's favorite reason for Christmas...which is the Story of the Nativity. All of these things help create a secure belief of the holiday, which then allowed my children to "believe" in the truth...the real reason for celebration.
& I wish that I had heard the "gifts of three" way of giving to children long ago. I would have used that for my children!

My boys aren't old enough yet to even understand about Santa (they're 19 months), and I really don't remember when I knew that Santa was fictional. However, it hit me after I got married that there really was no Santa and I was kind of sad. Every year, my parents would put our gifts under the tree after all the kids had gone to bed. My last Christmas at home, I was 18, my sister was 16, and my brother was 13, and my parent were still "playing Santa." It was weird to wake up on Christmas morning with my husband and see that Santa hadn't come. I know that probably sounds silly, but it was almost like I went to bed hoping that when I woke up, there would be piles of gifts in our living room. I'm sure your daughter will find out there's no Santa, and whether she wants to believe that or not is her choice. I know there is no actual Santa, but at 25 years old, I still believe. It makes Christmas more magical.

She may already know. My oldest who has just graduated high school, just admitted that she knew for a long time but didn't let on so she could get more presents. Little stinker. It worked!! I have two other girls 11 and 8. The 11 year old will ask if Santa is real and I just say what does she think. I will let them find out for themselves.

Good Morning A., Our son's always loved Sanat gifts etc, even when they were of age to know. We still sign tags From Santa and His Elves M & D, Of course Santa gifts here were and Are never wrapped just sat in front of the tree. We had them make signs with their Names on it for Santa to know where each childs gifts go. We do the same with our Gr childrens.

Our 9 yr old gr daughter told me a few weeks ago she knew her daddy was the tooth fairy, I asked her why would think She that? said she saw him leaving her room. I said doesn't daddy usually come in to check on her before he goes to bed? Uh Huh, Does he cover you up some times? Uh Huh. Well there ya go then he was doing his daddy duty before bed.
But even if it was daddy, it's still nice to get money for all those pretty teeth your loosing isn't it? Yeah I got 1.00
* gone are the days of a quarter a tooth* lol

I love to see their faces light up when they see Santa gifts or a Big Easter basket with all the goodies. I think most kids know at a young or early age, but if we make it fun they have no problem playing along. Your only Child once * dang * So keep the fun alive as long as the excitment is still High on their Fun Meters.

I think I miss Spoke I am Still a CHILD & I love having Fun!!

Have a Wonderful Day! * Smile* Makes folks wonder what your thinking!!
K. Nana of 5

My oldest son is going into the 7th grade and he acts like he believes in Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy too. My husband and I thought he was acting to keep up the fantasy for our three other sons, but on Easter Day, something happened and we had to tell him the truth. He acted devastated and tried to tell his other brothers the truth. Luckily, we were able to intervene in time (his four year old brother is a BIG believer and the eight year old twins believe, but are beginning to question the scenarios). I decided NOT to tell him about the Tooth Fairy or Santa (I believe that he knows, but at least he is happy then and not trying to ruin it for his brothers). I think he is old enough to know that others do not believe so if he truly does believe, he is not sharing it with his peers. Hopefully, your daughter will not get hurt in the process. Let her believe, but tell her that many of her peers may hav different religions or traditions that conflict with the Easter Bunny, etc. and that it is best to not talk about it in public. If she is emotionally mature, you could tell her the truth, but as a mom, isn't it fun to keep the magic alive? Best of luck to you! Kati

She very well may know. I have a house full and my oldest gilrs came home from school in K and 1st grade questioning me about santa from kids at school. By second grade it was over. My SD mom spilled the beans and so she blabs it to the world! Kinda ruiend it for one of the other ones...she gave up on santa too early. But still My oldest will still play along to the FULLEST at home about santa, knowing there isn't one. Heck, my brother is 25, ask him if there's a santa...he'll tell you there is too. (he tried to say no once when he was 5...but then he was told he wouldn't get any presents) You HAVE to believe in santa in order to get presents!!! Your daughter could be thinking that too... :-) I'm sure she knows, I'm surprised she hasn't come to you. If you really want to know try this...In winter, after watching a Christmas movie...where the subject questions a child's belief in Santa..ask her what her belief is. Good Luck Santa!!

A.,
My oldest is 11 yrs and still believes in all that your daughter does. There have been a couple of times that I slipped and said that I had gotten him the things that cam from Santa, Easter Bunny etc. He was crushed and I had to do major damage control. I never let on to my mom that I knew there was no Santa, but to this day I still get a stocking from Santa and presents from him. My parents get stockings from Santa as well. Your daughter may know, but may not want the "magic" to end. So we will never tell our boys, because we love to see the looks on their faces. We want to keep the "magic" going forever.

Hello, A.!

She likely suspects the truth, and either doesn't want to admit it to herself or to you, because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. It seems that I was in 5th grade when I was told. I suspected since 2nd or 3rd. (I was told the truth about a lot of things that year. Where babies come from and everything.)

Part of finding out the truth is feeling like you were deceived by your parents. My mom chose to talk to me about the meaning. It helped and finding out that it was based on truths because later on finding out the history helped me understand the meaning of them.

Maybe if you "set-up" an opportunity by watching a movie and then talking to her about it. I think that going with the meaning of what the belief in Santa is all about is a good way to go. I mean there is not actually a real person named Santa Claus that lives (in the physical sense) currently, but the Magic of Christmas and giving to others lives in our hearts. We all can be Santa Claus each and every day by giving and helping others. Also, she is at an age where the history of these beliefs may be of interest.

It is all a part of growing up. We all survived it. I still have a couple of years before I have to 'fess up to the truth. Thank goodness.

I seriously think she probably knows. I know it's hard to believe that they can be that convincing, but I seriously doubt she still belives. I was in middle school myself when my mother finally confronted me on it and I had to tell her that I had known since the 3rd grade. I was devestated to hurt her like that b/c she was so into it, but she was shocked that she hadn't figured out that I knew! I would ask her about it, but don't be surprised if you've been the one in the dark! Good luck!

When I was 8 I was devestated to find out that there was no such thing as Santa. Remembering this, I always told my kids that I was Santa Mommy. In remembering how I found out, I would think that your daughter has been told or has an idea. I would possibly ask her if any of her friends have ever said anything about it. If she says or asks anything please be honest and soft (caring) I guess I was just a highly emotional child but I still remember 31 years later how I felt.

When I was at the "should know by now" age, I had my suspicions, but didn't want to find out. Of course, my brother's friend ruined it for me (was quite mean about it, too) and forever ruined the magic of it all. It's funny, I still hold a little resentment against Billy. I guess this is the exact scenario you're afraid of happening to your daughter, but I keep thinking, "what if it were my mother who ruined the magic? Would I resent her?" Of course, she would've broken it to me gently, but sometimes the messenger gets the grief.
I say, let her hold on to magic as long as possible. However, if she approaches you with the question, then it might be time.
Flip side of the coin: If you still want to test her belief...around Christmas time, watch "Midnight Express" (I think that's the title...the animated movie, starring Tom Hanks). It questions belief and would be a perfect way to open discussion.
Good luck!

Both of my children learned the truth about Santa from friends, it was about 2 years ago. My son is now 13 and my daughter is 11. My husband and I had hinted around that Santa wasn't real, but they never believed us, so we decided to let them find out on their own. Sometimes kids are more accepting from their friends, than us parents. Eventually she'll know the truth, but it's still fun to pretend! My kids now pretend for the sake of my 2 1/2 yr. old, so we all get to have fun with Santa again!
V.

I was afraid my 10 year old would be teased believing in Santa but I told him if he didnt believe he wouldnt get santa pesents so he tells friends "yeah, I believe" when he really knows the truth, he found out through other guys but didnt mention it to me, I just overheard him talking. My sister says she never told her son about there being one or not being one,so it wasnt an issue, she's a pastors wife and didnt want him to believe in a satonic ritual but didnt want to take away the magic. Truth is I felt my 10 year old should know the truth and I am glad now he knows however he found out. AT 10 its hard to keep pretending with him. I would see what she knows and lead into telling her for sure

Hi A. - My mother handled this for me pretty smoothly - regarding Santa - she defined him in St. Nick... When I would ask her if Santa was real - she would never answer but would smile and say she believed in St Nick.

The magic and happiness you have created for your child with these fun times of the year can be smashed by others for certain - you can prep her by saying that many others do not believe in the magic and the purpose of these events... and let her know she doesn't have to get into any of that with them...

My mom never spoiled the magic and wonderment of these events for me and always made it something special - even still does!

Enjoy every moment!

Best,
K. Lee

my reaction is that if she finds out from her peers and is possibly made fun of, then it could leave her with a bad memory of believing in Santa. If she finds out from you, then it could be a more positive experience. Like others have said, chances are she already knows, but I think it's better that you discuss it with her before her peers possibly make fun of her.

My youngest daughter is 12 and going into 7th grade. She's still hanging onto SAnta with all her might. I'm doing my best to preserve the magic for her. She has her own comebacks to those who tease her or tell her SAnta isn't real. The most recent was "I don't know about your parents, but MY mom and dad won't leave me at home in the middle of the night to go buy presents!" She'll ask you eventually. I never did admit to my parents that I didn't believe in SAnta--actually, I kind of still do in the sense that he embodies the spirit of giving, compassion, and love. It's so cool to see the magic still alive in her heart.

I don't have any memory of when I knew that Santa wasn't real, but my parents didn't emphasize Santa much, and I only remember knowing Santa was really my parents, but we all enjoyed the game anyway. I had the misfortune of breaking the news to a couple of my students (4th graders) by accident during class (it hadn't occurred to me that 4th graders would still believe, I know better now) and I had a rather intense meeting with one of their mothers. I am very careful how I answer students questions now, I don't know how we will handle this with our five year old, I would prefer that he just sort of acquire the knowledge that Santa is not real, rather than have a sudden devastating blow.

What they will live forever!!! However it is good to tell your children that some special "Critters" are in our hearts and minds and may not be a real thing but as they live in our hearts they are very special and bring happiness on different days and sometimes mystery (like where all those eggs came from and who did that)Generally you can start slipping that info in to any conversation as loosely as you want-just a hint now and then. Around 2nd to 3rd grade it becomes reality to them but remind them it is in a special place in our heart to always look kindly at and enjoy the season when it comes with all the bright colors and those eggs we still decorate and somehow they still get hidden. We are all children at heart. And my kids (27 and 24) still love it and smile!

I am so glad for your post as just the other day my 8 year old wanted something at the store & I told him to ask Santa for it, & he replied Mom you know Santa makes all of his toys. He's going into 3rd grade at a Catholic school & I'm sure the kids who dont believe will make fun of him for believing (& so intensely). anyways reading all of the responses to your post put my mind at ease & I hope it did yours, also.

Now that I think about it my little cousins always called my oldest brother to confirm there was Santa because he always said he still believed. Still does:)

I really don't have any advice. But I'll tell you a little about my family. If you are asked if you 'believe' you say yes! It started with my Grandma and has continued on. I made the mistake one year of saying I didn't believe in Santa..... I got one gift.... a piece of coal in my stocking. luckily I made up for it and received my gifts very late on Christmas night. I think part of the magic and wonderment is believing. Whatever you decide to do, good luck!

I tried to tell my 7 year a few months before Christmas last year and she cried as if someone in our family had passed away! I couldn't take it and told her I was just kidding. She has told me that kids at her school have told her Santa doesn't exist but she doesn't believe them. So I figure she'll just believe until she decides not to anymore. I don't believe in Santa but I still love the magic of Christmas, so hopefully that will be her experience as well.

Here's my two or three cents on the subject:

Doesn't middle school bring enough trauma? I mean the poor kid is going to have to deal with her body changing, new expectations and feelings, why throw in losing the magical part of childhood that is Santa?

I knew, deep down, that Santa wasn't real around your daughter's age but I didn't want to grow up... and so I acted as though I still believed. I am so thankful my dad was zealous to keep that alive for me. My most vivid memory is one Christmas Eve asking him and he assured me Santa was real. Well, this might be have been a good time to have some of the other conversations others have advised (and I think they are really good options when I child comes out and asks). I didn't really believe him until the news came on that night and ... on the radar they reported a sleigh with what appeared to be reindeer in the sky. Well, that really helped me believe for another year because ... it must be real if it's on the news! Well, I am so thankful to have had another year.

Teach her to be confident ... if it comes up she will know that some kids may not believe and that's their choice. But she shouldn't feel bad because she does.

As parents we couldn't tell our kids when to walk or talk or anything else... we were forced to wait until they were ready... regardless of what the "charts" say is normal. I say let her decide when she's ready to give up that precious part of childhood. There's so much of growing up that we have no choice about, especially at that age.

Best of luck to you. Hope you have a Merry Christmas this year.

Truth be told I myself was probably a little imature and having a younger sister made me believe in Santa longer. I do recall having a very heated conversation with a girl a year older than me when i was in the sixth grade about there still being a Santa and she did make fun of me but i just thought there was no way that my parents good afford the wonderful presents that santa brought me. I did not figure it out untill later that sixth grade year when i found presents around christams time that said from Santa. I never told my mom untill I was in high school and my younger sister was old enough to not believe any more. I was afraid to tell my mom since I thought the presents would stop. I think I would defintelly let her believe as long as she wants and yes kids will tease her if she talks about it at school possibly but i would let her approach you then if the need be. Kids can be mean but it also is they way we all learn and become stronger.