What Do I Do About a 12 Year Old Who Constantly Lies to Me and My Husband?

You and your husband are going to have to sit down with your son (without the other kids) and talk to him. He may be going through something and is afraid of talking to you guys. Take time out to show him that both of you care about him and his feelings and you're there when he's ready to talk.

I wish my parents were more open with me and made me feel comfortable talking to them when I was a teen; a lot of my issues and resentment didn't get resolved until recently because I've held it in too long and showed my anger and fustration in other ways, just like he's showing it through lying and being disrespectful.

Your son sounds exactly like mine. Caleb just turned 14 and he was diagnosed with ODD when he was 5. Theres tons of information on the internet. You might check and see if your son is showing any of the other behaviors problems. My son has to see a therapist. Good luck!

I will agree with you, that you want children that are honest, and tell you the truth, but it seems like to me that he lied because he was so embarrassed that he wet the bed. He is probably mortified that you know what happened and is trying to protect his little bit of pride, you need to go easy on him, in this particular incident. As far as any other lying, specifically about big issues, i.e. out too late, not being where he said he would be. that is a different story.

Any adolescent boy gets a big thrill off of fire, it is a sexual thing for the most part, very exciting to them, not an abnormal thing, unless he starts setting objects, buildings, or live animals on fire. Raising teens is a hard time, especially on the moms, just love them ALOT!

I know what you are going through, my daughter is 9 and has her momments as well. But I have found that with this age you have to just be consistent with your parenting. They are going through changes physically and emotionally and that tends to make them do strange things sometimes. Consistancy is key. When they are good, brag on them and think of some kind of reward system to give them a goal to achieve. When they break the house rules, wether it be lying or whatever, be consistent with your discipline so they know what to expect. When my daughter told me, "you say that but you never go through with it," I found that they do notice if you are consistant or not. You just have to find the consiquences that work for you and the rewards that work for you. Sometimes it gets hard and you just want to give up. But hang in there, its all part of the parenting life. But in the end of all of it, love on them. Make sure they feel loved and that they can trust you and talk to you about anything. Nobodys perfect and we all mess up, even as grown ups.

Has anything recently changed drastically in his world? Has your stepson moved in with you? Has there been conflict between your husband and his ex? For a 12-year-old to suddenly start wetting the bed (unless he has a bladder infection) is usually a sign that something else is going on. It could be that the lying - especially such transparent lies - are a way of trying to get your attention for something that he feels he can't tell you outright.

J.,

I Was raised that you can have one night family night and as long as we could say it without the attitude we could speake our mind. we were also taught that if my parents caught us in a lie and we did not tell the truth but lied again. we would have to have consequnces. my sister told the whole church my paernts were getting a divorce one year. ( they are still together 31 years) mom found out and my sister was suppose to get a water bed that she wanted. she lost it. no bed just a queen normale bed. othertimes it was phone privalges . no friends over. so forth or she had to clean her room and mine . \ things that made her think. you have to find the right key for me it was just disapointing my parents. them knowing that \i lied hurt more than not.
hope i helped our son is 6 and just starting this phase.
this is funny im J. H.

I went through that at his age where I lied about everything. I stayed punished. I eventually grew out of it.
There may be something he is going through that he cannot talk to you or his dad about or he may be going through some kind of phase like I did at that age.
The best thing you can do is talk with him. It seems as though punishing him isn't working, although he does have to learn what is right and wrong. Have you tried having his father talk to him?
I wish there was some advice I can give. I only respond since it was something I did as a child. I remember that the reason I lied was because I did not want to get into trouble. Which of course made it worse cuz I not only got into trouble for what I did wrong but for lying too! I have grown up to be a very honest person now. It may be because of going through this as a child.