Strong-willed 5 Year Old

I too, have a daughter that is 5 and going on 15. She thinks she is the mom as well. She wants to be independent which is good, but in a sense its scary too. She doesnt always listen, and she will do things or get things without asking. I know that it is frustrating to have a strong willed child. My daughter has been this way since she was born. But the good thing about a strong willed child, is that they have self confidence to make thier own choices, and they want to be independent which is also a great trait. The ideas the other ladies listed sounded wonderful and I too am going to see if I can see if those things work for me too. One thing that I have found with my daughter is that, I tell her, part of being grown up is being able to do things that are asked of you, and having good listening skills. I told her when I go to work, mommy has to do what her boss tells her to do, or else I wouldnt have a job. So if you dont do what is asked of you, you dont get to play with your toys. And sometimes it has worked, but I really like the chart idea and I will keep reading this for anyone elses ideas. This site is so wonderful, its so nice to hear of other mommy's going through the same issues. Take Care and let us know how it works out.

this sounds strangely familiar.....my 5 y/o daughter is EXACTLY like this!!!!! too many examples to list, but i would love to swap ideas with you. if you want to talk, my email is ____@____.com

Implementing set guidelines should help. What works best for my kids is to have a defined outline of what's expected and the punnishment that follows if it doesn't happen. For example, if my daughter talks back she knows she has to give me a written apology stating why she should not speak to an adult in that way as well as losing her tv/video game time for 2 days. My daughter is a bit older than yours but writing out the expectations and punnishments together with both her and my son helped tremendously. We sat down at a family meeting and discussed chores, rules, punnishments, what we all felt was fair, etc. Then I typed everything up and had it laminated. There's space to mark off on each day what is completed and what is not. Its a great way to keep track and reward them when they do a great job at the end of the week/month. They both have their own lists with their own chores and expectations specific to each of them and on the opposite side of the form is the punnishment if that item isn't done or the punnishment if the rule is broken. I plan to use these lists and just revise them for as long as I can get away with it. What's funny is that I got this from an old episode of Nanny 911 and it works WONDERFULLY. Consistancy is key, that's for sure. It was hard at first to stick to it, being a single mom of two I was a bit overwhelmed at times, but in a matter of days there were big changes. Maybe something like this could work for you too.

Oh my gosh! If you find something that works please let me know! We are going thru the exact same thing with our 5 year old daughter:) The thing we have gone to now is "grounding" her...no cartoons, computer, basically anything fun...but sometimes I feel like we are punishing ourselves! All she does all day is complain that she is bored!

Since you know your kids best, you can pick and choose what aspects would be most appropriate for you & your daughter - here are a few resources that are appropriate for toddlers through college-aged kids!:

1) Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic (by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka)
2) How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish)
3) Kids, Parents, & Power Struggles (by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka)
4) Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids: 7 Keys to Turn Family Conflicts into Cooperation (by Sura Hart & Victoria Kindle Hodson)
5) Unconditional Parenting (by Alfie Kohn)

Books don't hold all the answers, of course, but there are some pretty brilliant ideas in many of these books - or at minimum, some really good thinking points to help us parents better understand ourselves and our kids. :)

Watch Suppernanny and Nanny 911, they have wonderful ideas. My kids were both very strong willed and when I finally committed to putting in the work I got amazing results. Time out has been wonderful for us. At first my son would sit for 2 hours rather than say he was sorry, now all I have to do it count to 1 and he straightens up his act. My husband never gave the technique a real chance and the kids walk all over him. Good Luck.