Wedding Shower for a Couple Who Lives Together & Has Child.

I'd do an engagement party. I'm sorry, I feel a wedding shower for an established couple with an established household (and a child!) would be incredibly tacky. Just me.

The term "shower" - to shower with gifts. It's not a shower without gifts. It's a party. If you want to throw a party that's cool. If you want to throw a shower than it's not drastically differant than you would for any other couple. You send out invites. The couple registers for what they want. What they want may be differant since they already live together, but that won't affect how you plan the shower. They might register for camping gear rather than kitchen stuff.

I don't know what the protocol is for today when a couple has been living together.

Years ago when a man and a woman started living together AFTER the wedding, the reason for the shower was to give them the things they would need to establish a household together. This couple has already established a household and so they don't need a shower according to the standards of yesteryear.

I'd hold a "congratulations" dinner or backyard BBQ and let it go at that.

Good luck to you and yours.

If you want to do something, make it small. An intimate supper would be appropriate to celebrate, but definitely not the big party. No gifts, no registry, just a nice supper at a nice restaurant.
When a couple chooses to live together and have children they don't get the big traditional parties and stuff. They've been living together "as husband and wife", I'm glad they are finally getting married, but the wedding shower just isn't appropriate anymore.

I don't think a shower is appropriate at all. Why not just host a dinner for them at a local restaurant?
I'm sure that close friends and family will give them something by way of a gift, but it is in NO WAY nice to ask for money. No matter how you word it. (Money tree, gift card shower, honeymoon payment, blah blah blah). OP, I am not directing this at you, but rather to anyone else who suggests it. It's tacky. T. A. C. K. Y. Especially if they have been living together and already have a child. Especially in this economy.

Ok, I have been with my SO for 6 yrs and we have a 4yr old with and an established household, but baby I WANT MY SHOWER. Now, I have always done the Bridal Showers where the gifts are personal items such as spa day certificates, bedroom/romance items for the bride. I have even been to a bridal shower where we met at a spa for the day and had more like a Bridal Pamper Party, the gift was we all chipped in and paid for the bride's day and our own. And he household gifts are given at, on, around the Wedding itself. But there are some kitchen/home items I want but we are holding off on buying for the wedding, whenever that will be. If you want to do somethin for the family unit then best bet would be a party. You might also want to talk to the bride/groom seperately to see what they want.

Two ideas - 1. a money tree "shower" instead of gifts OR 2. my husband and I registered at Home Depot (we had lived together for 8 years). We got things for our house and we loved it. You could have a "home improvement" party for them and the gifts could be things from Home Depot or Lowe's.

I am in the same position I would say anykind. I personally dont want one for the fact of we have everything we need and if I did I would prefer money for the honeymoon. I am actually going to elope and skip all the frills we have both been divorced and see no need for it.

I like "engagement party".

People can bring gifts, if they like, but the family probably doesn't NEED gifts.

Do NOT suggest monetary gifts! Super wacky tacky! (Sorry Grandma!) Those who attend an engagement party can and will decide for themselves what to bring--if anything!

Go ahead and have a shower. My husband and I lived together for 2 years before the wedding. Our family did not did not have an attitude about it and was happy to plan showers for both me and my sister (who also lived with her husband for a few years first --and her in laws are both ministers). Most of our stuff was cheap or second hand when we started out and many things were replaced by shower and wedding gifts. Now that we have young kids, money is even tighter. Being nontraditional is not an excuse to snub a relative!

I would suggest just a family get together to have fun. If someone wants to bring something for them... They can, but it's not necessary and I'm sure not expected. My husband and I didn't have any kind of shower for very similar reasons. We already had everything we needed for our home. Usually gift cards are a good idea for an established couple. We had a few people give us Lowe's and Home Depot gift cards AT our wedding. We got married in our home and only had close family and friends there.

I agree, "engagement" party changes the whole dynamic... and the suggestion of money gifts would be appropriate.
State in the invites something like "after spending x amount of years together, d*** and jane have decided to spend the rest of their lives together.. they do not lack in housekeeping supplies but do lack in honeymoon funding"... or something whimsical that will open peoples wallets. Definitely engagement party tho and no shower, it's not appropriate after living together etiquette wise.

I see nothing wrong with giving them either an engagement party or a shower. Whatever you decide to call it, it's basically the same thing. Except, for a shower only the ladies are usually invited (although I have heard of couples showers) and with an engagement party both ladies and gentleman are invited. And the engaged couple gets to celebrate with family and friends and receives gifts. Think about it.....they have been living together for 4 years, I'm sure some of their things could use replacing by now. Sheets, towels, toaster, blender, etc.

I would definitely have a party in their honor. I think it sounds like a great idea. I do agree with the posts below, that a "shower" is kind of unnecessary since they're already living together, but we could all use a little fun and maybe a few extra gifts/money (IF people are feeling kind enough to give) right? I don't think it's inappropriate. I think you're very kind for thinking of them. More and more couples are starting off this way, living together (and even children) before marriage. They deserve a little something in their honor for sure. Good luck!
Lynsey

I agree something with family and/or close friends as more of a celebration of the engagement, gifts could be optional. I don't think it is necessary, though, because I did not have a shower at all, and my husband and I never did anything, living together or otherwise, before we were married. (I had bridesmaids, but I guess nobody thought it was necessary--I certainly wasn't going to ask for one if nobody thought of it.) There might be a few newer or nicer things they would like for the home, which can make nice gifts before the wedding anyway.

Gift certificate to dinner and a movie and a 'coupon' to wath their child...

What about hosting an engagement party?

When J and I got engaged the ladies at church wanted to give us a shower, I was divorced and a single mom in my own home on campus and he lived in his own home already. They came up with the idea of a canned food theme. It was really fun and set us up with lots of extra food.

It's okay to have a traditional shower. Plenty of couples live together before marrying and having a child together makes no difference. They should register just as any other engaged couple would. Enjoy the party planning

Normal shower is great.A lot of thinking went into this union and celabrate the love!

I would suggest an engagement party. Sounds like they wouldn't need the traditional shower or wedding gifts so I would suggest money or gift cards. Some gift cards ideas could be to restaurants, movies, photographer, etc.