Typical Behavior for a 6-Year Old Boy?

No not typical. The typical 6-7 year old does not get behavior reports from the teacher multiple times per week. Whether this is a discipline issue (that is, whether he gets truly consistent positive and negative discipline) or a developmental issue like ADHD, I have no idea.

Does he get more & more tired at the end of the week & more behavioral issues then? Is there a pattern.
No, I wouldn't say 3 behavior related emails per week is normal.
Good luck!

Oh he sounds so much like my 8 year old son. He was always getting in trouble in kindergarten and always getting in trouble in first grade. They have a green, blue, yellow, red system, and he has been on red more times than I would ever like to admit. I remember posting here and getting so many responses saying the teacher needs to deal with it. His first grade teacher (a man in his second year of teaching) did email us a few times that year about his behavior. We did our best. We tried incentives for a couple of months. We tried consequences for a couple of months. It really felt like nothing was changing.

It's not dangerous behavior. He's not hitting other kids or fighting. For the most part he talks when he shouldn't, gets goofy or loud in the halls or in the bathroom, sometimes gets in trouble in gym class for playing with the equipment when it's time to line up (kicked a netted bag of soccer balls with his friends before getting in line). He's naturally outgoing, likes to be the center of attention and really, really needs to work on following rules and respecting authority. Ug!!!

Fast forward to second grade, and I've learned a few things. First of all, our younger son is now in kindergarten and has some honest issues. We had a meeting with his teacher and the principal earlier this year to talk about him. At that meeting we talked about our older son, and the principal reassured us not to worry. She said she sees many kids like him, and they do grow out of it. She said his behavior, while not ideal or condoned, is mostly immaturity.

The other thing I learned is that my son had rookie teachers who didn't know how to deal with him. I'm not excusing his behavior!!! But they didn't know how to steer him. His PreK teacher (same school, same green/blue/yellow/red system) never said anything, and he rarely got in trouble. His second grade teacher has "cracked the whip" a bit, but has never said anything to us. After having conversations with both of these teachers I've learned that they both have 15+ years experience, they know when to step in and steer him in a different direction and they have a plan for how to deal with kids like mine.

He had trouble at the beginning of second grade, and he still gets in trouble from time to time. But I have to admit, this is the first year he's actually cared and tried hard. Something is different. Is it the teacher? Is it her way of dealing with him? Is he maturing? I'm not sure what. Probably a combination of things.

My very long-winded point (I stink at being concise) is that it could be more normal than you think. That doesn't mean do nothing and just let him think it's ok, but try not to worry too much and don't jump to conclusions that he has ADHD. I think it would be a good idea to meet with the teacher. Talk to her about what she does about his behavior. Is she just informing you? Or is she expecting you to fix this? What can the two of you do to help him.

Sleep can be huge! Definitely try getting him to bed earlier. That could be a big help. Food can also make a difference. Make sure he is eating a healthy breakfast and getting enough to eat. Our son always wanted poptarts (not exactly healthy) so I made a deal with him that if he ate something healthy first he could have one. That has helped him.

It's also important for your son's teacher to take some of this on. He needs to have consequences at school (other than telling Mom). He will respect his teacher and her rules more if she follows through at school.

This us somewhat normal for his age. That doesn't mean ignore it, but don't worry too much.

If you think there's more to it, mention it to your pediatrician. He/she can ask some questions and help you figure it out. You can also request an evaluation at school. Even if his teacher doesn't think that's necessary, you can insist and by law the school must proceed.

Keep talking to his teacher. You want to be a team. Also, knowing you are a team will give him incentive to try hard.

If all he is doing is emulating his peers, getting off task and bursting out, but none of this is angry or aggressive, then I think your son is on the "energetic" range of the "normal" bell curve. If there is anger and aggression involved, then it's something to worry about.

In middle and high school I see many boys with this type of behavior, and it's usually just a personality type. Some of them I would describe as leaders. They can be awfully challenging for a teacher (although darn funny and charming, at times), and can sometimes get the whole class off-track, but I have no doubt that some of these boys are going to be very successful in later life.

So I don't think an excitable boy is unusual. There are always at least two of those in any class, in my experience. But it's very helpful if the teacher has good coping mechanisms for that type of student. Their energy can be corralled and utilized when properly managed.

Not typical but then not ADHD, my son was probably the most well behaved kid in his class in grade school. People have some crazy ideas what ADHD is and it seems to be the excuse du jour for lack of discipline.

I say this because your post is worded as if it is the other children acting up that causes his behavior and you actually sound proud that you are not getting as many emails because instead the teacher is sending your frown face letters. He is still misbehaving, ya know?

Try actually disciplining your son, and if that doesn't work then look into evaluating his behavior.

You're not over-reacting, but that doesn't mean ADHD.

As a teacher myself, I will simply say that any inappropriate behavior that warrants a parent contact is *not* typical or age-appropriate... and certainly not acceptable. If it was in the "normal range of behavior" the teacher would not be contacting you about it every week.

At this point in the school year, students should have adjusted to the routines and be able to make it through MOST school days without major disruptions. Be careful with thinking his bad behavior is because "he emulates his peers when they are acting up." If this is happening fairly often (more bad days than good), it's in his best interest to honestly consider the possibility that this is HIS behavior, not someone else's.

That being said, it doesn't necessarily mean you're looking at possible ADHD. Tantrums, at this age, are unusual unless something is wrong... is he overly tired? 10 hours of sleep a night is probably the MINIMUM you should aim for with him. If that's not enough, try more. If it's not a sleep issue, I'd give a consequence for tantrums at this age (after he's calmed down). 6 year olds need to use words, even when they're mad. They need to be told not to throw fits. Along with that talk with DS about your expectations for behavior. Set clear limits and firm, reasonable consequences for misbehavior (and stick to them). If you see no improvement after a month of better sleep and consistent limits, THEN you may need to talk to the pediatrician.

Hope this helps.

First off, I don't buy into the "boys will be boys" thing with separate standards for boys and girls.

I think it's problematic when we say the boy emulates his peers - as if it's not his fault. Yes, he may well be following the crowd, but he needs to learn not to do that. I'm a little confused by the teacher's emails - his behavior has to be redirected and dealt with right then and there. Emailing you and having you deal with the behavior hours later is awfully difficult at his age. I'm not saying she shouldn't tell you or that you shouldn't discuss it, but the consequences need to to be more immediate - like no recess or not participating in a group activity or getting to choose a book to take home.

Bedtime tantrums - or anytime tantrums - ignore and walk away (or separate the child from you). There is no room in your house (or in school or in life) for explosions of emotion. Standard tantrum management is based on there being no room for them, no payoff, no benefit, no attention.

I agree with Margie to move up his bedtime if he's giving you a hard time or if he's already so tired that he cannot function. Start earlier, and have a quiet activity in his room as he settles down - read to him (he's still only 6) and have dim lights and a review of the day and plans for tomorrow. If he still throws a tantrum, then he goes to bed alone with not book or snuggle time.

Until you have a firm structure, I wouldn't spend time dealing with evaluations. I'm sure you have a structure of some kind, but it's not working for him, so I think you need to adjust it.

Sounds like he could be going to bed too late if he's having tantrums at bedtime. Maybe try him 1/2 hour earlier then an hour? I get mine in bed before they get to that cranky stage.

One of my boys would get into antics with his friends at school at that age. I had he odd call.

I would trust your gut about the "normal" behavior. I think if he had "something" you would know (other signs, not just at school).

Sugar will make kids act up, as will being tired, or even hungry (same as toddlers). I know mine can become little monsters.

Maybe the teacher could separate the boys who are causing the disturbance? That's what ours would do. And yes, they egg each other on.

Good luck :)

what immediate consequences does the teacher give him? it may be that she needs to step it up a bit. it's great to let you know and have you back her up, but she's on the front lines and needs to have swift effective responses to naughtiness in her class. and any teacher with a class full of 6 year olds should be pretty familiar with this behavior.
it's typical, but that doesn't mean it's okay.
so i think your first move is to team up with her. i don't know why YOU'RE making the charts. she should have her own coping strategies, with you firmly behind her reinforcing her rules.
school is hard work for wiggly little fellows. he may just be exhausted by the strain of sitting still and listening for as long as he has to. it's an unfortunate fact that most children are kinesthetic learners, but schools are set up for auditory learners which is great for adults, but tough for little people. so set him for success with firm, clearly defined boundaries, great nutrition including a good breakfast and a protein-packed lunch, and enough time to sleep a lot AND blow off steam when he's freed from the constraints of traditional education.
does he get to let his yahoos out when he gets home from school, or do you immediately set him to doing his homework and chores? make sure he has some wild rumpus time every day.
the nighttime tantrums could well be no more than over-tiredness. do you have a slow, gentle bedtime routine? you might want to move his bedtime to an earlier time, and give him at least half an hour to prepare for it, during which time he gets quietly informed that it's time to start getting ready, brushes his teeth, gets a story and a little snuggle time before lights out.
i don't see anything in your post that necessarily indicates any sort of behavioral problem. i think modern society is way, way too quick to hang labels on wiggly little people who are simply expected to behave like much older people. but without knowing how your teacher is handling him, it's hard to say.
khairete
S.

My son turned 6 in January and is in kindergarten. His school uses a system where everyone starts at a 3 and they move up or down depending on their behavior. My son has only received a 2 twice this year ( the rest of the time he's a 3 or above) and I've never received an email about his behavior.

I've been able to volunteer in his class recently, so I see that the teacher usually gives warnings before she moves their clip down to 2. On the days I've been their, the bad behavior stops then.

You may want to schedule some time with the teacher to see if she thinks this is more than just bad behavior.

OnePerfectOne has a very good idea: You --and the teacher and other aides or adults who see him daily -- need to look for patterns here, and triggers.

Do the same couple of kids always seem to be the ones around whom he acts out, and does he not seem to act out when he's not around them?

Does it start to happen more frequently later in the week? Later in the day? He might be tired--not just physically but tired of having to listen and do what he's told. Younger kids do reach a limit with that. They have to stay "switched on" to the "school setting" so to speak and eventually can't stay on any more.

Just before lunch (when he might be cranky and off-task because his blood sugar, and therefore his attention, is dropping)?

Just after lunch, when kids sometimes are restive because they've gotten through half the day of listening and obeying, and lunch has broken that a bit so they're having a hard time getting back into schoolwork in the afternoon?

At recess, where he's running around blowing off steam and playing hard with other kids, and is so into that that he can't set it aside when it's time to come in?

When he's asked to do certain specific school tasks that might be harder for him than the teachers, or you, realize? For instance, does he start to get off task when he has to write for more than a few moments? My friend's son who had issues with motor control was like that and they found it wasn't an attention issue; the physical act of writing was frustrating for him and he didn't want to do it. Maybe he gets off task when the kids have to sit and listen to a story? That's pretty typical. I've seen teachers move kids to new locations in the "story circle" seating or let them sit apart from the group if the kids were just more settled that way. Does his teacher pay that kind of attention and allow some flexibility for how kids listen, or does she insist everyone sit with perfect stillness in the same places?

As you can see, the gist here is: You need to forge a close working relationship with his teacher(s) and tell them you are on the watch for patterns and triggers. The behaviors you describe seem pretty typical for a child his age (first grade, right?). I am surprised that any experienced teacher would be contacting you three times a week-- is that three times based on some schedule you and she have set, or does it mean that he acts out severely enough, at least three times each week, that she is contacting you because of specific problems that day? If the latter -- most experienced teachers would cope better than to be in such frequent contact with parents, unless a child were truly disruptive and possibly hurting others. I am NOT saying "blame the teacher" but you should be working with her to find out the when and why of his acting up, not just getting reports about it.

Then you move on to reducing triggers: She keeps him pretty separate from kids who seem to egg him on; you arrange that he can have a snack before lunchtime if his attention tends to flag badly at that time most days; or she and you call in someone to evaluate him for motor skill issues if writing or other things seem to frustrate him unusually; and so on.

Yes, absolutely, he needs consistent discipline as well, at home and at school, and he needs to know that mom and dad always, always know what happens at school -- kids don't realize at first that their parents are aware they did something at school that day. Be sure he does understand that. However, what disicpline is used at school and how fast does it get used after he acts out? Discipline at home is important but he's still young enough that if the discipline comes hours after his action (iin other words, if he's only disciplined at home for something he did at school), the discipline has far less effectiveness. You and the teacher again have to work together on what she will do every time, consistently, and on how you will reinforce that at home. But it's not solely about discipline for "being bad." It's also about increasing the odds he can behave well by seeing if there are triggers that can be changed.

Bedtime tantrums are pretty normal but not if they're happening more than rarely. Look at your routines and his bedtime; is it too late? Too early, and he's not tired enough? Is he getting hungry again? Or is it all about his asserting himself as a separate person and you are not the boss of him? Do you let him choose the book you'll read to him (from a choice of two, don't overwhelm him by saying "Pick something off your bookcase" or he will dawdle for ages). Take apart the routine and see if you can improve it, slow down the process or give him a little control over some aspects of it. If he has siblings, it may be that he's trying to get your attention at bedtime because you're busy with younger kids and he still wants you.

Sounds normal as to 6 yo behavior if it happend less often. I suggest this is a behaviour problem to be managed by the teacher. What has she tried to redirect him? Does she consistently enforce consequences? Separating the kids who act out might help. Ask teacher what she has tried and ask her how you could help at home.

How much attention does she give him when he's not acting out?Misbehavior is often a bid for attention. I suggest, if possible, visiting the classroom by slipping in and sitting in back so you can get a better idea of what is happening.

I agree that the night time tantrums could be caused by him being overly tired and/or overly stimulated. Do you have 30 min to an hour quiet time without electronics before bed? If you do, how are you responding? In my family we put them in their room until they calm down I see this as a,natural consequence. They lose your attention until they calm down.

At 6 you may be able to problem solve with him. Discuss what he does and ask him for help in finding a way he can resolve this issue. Lead up to the question by discussing what "good" behavior would be. If he has no idea what to do give him some suggestions icluding silly ones. Have him choose one to try. This will be am ongoing conversation.

I suggest ADHD or spectrum disorders would have other behaviours along with what you describe.

I truly feel the teacher needs to deal with the school issues and leave you out of it. Truly, she needs consequences at school right when it happens and the correct consequences.

Then at home when he has an issue you are dealing with only right then. I think kids need a clean slate when they come home. It should help him calm down and have a whole new attitude and evening.

edit:
I forgot I used the HALT method back when my kids were toddlers and i still think of hungry, angry, lonely and tired when there is an attitude:
http://mylifeandkids.com/halt-method-tantrums/

(below is for 7 year olds going on 8):
In my son's class there are about 12 boys. I would say 4 have 'bad' behavior. They get written up for interrupting, not respecting authority, and getting into other kids space (hitting or annoying). Most other boys rarely get in trouble even though they do things too (just wait until recess or when they are less likely to get caught). These 8 boys sit when asked and follow directions most of the time. Compared to the girls (over all) the well behaved boys look bad. I'm not say any ARE bad.

Boys are wired differently than girls and usually are more disruptive as a whole.

Your son has an issue controlling his behavior for his age. The 'typical' boys in my son's class are able to not get caught up with the out of control boys when asked. I doubt the teacher is giving every parent an email home for behavior. He is young and this is his time to learn.

Does he hurt other children?

Three time a week is extreme for a teacher to be contacting you about behavior. It would not hurt to have him evaluated.

edit: I have not been emailed or written about my son's behavior being negative. He is average to good. In kindergarten his name was moved down a few times. I would find out several kids were moved down leading me to believe the class was acting up.

It depends completely if he has been disciplined for the wrong behavior which you don't say. A behavior report card tells you how he's behaving, but what happens when he gets home after behaving badly?

If he has been consistently disciplined for misbehaving in school to no avail then evaluate him for disorders. If he hasn't, then this is totally normal behavior.

Any discipline for the tantrums before bed? If not, then they are normal.

My 7 yo is very spirited and has been disciplined consistently for school misbehavior. All my kids were with the very first attempts in kindergarten and it never would have been tolerated. It has always been clear they are in big trouble at home if I hear bad things from a teacher. So they all behave well. But they certainly wouldn't have avoided the normal bad behavior if I wasn't serious about it. Kids naturally want to act that way which is why classrooms have elaborate systems like charts to keep them in line. My son is one of the best behaved kids in his class but it's truly his only option.

How strict are you? If very then he may have a disorder.

No, not typical. My three kids never had to have behavior report card made for them. Students at my school, only a few in each grade need this kind of daily feedback and communication between parent and teacher. If it improves - then great!! Make sure you follow up with praise and discussion of problems. If it doesnt work, try being more specific about what is "good" behavior (finishing class work, raising hand to talk, taking turns, talking in a quiet voice, etc) Practice good manners (not interrupting, waiting patiently, indoor voice, etc) at home, restaurants, museums or church and public library. When you say he follows his peers when they act out, are you taking the responsibility from him and putting it on his peers?? Because making excuses for your child will make the problem worse. Or are you saying that because the teacher said the other children are getting in trouble even more than your son? 6 yr olds who throw tantrums at bed time are overtired. Help him to get more sleep, that may help him at school as well.

How is he doing in school? Is he having any learning issues? How's his reading? Math? Could he be struggling with learning and therefore acting out? It sounds like it's time to try and figure out what's triggering the behavior. Does he have any behavioral issues at home or in social situations? Maybe a psych eval with a child psychologist is appropriate. It may help him to get the services he needs at school. The schools definitely respond better once there is a diagnosis.