Unplanned Pregnancy!!!! Please Advise

Updated on August 24, 2011
L.F. asks from Petaluma, CA
23 answers

Dear Fellow Mama's,

I have been 100% faithful with my birth control and today found out that I am PREGNANT. I haven't been feeling well the past few weeks and I thought just to ease my mind, I would buy a test. Well....bought one, it came up positive immediately. Then went and got 3 more and they all showed up positive immediately. So, the question that I have is how do I calm down and stop feeling anxious about this. I absolutely love babies and my hubby and I have wanted more, but we were planning on waiting for at least a few more years. I am NOT interested in terminating----I love this baby just like I love my other children, but I am sooooo shocked with the news!!!! I know b/c pills are not 100%, but you never think you will be that 1%!!!!

This pregnancy will be baby 3 for me and I would like to know if it was super hard to transition from 2 to 3 or is it easier than it was when I went from 1 to 2 children. Any words of encouragement??? I contacted my doctors today and will be seen in 2 weeks to find out how far along I am and do all of the health checks but in the time being, what can I do to be more at ease about this---I want this baby to be healthy and the fact that I wasn't planning for this pregnancy, makes me worried.... Any tips or helpful comments?

Thanks so much!!!

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Featured Answers

M.B.

answers from Orlando on

I know how how you feel I to was the 1%! I conceived my son on bc! It was scary because we were not planning kids any time soon but it happened and everything happens for a reason. I have a great son who I wouldn't change for the world!

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T.T.

answers from San Francisco on

congratulations!
I was the 1% too! :) - My second child was only 9 months old when i became prego again! oh how i cried & cried because i felt it was just too soon to have another. It was actually easier than i expected because i had 2 boys already and my third would be a boy also, i dont even remember potty training him! Dont worry, things will work out, i was so sad thinking, what am i going to do?! But, I was blessed how it happened, I am thankful for all my children!

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A.E.

answers from Dallas on

Congratulations!!!!! First - worrying about it isn't good for anyone so relax!

I have 3 youngsters and I assure you that having a third was a MUCH easier transition than from 1 to 2. I think it is because you're more flexible and used to a little chaos. (smile) . When you had baby #2, you had to figure out how to take care of an infant while entertaining a child who was used to having your undivided attention. This time your two kids are used to entertaining each other by playing - so that in itself makes it easier.

Our third one three years ago was a surprise to us, but just last week while my husband and I were talking about it - he said "oh, I thought we were trying for him." Back then - we were so stressed and now it's just a distant memory (well, for me since he doesn't even remember it).

God's plans are always a lot better than our own, so trust Him and the rest will fall into place.

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E.M.

answers from Denver on

We just had our "surprise" baby number three 6 months ago--a boy who has two big sisters! It was totally a shock for both of us but as the pregnancy progressed, we forgot that it wasn't planned...and just enjoyed it and got excited! And now that our little man is here, we cannot imagine life without him and he has made our family complete. Enjoy your surprise--think of all the people out there who can't get pregnant or the people who get pregnant accidentally but don't have a loving family to offer the baby once it's born. Congrats! You've won the jackpot! :)

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L.L.

answers from Washington DC on

I got PG with an IUD. So unplanned but that baby was meant to be; we decided God wanted us pregnant. She has been a real blessing in many ways. Attitude is everything. Unplanned but not unwanted, can't beat it. It is always hard when you have so many needing your attention. Dont know ages of other children but now you have 2 helpers. Prepare them to be big brothers/sisters and they can be a huge help. Get as much organized before the baby comes as you can. Freeze meals,go through clothes that the new baby will get from siblings and then relax and enjoy this baby.
Best of luck and love to you and your family

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K.J.

answers from Chicago on

Wow, congrats! None of my pregnancies have been unplanned, so I am a bit envious that you have a surprise baby :-)

Going from 1 to 2 kids was MUCH harder for me than 2 to 3 has been. My kids are 4.5 yrs, 2 yrs, and 4.5 mos. You will be fine--you sound like a great mom already!

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S.D.

answers from Phoenix on

Someone up there planned this for you. Congrads. Some surprises can be a wonderful and life changing experience full of joy, anticipation and LOVE. Your family will do great and it will be a true blessing....keep us posted !

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3.B.

answers from Cleveland on

First of all CONGRATS!!!!!

Don't worry, everything will be fine! And going from 2 to 3......no biggie :)

Obviously this baby was REALLY meant to be here. So think of it that way. I was terrified to have my 3rd, but all of a sudden one day I was like "Wow, this isn't harder at all" Everything just flows. It will be fine! Take a breath, relax and enjoy this new surprise blessing :)

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H.B.

answers from Chicago on

This was my story last year. I was absolutely shocked that it happened to me! I thought about having a third, try for the girl...but deep down I was dead set on only my two boys. I was mostly scared about the birth (I had a painful experience with my second, a really mean nurse also). When I thought about the pregnancy, I was depressed. I was happy when I wasn't thinking about it. When my water broke...I cried telling my husband I wasn't ready. The nurses were so nice and even though I had to go natural, again...it was a breeze. As she came out, all this weight on my shoulder literally lifted away. I just wanted my baby! When baby was a week old, we moved an hour from my husbands work and we only had one car (a very small car that didn't safely fit all three car seats)! I would wake up to drive my husband to work, take baby to her appointments, and grocery shop. I grocery shopped almost daily because I couldn't think past the right now. Fast forward, baby just turned 1! I have regained so much energy in the last 3 months. I was able to breastfeed this entire year. We were able to buy a minivan this summer. I feel guilty when I think about how much I wasn't really present this last year, I didn't want to do that to the boys. Now that my energy is back, I see so many good things for us. This first year was hard, it's only up from here! I come from a family of 3 siblings and the lesson I learned is to raise the family together. My siblings and I were really not involved in each others lives, so I'm trying my hardest to be a family daily! I love my baby and my boys really love her too! We are a happy family of 5!!! So, plan meals/freeze meals, stay positive, and I hope the best for you and baby!

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B.C.

answers from Dallas on

I spent 12 months trying for our last child. I did EVERYTHING by the book. Ate healthy, took my vitamins, didn't drink, etc. Nothing, included 3 months of clomid worked. So, we gave up. I got upset, got really, really drunk for about 5 days and then BAM! I was pregnant! Lol. She's almost 4 now and so completely healthy and smart! Of course, as soon as I found out, all of the bad stuff I quit, but please don't worry so much about it. Take your vitamins, eat right and drink lots of water. :) Congrats!!

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J.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

Wooo hooo!! Congratulations!! What a lovely surprise. You know that you'll be fine with #3. Just try to treat yourself well, get a lot of rest, and have your husband do all the housework!

Oh, and get a Roomba!

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D.K.

answers from Sioux City on

My 3rd was the easiest baby. If all my kids were like her when she was small I would have dozens. Congratulations!!! I always had to work really hard to get pregnant. I used to pray that God would slip one in sometime and he finally did with our sixth. I am so excited for you!!

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L.S.

answers from Spokane on

Congratulations!!! I've got 3 girls and it was MUCH easier going from 2 to 3 than 1 to 2 :)

Start taking prenatals and folic acid if you aren't already. Eat healthy and stay active and get as much rest as you can - you know the drill! lol

We weren't sure if we wanted a third, so we chose 1 month and basically said if it's meant to be then we'll conceive (we'd had problems conceiving our first) and we did!!! And my youngest filled a void in our family I never even knew was there. She's a joy and a blessing and I'm SO lucky to have her (and all my girls).

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D.B.

answers from Dallas on

I think part of what will determine how hard the transition is, is how old your other 2 kids are. But personally, I thought adjusting to 2 kids was so much harder. You have to learn how to handle more than one kid at a time. So, adding #3 was a breeze for me. I just strapped him on and kept on truckin! Congratulations!

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R.M.

answers from San Francisco on

Congratulations (really) CONGRATULATIONS!!!

This little blessing will enrich your lives. Just relax and go with it.

The main thing I remember with my third child is that it felt like we turned from a small family to a big family, and when we went somewhere it suddenly felt like we were a parade.

But the big ramp-up is from 1 kid to 2. By the time the third kid came along I could carry 1 child, push a stroller, walk the dog, talk on the phone, and make dinner all at the same time (ok - that's not exactly true, but your multi-tasking skills will be AMAZING!).

Finances can be a bit more of a pinch, but if you're creative with hand-me-downs and food shopping, everything will work out fine.

Again - be happy. This is a wonderful blessing for your family!

Good luck!

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S.M.

answers from New York on

Well my dear you just have to accept it. I wasn't planning on a third also but it happened. I was in school pursuing an accounting degree. I went to school my full nine months and I am a high risk. But I couldn't wait to see this baby and I am sure you will feel the same. It is not easy, but believe me you will get the faith to handle it. Just hang in there it'll be fine, now or later will be more or less the same. So your life will be a little hectic now, but later you can relax and they will be growing up together. The baby will be healthy don't worry. Just look at it you are just doing it earlier. Yeah you put your adult life on pause for a while but when they are older you can resume. Good luck.

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B.

answers from Augusta on

Both of my kiddos were unplanned.
I don 't know about going from 2 to 3 but yes both of mine were unplanned.
You spend some time in shock then you accept that yep you're about to have another person in your family. It really is that simple but it does take some time.

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S.H.

answers from Huntsville on

Take a deep breath :) Or 2, or 3... haha

Congratulations!

Our daughter was not planned, and did NOT come at a great time. Hubby & I weren't even dating for very long before I became pregnant (yep, we were irresponsible...). I still had 1 more year of college left. We were terrified, and my parents were FURIOUS. We were so far from financially stable. But, we took it 1 day at a time and we made it through!

She is now a beautiful, brilliant, 5 year old Kindergartener :) Hubby & I have been married for a little over 3 years now (even tho my parents tried to convince me he was going to leave me a loooong time ago... ahh long story there lol).

From what you have said here, you sound like a WAY more stable family to handle a surprise baby! :)

Think about the excitement of pregnancy. The baby showers. The shopping for the cute little baby things! The first ultrasound pics. Picking out names. Seeing their precious face for the first time. Etc. Etc.! :)

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M.F.

answers from Youngstown on

Going from two to three was easier than one to two I suppose. I didn't really have trouble transitioning either time though. My kids are 9,6,and 17 months. I am currently pregnant with number four I am not sure how that will go though.

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N.A.

answers from San Francisco on

You will be fine. Take prevention measures and get your mind and body healthy and your other children will help you with the new baby along with family members and friends. When you ask you will receive.
I also work with a wellness company and we partnered up with Healthy child healthy world. If you would like some tips on how to create a healthy environment for you , your baby and family email me and I will put you on a healthy path.
Don"t stress its not good for you or the baby.
Everything will work out just fine.
Good luck.

N. Marie
____@____.com

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K.J.

answers from New Orleans on

I think the more kids you have it seems easier. Maybe cause you have more understanding of things. I think after having a baby at first seems hard,(b/c after my 3rd it was hard b/c of a c-section) but after a few months of healing and so on everything became easier. I had everything planned out and seem to work better for me that way. Congrats!!

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R.D.

answers from Richmond on

It's never a good time to have a baby, but it's always the RIGHT time once baby is here... does that make sense?

I got pregnant on BC... TWICE... so nothing surprises me :)

Congrats and good luck!! At least you'll have a story for this kid later on... 'yeah, you weren't planned but...' ... my parents love telling me how they weren't ready for me... then they wanted another baby 4 years later (but my brother is only 23 months younger).... then they were done... so 7 years later they had my other brother. We were all 'accidents', LOL!!

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S.G.

answers from San Francisco on

Congratulations! Surprises can be overwhelming at first, I know, but don't worry, everything will be fine. For me it was my first that was the big surprise. I was on the pill, using those OTC sponge thingies and my now DH was using a condom....Well apparently God had other plans because we now have a beautiful 22yo daughter and 3 other children.
for me going from 2 to 3 was much easier than going from 1 to 2. By the time # 3 arrives you will have mastered handling multiple children and really your third won't be much different.
Make sure you get a lot of rest and like some of the others said, start taking your vitamins.

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