Stuck W/4 Tickets to Emlo Live Tomorrow Bc EX Says I Scheduling the Kids on His

Updated on March 05, 2011
K.M. asks from Frisco, TX
5 answers

I am stuck with 4 tickets to elmo live tomorrow.

My ex and I were going to take kids and today; he informs we are not going b/c he can't be around me. WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And said "that I shoudn't be scheduling activities for the kids on his possession weekends." (Son has soccer Saturday and Sunday and Birthday party Saturday morning). MIND YOU -- he asked me if we "4" could take the kids to elmo when it came to Nokia Theatre in Grand Prairie. So, dummy me bought tickets.

I know I can resolve this extra curricular activity thing with attorneys on Monday (not the elmo thing); Does anyone have issue with EX not taking kids to extracurricular activities on weekends (like bday parties and baseball/soccer) just bc he doesn't want too.
Now mind you, this is the same EX that gets to come see the kids on their extra curricular activities when I have possession of the kids. Now, when he has the kids -- he tries to avoid their extra curricular activities so I can't see them. Curious to know if anyone has dealt with an ex-husband similarly

my attorney says I can sue stating to courts that he is not doing in the best interests of the child. But, that is going to cost a fortune to do.

Thanks for any advice --

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

Did your kids know about this and now he's changing his mind?
That would be so far from fair and nice to them.
Exactly how would he intend to explain that to them?

My ex totally had a habit of signing our son up for things or planning things on my time and I have to say it ticked me off because he did it without talking to me first. He would discuss it with our son and then if I said no, it made me look evil and mean and horrible.
I mean, if we already committed to go to a birthday party or bbq, my ex would just say...."Well, I didn't know."
Hello! We did have a life and plans of our own. He could have talked to me about it first without scheduling something. Or, signing the kid up for something, on my time, without even knowing what our plans were and expecting me to pay half. Um.....NO.
We really had problems with it because he not only had his time with our son but in his little control freak way, he was trying to schedule life for me too. And, he'd say, "Well, if you can't make it, I'll just take him then."
It really bothered me and it took a long time to get him to stop doing that.
My son is 15 now, he doesn't call the shots, but he's not a baby anymore and he does get to say he'd rather to this or do that, but he also respects his committments and doesn't change them if his dad comes up with something he thinks he'd rather do.
And, I admit there were things I didn't attend because I knew my ex would be there and it made our son really uncomfortable. My ex couldn't just be at the same event and be nice and mellow. It was always a conflict. In fact, it was in our orders that he had to stay so many feet away from me at school funtions, etc.
Things are a lot better now, thank goodness, but it was pretty rough for a long time. I was the one that would bow out of things to make it easier on our son and that point was well recognized by the courts. I was trying to avoid conflict on all levels. My ex did the opposite.

You just have to keep in mind that it's the kids that need to be considered. You are being nice and trying to let the kids do things and allowing dad to be part of it. He doesn't seem to be doing the same for you.
And, if he won't let the kids go to Elmo now when it's been planned, that disappointment is on him.
I would offer the tickets so the kids can go no matter what. I'm sure you'd love to see them enjoy it, but the main thing would be for them to get to.
My biggest piece of advice is to begin communicating with your ex by mail. Keep copies of everything. Put things in writing, take a copy of the addressed envelope with postage on it and mail it.
If he pretends he didn't get it, then pay the couple bucks to make him sign for it with a return receipt.
I did this with my ex. It was suggested at mediation and actually written into our orders.
So, for instance, I would write:
"Just to confirm our telephone conversation on 2/23/11, we agreed that I will be purchasing 4 tickets for us to attend the Elmo show at Nokia Theatre on 3/5/11.
The tickets total $100. The show begins at 1:30pm, so we will meet in the entrance way at 1:15 to give us time to find our seats and purchase programs, etc.

K."

I even wrote things like, "To confirm our telephone conversation on Wednesday, 11/4/2010, you will be bringing our son to my sisters house on Thanksgiving instead of bringing him to my home at 2pm. Thank you. "

If he wanted to write back to disagree, that was up to him. I didn't make changes unless it was confirmed in writing and I didn't accept them either.
If a dental appointment got changed or cancelled or the kid was too sick to attend something at the last minute, that could be dealt with, stuff happens. But I kept track of all scheduling stuff and put things in writing.
Leave emotion OUT OF IT, though!
My ex thought he was being smart by putting things in writing that were very confrontational and rude.......hee hee. I had proof of all of it.

Sorry this got long and sorry about the Elmo thing. I would be the bigger person and offer to let the kids go anyway. That way, if he still doesn't take them, then you obviously had nothing to do with it.
No offense to anybody, but I might rather stick a pencil in my eye than have to sit through Elmo for two hours or so.
Offer to let him take them alone!

Things will get better. When your kids get older, this kind of manipulation becomes much more difficult, if not impossible.

I wish you the very best.

5 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.W.

answers from St. Cloud on

Give the tickets to him! Let him take them if he doesn't want you with on his weekend.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.K.

answers from Boston on

It's not about what's convinient for the parent but why's best or the child and having friends, going to parties, playing sports, scouts, etc all help the child develop. I had to have put in the court order that my ex must take Jim to those things because if my ex wanted to be lazy and play video games all day that day my son wouldn't get to go. I do not go to his extra curricular activities when he's with dad that's dads time to parent plus I have. Restraining order so if I went dad would not be able to.

K.I.

answers from Los Angeles on

We have had this problem, only it was with my hubby's Ex-wife...she would purposefully make us pay for any and all extra's (sports, friends' parties, etc) then if they fell on her weekend she would not let them attend!

There was nothing we could do about it...until next time we went back to mediation we had writing purposefully put in that ensured the kids were allowed to pick at least 1 sport during the summer (this was all she would agree too)...but even that didn't work, she resorted to saying the kids were be 'punished' on her weekends when the extras came around...eventually we had to just quit scheduling/paying for the extra sports because it was waste of $ and they only got to attend half of what they were supposed to, and that wasn't fair to them, their teammates and their coaches.

Some ex's really suck!

~Have you tried just offering him the tickets, that way at least the kids will still get to go...I know that doesn't seem fair b/c you bought them and all but maybe he will reconsider if you how him you just want to do something fun for the kids?

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

Not taking them to their baseball and soccer games on his weekends is not just unfair to the kids, its unfair to their team.

As for the Elmo tickets, sounds like there is a girlfriend or family member meddling. I would either give him the tickets so that he can take the kids without you, or post them on craigslist. If you live near the stadium you could go try and sell them. Its not scalping if you sell them for face value.

M.

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