Sister's Miscarriage

Just listen to her. Let her talk about it. That's my best advice. I too had a miscarriage in 2000 and my 19 year old dtr just had one this past weekend. There is nothing anyone can say to make a person feel better. But being someone she can talk to would be a great help to her. People tend to avoid the subject simply because they don't know what to say other than I'm sorry so the person who experienced it doesn't get the chance to talk about it. Support her in that way. That will help her in the healing process. <<<HUGS>>>

Send flowers with a note: "Here's a long distance *hug*. Thinking of you. Call me if you need anything." Thats really all you can say. She's grieving, but may not want to talk right now, so just to know that she is in your thoughts and you will be there if she calls or needs you.

I had 3. It's very, very common.
Just don't say things like "it's for the best..." or "God's way of dealing with a baby with a defect" etc.
Be there like any other deaths.
As for you, you may or not have a miscarriage down the road.
You cannot predict or change that.
((hugs to your sister--it's tough))

Not to trivialize, but half the woman on this site have had one or more misscariages- up to half of all pregnancies are lost. Realize that even if it does happen to you, it does not mean you won't have children. Let that anxiety go. As for your sister, a thoughtful card would be good. I've had two misscariages and while I liked knowing people were hurting for me, and caring for me, I really wanted to left alone to grieve. I found cards were the closest thing to comforting me because they reached out, but I was still able to maintain the space and struggle that I felt only I could do alone.

Miscarriage is common, unfortunately. It is painful emotionally and physically. I found that when people ask me how I am feeling, how I am doing emotionally, that they are so sorry, that they have been praying for me, that I am encouraged and feel so loved. We miscarried a few days after we announced the pregnancy. But, I am so glad we at least had time to announce it. I think the words of encouragement and love have gone a long way in my healing. I also believe that God is good, that my baby is in heaven with the Lord, and that he/she will never suffer pain or hurt or heartache or grief. That gives me great hope and joy for my little baby. What could be better for him/her? Of course, I would have loved to hold this baby. I had such dreams for him/her. But, God knows better. He is much wiser than I am. Just love her, ask about her, let her know that you haven't forgotten this little one. Blessings!

All women will suffer a miscarriage at least once. I think having it be your first one is hardest, but it hurts no matter what the order.

Let her talk about it. Let her grief at her pace.

Something you could do for her, depending on how far along she was, send her a keepsake box to keep the special things about that pregnancy in.

I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks once. But then I had my son.

It was hard... I didn't want to talk about it to anyone except for people/friends who had a miscarriage and could understand.

Everyone reacts differently. Some will want to talk about it, and some will not.
So heed according to your Sister's preferences....

It takes time. The feeling of emptiness... its hard to explain.

Also keep in mind, that a Husband has a hard time too, with it.
Ideally, both spouses should be able to talk about it with each other and be there for each other.
My Husband, had a hard time with it too... but he didn't like thinking about it. For example.

It took several months, for that feeling of emptiness to go away... and that a part of you is missing.

But as I said, after my miscarriage, I had my son.
There is light at the end of the tunnel.

all the best,
Susan

You could talk to your OB about the family history and see if it's just a coincidence or another condition. I had an early miscarriage before DD and then had DD just fine. My mom had a later miscarriage with her last pregnancy, but I don't think it's genetic. It really depends on the cause. Friend of mine had 2 kids and then developed a condition where she couldn't carry a child. She got medication and had her baby last year.

Anyway, about your sister. Listen when she needs to talk.Tell her you are there at whatever tim, even. 2 AM. Tell her you want to give her a hug and what does SHE need from you? When my friend was still looking for a diagnosis, my daughter was a baby. There was one day where she asked to hold the baby and she was just quiet and cried a little. I would never have thought to offer the baby to hold, but she just needed that on that day. Everybody is different.

I have three sisters and I found out later in life they all had miscarriages. I never had a miscarriage, nor did my mother. My oldest sister and youngest one had a couple. My oldest sister is obese, and I think that is what caused a lot of them, she had more than one. She did have one child, who is almost 14 now. My other two sisters went to have 3 and the other 5 kids.

I knew my oldest sister had miscarriages and she told me about them. I told her how sorry I was and was there if she needed me. I still don't know how many she had, she didn't always tell me when she had them. I do remember her telling me once after she had my niece, she always wanted to have lots of kids. I told her she was bless to have a beautiful, healthy daughter.

Just be there for your sister, she just might need a ear to hear you, shoulder to cry on (even long distance). Send her a card let her know you are thinking of her. Grieving takes time, allow her to have her time.

God Bless!

i would advise not to worry about you having a miscarriage, just take care of yourself and what will happen will happen, do not let that stand in the way of you starting a family. until i had mine i had no idea but over half the women i know have had at least one if not more.
Pretty much i would say just be there for her and have nice things to say about her. send her thoughtful cards. it takes however long to move through this process of grieving. Its hard to realize but this is a REAL death only she really knows how it feels and you will not be able to empathize with her just because you can't and that can be a frustrating feeling, but she knows you love her and that can be exactly what someone needs. pray pray pray for her, the family for strength and healing. this is a hard very hard obstacle to get through for women and men...more than we would like to think. don't say anything about "getting pregnant again" or "it happens all the time" "gods way of getting the defects out" "at least you're not hurt"
many women feel guilt, anger, helplessness, lonelyness emotionally and physically since every moment of everyday someone is growing inside you...you wanted to have that baby...with time and love she will heal.
dont forget the husband they dont show it a lot but they are hurting too, but expected to be tough for the woman. that was their baby too..
best of luck to everyone in the family

i have heatd that the site www.facesofloss.com is very helpful for people suffering from the loss of a baby. hopefully she can find some comfort there.

let her grieve as much as needed. don't say things like "well, at least you know you can get pregnant" or "it just wasn't meant to be."

i am sorry for her loss

I'm sorry for the loss you are all experiencing. I bought a remembrance necklace for myself. I had such a longing to rub my belly and "hold" my baby. This gave me something around my neck I could reach up and touch and hold. It is a small daisy and has 2 small stones that dangle. A blue stone (boy) and a ruby one, for July when he was due.
On the anniversary of our loss we get donuts for the family and let ourselves cry or laugh or whatever comes out. We all respond differently of the memory. It's our birthday tradition to have donuts, so we do this to acknowledge his birth even though he didn't survive.
He would have been our 6th and I was 16 weeks.

You might find a necklace for her. if anything, it shows her that you acknowledge the loss and that its ok for her to grieve and miss her baby. I don't remember where I found mine, I ordered it online but I googled things like memory jewelry or miscarriage jewelry. It came with a sweet poem and nice box.

As for yourself, try not to expend energy on something that hasn't happened, and might not. You can be proactive by going to the Dr and talking to him about your fears and getting a thorough exam. Stay fit and healthy. There are no guarantees. I had 5 and lost my 6th so you never know. If it does happen to you, know that, yes it will break your heart but you will recover and the pain will become less consuming.

Hang in there. And you really are doing the best thing for her, acknowledging how painful it is and what a great loss it is. Let her greive, don't rush that and try not to talk about your fears with her for a while.

Hugs to you both.