I don't know how to get this out, so I will try my best. I am a single mom to two teenagers. One is in college, the other is in 8th grade. The problem I am having right now is that I feel that I want to end my life. The only thing keeping me from it are my kids, but at their ages they don't need me that much. The stress and anxiety are overwhelming. I tried meds but they don't work. I just feel like I wouldn't be missed and that all of my sadness and pain will end. I do have things that I thought I had gotten over creep back up on me. I was raped when I was 15 and my daughter is a product of that. I love her with all my heart, but I seem never to forget how she got here. I also went through two abusive relationships. The first was my ex-husband who was mentally and emotionally abusive(physical twice). Then my last relationship got physical and that's when I left CA and came to PA to be close to family. Now there's more stress. I have been away from my family for 13 yrs. and I have changed a lot so it's not workin' out that well. I am a Christian, but sometimes I feel that God is not there. I don't know what to do. I moved here from CA a little over a year ago and haven't been able to find a church home that I feel welcome in. What to do, what to do?
I would like to thank everyone for their responses. I put in a prayer request at a church I visited a couple of times. The pastor contacted me and I will be going to talk to him on Wed. This is a beginning for me. Thanks again to the moms who reached out to me.
Please, please listen to the suggestions already given and get help. Don't give up on finding a church home, just keep visiting different ones and you will know when you've found "the one." Good luck to you and thank you for speaking out about a terrifying and overwhelming problem instead of giving up.
A.,
I know you are feeling that life doesn't seem worth it and that your kids don't need you but... Your kids need you sooo much, even if they don't act like it! Remember your children as they were when were small and very needy, they needed your love, comfort, your touch and your help. Just because they have grown and don't need for you to make them a meal or help them in the bathroom, they need to feel your love whenever they are having difficulties in their life, they need to feel your support to know that you'll be there for them when they need a trusted opinion and they need to know you'll be there fir them when they get married or have children or even just when they are feeling sick. You are very much needed and loved, I'm sorry that it is hard to see it on a day to day basis. I think at your kids ages they are very much in their own zone, their friends and own goals are in their direct forfront And you as the parent are put on the backburner. But, the fact that you are still on that burner and will always be there is sooo important for your kids to know and feel that. Saying that.... I know that you deep down know that your kids need you but it's hard for you to get out of the feelings your having.. I wish for you to go out and find something that you love to do, whether it be taking a walk, dancing, doing pottery, do something that makes you feel good. Keep looking for that home church that you feel comfortable with. There are people that are having similar feelings out there and need you to help them get out of their funk. Remember that depression is a very difficult time but the fog will end and you will see things clearer during that time. Life Will get easier! Please take a moment to give yourself credit fir what you have dine in your life Nd love yourself for just that moment it takes to make a phone call for help. I am a friend and mother too and I have been down this road before....the clouds DO pass. Please message me if you need to talk more! L.
How brave you are to reach out for help. Can you do it one more time? Please remember that clinical depression is a disease. You should not expect to be able to "snap out of it" or "pull yourself together." I know that when you are in such a dark place, it is possible that all the love and support offered by these moms might not reach you. That's what depression is. Please get into counseling immediately. You can change this. And we'll be here for you every step of the way.
Stay strong. I lost my mom when I was 17 and I miss her daily. Your kids need you more than you know. I don't have a lot of advice, but I just wanted you to know how valuable you are.
Is there a professional you can speak to? Maybe someone at http://www.hopeline.com can help.
Stay strong. You can do this. Stay strong.
A., I'm so glad you reached out. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I see that you are a devoted mom, and you homeschool your son. Don't abandon your kids! Things will get better. I speak from experience.
I did a quick search and found this resource in our area: http://feelingblue.org/preventing-suicide/suicide-anonymous
They can help put you in touch with a support group based on the 12-step model. If this isn't helpful, please get professional help. You can and deserve to feel better. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
A.,
Please, please, please do not give up. I wish I had a recommendation for a medical professional or a church, but I do not. I do know that your life is worth it and that there is someone out there who can help you and you need to find help now. Your kids need you no matter how old they are. My husband lost his father at 30 and he still is not over it. He also lost his mother at 18 and being without parents at any age is very, very hard. Think of all the things you will miss out on with your kids. Helping them through school and college, their first apartment, their first house, weddings, grandkids. Imagine them knowing that you chose not to be there for those things. You have a medical problem and it can be fixed, please keep trying. If you feel things are that bad, please go to the emergency room. You don't have to live like this. Your life is worth the effort. I will be thinking of you and sending you strength.
Please please call 1800-suicide. This is a hotline and there is someone on the other end of that phone who can help you. I hope you find the strength you need to pull out of this so that your children have their mom for a long time!
I agree with everyone, also along with everthing else, maybe a lot of the depression comes from feeling alone, reach out, there are several hobby groups, J. look on yahoogroups, meetupgroups, there are even groups for single parents to meetup and hangout, if you like dogs there are dog meetup groups, hiking groups...you should take advantage of this time in your life, your kids need you more than ever at their age, they may not need you to do simple things like dress them or feed them, but they need you to guide them, even if they resist, everyone I know always says if you're kids seem annoyed with you or don't like you, it's a sign you're doing the right thing. J. stick with it, they'll come arround, you're at tough ages right now, ecspecially for being single, but take advantage of the extra time and socialize, maybe try a nondenominational more laid back church, try some hobby groups, do the other suggestions people say, maybe volunteer if you have extra time, you'll meet great friends and feel good by helping others, there are soup kitchens, orphanages...but most of all don't give up! There is so much to life you haven't seen yet,and you're kids will come around, also I don;t homeschooland I think it;s great you've been able to, but maybe a lot of your depression comes from arguing with your kids, I know 13 is a tough age, maybe speak to a counselor and reevaluate all of your decisions and do what it takes to make you happy and continue living.
