What Do I Do About My Daughter?

I don't really have any advice but did want to share that I was AWFUL to the men my mother dated when I was that age (and older). My mom was pretty picky about who I met and they were all perfectly decent human beings, but I was just not having it. I wanted my mom to be my mom and that was it. Plus anybody in her life who wasn't my dad only served as a reminder that they were no longer together. I went to counseling, not so much because of the boyfriend thing but because my parents thought it would be helpful in dealing with my feelings about their divorce. It was. Now, 22 years later, I'm perfectly capable of being civil to my mother's boyfriend. :)

Be patient, remind her often that you love her, by all means correct her when she's rude and counseling certainly isn't a bad idea.

Jeri,

Being a mother is the hardest job you will ever love. In a day and age when children are not as respectful as they used to be, and society to does not think you are successful w/o a career makes that job even harder. Being a single mother makes it that much harder. If you have been divorced since February, 2007, it has been long enough that I do not think the issue has anything to do with the fact that she is not adjusting to change.

Being a child is hard. Especially now that kids do not get to come home after school, they have day care and other things to do instead of find comfort at home. I think that change is hard for kids and you need to pick what is imprtant to you and try to change one thing at a time. If you want to work on the sleeping in there own bed thing work on that for a few weeks, and when you get that down, which you can, then move on to the next thing which is her respecting you and your guests.

The kids getting in your bed. Talk to them about it, talk to there father about it and make sure that when they are at his house he is setting the same rules you are. When they come into your bed you have to get them back into there bed. If that means you set up baby monitors so you can here them and close your bedroom door, set something up so that they make a lot of noise when they come into your room. You need to be awakened when they climb into your bed and you need to put them right back into there bed. Tell them they are suppose to sleep in there bed. I have talked to parents who have told there kids they are not suppose to get out of bed, but they are suppose to call mommy from the baby monitor and she will come. If you can get them used to not gettting out of bed and going back to sleep in there bed you will be home free. It will not be easy, and you will loose sleep for a few nights, but if you stick to it you can do it.

As far as her disrespecting you and your guests, you need to solve this problem before her brother thinks it is OK. If she does not want to participate in the activity at hand I would send her to bed, you don't want dinner, bath pj's and bed. Do not give her attention for negative behavior. Seperate her from the situation. You have to give her attention though that is obviously what she is searching for. I would make Monday night we do what you want to do, but Tuesday night is mommy night and I want you to participate in mommy night, but you have to be respectful, or you don't get to participate. Wednesday is brothers night and we are going to do what brother wantes to do, and we want you to participate and you have to be respectful to brother. Include her in things that allow her to feel like she has control, but make them things that you can handle. On mommy night we can have what you want for dinner and you can help me cook. Make her feel important, but make her earn attention for positive choices.

I saved the best for last and I hope I did not loose you with all I said, but you have got to talk to her daily about hurting herself. Make sure that was just a cry for attention, and that she is not serious. Do not be affraid to ask for help outside of the message board. That is something that is very serious. Reaffirm her as often as you can, and encourage dad to be a part of this as well. Make sure he is reaffirming her daily, phone calls, notes, whatever it takes!

Good Luck and I will keep you in my prayers.

I think your daughter is telling you exactly what's going on with her as only a 6 year old can--she's angry, she's depressed, and she's reacting by taking it out on you. She sounds like she's now insecure and is probably having seperation anxiety, which is VERY common of divorced kids. They don't understand why one parent is now gone, they blame themselves and spend their time worrying they will be abandoned altogether. She probably needs a counselor. The acting out is being done to have your attention on her (kids don't care whether it is negative-attention, aka you yelling or punishing them, or positive attention.) Of course, you are in the right. You must stick with routine and rules. Make her a chart for behavior or rules so she can see it. We also made a treasure chest at our house for good behavior. If after 5 days of good behavior, she can pull out a treat from the can-- a trip to a playground, baking cookies, a new book or toy, camping out in the livingroom, movie night; whatever she enjoys.

The best thing you can do is just stick to the rules you've established, and make absolutely sure she is getting some positive attention from you everyday. Maybe prepare her before your friends visit, and remind her of the behaviors you expect from her. When she is doing the right thing, PRAISE her, so she'll know that she's being good. Maybe find her something to do while they visit so she doesn't feel left out, or arrange for her to visit a relative or friend during that time.

p.s. I totally disagree with the mom that says that her kids have to sleep in their bed when they MISBEHAVE. How ridiculous to make a child think their own bed is a punishment! Oh, and if you wake up to find them in your bed, just pick them up and say lightly, "Let's go back to your bed now." Maybe play some soft music or make sure there's a night light in there. A special blanket or pillow may make their beds more inviting as well. Good luck!

If it were me, I would call her pediatrician and discuss your daughters issues with him/her and see what they reccommend.
Good luck!

Well, first of all she is most likely mad about the break up of your marriage.
The wanting to hurt herself part is most likely saying that she feels like she is to blame for your marriage break up.
The being rude to your friends especially your "Guy" friends, is most likely her trying to tell you that she thinks you are moving on and she doesn't want that.

I would suggest counseling. She is a very sad little girl who doesn't understand what in the world is going on in her life and she thinks that she is to blame.

But that is only my opinion. I am not a counselor, but I was a single mom before with a very similar situation. Unfortunately, I was VERY young then too and did nothing but get mad at my son for acting out... Now he is 15 and is VERY UNRULY! So, if I could do it all over again KNOWING what I know now, I would have been in counseling with him.

I hope that this helps.

Peace and Blessings,
K. J.

It sounds as if your daughter can benifit from councelling. We see a great one in clearwater. His name is James Wasenda. There's only so much as a parent you can do, sometimes outside help is beneficial. Try to pick your battles and work on only one behavior at a time. As long as you're all getting sleep and it doesn't disturb anyone who cares that they're ending up in your bed for now? And lastly, give yourself a break divorce is h*** o* everyone and is a big adjustment. I know, my parents divorced when I was 12. Not pleasant but better in the long run for everyone. take care.

I am a single mother of one beautiful 10 year old boy. His father and I split up just before he was born. My son has always commented about the possibility of my meeting someone and has said that I better not. He likes being the center of my attention as all kids want that from their parents. Kids have a selfish side to them as do adults. If you are giving her quality time and a good quantity of time then understand that you are doing your part and as she gets older she will mature.

My son used to tell the daycare workers that he was going to hurt himself when he didn't get his way or got mad about something. I talked to him several times about saying stuff like that as the daycare workers were concerned about his comments. He grew out of it and found other ways to communicate his feelings as he got older. Don't make a big deal out of it unless she actually attempts something that could hurt herself. I believe kids say things sometimes just to see how we respond, and if this is a way of her getting attention and you give it to her then she is likely to continue in that manner.

I am not a proponent of couseling even though I see it used quite regularly in today's society. I went to couseling when I was a child and found the sessions humorous at most. If you talk openly to your children about their feelings and truly respond to them then seeking outside counsel should not be necessary. Just my thoughts, I hope this helps. Know that others have been where you are and others will be there after you.

I would go to family counseling or a pediatric psychiatrist. It seems you are taking all the right steps by not allowing other men in their life until you know it's going to be a steady relationship. When I read she cheers when he is leaving, I immediately thought maybe he was abusing her, but if she does that with someone she is use to being around, then that is not the case. So, she is obviously harboring some feelings that you need to get too and I would imagine the only way to get to them is through a third party (counseling). I would do it asap, it sounds like she could hurt herself (even though kids a that age don't comprehend really what getting hurt entails). I feel so badly for you and for her. If you don't figure it out this could cause you, your family, and her a life time of problems. This happened with one of my older sisters, and the other older sister (single mom of two) had the same issues with her two and her life was miserable. Good luck, I will keep you in my prayers.

Hello Jeri,your daughter is trying to get your attention. And she is to young yet to understand what, why, and express her feeling.A divorce not only affect the couples in other word you or her father it also stress your children the older they are the more complicate will be.And you just got this divorce about 7 months ago. This need time to heal! And both children are to young to understand.I think for now if I were you I would not let them sleep with you and try to play or get there attention before bed more often along . That will help them fall asleep faster because they will get tired and then you put them in there beds.Read them a book story  that they will like  you to read for them.Don't let them eat anything with sugar.Trut me they will change very soon.Then, If she still behave bad in front of your friends and the man your dating now.You should put her in time out and tell her that this was unacceptable give her 15 minutes time out were ever you think is best.In a corner turning to the wall and if she get out of her time out put her back were she was and tell her if she move out of that place she will be giving more time outs and if she hugs and say sorry you must tell her to say sorry to the person that she disrespect too. She must learn to say sorry and to respect you and everyone that are guess in you house or anywhere.Never scream or repeat a word you have just gave her just one is enough to them to remember what the parents said. And if she is in the time out crying don't spoil her let her know that you are ignoring and that she need to calm down and think.Also, you can make a big chart in the kitchen and hang it on the wall not to high so she be able to see it. And explain to her this is a weekly chart now the more stickers she have weekly she will be reward to the movie or to what ever you think she like best!At first I would try that she help you like in the kitchen making cookies doing homework, singing, etc. That going to help her be more positive in her life and explain to her that her father will be always with her.And ask the father to help too!And that when you talk to him in front of the children try to be as friendly possible. This will help her understand.And for sure she will be a new little prince not only getting attention from you as well to others. You will see a big different soon! Good Luck and God Bless P.S. also,I were you try to find out of that new guy you are dating. You can go the web site police records investigation and look were he come from and what he do for a living. Telling you from the heart that I got a friend she dates a man that was awesome after she married him two years later she founds out something he killed her and he still at large.Then her family discover from the police that he was a criminal from another state be aware to keep your family safe and for you too!God Bless again !!!!

Jeri,

If you are recently divorced then your older child of 6 is going to be more affected by the divorce. Maybe it is too soon to have man friends over to your home. All of you are going through a very big adjustment. Put yourself in the place of a 6 year old whose life has changed dramatically. She may be feeling insecure not having her Dad in the home anymore. It seems to be she is desperately seeking attention and is going to get it anyway she can. If you are not already doing it you should spend a lot of quality time with her doing fun things just for you and her.

Let her get use to the new life you all have now. Especially before introducing her to another man in your home. If you must see this man make it out in public doing something together you know she will love.

By all means demand she be respectful by letting her know she comes first always with you. This is going to take a lot of patience on your part and if your gentleman friend is a gentleman he will be patient also. He should not take on any disipline either at this point.

Even if you remarry he should not discipline in the beginning but gradually slip into that role after the child learns to respect him and eventually possibly love him.

You two are the adults and change can be difficult enough for adults. Just think how this change can affect a 6 year old?

Saying she wants to hurt herself could be very serious. If this continues you need to seek counseling right away.

You have my heartfelt prayers,
D.