Behavioral Problems with My 5-Yr Old - Please Help!

Its interesting that you should ask this question as we were talking about this at preschool this morning. There was a story about a comedian (we think it was Chris Rock) that had a similar problem in school. His teacher could not get him to behave and he always had to be the center of attention, etc.
His teacher realized his need for attention and worked it out so that if he behaved in class and did everything that was expected of him that he would be allowed a brief (couple of minutes of time) chance to stand up in front of the class and put a small show. This satisfied his need and also fostered his talent and got him to behave within accepted norms. I would research it. There are childrens theaters in town and one just put out a casting call for actors. Perhaps getting her involved in something might be a good reward for her and satisfy her need for attention.

omg i had the same problem with my five year old... punsishing her just didn't work no matter what i did she kept getting in trouble at school so i decided to use positive reinforcement instead, i talked to her teacher and had her send home daily reports with smiley faces sad faces and straight faces next to certain problems she was having at school (keeping hands to myself, raising hand etc" than, i praised her for every smiley face and just ignored the sad faces, than i promised her a toy (from the dollar store, because this will work, and than you'll be poor if you promise her too much lol) if she got all smileys, than make sure no matter how tired you are that you take her to that dollar store and let her pick out any toy she wants... i tried this and eventually she started behaving so well at school that the teacher didn't have to send notes home, and i didn't have to buy her toys anymore. this also works with problems you might have at home, make up rules, than promise a daily or weekly toy or if you don't want to spend the $ you can promise a game like chutes and ladders, or ten min of dancing like silly girls with mommy, whatever she likes and she will work for that reward, just keep reminding her of her goals and she will start behaving better, just make sure you are offering something ahead of time or else it can lead to bribing which tends to allow your child to bribe YOU. LOL

My 4 yr old is the exact same way and we are working through ways to keep her under control w.out hurting the spirit we love so much inside her.
The only thing that works so far is before every activity, I explain her boundaries and give my expectations. Before dropping her off at pre-k, I tell her how mommy and daddy expect her to behave (ie listening, obeying, etc.). So far, it seems hearing the rules beforehand as opposed to hearing them in the middle of not obeying, is working...we'll see...Hope this helps :)

Well HAving two children that have the same type of problems and have had them for quit some time is sounds to me like your little girl may be Ad/Hd ... :) it isn't as bad as it sounds, and it is something that she herself cannot control with out help.. you maybe want to look into having her school do an IEP (Individual Education Plan) for her and possibly have the school do some cognitive skills testing for her :)

My sister-in-law had the same issue with my niece in kindergarten. She found that putting her to bed 30 minutes early at bedtime made all the difference. She was less on edge at school and better able to settle down!

My daughter is in kindergarten this year, and was SO terrible in preschool that she was kicked out. I am not kidding! How bad do you have to be to be kicked out of preschool? So, we found a school that has an emphasis on discipline. It's not like we sent her to military school or anything - it's just that the school expects very good behavior. The teachers communicate very simply and stay right on point. They don't get bogged down in explanations. So when my daughter started in with her antics, her teacher would immediately remove her from the group and tell her, "I asked you to sit in your chair. You stood on your chair, and now you will sit in the time-out corner." End of discussion. After three days of that, my daughter began to see that the other kids were having so much more fun behaving than she was by misbehaving and having to sit in time-out all the time. So she began behaving! At this point, she stands quietly in line when it's time to go to recess, when her teacher asks the children to come in from recess and sit quietly at their desks, she does it. Honestly I didn't imagine this was possible. I'm truly amazed at how high expectations from the teacher, coupled with thorough and consistent discipline, can turn a child around.

In terms of how to reinforce this at home - I try to keep our home life at home, and let the teacher deal with school. I know that sounds strange, but if my child is sitting politely at the table at home, yet is throwing food at the lunch table at school - that's the teacher's issue. I'm not there to correct my child, and I KNOW my child can behave, because she does it at home. So just focus on achieving the results you want at home, and the school behavior will follow. If it doesn't, then you've got the wrong teacher and/or school for your child. Your job is to teach respect, responsibility, and accountability at home, and then bring your child to school ready to learn. Once you drop the kid off, she becomes the teacher's responsibility. You can't control your child when she's not with you, and it's crazy that the teacher thinks you can. It's her job to maintain control of her classroom, not yours.

Good luck! I was in your shoes a year ago! Empowering the teacher to do what she needs to is your best bet. If that doesn't work, find a teacher and/or school that better matches your discipline values.

I had similar issues with my son for the first few months of kindergarten. What we, the teacher and I, had to do was a combination of rewards and consequences. The teacher does a chart of good behavior in 15 minute increments. The time slots in which he is well behaved he gets a smiley face and those in which he does not there is an explanation as to what the problem was so that we can sit down and discuss the problem issues and deliver consequences if necessary. We also used consequences such as ealry bed times, no TV, no treats, and if the offense was bad enough, a spanking could be in order. What really turned the behavior around for him was the praise he got for good behavior with his smiley faces, stars and rewards at home. The light finally turned on when he realized that he was getting more attention when he was good than when he was bad.

I love Tiffany's ideas. Should the positive reinforcement not work, you may want to have her tested for ADHD. My son was the same as your daughter, which I loved, because I thought no one would run over him in "real" life, but unfortunately it doesn't work in a typical school. ADHD can manifest itself in different ways, but for my son the impulsivity is what needed to be controlled. And when you asked him "Why did you do that?" He would answer, quite honestly, "I don't know." But I hope positive reinforcement and a behavior chart will do it for your daughter. My son had one in 1st and 2nd grade. He earned a quarter for each smiley face. They didn't happen very often so it wasn't that expensive.
S.

While Tiffany's advice of positive reinforcement is great, her use of the word "retard" is über-offensive! Seriously, PEOPLE, it is 2010. A little sensitivity please!