Depression with Baby

I personally think its totally normal. Its a adjustment having kids. As much as I love and adore my kids I miss adults and having adult conversations. Especially being a SAHM. When Daddy gets home some days I am ready to hand him the baby and run out the door. With the winter and being stuck in the house It was really tough. I hope this helps in any way. Good luck!

H. - http://www.babybluesconnection.org/ is a great organization. ###-###-#### - If you go to "contact us" you will be able to get help.

Take care!

Bea

Yes, what you are feeling is totally normal. I had the same problem until my daughter was 14 months. Maybe not total depression just baby blues. Women are the default care takers, I had to quit my job. Find a free play group and socialize, it will make all the difference to hear other peoples problems or that others are in the same boat and you are not alone.

Dear H.,
I am a 64 year old mother/grandmother. I have not forgotten the rut I felt I was in while raising my children. It is not even remotely unusual for you to feel like you are marking time and not really enjoying life. You are on call 24/7 and this is very taxing. I used to feel like I was wading through the days. I must say the worst time for this is during the winter months. Once the sun comes out and you can get outside and into the world a bit more I'm sure you will feel much different. I am not going to tell you to join a group or seek counciling, because it sounds like you are simply feeling shut in. This will pass. I know that when I was stuck inside with the children I often felt mired in the legnth of the day and the lack of activity. Give yourself a break, pat yourself on the back and tell yourself it will be ok, because it certainly will.
My Best to you,
J. S

You MUST read this book. To be honest, I haven't read it yet, but I've seen Naomi Wolf discuss it on TV (and she is one of my favorite non-fiction writers). I don't have kids, but many of my friends who do call crying, losing it, etc. I think it's something more women need to talk about--before and AFTER they have children.

Misconceptions: Truth, Lies, and the Unexpected on the Journey to Motherhood by Naomi Wolf (Paperback - Feb 4, 2003)

I'll be thinking of you,
Shaindel

Hello there H.!
What is "normal"? All I can tell you is that I had some troubles when my child was an infant too. I am usually a very upbeat person and yet many times all I could focus on were the negative possibilities, the horrible "what ifs".
Try to break the routine when you can. Tie that baby to you and get out. Be the tour guide for your child. Show the flowerers and the birds, give things names and tell what they do. Get to a coffee shop and sit with something. Get out into the world, maybe you'll meet another mom. This is what I did.
One particularly dreadful morning I was walking in my quiet neighborhood feeling awful, wrung out and very unattractive. An elder man saw me walking toward his side of the street as he stood on his front porch to get the paper. Looking right at me, smiling he said "good morning beautiful!" This continues to be a sweet memory for me and a wonderful gift from a stranger.
You are doing the heavy lifting for society and you are beautiful. Lift the restrictions and take care of yourself. If nothing seems to help call in the professionals and get what you need. Sending you many blessings sweet girl.

This is ABSOLUTELY normal, and ABSOLUTELY something that can be helped! So many body and hormone changes, and such dramatic lifestyle changes, you'd probably be lying if you said it was a breeze. I read the other suggestions and they are right-on, do not rule out medication if it might help you get through this period of time. I would add that if you are prepared and know that depression can creep up unexpectedly, then it's no longer unexpected. (Note to others: Plan to visit moms you know with preschoolers soon! They will appreciate it!) Physical movement is the most effective deterrent, but needs to be applied early before you're completely lethargic. Break the routine, sleep when you need to sleep (no guilt! Taking care of Mommy is a part of taking care of Baby!) Allow yourself a "couch day" every week or two for awhile (lay low, watch a couple movies, cry...I used to watch Little House on the Prairie re-runs early mornings to cry and get it out of my system, then take a shower and head outside, getting back around lunchtime). I promised myself if I had a couch day one day, I would begin early to catch everything up the next day, before I felt worn down. Spring will afford more opportunities to get out. Try to experience it and see little signs of it in the neighborhood. Take Baby to a big church downtown (ie, Catholic church on 9th) for a change of scenery and just sit there for 5 minutes. (I am not Catholic, but it's a refreshing and beautiful setting.) Wander around a museum. Morning mall walking is nice once in awhile, especially right at opening. Afternoons in downtown Redmond or Pike Place Market are getting nicer with better weather. The zoo is a must in summer. Make appointments with friends, but not every day, give yourself time. Bake something and take it to a neighbor. (Bake a little extra to share with Daddy!) Swim lessons with Baby are fun together. Do something different, and be sure to read about Baby's current development, this will help you appreciate her experiences more. My kids are now 21 and 22. I determined to live through this, and you will, too! Best wishes!!

One thing that helped me that first year was a women's bible study with Childcare or MOPS group. You can have an hour or two with adult conversation and your baby is happy with the trained workers and other kids. And most of these programs are free or very low cost and meet once a week.

The first year is very hard. I found the hardest part was losing my independence and having someone absolutely depending on me. So your feelings are normal. I also had a gym with childcare and I'd work out and hour or two everyday. I met people there, got exercise and another break from my son. It was good for him too to see me taking care of myself physically and for him to play. Now he is training for his first 5k run!

Hi H., I had a bit of depression realizing that my new life would never be the same as my old life. I was aware of and very frightened of Post-Partum Depression so I kept reminding myself of it and trying to keep upbeat. If you are having serious depression or have more than a bad day at a time, talk to someone in your family - boyfriend / husband, parent, someone and have them take the baby for a bit so you can get out alone now and then. You don't want to keep this emotion balled up inside. It can become a serious thing and is very real. Take care of yourself too - it will be better for both of you.

Depression and a feeling of restriction is PERFECTLY normal. Having a baby is such a huge change in life. Going from being independant person acomplishing tasks and seeing your progress very quickly in previous role to taking care of your precious little one that dictates your schedule was hard for me too. It took time for me to see and realize how important providing for and caring for the basic needs of another life (it seems so simple but it takes so much time and energy). I've learned that incorporating walks into schedule (something we both love), depending on my network of friends/family, getting silly with my little one and doing something for myself every now and again (a bath does wonders for me) helps me during those hard days. Now I relish in the hardest and most rewarding job I've ever had.

Hi H.,

I have only have one child but I was in my early thirties. I think our hormones go a little wacky when we have children a little later in life. I am sure your feelings are normal and you should take some time for yourself but you may want to talk to your OB about this. My OB was really good about giving me a list of options so I could pick the one that is best for me. Hang in there! :)

Yes, its normal. But make an effort to do something about it. Dont get yourself stuck in a permanat rutt

I think it is more common then most people know or maybe even want to admit. I come from a family that has a high rate of mental illness. So for some reason I found it embarrassing. My mom was not really able to handle life like most can so I felt embarrassed I didn't have a mom like "most kids" so after I had my 2nd child I really tried to pretend like nothing was wrong. When I went to my 1 yr pap I totally played it down to the doctor. Lucky for me she is awesome and was able to pick up on the reality of the issue. She put me on a low dose of Zolfot(sp) and with in a month I didn't feel out of control. I did have some side effects that were not great,(no sex drive, horrible heart burn and increased appetite) but It was just what I needed. I only took them for a little over 4 months and I also got a hobby,(which turned into a business)and that was a big help because it gave me time to be mewith out being mom 24/7 and I wouldn't do anything differently. Talk to your doctor and be honest with her/him and yourself. I found that to be the hardest part. Hope this helps a little.

Hi H.!
Lots of good advice coming in. Sounds like, first, you should try to get out of the house as much as you can with your baby. I found that I was really nervous to take my first child out and about. What if she cried? What if she pooped? What if, what if, what if....However, when I finally did start doing things, I found that it was really easy and kinda fun! I loved showing off my baby and she got lots of attention. It kinda made grocery shopping more entertaining. Now, I shop with all three of my kids! In fact, I feel so cool because I can shop with three kids!
Another thing to look at is antidepressants. I did have to go on them for a few months after my third child. My body was running very slow. I hurt all over and cried alot. The antidepressants got my body running full speed again. It was a good thing. Maybe you could just talk with your doctor about how you are feeling and see what he/she thinks. Just a thought.
Good Luck! This is a huge transition in your life. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!! In fact, you are very lucky that you get to do it. :)
A.

I think this is normal. Between hormone changes, and huge life changes it is bound to happen to many of us. I know I go through it myself with a two yr old high functioning little boy and a 6 month old beautiful girl. I know in some ways I've never been happier. But also never so isolated. My husband encourages me to find play groups and to get out of the house.
Get online and find play groups in your area.
10 months is a tough age, not always walking, but wanting to get around. Take her to parks, shopping with you. Find other mother's to hang out with. Also know that it will change soon and you will be able to do more with her. Spring is coming and you will be able to get outside.

Good luck!! Hang in there. Things will get better.
-Brandi

Dear H.,
I imagine you will get a LOT of responses. YES! It is normal to feel depressed about 10month old routines. We adopted our daughter at 10 months. I love her and she is a blessing, and I remember laying in bed crying for my old life. "I'm never going to sleep through the night again." "There is no me anymore" "All I want to do is read a book for myself!" - sound familiar?

Unfortunately, our culture isolates new moms, and idealizes motherhood as the thing that is supposed to "make me happy". In truth, it's hard work!

I encourage you to get out with your baby - try a coffee place good for families, like Play Boutique in Lake Oswego, or a kid-friendly place on Moxie Moms (http://www.moxie-moms.com/ortualatin/index.php). Join the MOMS club - really worth it, not that expensive. They are local moms like you, and when you join you'll learn of activities that are appropriate for you and your child, or some sponsored moms night out activities. Many chapters organize play groups with kids the same age.
Go to a Music Together class (www.musictogether.com) - it's for moms and kids age 0-5. It's great for early learning, and you'll be with other parents of kids the same age.

Hire a sitter and get out. I was deep in my life-change stupor and had to have someone say "Call a sitter." Duh. Somehow that hadn't occurred to me.

Finally, I urge you to get some support, too. Depression is real, and so is deep sadness. Look at www.RememberTheJoy.com for a local therapist who has been there (me!).

Wishing you breathing space,
L.
Mom to a beautiful 2 year old girl, who was once a screaming 10 month old.

This is very normal-I agree with the others take time out for yourself. I don't know your financial situation and maybe you cant afford goign by yourself or witha friend but because our budget was so tight I did these things. Go grocery shopping by yourself-no children and no husband. While you do that stop by and pick up a favorite cold or hot coffee. When you husband gets home maybe after dinner put some music on in the bathroom-lock the door and take 30 minutes to an hour to take care of yourself-make sure you buy yourself some bubbles for a bath, facial mask, or a foot scrub. Another quick thing that may take you an hour a night for you time is get a membership to your local tanning salon and get in a bed. This to me is very relaxing and it kills two birds with one stone-me time and tan time! We mothers do so much for our families that we quickly forget about ourselves, dont get in routine of not pampering yourself.

Hi H., I can say that I've been there with you, and struggle with it from time to time. And I think it's normal from what I've heard with other stay at home moms. My issues are do to lonliness. I felt so cut off from the world and missed having social encounters. My husband doesn't completely get where I'm coming from, and some of his issues add to the situation. He's the parent that's completely overprotective. I can't join any mommy groups that involves a nursery for our son. We don't go to church anymore because of his concern. But I do go to a infants tumble class once a week, and that helps. So I recommend a mommy group, like M.O.P.S. or the weekly class. Hope this helps. K.

it is perfectly normal to experience the feelings you are having. Think how much your life has changed since your little one has come into the world! If you try to stick to a schedule, then yes, your life will feel pretty restricted. Think about talking to your doctor about your feelings - you can still have post-pardom (sp) depression and may need to talk to someone experienced with it to help you get through it. Good luck.

My answer is YES, YES, YES!!! I am so used to being more social than this, of having a lot of ME TIME...but kids take up a lot of time, and brain work, and energy. But you will go crazy if you don't get some time for yourself.

I'm not suggesting you find a babysitter (too expensive, at least for me), or get a job (at least not full time). But you need to meet moms and make time to do things you love to do. I love to sew, and read, and more than anything, write novels, and I make sure I put something from that list on my to-do list for each day. My kids are now 3 & 7, and they know what it means when I say "Mommy Time," yet even when they were young, nap time became my time to call friends, read, write, paint, or do something besides housework. As the kids got older I have been able to work more of it into my routine while they are around, and my daughter loves to help me so, bake cakes, play piano, etc.

Don't think, for a moment, that having a child requires you to lose yourself completely in the mommy role. You need to find outlets for your own needs, and you will be a better mommy for it, and they will see you leading a happy life, not one that seems trapped and "restricted." Mothers & More is a good networking organization, or feel free to respond to this message directly (just click on my name), and I can give you more ideas.

What you are going through is completely normal. I am still balancing my motherly duties with my own personal needs. It is a juggle I will continue for the rest of my life...but you can do it, as long as you take care of yourself.

C.

Hi H.,

It looks like you got some good advice here. A few people have missed the mark by saying you can just will your self out of the depression by thinking good thoughts and being grateful. First I am SURE that you are totally grateful for your beautiful daughter. Depression can sometimes be helped with diet and exercise, but often time medication is needed. I worked out and took fish oil for two years after my second child was born, but it did not help. Now I am on Zolof and I feel sooooo much better and I am a better mom because of it. I can now see a full glass where I once found a empty one. Call your doctor and make an appointment to be seen right away so they can give you an evaluation to see what would help you best. Also read Brook Shields Book Down Came the Rain about her post baby depression to help you feel that you are not alone. I wish you all the best!

Yes! It is normal to feel like you dont have a life anymore. Having a baby is a huge change! You may be suffering from postpartum as well and I would recommend talking to your doctor about maybe getting on some medication. I had to do that with my first child. I had PP and would not go out of the house very often, etc. Felt very sheltered. In time it will get better, but it is a big adjustment. Hang in there!

hi H....I have a 2 month old baby and can tell you I felt the same way. I never left the house and I was feeling so cut off from the world and depressed. I had a lot of anxiety about going anywhere so I just stayed home. Then one day I got some courage and took the baby to the grocery store. It sounds silly but just making that little trip broke the cycle I was in and i felt soooo much better. My husband even said I looked so mush more chipper. Since then I have made lots of little outings to the mall, to the park with both of my kids, to starbucks, etc. It really helps to get some sunshine and some contact with the outside world. If you are really in a bout of depression I highly reccomend that you call your OBGYN. I know it can be scary but postpartum depression is very easily treated with medication. It doesnt mean that you are a bad mom or anything like that. Its very common.

I am so happy that you have dared to ask this! So many times when we are depressed, we tend to hide it, or worry about what others will think if we are not 100% contented by the mundane, everyday tasks involved in caring for a baby.
It's hard work. Don't let anyone tell you differently. You are capable, and if you're depressed, please consider getting some help to get yourself healthier. It's like getting a cold, or any other illness, and it CAN be treated.
You have all kinds of information available to you to figure out the best treatment plan for you. Some people choose to go it alone, and try exercise, getting enough sleep, and talking about how they are feeling with a good friend. Others may need to talk with a professional to determine whether they need an anti depressant, another professional to help them see the good/positive aspects of life, (therapists)and exercise.
I did say exercise 2x, didn't I? That's because it is the one thing that I notice right away, the chemical effects on my mood.
I don't know where you live, but if you're close, we could meet for stroller walks!
Take care,
A.

H. - Girl, don't worry, you are normal. But, it is also fixable. After I had my second baby, I struggled with depression. I got some great advice. Start exersizing, and get busy. I also found someone to talk to once a week. Go for walks with her, and without her, if possible. Find a playgroup, or a charity to get involved in. I started a part time direct sales job. It gave me something else to focus on, and something to call my own. I also was able to make some extra money to allow us to go and do fun things. Oh, and I met lots of great moms to share with. I will be praying for you. Remember, she won't be at this stage for long, so enjoy it. Mine are now 8,7 and 5 and I can't believe it! Blessings, K.

you betcha! find a group to join so that you can get out of the house and play with other people (you need grown up interaction too!!)...it will help a TON! there's MOPS, meetup.com (my personal fave!) and many more. do a google search for your area and "mom group" or something like that.

being alone with a baby is boring and monotonous sometimes....don't feel badly about feeling that way. just get out there and find some people to hang out with that are in the same boat. :)

Hey H., It is completely normal for us women to feel this way at times. But I think that the biggest reason for it is that we just can't seem to be content with what we have. Which might be what you are experiencing. There are so many mothers or want-to-be-mothers out there that would trade you in a heartbeat for a baby. They would gladly take the routine and the crying and the up all nights. Sometimes we get so focused on what others have and what it would be if only... Much like Eve in the Garden of Eden. She couldn't be content with the beautiful surrounding she had and was tempted for more. Thus we get the fall of man. You may think that you would like this different, a better hubby, a life of ease to go to and fro, a perfect baby that sleeps though the night on command. I hate to break it to you...I just isn't always possible. Might I recommend that instead of focusing on the if-only's and wishing life were different, to focus on the good and great things you have been blessed with and be thankful for what you do get the privilege to have in this wonderful life. There are many out there who have it much different and don't have what you have, but want it so desperately. Again, focus on the good and wonderful things about your circumstances, and be thankful! =) I know that it is hard sometimes, I have been there many a times, and it is okay to cry at times too. Just try to go back to being great full and thankful and kiss and hug and love your baby as much as possible because you do blink and then they are all grown up and you will have your freedom and life of ease. Hope that tid-bit helps!

Hi H.,

Yes, it is very normal to become depressed about your routine. I have the same routine M-F, drop off at daycare, go to work, pick up from daycare, feed, bath, try to get some play/bonding time in and then the bedtime routine. I have a husband who doesn't come home from work until around 8pm so I do this solely on my own. I don't get to see friends much anymore and do not do any of the fun things I did before my son came along. I get very frustrated doing the same routine day after day. BUT when I look at him I realize it is worth it. I don't know your situation but maybe you can join a mom's group in your area. There are many online resources to find them. I joined a working mom's group on meetup.com and have met some amazing women in simular situations. Even if you just make some online friends it will do wonders for your disposition. My son is 17 months old and my pride and joy. Still I miss having "me" time. Don't beat yourself up about it. And remember this stage won't last forever. I hope this helps. Also, feel free to email me if you need someone to talk to.

C. B.

Ugh, it got to me too. Initially I was typing out a routine: lotion, clip nails, etc. but now I've adjusted him to me a bit. Everyone else has there child eat breakfast at 9, lunch at noon but I had to adjust him to my schedule a bit. We eat a bit later and I'll sometimes nap with his first nap which I used to feel guilty about! Then I feed him lunch or we get lunch on the go. If I can't rationalize buying something for myself I go get him something at a second hand store or Growing Spurts where they give me credit/cash for donations. I sometimes buy us better groceries just for my ease for cooking. I have his dad watch him while I take too long of a shower and sometimes do my nails and have to say no my nails are still not dry enough. I'm not a girlie girl so we have BBQ's or go to the cabin to get away from the house. I didn't have anyone watch my son until recently and he's 16 mos. I should have had someone watch him sooner but oh well. I still get resentful so I try to say: I feel like I need comfort or a hug, etc. instead of blowing up. Plus, I went to a play with my friends once. Swimming is great for babies but chlorine can cause asthma so I did water aerobics for awhile and that helped just to have me time. Good luck. Now I'm starting my own cabin rental business by refinancing our house. Good luck!!

Hunni, it's completely NORMAL for you to feel that way. I mean look at life, you have to work around THEIR schedules, you have to do things when THEY are ready to do them. With my boys it was even worse because they both had HORRID and I mean horrid car sickness, so everything has to be planned out, I have to give them meds before going anywhere outside of Port Orchard. I am baking bean number 3 and i'm wondering how i'm going to do it with my little guy in preschool and a baby schedule. As a previous person said I recommend MOPS to almost everyone that has a little one at home. It really is great and you actually get adult conversation with out children interupting you. YEAY! I hope this helps, and lets you know you are not alone.
W.

It's very common, the feelings you are having. I would recommend eating more fish or taking fish oil pills for a mood boost, do some stretching in the morning for energy and some deep breathing for 5-15minutes a day to relax and energize your spirit. Remember to remind yourself of all you are blessed with. Good luck! I hope you feel better soon!

I suffered from depression for over 10 years and finally have gotten a hold of it.

This site has some meditations and positive articles directed towards women who need some uplifting:

http://www.parentingweekly.com/pregnancy/breathingspace/i...

It is very common to feel depressed especially if you do not have a lot of other moms to socialize with. It is very beneficial to get involved in local playgroups to meet other moms with children your daughters age. I don't know where you live but I'm sure there is a MOM's Club it is an international organization near you which has been the best thing I have involved myself with suddenly meeting lots of moms in the same position as me! This way you find out quickly that everything you are going through so is someone else! With our very raining weather getting out is very important. My county also has local free playgroup that are held in surrounding church nurseries but not affiliated with the church! But also know that if these things do not help with the depression that it is also common for our chemical makeup to change after babies and sometimes we need to reach out to our doctors for medication to get our body back in balance! e-mail me if you have more questions or need help finding a group near you! ____@____.com L.

Please check out Baby Blues Connection!!!

babybluesconnection.org

They saved my life after suffering from Postpartum Depression. PPD is TOTALLY normal....your body goes through so much hormonal change after birth, and some people have more than others. Also many other factors affect PPD....Do you have family/community support? Do you get any breaks (this one is CRUCIAL!)!!! Do you feel like your expectations were let down? (Our society bombards us with "feel good" ideas about what it's like to have a baby that are soooooo unrealistic) Hugs, B.

H.,
I went through the same thing when my daughter (now almost 3 yrs old) was born. I think a lot of the sheltered feeling came from getting out of MY routine (working, socializing, etc.) and getting used to hers (staying home, not getting as much sleep, etc). Something that helped me a LOT was joining a local group for stay-at-home moms. I joined the MOMS Club, which has chapters all over the country (here's the website for the Auburn chapter if you're interested http://momsclubofauburn.tripod.com/) and I know there are other groups such as Moms Meet Up, etc. It's been a big comfort to me to have a group of women to talk to who have been in my shoes and understand the feelings you can get after the birth of a child. Plus, it always helps to get out and visit with other moms and kids, too! And a nice side effect was that being part of a group has helped me overcome some personal issues with shyness and anxiety.
Good luck and try to stay positive. It took me over a year to really get comfortable in my new job as mother - which I love - but it gets easier in time, especially so when she starts to be able to communicate with you more easily. And if you are really feeling depressed, don't be afraid to get professional help. There's no reason to be ashamed of taking mediation or seeking counseling to help you through the adjustment of motherhood. I guarantee there are more moms who have been in your shoes than you imagine. :-)

Hi:)~

Yes, I think it is a little normal to feel depressed,but it is not normal to let yourself continue to feel this way.

There is nothing wrong with going to see a doctor to talk about how you feel,and maybe try an anti depressant.

I know that the one that I take has helped me out alot.

I hope you get your depression under control,so you can begin to enjoy the routines with your bundle of joy!!!:)

Lots of love&hugs!!:)
A.

H.,

It is pretty normal to feel a bit of depression about the restrictive changes a baby brings into your life. One way to help is to make sure that you have some "adult" time and some baby free time. If you are feeling depressed all of the time or most of the time, you need to talk to your doctor about it as it may be more than just a momentary baby blues. You do not want to get to the point where you start resenting your child for the new routines. Most of all, make sure that you make some time each week for things that help you to feel good about yourself and that help you feel like you have accomplished something other than taking care of your child. God bless you.

H., I skimmed through what some of the other moms have said and do agree with a majority of it. It sounds like you have the "Baby Blues" known as post partum depression. Which is common. However, I do highly recommend calling your OB to tell them about it, so they can offer help through a variety of means, whether it be medication or support groups. I had a nurse tell me that feelings of depression are pretty common the first few months of your baby's birth, but that if it continues past three months that I should get help so that I could take care of myself so that I can take care of my baby.

Community groups are great! MOPS is everywhere, it stands for "Mothers of Preschoolers", but there are mothers there with much younger babies, such as yours. I don't know what church the idea came from, but I do know that it doesn't matter which church you go to or even if you go to church to join. I baby-sat for a MOPS group in Redmond while I was in college.

There are other resources such as your local community center. If you are near North Bend, the Si View Rec Center has lots of opportunities for mom, or mom & baby, or even the whole family.

Also, think about things you can rearrange in your day. For example, I hate grocery shopping by myself, if I can go with my husband and the kids it becomes a family outing and I get great conversation time with my hubby. Also, for me it is easier to manage a baby and toddler if there is an extra set of hands! Going together makes it fun and kind of like a little date because we are out together.

I hope this helps, but I do plead with you to talk to your doctor to get their input.

I never experienced it until my third child was born, and then the depression hit BIG! All of the sudden you look at yourself and your life and you think: Is this IT? Is this what my days will ALL be like?
I can tell you I tried seeing a professional about it, but it didn't really help. I decided to join the local MOMS (Moms Offering Moms Support)Club and it helped me to get out and meet other stay at home moms who were in the same place in their lives that I was. They have a calendar of activities and sub-clubs to join like cooking or knitting. Your children are welcome at all the activities! Check out www.momsclub.org and look for one in your town.

Oh absolutley it's normal! You've made a huge life altering decision and it certainly makes you appreciate the things your own parents or guardians gave up to raise you.

So, being a responsible parent and club hopping or jet setting don't match up. Doesn't mean you can't start thinking outside the box. Do you have neighbors with kids? Or maybe join a mommy group. Just having dinner at a friends house with wine, music, board game and kids causing a rucus upstairs together will take the edge off that feeling.

I don't have all the answers, but yes I feel like you do quite often. Keep on Truckin' girl!

Two suggestions:
Have one special thing just for you to look forward to each day--needlework was mine, even for just a few minutes. Maybe a bubblebath or paint your toenails.

Get outside and exercise with baby.

Join a group of young moms-Bible study or play group.

Your are doing the most important job of your life. Know that the blues hits most of us.

Blessings to your little family. Jesus loves you,

Grandma in Redmond

FIrst of all your child doesn't really get you into these routines. THey don't tell you what to do. YOu get yourself into these situations. YOu know your child.
Other than that it is easy to feel like you have to do thise for your child and that. Then you are the only one who knows best, which you do because you are your child's mom. You have to take some time for yourself because you will become crazy. If worst comes to the worst you need to go on a walk. Even if you have to push the jogger/stroller. For a mom you need that time for yourself. Even if you have to ask a neighbor or even your husband. Just say hey I need some fresh space and a fresh evironment. You might as well get involved in something that will help your mind, body, and spirit. Later on your child is going to want to have that parent who is involved in activities or something. They are going to want the happy parent who is themself and wants to be a parent. What child wants a frustrated grumpy or even a sad depressed mom who doesn't enjoy life?? Look at it from that point of view.

It is totally normal! You may have post pardum depression with a late onset. I know most omen get post pardum depression directly after giving birth, but we are not all the same. For some of us it happenes latter. I became very depressed when my son was about 6 months old, and am still having some trouble coping with the change in my life. He is now 14 months. I am still stuggling with it, but I am doing much better today thatn I was 6 months ago. I would suggest seeing a psycologist to talk with. This is what has been helping me cope. Also you probably need some time for yourself away from your baby.

I think that it is very normal to feel that way. I felt that way to and some days still do. And my girls are 1 and 3. Try and get out of the house each day, even if it is just for a walk. Look for Moms clubs or baby play groups in your area.
Hang in there!

Totally normal. I disagree with the poster that anti-depressants only work in 10-15% of the cases where it's a hormone imbalance. If you can get yourself motivated without chemical assistance, then go for it. But that's another subject entirely.

Your life has changed dramatically. Adjusting is tough!

Two things saved me: 1) MOMS Club. Check if there's a chapter near you - we're all over the place. Other moms may post other playgroup suggestions.

2) Staying up one hour after baby went to sleep and taking it for me. Usually, I read a book or magazine... something that was "normal" for me to do before baby.

Yup, normal! What to do instead:

check with your doctor if needed
meetup.com
storytime at the local library
most hospitals offer a parenting support class (some are free!)
check out the "mama movie" at a local movie theater. They're baby friendly
PEPS http://www.pepsgroup.org/
MOPS http://www.mops.org/
Stroller strides http://www.strollerstrides.com/

It is normal. I went through ... and still do at times ... feelings of isolation after having my babies. It seems like there's little chance to talk to other adults, especially when you are a stay at home mom. I would look for a play group, that seemed to help me a bit.

I have certainly been where your at.It's hormones, lack of personal time, sleep deprived , dealing with body changes, lack of confidence,financial worries....yup.

Talking baby for walks helped me some... fresh air, excersize and running into other new moms!

Personal down time , even an hour to join a yoga class or meet a friend for coffee.

Call your DR. because baby blues is real!

I'll keep this short- you got a lot of responses.

Yes, it's normal.

Plan one night out a week- my night is Tuesday and it's on the calendar through the end of time! Usually I meet one of my friends for a glass of wine, but sometimes I just go to the store... by MYSELF!! Other weeks I don't end up going out at all, but just having it there in writing that I COULD go makes me feel good.

Also, have friends you can call during your worst time of day. Mine is anytime after 4:00- that's when I start randomly calling people to make sure that there are other humans still on the planet taller than 3 feet. A 1 minute conversation with an adult does wonders.

My best friend always always does her makeup in the morning- it's a small way of taking care of herself and reminding herself that she is a grown up, she's worth pampering, etc.

J.

Hi H.. YES, this happened to me right around 10 months (how ironic). I had twins and I was doing really well for the first six months or so and then I started to get depressed and really anxious to the point where I thought I was really loosing my mind. I had been taking a lot of great supplements during my pregnancy and then afterward to keep my hormones and adrenal system healthy. I thought I was doing really good so I decided to stop taking the supplements and I crashed about 6 weeks later. I am not a big fan of prescription medications, so I worked with my chiropractor to beef up my supplementation to get me back on track. It took a few months, but I got through it. Taking an omega 3 (fish oil) supplement helps your mental health a lot. Also, I learned that your digestive system can really affect your neurological system so I took probiotics too for digestive health (like the good bacteria in yogurt, etc.). I also had to start getting more sleep and I was exhausted from trying to pump around the clock for my twins. I started the weaning process that month and that was helpful for me to get back on track. MANY women go through this and you are NOT alone. Hang in there and go see your doctor or naturapath or accupuncturist, or whoever you see and they can help. Don't let this get to a really bad place because it is so much harder to crawl out depression at that point. I had a good friend to kept trying to just "snap out of it" which is impossible, and she ended up being hospitalized. Please get some help sooner than later. It is better for you and everyone in your family. trust me!

Hi, H..
I've just joined mamasource and saw your question. I am going through the same thing right now, being at home with my 13-month old daughter. I was going to reply and tell you that I think it's really normal and yada-yada, but it's really taken me for a ride lately and it really helped me to read all of the other replies! Wow! This is the least alone I've felt in a long time (and boy do I get lonely!) I've got tears in my eyes reading the messages because I've been feeling so badly about- well, feeling badly! I hope that both you and I will try lots of the suggestions and I really think that the springtime sunshine will help out. I think I'll also talk to my doctor (I've been on anti-depressants before to get through some tough times, and they really did help me). I'm also really going to try to walk more and take my little one to the local mom-baby group. I've just not been doing that because it- and everything else- seems to interfere with her naps, but from what everybody says, it won't make me a bad mom if I take her out every so often and- God forbid- she misses a nap. It sounds like ( and I feel like) I need to do it for ME! We can get through this. It has really helped me to read what everyone has had to say- thank you for asking the question!
K.

Hi H.,

Please do not feel like you are alone! It is so common to sometimes feel depressed after the birth of a baby.

I had classic Post-partum depression and it came as a huge shock for me because I had no history (or family history) of depression. It was especially a surprise for me because my husband and I had struggled with 4+ years of infertility. I was absolutely so happy to finally have a wonderful and healthy baby boy, so I could not understand why I felt sad and depressed.

For me, I found it extremely reassuring to talk with my ob/gyn and know that it was normal hormonally to go thru this. You may just need to talk with your doctor. In my case, I ended up going on Zoloft and it made all the difference in the world and within about a week I was my normal happy self again.

Take care and best wishes!!
J.
Mom to two boys: ages 4 1/2 and 23 months

Our society isolates mothers and babies. Fight your depression by getting lots of walks with baby in a sling, find other mothers or volunteer, go to mother's groups. Don't let yourself be isolated, you have a choice, it does get easy to do though as you are learning how to be a mom at first everything is so overwhelming.

Funny thing is I have had the least trouble with depression with my third and I have the most to do now, I work full time and more and bring her along, I have incredibly busy days....but not isolation and while it can be overwhelming to even get through some of the days it is better than being isolated like I was when I had the first baby.

I think some thing not talked about is the fact that there is really prejudice against small children and mother who choose to make caring for them a priority, this often leads to isolation. Reach out and don't become a statistic. It is really good that you are recognizing the issue.

If you want to know more about ways to take baby along for alot of activities others may not have thought of please contact me I'd be willing to share.

Yes, it's completely normal. You're feeling the pressure to become a completely different person. And if you're a strong, independent woman that can be a big change. It can feel like you don't have any room to be yourself anymore. You can no longer be selfish and do just what YOU want to do. You can't just run to the store when you want to, you have to make sure your little girl is changed, fed and you have diapers and a pacifier and maybe a snack and then when you finally get to the store you know that you have a time limit before they start to get fussy. I find myself enjoying my alone time and relishing the time I get to spend with my son. He's 21 months and when I'm with him, I put everything else to the side and look at who I have in front of me. We have the power to mold this little person. I don't want to resent him taking "my life" from me, I want to SHOW him my life.

Get out of the house! Do something, anything, as difficult as it is to pack up baby and all of the things that go with it, just go do something. If you can have someone take care of baby then go get a manicure or just lock your self in a bubble bath with a mud masque and a glass of wine and relax. Also get sleep! I found that if I was tired I was more likely to be depressed, so sleep and eating were my number one priorities (other than baby of course).

I was a 38 year old first time mommy and I think that when we are set in our ways and have had freedom for so long that it is hard to give that up, especially if you become a stayhome mom after years of being involved in the world. You just need to feel normal every once in awhile. I have started taking my 2 year old to the llibrary, and there is an indoor playground at a church that we have been to. It is good for both of us and I wished that I had started going earlier. She loves to "go shopping" anywhere. So just get out of the house. Spring is here, so put baby in the stroller and go for a walk or do some gardening.

I understand how you feel. I have felt that way and at times still do(my son is 18 months). If it bothers you feeling that way I would talk to your dr. they can help.
Good luck!

Totally normal, but not something you have to live with. See your doctor. In order for your baby to be happy, her mother has to be happy. She is with you all day and learns how to feel from watching you.

Everyone will define "normal" differently. I became a mom at 34 and I had tons of fun before that, especially 24-33; what a time of independence, travelling on a whim etc. but I was way more loney at times than I've been since. So, I traded fun and independence and spontanaety for routine and constant love and being needed. It was a big transition. Huge...but it's been 9 years now and I'm more used to it though I still sometimes long for that spontaneous time and only being in charge of myself...it was so free! Of course though, I can't have it and I don't even want it. Nothing is more precious to me than my kids, so I have adjusted.

Yeah, it is. I suspect you have either PPD or garden variety depression. I have dealt with so much depression (both personal and others) I can't shake a stick at it. Depression is a mixture of wacky hormones, lifestyle and circumstances. What specifically is making you feel sheltered and restricted? I know that Americans have an extremely isolated culture when is comes to family and mothers; this is the reason for a great deal of PPD. Antidepressants are useful in about 10% to 15% of depression cases and only in cases where hormones are the sole factor. Life does get better, even if you feel like it never will. That's the depression talking. Even is it's just hormones, it's real to you. An immediate thing you can do to help is to get out of the house. You also severely need some alone time. That means that hubby needs to take the baby off your hands and shove you out the door with the car keys and say, "Have a great time. Don't worry about anything, I've been wanting to spend some time with the baby and this is just the ticket."
-S.

P.S. Feel free to e-mail me if you get bored, I just finished finals and look for reasons to get away from my demon baby.

H.-
In my opinion and experience it can be very difficult to adjust to your child's restrictive routines especially the first year /year and half- because you are stuck more with naps etc which can be isolating. I think people can not overstate the importantance of social support especially for the primary caregiver. Its a werid thing to feel lonely but yet have this wonderful child that you adore..lots of mixed feelings. Support is key and so are outings even if they are quick ....Keep reaching out.
If you had a history of depression before baby do take that in to consideration and make sure you attend to that.
Good luck with the transistions, it gets better.

As you can see by all your responses, this is totally normal for a lot of women. I went through phases of feeling this way until my daughter was nearly 2. It's a huge life shift, and it IS hard to give up a lot of the little bits of time you used to have. I found that once my daughter started walking and talking and not breastfeeding, I felt more "free" and therefore enjoyed her so much more.
Hang in there,
K.

Yes! It's normal. Don't feel bad about getting depressed. Most importantly is you need to talk about it. Are you taking baby out for walks? You need a little exercise, to get that bad energy out, and you need the endorphins. It's ok to cry a little too. But if it gets real bad make sure you talk to a professional. I am here for you of you need to talk.

It is completely normal to become depressed. It is hard to get motivated to get back to normal. But what is normal? You have a baby. Life is different now. May I suggest that you talk with your doctor and get a referral to a therapist. Talk it out and if you need meds temporarily to get through it, do it. If you have a spouse, partner, friend or family member around tell them you need help. Medical or just someone to talk to. I have seen four of my girlfriends deal with depression after having a baby(two with a second child). All are smart and wonderful people. All dealt with it in different ways. All had therapists but not all needed meds. Some just needed to talk things out. I was lucky and had a short depression. I finally started cleaning house. Which made my husband happy, in turn made me happy. I started taking my daughter to swimming classes for infants. I met new friends and started a playgroup. We met at the park and sometimes each others homes. It really helped pick me up. All the moms in our playgroup are really good friends. It's been five years, Schedules change with kids going to school, but we still manage to see each other. I have dependable friends whom can help me with everything. I wish you the best. Make the first step. You may be nervous or just tired, but push through it and you'll be o.k. in the end. If it becomes to hard please tell someone you need help.

Dear H.,
Postpartum depression is very common and depression includes feelings of hopelessness and a lack of interest in things that once gave you pleasure.
Please speak to your OB/GYN as soon as possible about this and consider joining a new mommy support group.
Love and Light,
C.

I would say what you are experiencing is normal. It might be a good idea to look into a mother/baby group in your local community, maybe through the YMCA. It will help you have many women at your fingertips that will understand you!

Good luck!

Hello H.,
YES! You are normal. The best news is that you do not have to follow a schedule. You do what makes your life easier, Then you can be the best caretaker you can be... Being a mother is a 24 hour a day caretaking job. If you need to see a friend, run an errand, go for a walk, go to a movie, get your hair done etc... do it girl! At 10 months old, your baby will go with the flow.. Babies will fall asleep anywhere anytime, in the car, in the stroller, in a carrier. Do not feel like you have to rush home or be home shackled down by your babies schedule. It is better that you are healthy in mind and spirit, refreshed with energy to give your baby, than if she is laying in her bed asleep at a certain time every day. With my firstborn I met another mom who got me into Yoga (which most Gyms have and guess what, if she falls asleep in the carseat on the way, she can sleep in there too!) We became good friends walking on the beach in Hawaii with our jogging strollers. Mommy groups are fun to join too! Mops, Moms club, moms meet-up, book groups etc... When you just have one baby, it can be lonely without adult conversation and some sort of stimulation for you. Reach out to make new friendships with other moms. These friendships that you build now with your kids growing up together will last a lifetime. Being a mom gives you the opportunity to meet so many other moms who share your same values (staying home and raising your kids, rather than having a stranger do it). Good luck H.. It is a transition and hard to get used to, yet a great opportunity to broaden the quality of your friends as well as the amount of close friends that you have. T.

It is normal to feel a resentment/depression for what this beautiful baby needs. It takes a lot out of you, your autonomy as an independent person, your concept of yourself...BUT, please seek counseling. Postpartum isnt something to fool with at all. If the most trivial tasks are overwhelming (I went into hysterics over the effort of emptying the dishwasher), if you have NO energy, if you cry or have feelings of hopelessness or "weird thoughts" about you or the baby...please seek help, NOW. Two women saved my life from this, I let it go too long and thought the world might be better off without me, my kids really kept me here, but not with out help. The first woman is a counselor and takes insurance, shes on the east side of Portland, 20th and Couch.

Tamara Owen Licensed Mental Health Nurse Practioner.
###-###-####

Shes not a drug pusher, but knows risks and benefits of all. She's wonderful and compassionate.
Please take care of your self!!!
The second is a PA, also on the east side and is an expert in hormones.

Rosemarie Schild, Physicians Assistant. With Osteopathic Medical Assoc. ###-###-####
* Her front dest people arent too good, a little abrupt, but dont let that deter you.

Im a west side Portland mom with three kids.
Good Luck

Hi H.,
I totally UNDERSTAND;-) I have a 3 month old w/ severe GERD. He won't sleep on his back- so I hold him 24/7. I did get pretty bad depression right after- it's better now but still flares when I can't leave the house. I sometimes feel I'm stuck in this white box I call home;-) hhahaahah. what ever you do get outside. I've been taking walks and going to work out when my husband can watch him. If you ever want to get together for coffee or talk- let me know.
I live on the east side of town and I'm currently off work but worked as an RN. Too bad doesnt' help w/ me raising a new baby.
Lynelle S.

Yes, its normal so don't be too h*** o* yourself. I raised three kids to adulthood and have a grandson now I don't get to see often enough. I suggest a creative craft or reading in your "spare time". Something to make you feel as if you are growing or improving yourself. Nothing complicated. Something happy. Don't become a couch potato. Activity is good. Move around. Good luck.

I think you need to try to get out of the house as much as possible, socialize with other moms, join a play group, get some exercise, fresh air, take good care of yourself - you are the most important person in your little girls life.

Those simple things should help, if they don't you should talk to you Doctor.

this started to happen to me....
i talked it out with my husband and started looking into getting back into exercise (which I did) and it made huge difference. also, we got a "mommy helper" to come by in the afternoons (11 year old from the waldorf school up the street). She plays with our babe while I can catch up on things. It has given me back a bit of normalcy.

most important is to talk to you partner about the feelings of being sheltered and restricted. Very important...if it starts to get bad, you may want to talk to counselor or even try hypnotherapy.

Personally, I say yes and no. Your life has changed and it is natural to morn the lose of you freedom. Talk to you OB/GYN and your pediatrician. I suffered from post-pardum anxiety and my OB/GYN was wonderful. It is always better to talk to a specialist and find out your ok then to not and really have problems. Remember that you are not the only mom that is struggling to adjust.

Alittle about me:
Married mother of 3: 8-yrs, 6-yrs, and 4-yrs

Yes it is COMPLETELY normal. There is lots of good input below, but I urge you to not only do some of the things the other mom's suggest, but also to seek professional help. There are many free support services for feeling depressed, restricted, etc. You may say, "it's not that bad, I don't need professional help," but you will be amazed what a difference it will make. Talk to you child's pediatrician - s/he has surely seem a lot of this and can point you in the right direction. It is VERY common, and best to address it as early as possible, you will all be happier for it!

The way you are feeling is completely normal. I would suggest that you talk to your Dr though, because it sounds like you may need a little help to get you through this. When you talk to your Dr, don't freak out if he/she gives you a prescription for an anti-depressant like Prozac. Taking a medication does not mean that you are crazy or that there is something wrong with you. You can also talk to your Dr about an herbal remedy if you are more comfortable with that. Alot of moms have dealt with this, I do and taking an anti-depressant has made a huge difference. I hope this helps and please talk to your Dr. It is better to find out befor you start feeling worse. H. mom to Ethan(4) and Emma(3).

Dear H.,
During childbirth, so much moves down and out, our baby, followed by the placenta, and all that blood we no longer need to nourish the fetus. But energetically, and sometimes also physically, we do not expel everything. Something remains. After nourishing a baby in the womb for 9 months, life will never be the same and we will never be the same. We are now mothers. Yeah!!
The thing is that if something remains, that should have been expelled, it stagnates and causes stuckness. This is what depression is. Something is blocking the free flow we used to experience. I know I feel better when I get out on walks with friends, but the stuckness makes it hard to motivate to do so.

I don't know if you have ever had acupucture but it really helped me. It promotes energy flow around the body and they gave me herbs to support this.
This is why exercise helps, cos it creates movement and gets you out of feeling stuck. And apparently fish oil promotes movement within the body which is why it helps too. Look into this cos it doesn't matter how many ideas you are given unless you can find the motivation to actually go do them.

HI H.! I totally think what you are going through is normal. I am a SAHM of a 12 month old little boy. I was previously a flight attendant, so giving up my job of travelling the country was a HUGE adjustment! Also my husband is a pilot, so he is gone for about half the month. I keep myself extremely busy. You have to or you will go out of your mind. My son and I go to the gym, go for walks outside, meet up with friends or even just window shop at the mall. Also take time for yourself. Go and get your hair done, it will make you feel so much better. I went through what you are going through about 4 months ago. I was missing my "old" life so much, but as soon as I stopped mourning the loss of my old life and embraced my "new" life everything got so much better. Hang in there, it will get better!!!