lMy Son Is Starting Kindergarten and I Am Freaking Out!

Maybe he's not ready yet. Every child is different. Maybe he needs more time with you and another year to develop. Some children need another year I've noticed to be ready to separate with less anxiety. Just a thought. Best of luck. It sounds tough so big hugs!

I work in an elementary school and I have seen first-hand how mom's anxiety can affect their child's attitude. I've watched moms cry as they drop their kids off and then wring their hands wondering why little Johnny isn't adjusting to school very well.

Then, on the flip side, I've seen moms cry as they drop their kids off and the kids walk away completely unaffected, jump right in and absolutely love school.

Please make this a positive experience for your son- it's so perfectly normal to be emotional about your child leaving for kindergarten! It's hard those first few times!

Keeping a positive attitude will benefit both of you. When he comes home from his first day, ask about his day FIRST. Let him tell you about all of the fun things he did. Don't launch in to how much you missed him the minute you see him. Put the positive accent on the fun things he did at school that day and how great tomorrow will be. (Then you can hug the stuffing out of him!)

You may also want to get the book "The Kissing Hand" and read it together. It gives a cute idea about keeping that bond during the school day (or night, as the case of this book!) and it will keep you both close at heart.

I agree with the other posts that tell you that good schools know how to manage anxiety. Put your trust in them- if something is wrong, they will tell you and you can work together to find what will work best to help your son manage transitions from home to school.

Good luck with this exciting time in your lives! You both will be fine, you'll see!

My only advice is that you being anxious about this will make him anxious about it. And they can pick up on it even if you are putting on a brave face. He will do fine.....we all go through this, especially with our first or only. It's a huge milestone....but one that should be celebrated!

You are both going to be just fine. He's going to have new friends by lunchtime and YOU will actually get to sit down and finish your cup of coffee when you get home from dropping him off, possibly even while reading a magazine. This is a new step for both of you and you're both going to LOVE IT!

Drop him off, kiss him goodbye, give him a hug and walk out the door. The longer you stay, the harder it'll be for BOTH of you. Do NOT let him see you freak out - kindergarten is a GOOD thing, make sure your actions show him that. Good luck!

Honey... Your anxiety is probably affecting your son. You've got to take deep breaths, think positive and sell this to your son. Tell him how much fun he'll have and how he's going to do great. If you do that he's such less likely to have separation anxiety. Don't tell him you're going to miss him or that you'll run right over if he needs you.

Trust the teachers and the school. They do this for a living and know how to get shy little kids out of their shells. And above all... Keep the goodbyes SHORT and simple. Walk him in, take off his backpack, give him a hug, and then leave. Don't walk him to his cubby, or get him something to play with. Your world ends three steps inside the classroom- don't go further than that or you will make this harder on both yourself and your son.

Talk to him about what a GREAT ADVENTURE he will have..... he gets to play with new toys, do new things, stuff like that...

DON'T mention about how much mommy will miss you, etc.....

Make the drop-off short and sweet..... maybe go in about 5 minutes early so you can both "ohh, ahh" over the playground and toys..... show him where the bathroom is, too.

Don't worry... his teachers have seen it before and are VERY well equipped to handle the tears, nerves, and such.

It is hard being away from them for the first time. I truly believe that it is harder on us than it is them though. And I agree that your anxiety will fuel his and he will have a harder time separating. You are still his gauge about uncertainties in the world and if you are expressing worry and sadness then he will too... after all if Mom is afraid there must be something to be worried about, right?

How did he do in daycare after the initial separation? Did he have a great time and was he excited to go there the 3 days he went?

The teachers at your preschool are fully equipped and accustomed to working with kids who aren't as comfortable in new situations. They see it all the time and should now how to comfort your son and introduce and redirect him to meeting new friends and engaging in new activities.

My best advice is to let THEM know how you're feeling and ask how they would best like you to handle the drop offs. My guess is that they will say, be positive and excited, give a quick kiss and hug and leave... or they will say to set up a consistent drop off routine; i.e. Walk him in read 1 book with him quick kiss and hug and leave. At his age, even though he might be uncertain at first he should be ready for all of the stimulating people and activities he'll be exposed to and he won't sit around all day crying because he misses you. He'll be too busy having fun!

You might check out some books that have to do with starting school... Lllama Llama Misses Mama; Tom Goes to Kindergarten; My Preschool and there are lots of others.
Good luck Mama!! Try to embrace this new phase for your son :)

How old is he? Don't let him see you freaking out.... make it an adventure.

Yes, it is a milestone for you both but things will go a lot more smoothly if it is approached positively.

Relax, he will be just fine and he will adjust.... and so will you.

you think you're freaking out? try sending a special needs child to a school where there are new kids and new teachers. she has to have a 1:1 supervision. She is verbal (somewhat) but absolutely cannot be left alone! she has no fear of danger and will wander off if someone isnt watching her. she has no understanding of how steps work and will fall down if given the chance. she has to be totally assisted during meal times bc she is a mouth stuffer and she cannot eat hard foods such as raw carrots or celery (a lot of the time given foods at schools) or she will choke! She is 5 years old and starts K in the fall. She is no where near mental capacity that a 5 yr old should be. So guess who is FREAKING out? THIS MOM RIGHT HERE!!

If you are anxious, keep the departure short and sweet as recommended. That being said, I always stayed longer with my child when I dropped him off. Not because I was worried about him, but because he simply liked having me watch him do things until he got into the flow of the room. It made his experience more relaxed. I think if parents are calm about things then it is safe for them to follow the child's lead. I would tell my son that I would stay for 5 minutes but then it was important for me to leave so I could get some things done. I now have a secure, independent 8 year old who went to overnight camp last summer and had the time of his life!

Honestly I think that this school wants a little more of your money. Can't see why in the world it would be necessary to have him go to summer school before KINDERGARTEN!!!! IF I were you I would ask them exactly what it is they would like him to understand by the fall and then work on it yourself with him. Send him to one week of camp only so that he can familiarize with the Montessori "method". Furthermore if you are sending him to a public first grade I would find out from them what they would need a first grader to know.

There are plenty of summer camp programs that are actually fun for kids that you might want to look into. Put him into one that is am only. My kids did a zoo camp and science center camp at that age by themselves. If you have a neighbor or cousin to join him all the better.This would be a much better way to ease him out of seperation anxiety IMO.

Kids do pick up on parents' anxiety, for sure. It's tough to know whether his separation issues are fueling your anxiety, or whether your anxiety is fueling his separation issues. Or both.

It sounds like he did well separating after a while - a few tears and then he was fine. That's a normal progression.

He may also not be ready. My son was very social and did well in groups, but I did not have him start kindergarten at 5 because he had napped well past the age of 4 and I didn't think he could handle the afternoon program. He went full tilt with a lot of energy and then napped from 1-4 PM, so there was no way afternoon kindergarten was going to work. I gave him another year of preschool (sort of a pre-K) with a lunch option 3 days a week. He learned to transition from one program to the other (change of teacher, change of some kids, change of room). Then he started kindergarten at age 6.

It had NOTHING to do with intellectual development or academic skills. It rarely does. This was the best decision we ever made.

Since then I have taught in several schools and I can't tell you how many kids really need to repeat kindergarten because they just aren't ready for first grade. It's a maturity issue. If you say you are "freaking out" then I think you need to look at your own nervousness as well as the fact that maybe you just know in your gut that your kid is not ready for kindergarten! Do not think for one second that you're not letting on that you are nervous! He is picking up on it big time. There's no benefit in rushing a kid into kindergarten. If you get any pressure from friends/family, IGNORE THEM!!

Is there a a reason you are sending him to private kindergarten instead of public school? Those reasons need to be factored in too. If you don't mind paying for private education, then figure out if he should go to this school for one year and possibly transfer to the public schools, repeating kindergarten, or if you plan to keep him in private ed on an ongoing basis. If you are willing to pay, then maybe he needs a year of Pre-K instead of just summer camp for a few weeks.

In public school, you will not be going into the classroom to drop off though - he will either take the bus or he will be dropped off by you in a drop off area and he will go into the classroom.

No matter what, he should be going into an orientation program (public or private) where he meets some kids beforehand, and he should not be going into a room with completely unfamiliar faces. In public school, it will be kids he knows from the neighborhood, plus those he meets at "get acquainted" day.

The rest of this are your issues which you need to work on - figure out what frightens you, why you think he isn't able to make friends, and how long you think you need to accompany him all the time.