Sibling Party Etiquette

Yes, I do find it rude to ask someone to pay for a party they were invited to. I would invite the child ONLY and then should the parent call w/ RSVP of no, and say b/c they can not find childcare then say "I understand that you can not find childcare, the facility charges 15/head, for materials (or whatever the reason) would you be able to cover that for the older sibling so they can still attend? If not, I understand." Honestly, unless the children are friends with the older siblings (or younger) I see no point in their attendance.

if there is space for the child and you don't mind her being there then just send a message back that the cost for siblings is "X" and that they can pay at the door.

I would just say something like

"Thanks for checking in about this. Unfortunately, we purchased a party package based the number of children in the class. We'd be happy to have ______ join us, but you would have to pay her admission at the door since she wasn't included in our original count. Sorry about this. Let me know what you plan to do, so that I can be sure to have a goodie bag for her if she comes. Looking forward to seeing you!"

To keep things simple, do it exactly like that. Don't add the sib to your count and have mom reimburse you (that's tacky), just let her pay her own admission when she gets there.

HTH
T.

Of course it's ok to ask...that doesn't obligate you to answer yes. Be grateful the parent asked and didn't just show up with sibling in tow! Now that's rude! I don't think it's rude to ask them to pay for the sibling to attend. Since you're okay with the sibling coming, simply say "I don't mind sibling coming, but it is $X per child, and unfortunately we can't cover the cost for siblings." (They may be expecting this anyway)

I've had to bring my other kids along to bday parties at locations where the cost was per child. I called to give the host parent a heads up that my other kids are coming, but that I didn't expect them to be included in the party and I would pay their costs. Both times they had other invited children who didn't show, so my kiddo got their spot (since they had to pay anyway).

To help you understand why parents ask for siblings to attend, here's my situation: My husband does not have traditional work hours, and had to work on the Saturdays of those bday parties. My 2 older boys are not old enough for me to drop them off at a location party (like mini golf, laser tag, or whatever) and parents are expected to stay. We live 30 minutes away from all potential party locations, so driving back and forth isn't an option anyway. I don't know any of the other parents going well enough to ask them to take my kid. I am not going to pay a babysitter so my child can go to a bday party. I am not going to use a valuable babysitting-swap with a friend so my child can go to a bday party. So, if it's important for the birthday kid for my child to attend, then I figure the parent will be willing to work with me. If not, then they'll say no and I'll RSVP no. On the flip side, if it was my party and my son's friend wasn't able to attend because of lack of childcare for siblings, I'd want to know so I could work something out with the parent.

I only have room for invited guests, you can call the place and see if they can accommodate another person. That way they are dealing with the place and not you.

By the way very rude to invite your other kids to a party. Mom up and explain to the other child they are not invited, ya know?

Thea's response is the perfect wording. Your wanting the parent to cover the cost of the uninvited sibling is not rude at all. It would have been more polite for her to have asked in a way that assumed she was covering the cost for her child. I think it's a little cheeky to ask, but as others have mentioned, there may be logistical issues that you don't know about, and it's better than her just showing up with the extra child and creating a really awkward situation.

I think its rude unless she's a really good friend in which case you probably wouldn't be asking this question. It sounds like she needs some free child care.

I would tell the mom that you already have the allowed number of children and any additional will cost X. Don't say anything more and see what she does. She will probably either say, "Oh, okay" or offer to pay.

We always had a rule- if your name isn't on the invitation, you're not going.

It was inappropriate for the parent to ask. Juast tell her that you are being charged by the head, extra kids aren't in the budget, and that if she wants to bring the sibling, she will need to be prepared to cover the cost.

Thea S. said it best. Love her answer.

(It sounds like you are paying for the kids who are invited and are paying per head rather than a straight rate from your post)

Honestly, I think it is really rude of the other parent to ask, unless you and her are really close friends. My husband is deployed and if one of my two gets invited to something but not the other one, I will decline entirely, as I have no one to leave the other kiddo with. People who I am close enough to talk about including both kids would more than likely go ahead and invite both to begin with.

And yes, if the extra kid is coming, I would have no problem saying to the mother - "sure the sibling can come, but as we did not budget for him/her when we planned this party you will need to pay his/her admittance to x party location. Hopefully there will be enough cake . .. ." Quite frankly, if I were to ask a good friend this question, I would volunteer to pay at the same time I asked. If it as a classmate's parent and you have no other connection/friendship, I would have no problem hinting that this is rude behavior.

I am getting ready to have to deal with this myself....
We are planning my little guy's party at build a bear, but only inviting the children his age (4). On the invitation, I put that I needed an RSVP by XX day so I could give a final head count to B-A-B. Underneath that I put *Siblings (older and younger) are welcome, but parents are responsible for the cost if they want to build a bear.

I can't imagine a parent in the world that would expect you to pay for the siblling! I'm SURE she is planning to pay for her (uninvited) child.

And yes...it's rude. But it happens.

Since when did it become okay to send an uninvited sibling along to a party? I just don't get it! I would just tell them the party's for invited guests only.

This is pretty easy. Tell her that the sibling is welcome to attend as long as she stays to keep an eye on her as you will be too busy with the party and guests to watch the sibling, and that she will have to cover the cost of her additional child getting in since you are only paying for the children on the actual "guest list" and it can be quite expensive. If there are additional costs, such as tokens, etc, make sure she also understands that you will only be providing tokens for the birthday child and invited guests. You simply couldn't attempt to have them for all of the siblings. One last thing. if you are in fact doing some type of "goody bags" for the party guests, also let her know that you will only have enough for the children who were invited, otherwise you wouldn't mind giving her one for the sibling. If you tried to have one for ALL of the siblings who may attend, it would be impossible. Most parents are fine with all of this if they truly just want to bring their other child because they plan to stay and don't have anyone to stay with the sibling. It's something that all brothers and sisters need to learn. The sibling should be happy that they got to go to whatever place you are having it at at all. Good luck! Have a great party! Ps- I have NEVER had anyone get upset when I told them these things, and all have attended too. It really isn't a big deal. (well, it hasn't been for us) Enjoy and Happy Birthday!

it is not rude in the slightest. it's pretty rude of the other parent to ask UNLESS she states clearly up front 'i understand there's a charge and will be sending enough $ to cover the uninvited child's costs.'
so long as you're courteous, don't agonize over how to word it. you are not in the wrong, she is. keep it very simple, but please be very clear. you don't want party day being overshadowed by an uncomfortable miscommunication.
'that would be fine. naturally we're covering the costs of the invited guests, so just send $__ for sibling.'
khairete
S.

I only think it's rude if the parent 1) Doesn't ask if there is room for another child 2) Does not offer to pay for the other child. I just had my son's birthday and some of the moms brought their toddlers. I didn't pay for those kids and no one expected me to. My SIL is very annoying and once made a point of saying that she "always" invites siblings to parties. Well, guess what...I don't. But like I said, if the mom is curteous about it and doesn't inconvenience me in any way, I am ok with it.

Hmm well I know there are some kids that would not be allowed to go unless the sibling goes. When we use to have it at the water park we would say in the invitation, Passes will be provided for one parent and one child, though extend family is more than welcome.

Yes, it is rude but it's also rude for that parent to ask about the sibling attending. She should have offered to pay for her other child at the outset of the conversation. We attended a party at Build-a-Bear recently ($15 per child) and another parent simply could not find childcare. It happens. So... she called the host mommy and explained, offering to pay for her little one to make a bear. Polite people on both sides made the situation fun for all of the kids.

In this case, I would suggest that you simply say that you will have to get back to her after you have heard from all of the guests. If there is "room" in your budget and within the party package then her other child is welcome to attend. If not, she's welcome to bring him and pay his entrance at the door.

Just tell her it's fine if she stays to watch her child, but she will have to cover the additional cost since you are only able to cover so many children.

Next time I have a party like that, I'm just going to put that straight on the invite so parents know up front.

I would say "How fun, do you have the price list for your child or do you need me to get it to you?"

I'd have to just say no if the parent was not going to pay for themselves and the child.

I don't think it is a big deal to ask at all. They asked. There are plenty that bring siblings to parties and did not ask if they could come, too. The one asking could be very unaware that it is per-person and/or they are having a hard time getting a babysitter for the sibling. Either way, it is an easy solution, just say, "Sorry, we can only accommodate the kids in the class." Problem solved. I don't think the one asking needs to be accused of being rude.

Also, may I add that I have had plenty of people ask that question, and I too, asked that question (having a husband that works on the weekends, birthday parties are very hard for us to go to). If I know for sure it is a paid for each child thing, I would offer to pay the extra child(ren)'s part if they would allow my other kids to come.

I guess if you sent out invitations and stated that they will be charged per person, they already are aware that they would have to pay.(?) If not, then I would just let them know again that their is a cost per child, and let them decide what they want to do. However, it does make for an awkward setup when asking people to pay for their child to come to a birthday party. Especially then having them ask if their sibling can attend.

It's not necessarily rude on your part( especially if you already notified on the invitation that there would be a charge per kid) , or inappropriate on theirs, but it is awkward. I don't think I ever was charged to go to a Birthday party, unless it was at a theme park or something that would cost a great amount of money.

It is so weird to me that this idea of siblings/parties keeps coming up. I cannot even wrap my head around it. When you create a guestlist, you invite who you want to invite. Siblings are not a package deal; the are individual people! I have twin stepsons and even they are invited as singles all the time. I can't even IMAGINE calling a hostess to ask if my other children could come too. That just seems incredibly rude to me. If you don't have childcare for your other children, why not call the hostess instead and say, "Johnny would love to come, but we can't get him there due to childcare issues -- could you please let me know who else is invited so I can organize a carpool?" Or, just drop Johnny off at the party and pick him up when it's over.

You've gotten good answers here on how to word your response -- just wanted to add my two-cents on this issue!