Seeking Support/advice: Extremely Unplanned Pregnancy #3

H. H,

I can really relate to your shock about being pregnant unexpectedly! I have 5 children (all boys) but after I had my 4th baby I had my tubes tied. I got rid of all my maternity clothes, and most of my baby stuff as the 4th child kept outgrowing it. I was so ready to be done with the "baby years". I am a SAHM and was looking forward to getting all the kids into school so I could go back to work. Then I found out I was pregnant with #5!

I have to say he is a joy to us, and I can't imagine my life without him. I am of the firm belief that he was meant to be here, a definite gift from God. He is 2 years old now and the time has just flown by!

My children are a bit more spaced out than yours are, 13 yrs, 10 yrs, 7 yrs, 5 yrs, and 2 yrs. I was worried that my oldest was going to be 11 years older than his youngest brother! So being that you are having them so close together may actually be a blessing to them later in life because it may make them closer as adults.

I have a good friend that wanted 3 and had them all 1 year apart (3 babies in 3 years!) That way she had her family but could actually get back into the workforce quicker than if she spread them out. It was busy for her when they were little but she actually saved herself a lot of work, and time, because when they were in sports most years they were on the same teams, so running them to practices and games was fairly easy on her. Also her kids (which are 13 yrs, 12 yrs, and 11 yrs now) have many friends in common, which is also a good thing because you know everyone your kids are involved with, and they watch out for each other.

Even with my 5, I am still able to make individual time for each child, and since they don't have that available to them all the time, my boys really enjoy the 1 on 1 things that we do together. I volunteer in each of my sons (elementary) classrooms regularly (1 day a week 1/2 the day in my 1st graders room and the afternoon in my other sons Young-5's class) You get the added benefit of knowing the teachers well and the kids that your child is in school with, also you know what they are doing while they are in school. My boys love the fact that I go in (My older boys loved it when I went into their rooms also). My boys get slips to Pizza hut (free personal pan pizza) once a month for reading at school, what we do is I go with the boy who has a slip and we eat at the resturaunt, he gets his small pizza and I order a large. I eat a piece or two from the big pizza and bring the rest home for everybody else. For birtdays we have started taking the birthday child out with just mom and dad for dinner and some shopping (if they want to pick out their own present-which my older boys like to do now) There are lots of ways to get one on one time in, things you can do that don't cost anything either.

I also have to say that going from 2 kids to 3 kids was a very easy transition for us. Congratulations on the new baby, and I know its easier said than done but don't worry about it, everything will be fine and you will love this baby just as much as your other 2!

I dont have 3 kids.. I have 2... but my 2 are 18 month apart.

the first year is rough but then it gets easier and easier..

My kids are 3 years and 18 months now and they play so well together... that is a blessing.

by the time the new baby comes the oldest child will be in preschool and it will just be the toddler and the new baby..

If you dont have a ready willing and able grandparent available I would see if you have the finances to hire someone to help you at least one day per week.

I never took my infant and toddler on errands they dont enjoy it and it is a hassle getting everyone in and out of the car.

I spent $50 a week to have someone watch them at home while I did all of the errands in one day. I usually had a list of places to go things to do for the next "moms day out"

Unplanned children are the best kind...the most loving..

I'm sure alot of people will tell you this, but this must have happened for a reason. Because, you CAN handle it! And, you WILL be great at it! You have alot of love to give that alot of children don't get these days. That is all that matters. Your children and this child will be lucky because of that.

I am one of three, the middle child. We are within 6 years of each other. Right now, I'd just like you to know that 3 was managable for my family and my parents always made a way to have "dates" with us. Having an odd number also helped us work out the sibling rivalry thing. The complicated treaties my brother and sister and i struck would make NATO look like a love fest.

have you told your husband yet? whatever you decided you do need to seek prenatal care as soon as possible

Hello H.,

I know excatly how you feel. I have 5 kids and am expecting number 6 in 4 weeks. I have my oldest from another relationship so she is 5 years older than her 4 1/2 y/o sister, and those 2 were easy being so fair apart, but then we had twins 3 days after the 2nd turned 2. It was hard at first, but once you got a rountine down and stuck with it, it worked a lot easier. I had them all lay down at the same time so I could have some alone time or take a nap. But at night we would spend time with the kids he'd take 2 and I'd take 2 switching every other night. We'd also take the older kids out so we could spend more time with them and we still do this. I had number 5 when the twins were 15 months and will have number 6 when the baby is 16 months. Our life is crazy with all the kids and them being so close in age, but they are realy close and always have someone to play with. There is always someone that needs something or wants something but I wouldn't change it. Money maybe tight for now while I am still a SAHM with them, but it makes our kids thankful for what they do get. I have learned to shop out of season for the next season and save a lot of money that way. All my kids have winter coats 75% off for next year. That was a huge savings right there with that! You'll find a way to make it work and maybe surprised in the end that it did, but it will :o)
Good luck!

omigosh you are so blessed! The shock will were off and you will not remember being this stressed! You stay at home so your costs will not increase (I pay 1500 a month for a nanny so you are lucky there!)

If you worry about cost make your own food - I did its cheap.
Try cloth diapers they are super easy and cost less tham 300 a year with washing etc compared to 1100 a year with huggies.

My first two children are 10 months 30 days apart. It was a little sleepless and by the time they were 3 so rewarding!
Now they are teens and super great!

I remember having that same feeling of dread when I found myself pregnant with my second and all I really wanted was one. It was totally out of the blue and unplanned. Let me tell you, after 18 years I still get tears in my eyes when I think how I didn't want that wonderful child that I was blessed with. It will work out for you. Obviously this is a gift from heaven and you should look at it as just that.
After the baby gets here you won't know how you lived without him.

My best to you,
S.

Hi H.
I wish I could be in your shoes. Were still trying to have a 2nd. But my first thought was my Grandma did it with 6, with a set of twins at the end. I guess the thing is to plan everything well. Prep meals a head of time, do a lot of slow cooked crock pot things. Fixing meals was my hard part with my daughter and the boy I watched m-f.
Best of luck, A. H

Hi,

I know this is hard but I'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason so, this was meant to be and it will all turn out ok.

You and your husband sound wonderful and loving and that is all you really need to give to a child.

I just found out that I am pregnant with my 4th and I sort of went through the same thing. My kids are 22 months and 18 months apart and this child will be 20 months after my youngest. I'm not going to say it is easy. But I will say going from 1 to 2 was much harder than going from 2 to 3. I am now able to look at this clearer now that my hormones are a little more even. The first weeks I was such a mess. I wouldn't even believe it until the ultrasound confirmed it.

So where do you go from here? Just take a deep breath and have faith in your ability as a mom. You have 2 wonderful children now and one more will only bring more love. My 4 year old absolutely loves his younger siblings and I think has an easier time accepting a larger family because he never really knew what it was like to have mom and dad all to himself. We have time set out at least once a week for each child. And they all seem just fine with that.

Don't worry about finances. Everyone always figures them out. You already have the biggest expenses taken care of. There are programs to help out if you really need it but with a little careful budgeting it all falls into place.

And one last thought. There is more than one reason why it takes more than 9 months for baby to arrive and I think the biggest is because we need that time to prepare and get used to the idea of a new little person coming and living with us. After all, you know pretty much what to expect this time around, which is enough cause for concern :) The shock will wear off and the hormones will settle and you will get a new little miracle!

Take care of yourself! And if you would like to chat or just need to vent feel free to PM me anytime!

Oh and Congratulations!!!!
K.

I'm a mother of four (ages 6, 7, 8 and 11) and believe that everything will work out fine for you and your family. It sounds like you and your husband will continue to be great parents and continue to do the best you can so try not to worry too much. I think the most important thing is to love your children and try your hardest to do what's best for them. It will be VERY stressful at times, but don't sweat the small things and take it one day at a time.

Good luck!

My MIL always says that every baby is a blessing! I have 3 girls all 2 years apart. I thought that the transition from 2 to 3 was a breeze! You will already have the clothing and toys from the 1st 2 so financially it shouldn't be to hard. I know that this may be a scary time but you have 9 months to get used to the idea!
BLessings, K.