Wanting to Hug Our Child Right Now

My son is safe in my arms! I picked him up this morning after I heard. We went for icecream and snuggled and watched movies the rest of the day

Not gonna lie--my first IMPULSE was to go pick him up.
But I settled for leaving work and I'll be here when he gets off of the bus.

I have yet to meet a child that was harmed by being picked up from school early to be hugged by their mom or dad. Maybe for some kids it's best not to have their routine interrupted, maybe for others spending a few extra hours with their parents is better than anything an uninterrupted school day has to offer.
To each their own.

ETA: Wow Christine S. There is a lot of judgement on your post; starting the mommy wars on who's a better mom for picking up/not picking up their kid takes away from the tragedy that 20 children were executed in their own school today. There is NO need whatsoever to call irresponsible to those of us who decided to pick up our kids; you make it sound like moms were freaking out screaming/tearing up their clothes while picking up their kids. Seriously, get a grip, noone here is saying that. find your post very disrespectful.
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I picked up my 5th grader and I don't regret it. Some people just deal with things differently and that's ok. Glad you took the decision best fitted to your family. But for me I needed my daughter and she is happily reading a Harry Potter book right now, missing two hours of school is not going to ruin her life.

I think taking your kid out and treating them to an extra special hug and a special lunch at their favorite place to eat and some ice cream is a perfect idea right about now.
Sorry but sometimes a mental health day is needed.
You don't need to tell them the horror of what happened today. But you can remember that sometimes we need special time because you never know what will happen tomorrow.

I WANT to go get my kid right now. I am fighting that urge, because he has important things happening in class today (test, presentations, etc.) Otherwise, I'd be there in a heartbeat. It doesn't mean I'd break down in a puddle of tears or tell him the horrors that happened today. It simply means that sometimes there are things more important that keeping a schedule. Sometimes you have to take time out of the routine and have a special moment. Sometimes it's ok to drop everything for a cuddle. Sometimes being selfish can be ok. Right now I want my kid with me, if that's selfish, I am the most self absorbed person on the planet right now and I can live with that.

I don't know what's best fro someone's child, frankly. And, you know...sometimes what's best for us, IS best for our child.

I just now saw Dr. Nancy Snyderman on NBC advising exactly what you say -- that dragging kids out of school unexpectedly to cry over them is only signaling to the kids that "school isn't safe for you." Especially with young children, if the parents are crying, clutching them and overwrought, the kids will quickly become that way themselves-- and will not understand why. To those saying "I'll take my kid out for ice cream and watch a movie" etc -- how does that help anyone but yourself, and won't your kid figure out that something's up?

It does not help the poor families in Connecticut for parents elsewhere to run to school to yank out their kids as if (1) the same might suddenly happen to their own kids or (2) the parents want reassurance. We are the grown-ups here. We need to act like the grown-ups. That means not making our kids responsible for comforting US at times like this. When they get home, when and as needed, we'll have to deal with how they hear about and feel about this. (And the youngest ones do not need to know about it at all--so why clue them in that something is wrong by clinging to them?)

So, I agree with you entirely.

No, you are not. I also would love to go and get my first grader and my 2 year old (who is at daycare) but that would just make them think something is wrong. While we could debate all day long about all of the things that are wrong, for my two children, everything is FINE. Their family is fine, the weather is actually beautiful, mama and daddy both have their jobs and we have our home. Their world is just fine. I will hug them each a bit tighter tonight and I might check an extra time if I wake during the night but I will NOT pull them out of their routines to comfort me. If I need comforting, I will get it from my peer group and not from my children. I agree with you, dragging them out of routine to comfort us is not being the responsible adult.

On the other hand, being a responsible adult is not very popular these days anyway. That's a post for another day...

I see what you're saying, sort of. For me, I do have the urge to pick up my daughter, I can't wait to have her with me. But I don't want to make her frightened and upset, so for that reason I won't.

However, I don't think most people want to get their kids in order for the kids to comfort them, they want to be able to hug them and know that they are home safe. I don't need my daughter to comfort me, I just need to have her close to me.

We homeschool, but I gave my daughter an extra hug today.

I think this IS a reminder to give our children some extra love and attention. To remind us that FAMILY is important, and we need to be there for each other. Especially in times of tragedy.

I think everyone should do what's right for their family, whether it's picking their child up for some extra time together, or allowing them to be safe at their own school. There is no wrong way to do it.

I completely agree - wait until they get home - then treat them to something special, or some special one-on-one time.

And to all of you who picked up your kids early, what did you tell them the reason was? My daughter would wonder what was wrong? Kids are far too intuitive, they know when somethings bothering mom or dad. They will know. Don't fool yourself into thinking they won't. And you can't tell me that if you've been in tears all morning, that you didn't break down a little, when you took your child in your arms. . . "Why are you crying, Mommy? Why did you pick me up early? Is everything ok? Why is everyone talking about those kids who were killed at school?" They will not escape it! Yes, you can keep them away from the news, but it will be talked about amongst the adults in the home, at school, at friends houses, etc. . . You need to be ready for the questions, comments and some anxiety about returning to school. By picking them up early, you are telling them you don't think they are safe there either! Just a thought . . .

I completely agree. I am fighting the urge to go nab my daughters out of school, but you're right - we are the grownups and we're more adept to handling this, and besides, maybe by the time school lets out, we'll be a bit more in control of our emotions and able to explain what happened since I'm sure they will learn of it quickly, right?

Good post.

I agree with you. If my children were IN school, I wouldn't take them out over this. However, this is just one of the many reasons why I intend never to put my children in school...as it is, our local schools are full of bullying and fighting so severe police are frequently called in, and I am terrified that this could be my town someday.

I do not plan to pick my children up at school. However, I can't wait to hug them when they get home. I am sick to my stomach over this, I am crying and numb, I can't imagine how the families affected feel.

Part of me wants to as well, but no child needs a freaking out adult on their hands and trying to understand something that really isn't understandable for adults, let alone children. I'm hugging my child in my head, and I'll hug him when I pick him up from school. I'm not going to talk to him about it unless he starts it or the school recommends it, because he's 5.5 and it's not something he can do anything about.

you are not. my heart wants to go get my 2nd and 4th grader, my head knows that is not something i should do. i will finish my day out here and work and then we are going to get ice cream, something we typically dont do.
many blessings to you

I do have the urge to go pick up my son who attends PreK at a local elementary school but i wont.

This is a horrible situation that scares us all. There is no harm in keeping our children close to us.
Not to compare us to animals, but tigers watch over their young by hiding them in safe places like tall grasses so they won't be killed by predators. We have the same instincts to keep our children close and safe. I know I feel better when I have my children under my watch.

yup. i absolutely agree. i spent all day seeing updates and tearing up/crying. feeling sick to my stomach and wanting nothing more than to go to him, or at least call the school and just make sure they were okay. but i confined myself to a very brief, two line email of support to his teacher.

and then i got a phone call from her that he had put his hands on a student, for the umpteenth time (just playing, not in anger, but it bothered the other little boy, who has spd and doesn't like to be touched) and i had to get mean mommy on him :( i did give him a super tight hug as soon as i saw him though. i just wish i could cuddle up with him and watch a movie - but i don't think that's what's best for HIM right now. he's in his room. i'm out here by myself :(

I see you're close by - hugs to you and your kids, Mom. We're grieving with you.

Dawn

One thing that I KNOW is best for our kids is to push for schools to have better security! At most schools, you can just walk right in and go to the office. That's like if I let everyone inside my house and then asked them who they were and what they wanted. There needs to be a much better system set up and schools where visitors enter thru a secure door, into a secure room and talk to the secretary thru bullet proof glass to state their business and show ID BEFORE being allowed complete access into the school!!!! At our school, they have a camera and buzzer system, but they basically just let everyone in anyway before knowing who they are or why they are there, so what's the point!