Hosting Your OWN Baby Shower? UPDATED

Updated on April 20, 2011
D.P. asks from Beverly Hills, CA
30 answers

I have a co-worker that has a SIL who is hosting her own baby shower. She sent out evites herself.
Isn't this a bit odd? I thought a mom, sister or close friend, office-mate, etc. always hosted baby showers--not the mom-to-be!

BTW, it is her 2nd baby and she did have a shower thrown for her for her first. (I'm not questioning whether a shower for a second baby is appropriate--it's hosting and inviting people yourself that's making me say Hmmmm...."

Is this common now to host YOUR OWN shower?

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Featured Answers

T.N.

answers from Albany on

Good Lord, are people really still getting married, having babies, throwing showers?! Tehehe, if they spent some time on THIS site, they may change their minds!
Times change, customs evolve, what's SOOO shocking today will be common place tomorrow.....

So are YOU going to the shower then?

:)

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4 moms found this helpful

M.P.

answers from Provo on

. . .Ouch. I guess I'm tacky then LOL. For those of you who don't know my history on here, I decided to keep my son last minute so I literally had nothing. My sister was the one that bought the food and what not, but I'm the one that actually planned it and invited all of the guests. I know in this case I wasn't being tacky and the SIL of a coworker was. Maybe she had some valid reason??????

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T.E.

answers from York on

I haven't read the other posts, but I think it's downright tacky! Things these days that might be common are still bad etiquette. Maybe I'm just old school.

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K.M.

answers from Chicago on

I did not have a baby shower because no one threw one for me ... so go her for being pro active, I gave birth to my baby with VERY little since we had to buy it all ourselves and this was my first so I had little to no clue what I really needed. Luckily both sets of grandparents flew in 3weeks later and took us on a HUGE shopping spree. So, more power to her for doing it herself.

6 moms found this helpful

L.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I was thinking along the same lines as Scarlett.

I recently had a wedding shower... I didn't throw it myself, but beause the 2 cousins who planned it are very close friends of mine, it really was a joint venture between the 3 of us with regard to planning, sending out invites, etc. They basically consulted me on everything, and I had the list of names and addresses, so I actually sent out the invites, even though I was not "hosting" the shower. And now that you mention it, I realize that I put my return address on the shower invites, so it probably looked like I hosted myself a wedding shower too! (>_<)

Really, I didn't! LOL

But I can definitely see how it may have looked that way. The shower was hosted by our mother's, and my 2 cousins... but yeah, if you are TRULY hosting your own shower, it's a little tacky, especially for a second child unless there is a big age gap, or gender difference. But even at that, maybe she didn't have anyone willing to do it for her, but she needs the stuff? I don't know... But giving the benefit of the doubt, she may just be involved in the planning whilst someone else is actually *throwing* the shower...

5 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Hartford on

It's not only odd, but it's tackiest of the tacky. It's incredibly rude to host your own baby shower (or any shower of any kind) and to plan your own shower. I don't attend showers hosted by the "guest" of honor.

Edit: The reason a shower is tacky and rude to throw for yourself is because it's NOT a party to celebrate the new baby. It's a party intended to shower the new parents with gifts for the new baby. It's a gift grab. That's the entire purpose of a shower. That's what it means. It's rude without question to throw a shower for yourself. Gifts are never to be "expected" even at shower but not for nothing, that's the whole purpose of a shower. If you attend a shower you're almost obligated to bring a gift.

If you're throwing a "welcome new baby" party, that's a different matter. That would be after a baby has been born and should not be called a shower. It should also be made clear that gifts are not expected.

4 moms found this helpful

T.K.

answers from Dallas on

I have to think maybe you arent getting the whole story on this. You are 3 people removed from the situation and the coworker may not like this sil so there is all sorts of room for misunderstanding or facts lost in translation. I think, as presented, yes, that's odd, tacky, strange. But I'm going to go out on a limb and say there's more to the story. Like maybe - her best friend offered to throw a shower but is a complete flake and has put the work off on her. I really hope this girl has enough friends and family to throw her a shower. If not, I would hope your coworker would take the challenge on herself and offer to take over and throw her one.

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S.T.

answers from New York on

Amazing how rude people people can be. It's never appropriate to give yourself a shower - it's basically a grab for gifts. This person has had a baby and I assume a shower at some time in the past? If invited I would have a prior commitment - but still send the gift I would have otherwise sent once the baby arrives. YIKES - what next?

To add to my original answer - she has had a shower before - unless it's been a long time since the first baby or if she now lives in a different area - a shower isn't called for - she's still got the car seat, high chair, pack-n-play, etc. Also - in this era when people don't always baptize or dedicate their baby or have a bris or baby naming we do see a lot of people have a "come meet the new baby" party - but that's after the baby's born and we get to actually see the baby - so the reason for the party is to celebreat this new life.

This sounds like a pre-baby party - which is a shower.

My neice's co-workers just threw her a "sprinkle" luncheon for her second baby - she's got an almost 3 yr old and they juat wanted to send her off sweetly - they had a nice lunch, a cake and all chipped in on one gift. I think that's more appropriate. I also threw a shower for my firend who was having her 3rd child who was 6 yrs younger and was unplanned. She had already given away all of her baby stuff and we were a newer circl of friends who didn't know her when baby 1 & 2 were born.

Just sayin'

3 moms found this helpful

Y.C.

answers from New York on

Not sure, I think a new baby should be always a reason to celebrate, I like to think baby showers as celebrations for the new baby, maybe I was just wrong.
To say the true, to me it will look sad more then odd.
My older is 13, so no need to say that I had anything for when I got pregnant with my now 3 year old.
All my family is in Mexico, so I knew I wasn't going to have a baby shower because I also have very few friends.
My MIL and SIL, made me a baby shower, I barely knew anybody at it, and I ask them to please don't do it, I explain them that I would feel very uncomfortable because I didn't even knew these people.
They wanted to do it anyway, I thought my baby was something they wanted to celebrate too, I also was thankful not only for all the presents I got but for the thought they had for me. If it wasn't for them I would have to get all on my own and I wouldn't have pictures to show to my baby about her baby shower.
To be honest, the second one is the one that means more for me, ten again I am a little obsessed with pictures because I lost so many.

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R..

answers from Chattanooga on

I would host my own if it didn't seem like anyone else wanted to hold one for me. Who knows, maybe her friends/family can't afford to throw her one, so she is hosting her own to save them from the financial burden. (Sometimes showers can be pretty pricy!)

~As far as the 2nd shower thing... I would want to know how long ago her first was born, is the gender of the baby different... etc? In my family, we usually have a shower for each baby. Not because we are 'greedy' for gifts, but because we always pass along our stuff, so when the next baby comes we don't have our baby stuff any more... We usually get small gifts (diapers, clothes, toys, etc.) from everyone, and as the pregnancy progresses we start to accumulate the furniture and other 'big' things back. If they are too used by then, usually a few members of the family will 'pool' to buy a new item, or the expectant parents will buy it themselves. (who knows, maybe she had given away all her stuff to someone who needed it more, and now she doesn't have anything to use for the new baby...)

Also, it isn't about the gifts in my family. It's about getting together to have fun, play games, and celebrate the incoming addition. We celebrate each and every child, because each one is an exciting prospect. :)

I didn't get a shower for my DD because I moved across the country, and didn't know anyone where I moved.

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A.S.

answers from Iowa City on

I find it a bit odd and have yet to be invited to a self-hosted baby shower so I don't think it is terribly common. Hosting a "Come Meet the New Baby" party which basically turns out to be a shower after the fact is fairly common in these parts.

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M.R.

answers from Chicago on

Yes it is odd. It's a greedy grab for gifts, in my opinion.

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A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

Depends. One of my closest out of state friends hosted her own. I think it depends on the concept/people you're inviting. In her case, she knew everyone invited was busy with their own kids, they wouldn't think to throw one for her SECOND kid, they were a wealthy group of city SAHM's who wouldnt' be burdened by it and wanted to get together ANYWAY since everyone had gotten out of touch, and she specified no gifts necessary. They decided to make it a mom's cocktail party and brought champagne to stock up on. She sent the invites herself.

As for moms who really need the gifts, I wouldn't mind if someone threw their own. I think it's a good idea. I was lucky friends threw one for my first (but not second 2 :) But not everyone has friends/family able/on the ball enough to do that, and everyone deserves a shower!

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

It definitely sounds a bit odd.

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E.G.

answers from Philadelphia on

No one threw me a shower for my first or second child. They were adopted but still all friends and coworkers and family knew they were coming-though not an exact date (though that shouldn't matter). That's ok with me because I hate parties and my sons received a lot of gifts after they came home. But for some people things like showers are very important-like prom, like wedding showers, like all those traditional things-and so more power to this woman who knows that she'll regret not having at least one baby shower and doing what she needs to do!
BTW, I tried to throw a shower for a coworker that is adopting but no other coworkers would agree to come or anything so if anyone reads this, please think about your friends and families that are adopting and think outside of the box and throw them a shower!! There are lots of websites with party and gift ideas for adoption showers. It doesn't matter how a child comes to a family, it is a joyous time and should be treated just as all those other events of life that everyone is more than happy to get a gross sheet cake for and put up streamers and get some gift cards!

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J.E.

answers from Dallas on

I threw my own baby shower with my first (we actually had 2 showers). The 1st shower was a family/friends with kids shower here at our house, during the summertime so we had a huge pool party where people did bring gifts and such. The 2nd shower was a friends shower (no kids--it was an evening party) where we had a margarita machine, cookout and had a great time with friends one last time to hang out before the baby came.

I had family and friends offer to throw a baby shower for me but I declined it because I wanted it to be the party I wanted, NOT what the other people had in mind. My husband was there for both parties and a huge help (I would have hated it being anywhere else because dragging all those presents back home would have been real hard on me by myself).

Maybe this friend of yours does not want to burden other people with having to throw her shower so she decided to do it herself (be it monetary or time consuming).

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L.F.

answers from Chicago on

Ugh. It is odd. But who am I to say that a mom-to-be or new mommy can't throw herself a party or invite people over to see the baby. It just doesn't need to be labeled as a baby shower. Just because they don't have a baby shower doesn't mean that those who care about them won't get them gifts anyway. Turning a gift opportunity into an obligation tends to alienate some people. Everyone is not entitled to a shower. Ultimately, the parents are responsible for buying everything they need for their children.

I do tend to think that a lot of showers that I have been invited to are tacky. (I especially hate the practice of being asked to write my address on my own thank you card....) But the important thing is to wish the baby or newlyweds well. If I have a problem with any of the festivities, I just decline the invitation.

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S.L.

answers from New York on

My first thought was "OH, she must not have friends or family! How sad!"
but then who would come?

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T.L.

answers from St. Louis on

I would never host my own shower I do believe that is a bit tacky no matter how rich or poor. If she wants a shower I hope she has some friends of some sort. Even if the friends can't afford the shower she could always just help out financially if she can and let the friends take all the credit.

Sorry, but I want to comment on the whole 2nd shower thing too. I think it is also tacky to have showers past the first anything, baby, marriage, etc... As someone posted I know things change, but it just seems needy of people to have showers for everything. And NO I do not attend 2nd showers for anyone or anything.

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T.B.

answers from Miami on

NEVER host your own shower of anything. TACKY! I would assume she's desperate for gifts and I would be turned off to get an invite from someone who is hosting their own shower.

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

I think it is odd to have a shower for a second, but not soooooo odd as to be completely out of the norm, but throwing your own shower? Very odd and tacky indeed.

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M.M.

answers from Tucson on

I thought baby showers were to celebrate the up comming birth of the baby. I think it would be fine if she put no gifts on invitations. It would be like a birthday party for unborn baby. I agree it is tacky if she's asking people to give her stuff. Most people will just give gifts if they want to anyways. I'm having my 3rd baby and our first boy, but i'm not having a shower. Lots of people have given us gifts anyways, which i am thankful for.

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A.B.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I think it's a bit tacky on both counts...

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S.S.

answers from Daytona Beach on

maybe everyone told her they wouldn't throw one for her? don't know. i don't think i'd have the you-know-whats to throw one for myself.

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K.B.

answers from St. Louis on

Yes it is odd. She shouldn't be hosting her own shower. I basically planned and provided the venue for one of my showers because the individuals who were "hosting" lived in another state. However, they sent out the invites, did purchase the food, and all of that other stuff that goes along with hosting. If you host it yourself it's almost like your saying "I want a bunch of presents so come give them to me" where as if someone else hosts it it's saying "we want to celebrate her being pregnant"

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

No, ticky tacky.

I would never do this and certainly would not want my daughter doing this,

If you can afford the shower, you ca afford to go out and purchase what you need.

I am hoping like someone else said, she was asked to do the invites, because she has all of the email addresses, but she could have actually placed the hostesses names on the invite.

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M.S.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I haven't read any of the other posts, but this definitely seems to be the trend. My friend's sister threw her own shower because she didn't like the way her mom was doing it, haha. That was years ago and I've heard of them popping up every so often.

I used to think was tacky, but then I feel hypocritical . . . My son was 10wks early, so no chance for a shower. My sisters were going to throw one when he was a month old, but he couldn't make white blood cells, was thought to have leukemia and we couldn't leave the house (except for blood draws) for almost 6mos. Once he was cleared of that worry, at 6mos old, we threw a 'coming out party' for him of sorts, so folks could finally meet him. We'd received so many gifts within those 6mos, that it wasn't about gifts, but some folks brought gifts. And I often feel like I've thrown my own shower.

We're adopting our next child and a friend promised to throw a meet-and-greet shower once we're home and settled with the new baby, which I think is a perfect solution for us.

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K.B.

answers from Philadelphia on

Sure, why not? I'm sure there's a real for it, but if there's not I wouldn't be bothered by it. Every baby needs a celebration so it doesn't matter who throws it. When the child is born the mom throws the birthday party herself to celebrate each year. Why can't the mom throw the party to celebrate her child's upcoming birth?

On a side note, for those who feel a baby shower for second or third babies is inappropriate, EVERY child deserves to be celebrated in one form or another!

**I needed to add that baby showers are not just for getting gifts. You don't have to bring a gift! It is to get together, enjoy each other's company, play games, eat, and celebrate the upcoming child! So to say that if the next child is the same sex you don't need another shower?? Again, it's not about getting stuff! So what if they're asking for diapers and wipes? For those who feel the mother is being a gift grabber, YOU yourself is someone who feels a shower is all about getting gifts so shame on you yourself!

EVERY CHILD DESERVES TO BE CELEBRATED!!!!!!!!

I got a shower for my first son, who was suppose to be a girl so I got all pink. 8 years later I got another shower for my second son. 9 years later I didn't really get a shower and I was having TRIPLETS! But one friend and her daughter threw me a surprise "shower" and it was just those two, me and my husband. They bought me a few things and you know what I cared about? THE THOUGHT! The time we spent together! The cute cake!

These old outdated thoughts of "gift grabbers" has to go!!!!!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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A.S.

answers from San Diego on

I was thinking about this and here is my opinion. I think that if the baby is the same sex, then why would you need another shower. Can't you use the same things again? Why would you need new stuff for the same sex baby? That is a bit greedy for me. If the child is of a different sex then I think it's okay. I had a friend that had a baby shower for her fifth child. I was a bit irked by this since she had four children. The fifth is a boy, she has four girls, but um really? I know that there is the fact that she needs boys clothes, okay. But I thought that after a certain amount of kids it was just, um, tacky? Maybe I am wrong that was just how I was feeling. My Sister in Law didn't want a shower for her second. Her first was a girl and the second a boy. I guess it all depends on the person and their motives.

D.S.

answers from Allentown on

Hi, D.:

Ask her why she is doing it herself.
Just a thought.
Get it from the horse's mouth.
D.

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