Should I Feel Obligated to Throw a Baby Shower for My Nephew's Wife?

You throw a shower because you want to, not because the mother to be hints and expects it. Is she looking for more gifts and attention. That is rather odd, especially since she's already having a shower with a large family. People can have as many showers as people are willing to give but I wouldn't do it because it was expected of me. Where's the fun of that? Is she going to tell you how to throw it as well? LOL

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

I expect you'll have to ask her outright. There's no point in sitting around and wondering. Some women do have more than one shower given for them.

I would have a bad taste in my mouth, so to speak, if a relative or even a friend said, "You have to give me a party." But sometimes it's worth doing to preserve harmony in the family.

If she already has a big family shower scheduled I wouldn't think she was expecting you to have all of her family and friends. Perhaps she means that you should have a shower for YOUR family and friends as oftentimes they are not all invited to the shower given by the brides side. My husbands sisters and family did this for me and it was nice. All the random aunts and cousins got to come that I didn't invite to the one my mom and sister threw for me b/c it would have been just too many people.
If she just wants another shower with the same people the answer should be no. It is poor manners to invite a guest to TWO showers-unless it is the bride's mother or sister or grandma.

don't feel obligated to throw it. If you want to help with it thats fine. Maybe let them know the next time they hint that you wold love to help out with a dish or cupcakes or something specific so they know you are not throuwing a shower. Tell them whomever is hosting to give you a call so you can offer assistance. =0)

If she wants you to throw her a shower she should ask. Its called communication. ;) I wouldn't do it just because she is dropping hints.

No, you should not feel obligated, especially considering the fact that she's already being given a shower. I realize it's the new norm for people to have multiple showers, but that in no way makes you obligated to throw her one.

What?? One shower isn't enough for her? And you're not her mom or sister anyway. If this is how she operates, I'd be worried for your nephew...

Many people have multiple showers ... one for friends, one for family, one for co workers ... maybe she is looking for you to throw the family shower. I would not feel obligated unless asked directly, however I would find out who is attending the shower that is already planned.

No, you shouldn't feel obligated. And don't feel guilty.

She is lucky & should be grateful she is getting one shower, because a lot of people don't even get that. I did have 2 showers, but that was because I had one at work & then a personal shower.

When you can throw one & invite everyone to it, I don't understand why they'd expect you to take on the stress & expense of throwing another shower for someone who already has family planning one.

When she drops a hint, say something like "I would be honored to help with your shower. Who should I contact so I can offer my services and provide our side of the family's names and addresses?".

I don't get separate showers...you have one shower for friends and family (both sides). The only thing beyond that would be if co-workers did something on their own.

You have no obligation to throw her a shower and she's rude to hint that she expects you throw one. She shouldn't ever EXPECT anyone to throw her one. No one is entitled to a shower. Plus as you said there's already a shower being planned. Just play dumb and ignore her not-so-subtle hints.

It's nice for people to "hint" at something but that does not mean it will happen. If she really wants you to do a shower she should speak up as you are not a mind reader. Since there is a big shower planned, I would not do a separate - I might bring something in food or drink and a gift but that is it.

Stand you ground and do what you feel you can. No one is twisting your arm to do so.

The other S.

PS I remember my mother saying you don't get everything you want in life.

only if your side isn't going to the big one

ah no way! It sounds like her family and friends took care of that. Hopefully you were invited and gave a nice gift that will be useful...Enough said.

Once the baby is here what they will need most is help...i.e. babysitting so Mama bear can get a few hours of sleep...a few hot meals so they don't have to worry about what to eat...especially from having sleepless nights. Running errands etc..you get my meaning.

You are under no obligation to have a shower for this girl. If she was all alone in the world except for her husband and his family, that would be different. Some people are just greedy.

Blessings....

You are under no obligation to throw a party for anyone. If you want to that's fine but you don't have too. You are the aunt, there are a host of others who are more likely candidates for the hosting of this party, others such as her parents, siblings, her other relatives, and/or friends, even his parents or siblings too would all be likely candidates before you.

If she has a shower already in the works why does she need another one? I don't get either why she expects you to throw her a shower anyway. That's usually a job for her side of the family or a close friend. So no, I wouldn't feel obligated to throw her a shower.

Is your side of the family invited to the large shower? If not, someone in your family should throw one, but that doesn't mean you.

I personally wouldn't do if she "expects" me too. If she's already had one I wouldn't concern myself with it. Just give her nice gift if you haven't already and leave it at that. You are not obligated to do it. Just my thoughts.

I think it's better if everyone is included in one shower. Talk to your nephew's mom and ask if both sides can be included in the one shower. It may be a space concern. Maybe if a group of you all contributed to renting a place she can have one big shower. A lot of bowling alleys have banquet rooms, so do public golf clubs. The cost of those is not as high as say a restaurant or hotel. You don't have to serve a meal just a nice cake and coffee,tea and water.

Ask your nephew. I'm sure he knows. Then do what you feel is best (have one or not). If it's not a big deal and it keeps the peace - have one.