Stopping a Potty Trained Child from Wetting His Pants.

It seems his life is out of control (his world is different than he knew it before) with moving, new mommy, etc...so he is doing something he can control. I would give him a pull up, he's still so little, it will pass. Every 3 months children go through different things.

Well with my boy, he was not potty trained fullful till 2 months before his 4th b-day, and at that time my almost 2 year girl was almost potty trained. Boys, at least for me are hard to potty train, so hang in there, don't get to fusterated. If he can tell you that he 'just wanted to' then he would understand you explaining to him that if he wets his pants, he has to help clean up the mess. We had our son help mop up any puddles and but his wet clothes inthe washer, all with lots of supervision and then explaining to him how much extra work it is if he goes in his pants. It's a thought, It definetly didn't work over night but we got the feeling that he was getting it. It took us an other two months for wetting/pooping to stop completely. Hopfully he'll learn faster then our son did.

You may not like my thoughts. If you have just entered into this relationship, why are you living together ? It is very difficult for children to be in a situation where they have a new person in their home, to say nothing of adding a sibling. Most counselors(I am one) recommend not even introducing your children to someone you are dating until you find the relationship is stable.The three year old's behavior are what is expected for a very difficult situation for kids.

Well, I would say because of your new arrangement, which I personally don't agree with, but that's beside the point. He is just getting your attention. I would take things or privileges away if he continues. Your boyfriend, the father, needs to be the one to follow thru and you need to be on the same page. My husband and I have raised 5 children which all are out on their own.:)

It is probably from the stress of all of the change in his life. He has a new stepmom, maybe a new place to live and a baby in the house. Instead of punishments he needs reassurance and time to adjust. He is too young to be able to articulate in words or even understand why he is doing it. If you address the stress and give him time to adjust he will likely to go back to being fully potty trained soon. He needs to be reminded that everyone still loves him, he is important and no one is going to leave him (maybe he feels like he's losing daddy?). Maybe some special alone time with dad would help--a special project together at home or a special outing just the two of them. I would back off for awhile, be very matter of fact when he has an accident (so as to not give him negative attention by over reacting) and give him extra loving. Good luck--you all have a lot of changes and adjustments going on right now.

P.S. Taking his toys away may make the situation worse in the long run because it just adds to his stress. That is one more change/loss for him to adjust to. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I really feel for this little boy who has so much going on in his life right now. I have a son who doesn't like change and when he was 3 even a new daycare teacher would send him into a tailspin. It sounds like your stepson is doing pretty well under the circumstances.

P.,

Someone brought this exact same scenario to the Dr. Phil show once. He said because it is clearly intentional, to give him one warning that if he wets his pants he has to stay in them the rest of the day, then follow through with consistency. The mom put a garbage bag over him to protect the furniture. Needless to say, it stopped it in a hurry.

Good luck,
S.

Your step son may be adjusting to the new situation or acting out for attention. Whatever the case, I would suggest only positive feedback and empathy, not punishment. Picture yourself in your sons place and really try feel what he may be going through. Talk to him gently and let him know that you understand his feelings (ie, lots of change, not getting enough attention, etc.) Maybe even try to set aside some time for only him. When he does wet his pants, tell him it's okay and let him know that next time you know he'll use the potty. Also try to comment on every single positive thing that he does throughout the day. It can be hard when you're in the middle of behavioral issues, but i found time and again, that empathy, encouragement, and positive feedback work best. Keep your cool and give lots of love. Good luck

Have you tried making him help clean it up? Another thought is to make sure he is getting individual time with his dad each day. Just don't make a big deal out of it, just deal with it matter of factly and move on. As for the other issues you indicated you are dealing with, be sure to be giving lots of praise for good behavior. Hope that helps.
Good Luck!

Hi there. My daughter whose 3.5 yr does the same thing. I generally overlook it as well. I think alot of it has to do with the kids being too busy playing and waiting to the last second to use the bathroom. My recent strategy is to gently remind them to use the bathroom before we go places, when we get home and before meal time or nap time. You could even try a behavior chart marking progess for each time they use the bathroom-- then at the end of the week spend extra time with the child. This would be a positive attention grabbing idea versus the negative attention the wetting pants for the child. Best of luck.

Hi P.,

My daughter is 3 and she went through a phase of reverting back to wetting herself. I looked it up online and it seemed that what I kept finding was that setbacks and accidents are perfectly normal and you definitely don't want to make going to the potty a negative thing. When my daughter was having lots of accidents, I bought a giant bag of m&m's. I told her that everytime she went pee-pee in the potty, she would get one m&m. When she went poo-poo in the potty, she would get 2. When she had an accident, she would lose the m&m for the next potty time. This worked really well to encourage her to use the potty again. I was a little worried about her expecting m&m's all the time, but she actually got to the point where she would tell me she didn't want them. Sometimes she still asks for her reward, but most of the time, she just goes potty and then back to playing. So, maybe you can find a reward that will be enough incentive to get your son through this phase.

Grace and peace be with you!

When my son was three, we had the same problems. It was really tough for me because I was so frustrated. For my son, what it boiled down to, was he was just to "busy" with whatever he was doing. He's really laid back and just didn't care enough to get there in time. No amount of praise or punishment worked. By the time he was four, he started to care more about what his friends thought (like in preschool) and finally the behavior stopped. Boys are just like that sometimes.
Of course, on the otherhand, your stepson could be needing extra attention now that he isn't the littlest one anymore... that's a lot of change for a 3 year old.

P.,
I would suggest setting aside some special family time. Every week on a certain night have family night. Have dinner, play games and just have together. Let him know that this new family is going to be fun and loving. This will hopefully give him a sense of security. Pay special attention to all the kids and have fun. Until then I would suggest pull-ups.

P., have you considered that your boyfriend's son may have a kidney infection? Please get him looked at by a doctor so you can rule that out. Hopefully it's not that. Hopefully it's that he is just like so many other 3 1/2 year old boys who really aren't in the swing of things with potty training. They take longer. They are very sensitive. My daughter is 3 1/2 and sometimes she has accidents. Even if they don't act like it, it is embarrassing to them. Do not use shame...you won't be able to get it back from him and he will carry it into adulthood. Do not take away his toys when he wets his pants. Instead you and his father must reward him for when he DOES use the potty. Just because you have labeled him "potty trained" that doesn't mean he truly is. If you punish him every time he has an accident, you are teaching him that his mistakes will not be tolerated and you know as well as I do that he must be able to make some mistakes. After all, he's only three. Potty training is h*** o* little boys! Help him build on his strengths. That way you will foster a great relationship with your boyfriend's son. Lay off it for a while with the kid, and revisit it in a few weeks from now. This little boy may be very frustrating for you to deal with while peeing his pants, so give yourself a break and put a pull-up on him each day until you can figure out a reward system for him to choose to keep a dry pull-up every day. A little security goes a long way! Good luck!

Have you tried giving him one on one alone time to make him feel loved, special, included? He is probably overwhelmed with the idea that a man has moved in with this two children and they are moving in on you child's space and your time. The only attention he knows how to get is negative by wetting his pants. You attention just got divided three more times.
My 2 cents.

They say that 17 months is early.So you are lucky.Mine potty trained early too.I took my son out to get his own under wear.Special owns at the time it was Ninga turtles.Well we said you dont want to get them wet.We promised him something small for the times he stayed dry we mark with stickers he pick out too he loved putting them on a chart.We told him if he stayes dry for a few weeks then he could do something special.With you you should say something just with you.Go on a picnic or something.

When a child is that young, they only have true control over one thing, the potty. Don't punish him for wetting his pants, it's his way of saying that he is having trouble adjusting. Simply have him change his clothes himself and say nothing more. A family night would be a great idea and would help all the kids to feel included as a part in this new family. It may not necessarily be you that he is reacting to, but the loss of time with daddy. Ask your boyfriend to spend just a little more one on one time with his son (actually each of his kids). His time could be something as simple as a trip for ice cream or to the library for a story, a walk....it doesn't have to be anything major. As he adjusts to being in the new family, things will settle down and get better.

P.,
I think you may want to evaluate when he is doing it. Does he do it after he gets in trouble, or does not get his way? You nailed it on the head when you said he is doing it for attention. It may not be your attention he is seeking tough. It may be his fathers attention he is seeking. I have done the taking the toys away and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Just think about looking at all the factors that are contributing to him having accidents.
Good Luck,
J..

I think you need to stop with the punishments, and try to see how he is feeling right now. His father and you just changed his whole world around, not only his living situation but his position in the family. Until you and your son started living with him he was the only boy and the youngest,now he is neither. He is trying to find his place in this new family. All children has regressions when a baby is introduced into a family but most children have the security of knowing that at least they were there first and that mommy and daddy loved them first. This little boy has neither. Your job in this family is to let him know that he is still loved in this new family and that you are going to love him no matter what he does. When he acts out give him positive loving consequences, making sure to let him know "I don't like your behavior right now but I still love you" And try really hard to "catch" him being good giving him lots of praise when he makes good choices. If he didn't have major behavior problems before, everything should go back to normal after he feels secure that he still has a place in this new family and that his daddy and new mommy still love hime.

Also I would get some books on blended families. Good luck.

Back off of the punishments - the consequences you are using don't fit the "crime".

When he wets his pants, have him change his own clothes before he can play more. If he cannot change his own clothes, gently let him know that as soon as you have time you will help him - but he cannot sit on anything but plastic chairs (if you have them) until you are ready.

Stopping play rather than taking things away will work better and is a direct consequence. It is a natural time-out that he is causing himself.

These consequential - non-judgmental or angry - time outs will be natural consequences of the fact that he is not paying attention to his bladder. Don't call them time outs, just get into the habit of making him wait for your help OR having him change his own clothes before he can play. If he cries, instead of telling him that it's his own fault, tell him how sad you know he must be to have to wait to play. He will appreciate your sympathy which will confirm that you are not mad at him.

Eventually, he will get tired of waiting to get back to playing and will get to the potty. He will also get that you care about his feelings and won't need to cry to get your sympathy.

One more thing: Your attention for this is what he is really seeking (I know it's weird, but kids seek attention at this age even if it is negative). Don't give it negative attention and allow him the ability to think through it himself. A three year old is smart enough to know that the consequences of their actions are fixable. Especially something like this.

Also, because he is not your son, he will be doing lots of things to test you to see if you love him as much as he wants to love you. Your best shot is to validate his feelings all day long - every time he cries, every time he laughs, every time he whines... Your job here won't be easy if you resist his calls for your love. Love him as hard as you can, even if it feels impossible because he is not yours. He needs to know that you love him as much as you love your little baby.

Read a book about Blended Families as soon as you can P.. You may feel like you are in over your head for a while.