Seeking New Ways to Manage World Issues and Fears as a New Parent

I can really relate to how you feel. I cannot read the newspaper or watch the news without stories about children or parents effecting me. I still cry easily when hearing especially terrible stuff.

I have come to terms with the fact that I cannot make a huge change in the world, but by being a good person, good mother and helping when I can that I am at least contributing to something bigger than myself.

I know it is hard to stop thinking about something after you hear it, but I generally try to think good thoughts about my daughter, family, neighborhood rather than to dwell on something I cannot change.

Wow, I feel the very same way and lose sleep at night, cry when I read the news, you name it. I don't know how to deal either. I try yoga, basking in the love of my child and know that I can make a difference in the compassion I teach him as he grows, but it's so scary and just so sad sometimes. I can't wait to read any responses that might help us.

What a wonderful inquiry you're making, S.. I became a mother nearly 38 years ago, and have never been the same since. Nor would I choose to be. The opening of my soul, the tenderness toward all babies, the kinship with all mothers, the concern for the welfare of living things, is one of the most rewarding (and yes, exacting) gifts I have ever received. And my spiritual and emotional life are immensely larger for it.

We middle-class-or-higher Americans are strangely privileged to be as insulated as we are from the risks and struggles that most other people experience. And we are strangely burdened by exactly the same circumstances. Only a few generations ago, tragedy and death were simply a part of life. Therefore, families and society had well-practiced means of understanding, coping, ritualizing, supporting and releasing that we have partly forgotten. So life is that much scarier when we are suddenly sideswiped by the realization that loss happens, and it can happen to us and our beloveds.

The intense worrying that you experience right now is hormone-driven, and will fade over the coming year. If it doesn't, please get medical help. Chronic worry will only drain you, and make you more likely to try to shelter your child from experiencing a normal life, which must necessarily incorporate some risk. Consider a spectrum that runs from total safety at one end to sheer recklessness at the other. What would a life that was totally safe look like? Pretty damn boring, confining, and frustrating. What would a life lived loose and fast look like? Probably pretty short, and rather agonizing for that person's loved ones. (But perhaps tremendously fulfilling for the kid living it, yes?)

So the healthy median is balance, which will look more reckless than you will be comfortable with at times, and sometimes more bland than a healthy, eager child will be content with. Don't worry about it too much now. That balance will find you a little at a time as your son begins to experiment with how to use his body. And believe me, you will be cheering him on! Mostly.

But don't shut down the openness you are experiencing. Yes, there is immense pain, tragedy, and loss in this life. And at this point in human history, we are quite possibly on the brink of unknowable disaster. But we are capable of acting sanely and choosing a different direction. None of us is helpless. All of us can do something every day to nurture goodness for all.

I am convinced that if humanity has a future, it will be deeply rooted in the tenderness and concern of human beings like you and me, acted upon by all who experience it, to the greatest degree we are all able. The opening you feel is a gift. It serves to make you an attentive mother while your infant son is still helpless. And if you don't reject it, it can energize you to work for a better world for your child to grow into. Blessings!

You have two factors working against you in this...one, your hormones are kicked in the pants right now. They were so high when you were pregnant, yet now that you have your baby, the hormones drop into almost nothing (at least, that's how it felt to me). That makes nearly everything, from world news to a Hallmark commercial, highly emotional.

But the other factor (and a welcomed one, at least for me) is that until your baby was born, even though you may ADORE your husband, you never knew this sense of PRIMAL attachment. I know for me, when my daughter was born, even the very moment I saw her, I knew I would do ANYTHING to protect her, cherish her, and keep her close to me. And you sense that other mothers feel that way, even if they live in other countries and under other conditions. And you are right.

No need to try to remind yourself of this. You are now in a unique clan, and you won't forget. You can never look at the world in the same way again, but you will get more used to the feelings which seem to overwhelming you now.

Welcome to the club!

When my son was born, I was deeply impacted by every tragedy. When a bridge collapsed, a ferry sank, a mall shooting happened, I would always role play it in my head (often in my dreams) about what I would need to do to save/protect my baby.

I've never been as personally impacted by what is happening in other countries, because intellectually I know that my child will not starve, will not suffer from the diseases/ailments that afflict children in third world countries, would not end up in a orphanage if anything happened to his parents, etc. My focus was always more on what could potentially happen to my family.

This didn't impact me as much after my second pregnancy. But, with the first one, his life/safety really was a big part of my focus. I think that once the hormones started calming down I was able to look at life with more objectivity and more logic. I reminded myself that only a very, very tiny fraction of American children are killed, molested, or develop a disease/serious medical condition.

S. S,

It is a scary and uncertain world, isn't it? If there is one thing that is certain, it is that bad things will continue to happen for as long as this earth exists. Without a firm foundation we would all destroy ourselves with worry and concern and fear. S., you can not change the world; you can not keep your family or any other family on the face of the planet safe by worry or volunteerism or any other means. Sounds depressing doesn't it? I don't mean to be. But I hope that this realization will drive you to the only One who is the blessed controller of all things. This world went it's own way a long time ago. God is enacting His plan all through history to redeem this broken place we call Earth and us, those who have been created in the image of God. God is redeeming us through His Son, Jesus. Jesus came to die and take the punishment for our sinfulness; He rose again on the third day. All we have to do is admit we need a Savior; believe that Jesus is God in the flesh who died for our sins, receive Him into our lives and follow whole-heartedly. The world won't get any better, but we can trust in God to keep us for His purpose, to make us more like His Son through the experiences in this life, to walk with us and in us every step of this life; to carry out His plan that includes not only redeeming us but also this world. So can you help to ease another's sufferings -- certainly! Can you work to bring justice into the lives of others -- certainly! But doesn't it make more sense to do all of this as a partner on God's team. God is in control. He will accomplish His purpose. He will make all things right. Our first step is to bend the knee and believe on Jesus Christ, God's perfect Son and sacrifice for our sins. This is a long answer to your very good question. How do others handle this unjust and troubled world -- I have placed my faith in the only One who has the reigns of control. God bless you S. S. I will pray for you today.

These fears are what make you human. Don't ever let go of that. No amount of prayer, medication, self-analysis, or "retail therapy" is going to cure you of being a conscientious person. Do pass on your heightened awareness to your children. We need more mothers to do this. You probably feel this more-so because you are now able to empathize. You should also realize that you can only start with yourself, so even though you feel like the "small things" you are doing are insignificant, they are most definitely not. You are probably not helping anyone by agonizing about it. Just be more action than words! Obama '08.

When I was pregnant I witnessed a squirrel get hit by a car. I cried over it for weeks, even had a breakdown while telling my midwife about it. She said, "Welcome to motherhood" and I knew things had changed for me. One of the other posters mentioned the primal attachment you feel toward your child at the beginning. This is a new emotion for mothers and we're not equipped to deal with the intensity of emotion we feel. It spills over into everything we see, hear, and read.

It will lessen a bit as time goes on, partly because your hormones will calm down, and partly because you'll just learn to deal with it, but it's something I've heard most moms never completely outgrow.

It's not necessarily a bad thing...you can use this as a catalyst to make a difference and get involved with the issues that affect you the most. Even if you can only do a little (small donations to charities, little bits of time volunteered supporting an organization you like) it'll make a big difference in someones's life.

You are not alone! Thank God for Moms! The gift that you can give your child, family, community and world is COMPASSION! Sounds like you have a lot of it. Do your best to make everyday a day of blessings to your child and to those around you. Even the little things can make big differences.

I found myself worrying about everything for a long time! I think that it is normal...at least I hope it is. I am married, but am currently a single mom. My husband is in the USAF and stationed in CA. I stayed in WA to take care of my mom who was ill. She passed in April when my 2nd child was 5 weeks old. My husband's father passed a month later. As you can imagine, my worries have only increased about mortality, emergencies and health. I don't think that I am a freak, just a realist. Take some time to evaluate some of your priorities and communicate them. Good luck to you and enjoy your little one! :)

PS: I came back to my post to edit it after reading some of the other responses. I a realize that we are in a very historic time for our upcoming election, and that the outcome will have significant impact on our future, but I am really disappointed that people would use this forum as a means for expressing their political opinions. I would hope that Moms could appreciate that you have a genuine concern about how to cope and that you are not necessarily interested in their choice for President. There are other means of discussing politics and the election that would not take away from your valid concerns. (Just had to get that off of my chest!) And I don't necessarily agree that you have post partum depression either. I think many Moms will agree that our view of humanity changes when we give birth. Our whole world changes! If you think that you might be suffering from depression, ask those around you and speak to your doctor!

Hugs!

My son is 22 mos. now and I still struggle with this too. It did get easier to manage as he grew and the hormones diminished. I was putting my immediate family first over myself and had to teach myself to be my own best friend. Keep a routine and do something at the same time every day because we feel safer in crisis if something stays consistent. (dinner, park, walk the dog, sitting in a relaxing chair and breathing.) I had to stop watching certain movies/tv at times or know to say ok turn it off or I have to find something else to do. I tell myself: Can I do anything about this issue? Yes-then no worries or No I can't do anything about the issue-then no worries. Impermanence (everything changes) knowing that this too will change. Reward yourself for being a mom and going through this ultimate life change. Go get a pedicure, manicure or hair cut. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror say an affirmation. I've used: I'm safe, full of light and beauty and I can tap into all the knowledge in the universe. Or I'm a good mother and can be creative and have fun with my son. By keeping yourself rejuvenated and safe, then the same to your son, it spills over into your neighborhood and to your family and we create positivity and safety zones and it's catching. By offering forgiveness to those from our past and saying I'm grateful for all that I have it really helps. As adults we forget that a mud puddle and rainy day may seem blah to us but looking through our child's eyes it's a great place to poke a stick, float a pretty leaf or splash and giggle. Hang in there. Don't worry.

Turn OFF the TV news. It is sooo sensationalized. Check the headlines on the internet. If something really important happens, you WILL hear about it but by turning off the TV you miss the day-in, day-out negativity. Even the legitimate news stations senationalize to a certain extent; otherwise it wouldn't be news-worthy. That is not to say you shouldn't be concerned about issues in your area, state, country and the world and it sounds like you are already making financial as well as time contributions to some of them. Spend your extra time raising your beautiful child. I turned off the news over 2 years ago and it did wonders for my mental health.

You are a perfectly wonderful, normal loving human mommy. It helps me to be thankful for how generous the universe has been and pray for protection every time a dark thought enters my mind - whether you ask for God, the White Light to protect you or whatever - it helps ground you and give you a little feeling of control at the same time. Because that's really what it comes down to doesn't? There are scary things out there that you have no control over. Volunteering and recycling is also a way to give you back that control.

So, understand that you CAN'T control it, you can't even control your own child's reaction to said dark items. You can only control you. Take the driver's seat of your hemisphere, make sure your loved ones always know they are appreciated, educate your child by teaching him self-worth (usually done by living example) and hang on for the ride!

Hello!

I have always been a rather sensitive person and strongly affected by all of the highly mediatized violence and suffering in the world. I went to India on a reforestation project at age 15 and it changed my life. My husband (who I met in Darfur) and I spent several years doing humanitarian work in developing countries and we were in Pakistan doing post-earthquake relief when I got pregnant.

We came home to start our family and it has been a delicate balancing act since then. My son was born premature and with a congenital defect. It was easily corrected and he is perfect now but there were moments when I couldn't stop thinking about how so many children in the world would have simply died for lack of treatment to this fairly common problem. I had (still have sometimes) feelings of guilt and hopelessness over the randomness of life and the fact that I'm one of the 'lucky' ones.

Now that I am a mom, I'm not sure if my feelings are more intense, but I do spend more time thinking about how I can still be more than a consumer in this life and how to pass this along to my children. It's a tough one. We have it pretty good and the temptation to spend, spend, spend is strong. I guess, for me, I'm trying to focus on living more simply. I try to buy more used items (clothes, toys, etc), go out to restaurants less frequently, and I've started making more things at home (am learning to knit, cleaning and hygiene products...) I've also started buying savings bonds for my nieces and nephews for Christmas instead of adding to the ever-growing mountain of presents they receive and will do the same for my children.

I agree with some of the other posters in the sense that you need to try and protect yourself to a certain degree. Right now your son needs YOU more than he needs a lesson in social responsibility. That can come later.

Do tune out from the violent tv programs, movies and books. Focus more on what CAN and IS being done to create good in the world as opposed to whatever flavor-of-the-week disaster is being talked about on the news. Do realize that you can be an effective catalyst for change, if only in your inner circles. Know where your money goes and how the companies you support with your dollars treat their employees, the environment, etc. Start out slowly though and don't let yourself be overwhelmed or stressed out because you didn't buy all organic or free-trade. You can't control everything!

My husband and I plan on resuming our humanitarian work in a couple of years, once our children are fully vaccinated and out of the everything-goes-in-their-mouth stage. We will, of course, need to change the types of assignments we accept and stick to stable countries, working more with development programs. This isn't for everyone and I know that a lot of people don't understand our desire to do this now that we have a family. However, we feel that it is important and we would also like to expose our children to other cultures, languages and people. As I said, this is not for everyone, but if I could make one suggestion, I would encourage people to travel with their kids and I don't necessarily mean taking them to Africa to see all of the starving children. Instead, take them to see the pyramids and architecture, to taste and smell the food, to hear the music and the melody of a different language. Obviously this is expensive and not everyone has this luxury, but there are other ways to help your children experience other cultures: film, books, restaurants, community events, language classes and so much more. Seek out the OTHER; you will find that most immigrants will appreciate your curiosity and will surprise you with their generosity of spirit and hospitality. Not only will it enrich the lives of you and your children, but it can be a lot of fun and a great way to spend time together and create dialogue.

For me, I guess it all comes down to tolerance. I feel like a lot of the problems in the world come from a lack of understanding and fear. We don't protect and value things we don't understand or care about. I have my moments where I feel like there's nothing I can do and that the world is just too messed up, but then I look at my beautiful son and think about my baby that is to be born in the coming weeks and I remind myself that it is my duty to try and make the world a better place for them. To all of the those who say we can't save the world, I reply, I only want to save the things worth saving and this, I believe, is possible.

Be kind to yourself and to one another.

J.

ps-I agree with Brandy's post about politics, but would go further and say the same thing about religion.

I can completely relate to what you're saying (and for me personally it has never been related to post-partum depression). I have a 2 1/2 year-old and a 14 month old and it is still a struggle for me to keep my fear under-control. I left for the weekend (only the second time being away) and took the train to portland. I could hardly get myself together because the emotions involved with leaving my family brought all these other feelings and fears right to the surface. I know it's not healthy to live that way and this particular recent experience forced me to "let go" and recommit my children to God. I'm not sure if this is something you can do because of your beliefs but it really helps me. I realize I can't control everything, as much as I may try I can't protect my children against everything, and I have to have faith in a bigger plan. There is a verse that I have to claim for myself when I see or hear of the terrible things happening around our world or when I experience any fear that is deabilitating to my life: "God has not given (me) a Spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind." This is in Isaiah, maybe it will help you? But yes, you are not alone in this and I do think it's important to find a way to get it under-control and not let it control your life and then effect the way your children think and live (beyond what is rational). And I think we all must do what we can--and more--to help others, consider others, and change the darkness around us into light. Thanks for posting such an important question, it is good to see there are others out there who are so concerned, compassionate, and also effected by the things going on around us.

Hi S.,
I feel ya! I think these are normal feelings and fears. I am a single parent, nay, only parent, no child support. I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but I am a Christian. Some of the things I do to overcome these fears, worries, anxious feelings, are:
Don't read or watch the news, too depressing

Pray to God and thank Him for what He has provided for me and ask Him to keep providing

Thank God for my child and pray for His protection and guidance for my son

Remind myself that God is in control and He will provide
Luke 12:24 (New International Version)
24Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!

I remind myself that this thing I am worrying about is not so bad that I am going to die.

When I worry about the evils of the world, I pray for protection for myself and family and I pray for those I worry about, whatever the situation is, like the starving people in Africa, I pray for them. God answers prayers, sometimes the answer is, "No" and sometimes it is slow, but in His time.

I hug my son and tell him I love him and he is important to me. If something should happen, God forbid, then, I won't regret not hugging him. I appologize to him when I am wrong.

I put canned food, jackets we don't use any more, blankets, etc... in my car and give it to the people that are out begging on the corner.

I give our hand me downs to someone who needs them or to a second hand store of my choice.

Smile at people, even if they are rude. Rude people are rude because they are in some kind of pain, physical, mental, psychological, spiritual, and they need to be loved, smile and say a prayer for them.

Pray for that crazy driver who cuts you off in traffic

Pray for the emergency workers, and the people they are off to help, when you hear sirens.

Sorry so long winded, but this is what I do to feel better about living in this world and bringing a child into this world.

Blessings,
J.

I struggle with anxiety and panic so I have to really watch myself when I get too emotional over world tragedies. But, I don't want to just ignore them either. I am a Believer and my faith in Jesus is the biggest part of my life. So, I take those feelings of empathy and compassion and use them as an opportunity to pray for those tragedies. This empowers me because I know I really am doing something about them. And it allays the anxiety because I know I have a Heavenly Father that cares about these tragedies as much and even more than I do. And often, God then prompts me to DO things - like sponsoring two children in Africa. It makes me see that I am getting involved and changing someone's life for the better.

Hi S....
I too suffered from these issues after my children were born. All three of them, but after i had my boys I had it worse than with my girl. I would venture to say that you have post partum depression, and while i HATED hearing that word, hind sight is 20/20 and I realize now that my youngest is two... it had a pretty good hold on me for about a year and a half after each child was born. I'm not telling you this to make you feel worse, but maybe you could talk to your dr. or midwife about getting some help just temporarily. I didn't do it, but someties wish that i had. Now that I am finally finished having children, I can look back and see that I was not myself for those times and it does have a
HUGE effect on your body and mind. I also had visions of myself hurting my children... a lot of people have these and don't talk about them, but i feel like it's somehing more moms should admit to. I've talked to a lot of my firends about it and now feel that it is pretty common. Please e-mail me if you want to talk about anything, but if not just know that you're not alone:) and stop watching the news too for the time being, it will help:)
take care S..
~M.

Hi S.! You clearly have a heart for others! I am with you...maybe not to the same degree where it keeps me up at night, but my heart breaks when I hear stories and read books about things that really go on in this world, and in my own city. It is a natural empathy that I think women are more in tune to, especially once we have children, they are such a precious gift God has given us, and it is excruciating to imagine them ever losing you as their mommy, or you losing them. I see this gift as something God has entrusted to me, and all I can do is honor him by being a loving parent, and loving others unconditionally. I do not know what God's plan for my life will be, but I am confident that he is in control of it all, the good and the bad. I belong to him, and therefore I can just let go of the worry and in turn love those around me who are hurting. Feel free to message me if you want to chat more, I love talking about this!

I remember feeling the same way when my son was that young. He is now 11 months, and I still feel that way occasionally, but not as often. For me, I think it was part of the hormonal changes after pregnancy that these feelings were so strong. I think it's awesome that you're that empathetic. The best thing I could do to reduce those feelings was to think about raising my son to live lightly, be kind, and be aware of the struggles faced by those less fortunate than us. I know the world is a better place because he's here. I don't know if this is helpful, but when I felt overwhelmed by all the difficulty in our world I would think about all the people my son will help as he grows into a responsible, caring, generous man. It may be a drop in the bucket, but it helped me cope. Best of luck to you!

OK. It's good that you feel sympathy, but not if you are overly obsessed that you can't sleep. Could you maybe turn off the tv, stop reading the newspaper, at least until your child turns one? Right now, your child needs a mom that can focus on THEIR needs. Your child needs to feel safe and secure. The first 5 years are critical in their way of seeing the world. So, take care of yours until then, and THEN you can save the world!
If you can't seen to stop, please make an appt. with your Dr. for a referral.

First of all, I also am affected by these things, so I stopped watching the news for the most part. Also, what I do is I have a couple of pet organizations I like to give to - one is our church sponsors a care center for single moms in Romania that helps them and trains them to care for little kids. Today I also found out about Cocoon House, a place for teens that have no home. When you are doing even a little bit like giving maybe $50 every other month, or doing anything even if it's $10, that helps.

Even if you do a little teeny bit, a little is better than nothing. God honors whatever you do. Helping others always lifts your spirits, no matter how small that gift may mean to you. Find your pet project and put a teeny something into it. Remember, we can help the world around us by being caring moral human beings ourselves, however, much as we would like, we cannot change the whole world, just our little corner of it. Even a small kindness makes a big difference. Don't underestimate it.

(i didn't read the other responses, so forgive me if i repeat). i too think it is wonderful that you are so sensitive. also, i'd encourage you to remember that, by devoting yourself to raising your son with love and caring, meeting his needs fully, you are helping bring to the world a person who will make a big difference in the world. continue to inform yourself to help you make the best decisions in parenting him. and take some action that you feel moved to do (obviously not at the expense of meeting your son's needs), and as he gets older, you can find ways to take action together, so that he can learn more about giving in action. also, NVC (nonviolent communication) has some good parenting info.

Hi S.,

I truly understand what you are going through. The same thing happened to me when I was pregnant with my first child and really hasn't gone away. For the most part I have learned how to cope by turning off the news for a few days or weeks at a time. The media seemed to be my biggest source of paranoia. There are always stories that are so tragic because tragedy gets attention. I have learned how to cope simply by understanding that this is just me. I worry for my children but for the peace of the world and the people in it. I concentrate on what I can do locally to help. It may not always be a lot but there are always things I CAN do so I concentrate on those. I know that I am making a difference locally and that in itself will contribute to the larger picture. This helps me. It doesn't make the worry go away by any means! But it does help.

Hi S.,

I am a mom who doesn't take world concerns and the future of our children lightly - in fact, these things are what inspired me to action – I started my company post- 9-11. My passion only grew after Katrina. Ultimately, I was worried about what our kids had to look forward to in the world (these and many other concerns out there, as well). Then, one afternoon, I watched them playing in the kiddie pool and picking blackberries - the "free things" - and it hit me - I have no right to spend my hours worrying or feeling down about the world.

My only right as a mom is to wake up each day and try to make a difference. Today, I choose NOT to be Old Mother Hubbard in a crisis but to take responsibility and plan for such occasions where supplies may be needed. I choose NOT to waste precious, valuable time in worry. The way I live my life now is by the philosophy that my only right is to SHOW our children, by my own example, what it looks like to be out there in the world, actively engaging and making a difference. And, where I cannot – to walk away and accept what I cannot change (and where I struggle, to have that wisdom to figure out the difference!).

I highly advise taking action - it has great benefits! At the same time, know that action means you will feel the impact of things that don’t work – you will meet resistance and conflict at times because you take action and get involved. You will have an opportunity to realize how little we control in life - a humbling and great opportunity for learning, indeed. In taking action, you will make mistakes. You will feel the weight of the world at times. But you may also learn and grow, inspire thought in others and realize better, where to put your focus and your time. If it helps, I’m learning to give where you give best – don’t waste energy worrying (not about what you can’t achieve with your own two hands or what others may think of your trying, either) or wallowing in any fear – because fear itself truly is the greatest thing in life to fear!

If our children have a chance at a better life, it’s through our courage to get out there beyond our fears – our courage to meet up with some of the world problems (not to mention interacting with those who may not want the proverbial boat to be rocked) and try and make a difference. We cannot afford to allow them to be paralyzed by fear and overwhelmed by worry. So, at the same time, we cannot drown ourselves in the world’s problems. There has to be a boundary – where we begin and end, in this world – a balance. There has to be room to just go outside - get out and dig in the dirt, play with your children and remember that it's all just a great balancing act (I blogged about this recently at http://www.tristansepinion.blogspot.com - it's called 'balancing act').

My personal view is that we parents are far more critical as leaders than anyone we look to or employ in such capacities, for our children and their future. No one takes the place of a mom like you who cares, so obviously. So don’t let the world’s problems put you in neutral – cultivate your leadership from within and you will make a real difference for your children. On this note, one thing that has crystallized for me is a real need for more great leaders, in trying to make a difference in the world, for our children. We all have seen leaders who seek to herd sheep (based on the notion that most people are sheep and that's their limited destiny - this type of leader spends time pointing them in the direction they determine is in the best interest of those who can’t / don’t / won’t think for themselves). In contrast, there are those who lead by seeking to inspire leadership IN OTHERS – to support, encourage and celebrate independent thought and action that can be debated, discussed and developed, in order to form more compelling plans of action, for the purpose of serving the best interests of our children and their future.

My personal passion is this second notion of leadership - the idea that, if each one of us takes action toward cultivating real leadership (requiring independent and critical thought / action) in one another and in our own lives as parents, we will do more for our children than we would by just bopping along, going with the status quo and avoiding thinking critically about world issues or even those in our very own back yards. It's a bit more messy - to be tolerant and allow all of us to weigh in with our thoughts without personal attack, but, when done well, it's democracy at its best, for sure! Anyway...

I say – GOOD FOR YOU - for being willing to watch the news and contemplate your value and your power in the world, as a mom. Just remember, the world is not squarely on YOUR shoulders. Get outside and dance, too! Know that there are others out there who care and identify. Hopefully, what lies innermost in all of our hearts, as loving human beings, is what will carry us all beyond potential destruction and into much more worthwhile endeavors – in our communities and on this planet, for that matter. Hopefully, THAT is what we will offer our children, through our actions, on an individual basis – a future filled with hope (instead of worry and fear). Hopefully, more and more of us will step beyond the fears and keep walking - focussing on what we can do / change - accepting what we cannot - and, at every opportunity, seeking the wisdom to know that difference!

I wish you the very best,
T. B.

I totally understand how you feel!! I am a new mother as well and you're right - suddenly I can barely see or hear about injustice or suffering without tearing up & feeling out of control! I think having a child puts us in touch with our own mortality and we realize that we are not living for ourselves anymore but have a little life that we're responsible to raise and to be the one with the answers. I'm not sure what the best way to handle all of these fears or worries is but I know I've become much more in touch with my spiritual side to find answers to questions that it doesn't appear that man has the answers to.

I was 5 month pregnant when the twin towers fell. I understand your post! The way I handle my emotional-spiritual-mental health around world reality is to remember that Change in the world starts at home. I think something similar is on a bumper sticker. The way you are, how you parent, the way you treat other people, how you handle difficulty, etc... is a model for you son and all the others you are in contact with, daily or momentarily. Live your life with the highest impecibility possible and do that every day. We all effect each other so greatly. Just do your best! And that's enough. Hold the higher vision and keep the higher vision as you live each day being a mother and a women. Make an effort to make connections with those around you. 90% or more of the folks around you are good people.

S. - thanks for posting this. I, too, have felt this way.

In my case, I felt this way before I had a child and I can't say the feeling increased after she was born, but sometimes when I see her vulnerability and complete trust in me, it breaks my heart to think of those children who are being manipulated and abused by adults.

I remember reading in one of my spiritual books that a person doesn't really know the meaning of love until they can feel the same love for another child that they feel for their own.

It sounds like you and so many other moms posting here feel that way and I think it's awesome!

Bless you for bring this up.

Both my husband and I have felt ourselves really opened up and "tenderized" by the birth of our now 2-YO girl. Not that we weren't sympathetic types before, but now we often turn to each other, appalled, and say "How can humans, who have children, allow these things to happen?"

My 2 pieces of advice are similar to others':

First, disconnect from the Extra Drama, or Pain as Entertainment. If you want news, read the paper rather than watching a breathless TV news report with horrible visuals. Stay away from reality shows, crime dramas, and soaps that pander to people's baser instincts.

Second, reconnect with people who share your concerns *and are taking action*, even if small actions. For me, our Quaker meeting, even when I'm not feeling particularly Christian, is a great way to recharge my batteries--to be with thoughtful people who care about others and work to do their part to ease suffering. Many of them have been out in the battle for a long time and have a lot of wisdom about managing one's tenderness over the long term, without burning out.

Try to find the blessing inherent in this new sensitivity. Use it to feel compassion for others, not to freak out about what might happen. Use it to teach your darling child to increase peace, not pain, in the world.

Hi S.,

I read a few of the other posts, and they are all wonderful. I completely understand how you feel. My own world changed, and also the way I view our entire world, when I had my first child in October of 2004. He was about 3 or 4 weeks old when that woman in Tacoma (I think it was in Tacoma) lay in a drunken stupor for a week and let her two youngest children die of starvation. One was an infant, merely a few weeks older then my own newborn son. I wept for days and days for their tragic deaths. At this same time, my husband had just left to go back to Iraq, he had come home on leave for the birth of our son. So, I was also helplessly glued to the TV watching news, for any updates out of Iraq. Sometimes I would just lay down and cry at the thought of it all, and wonder what kind of horrible world I brought my beautiful, innocent boy into.
I just had another son 4 months ago, and as others have said, it was not as bad this time. Those feelings of hopelessness and sadness about other things going on did get easier as time went on, with my first son, so I do think hormones played a big part, but I also thank God that having a child opened up my eyes to the world around me, and not just "my world". We are changed forever when we see the innocence of our newborns, and though hard to deal with sometimes, it is a blessing to be so changed.
I think you are doing all the right things, but take time for yourself too. You cannot do it all, and none of us can save the world in one wave of a mothers wand. (Though I wish we could). I just try and focus on bringing up my boys to be good, honest, trustworthy, loving, compassionate and upstanding members of our community and world, so they can also pay goodness forward.

Hope this helps,
Sincerely,
A.

I see you've gotten many responses and mine isn't all that different. My main disagreement is to avoid the news all together. It's important to know what's going on in the world around you. However, along with the negative find positive things to focus on as well. If possible find a way to take the negative and find some meaning for it. If nothingbelse I'm grateful to be aware of what's possible so I can think about how to handle things should something like that impact my life. We can't ignore that bad things happen, but we can talk to our families about them and how we can deal with it in our lives. Then move on and find joy in the moments you have with your loved ones everyday.

Religion can be a huge help, but only if that works for you. I find prayer is helpful because it's a little medatative and I can do it anywhere. And try to logically separate out the things you can control and the things you can't.

Try leaving the things you can't control out of your thoughts throughout the day. It's normal for them to pop up here and there, but recognizing you can't control them is important. If you are struggling through making these changes on your own I think finding a group of supportive people to connect with would be helpful.

What you are feeling is natural. I think that when we become moms we become very sensative. Some will say it is your hormones still balncing out. It is true, but only a small part of it. You really do have to build up a wall or shell around yourself. As you have found out, it can be very overwhelming. And you just cannot help everyone. What you can do is do something small. if everyone did something small, imagine how big a difference that would make? Be aware of what is going on, but do not focus on all of it. Maybe find one thing to focus on and figure out how you can help. If you cannot, find something else to focus on and see if you can help. Do you go to church? if so find out some of the things your church is supporting and if it is something you can help with. Some things ask for money, and is that something you can afford? While others ask for time. My church has been knitting hats, scarfs, blankets and sweaters for orphans in russia. Maybe it is locally you can help. Have a yard sale for clothes for Foster kids.
We do the best to teach and protect our kids. As your son gets older, talk to him. When he is able to start understanding things. We have drinking issues in our families. I have conversations with my 10 yr old about why and how bad it can be. You will learn what your child understands and what to say to him. We have also had the drug talk in a way. Mostly right now it is "It is only safe if your doctor tell you or your parents it is okay to take it. Not if your friends doctor tells him is is safe or okay." and things like that. I hope this helps.

Oh man S., your post was timely!! I have been confronting these feelings myself. Just last night, my husband and I watched the documentary "God Grew Tired of Us" about the Sudanese Lost boys. I cried the ENTIRE film. My heart was just breaking for the suffering of these children. I kept crying even after the film was over. I stood over our sleeping baby and just bawled by eyes out- mourning all the children who have or will die because they were born in the wrong place at the wrong time. I want to take all the babies who are suffering and just protect them, nurse them, save them. I couldn't sleep, I just had an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. Finally, I got up and did some searching on the internet. I felt my first tool of empowerment was education- I spent about an hour researching the what, whys, etc of the catastrophe in Sudan and Darfur. The next step was involvement- I visited savedarfur.org and signed up- I am currently considering what I can donate (My husband is a medical student and I work part time so funds are tight right now). I also drafted an email to our friends and family asking that they not purchase any Christmas gifts for our family and instead consider donating the money. I am considering sponsoring a woman from the Congo (I just missed the Run For Congo Women on 9/14) by signing up at www.runforcongowomen.org- it's only $27 a month. I already feel better by just doing SOMETHING- crying doesn't get a lot done. Some people pray, but I guess I just need something more tangible. There is so much pain in the world it's easy to feel overwhelmed, especially as a new mother. I think involvement is the most important thing you can do to feel like you are helping to make a difference. Also, FORCING our administration to acknowledge these atrocities, especially in Sudan, is one of our most pressing tasks. As you have recently discovered, a mothers heart is endless. Welcome to the sisterhood........

I so HEAR your anxiety- and some of it is hormones - and some of it is the life we are living. Do remember that each generation has felt ''these times are so dark''' ( would you have wanted to raise a child during the Holocoust?? -- the pioneer days? - Revolutionary days?? - Each generation has tragedy and darkness.

What to do?? -- I'm reading a fantastic book called ''Peace is every step'' by a Buddist Monk that speaks so clearly to my (Christian) heart - and would- if I were an agnostic as well. What you do is --in your mind- reach out to all the Moms and Dads and brothers and sisters and say '''this path is hard - take my hand - I'll walk for a moment with you- and care'''-- and do one more small thing each month or each season. -- find a church or group in your area that feeds the hungry ( I could sure tell you where that is in the Lake City, Shoreline, Aurora Avenue - Lynwood areas of Puget Sound - but you can find em- and help out - to cook a meal or gather soap packages for street teens - there IS an unlimited amount of work to do- but if we all turn our hands to ONE more thing regularly in this Autumn period- and then one more regular thing in Winter--- things can be brighter.

Blessings,
Old Mom
aka- J.

I totally understand. To become a mom is to forever be vulnerable. I've really appreciated Christianity through this - to know that there's a God in control who loves me and my kids. There's a great book called "The Power of a Praying Parent" by Stormie Omartian that helps you take all different aspects of your kids' lives and pray about them. It's provided me with a lot of peace.

I completely understand what you are saying here about the in ability to put them out of you mind or heart. I have the same problem at times. I wish that I could help, but I wouldn't even know where to start, we have hurting youth here in our country, there are countries where there just don't have enough of anything for thier children let alone the rest of the population.

I had to ask myself how much can I actually do and still take care of my family. I don't want to sound selfish by putting it that way, because there is no reason that my family has to end up being one of those in need while I am trying to help everyone else. I feel that once you evaluate how much you can actually do you will be doing yourself, your family and the cause a big favor. You will be limiting yourself to the amount of activities and or finanical donations to the amount that works for you and still being able to maintain a successful family life.

I hope that this point of view gives you an idea of what you might be able to do to help out other families with children that are struggling. And please do one thing for you child, please teach them to have the compassion that you have, I don't mean it in the "telling you how to raise your child" way, but in the "we don't have enough passionate people in this world and we need more" way. I hope for the best in this situation.

D.

I have to say Amiee M and I are on the same page. It is about feelings of control and safety. Focus on what you can do and control and it sounds like you are already doing what you can. I am not very religous but I often do say a little prayer to God when I wish I could do more for a person or situation. "Please God give them someone to lean on/help them/get them through this challenging time". Then I take a moment to truly feel grateful for what I have and can do to make this family, community and world better.

Your symptoms (loss of sleep, persistent images which are difficult to make go away) make me think of postpartum blues. Worries about the world are normal, but shouldn't be debilitating or excessively interfering with your life -- I've had the blues and I remember how it made my worldly concerns get out of control. I normally recycle, compost, donate to Obama, buy organic, and share one car with my hubby. We do things which help this earth, but WORRY does **NOTHING** productive -- it just passes the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness onto your child and immobilizes you from doing anything.

Remember, the most effective catalysts of change in our world not only did something to change the world, but they were also messengers of HOPE! Therefore, I'm sure your hormones are wreaking havoc on your mood and the sooner you get help the better you and your son will be able to contribute to solutions to the world's problems -- if that is indeed where you want to focus all of your energy.

You may also consider incorporating "helping" into your life while also making room for other forms of joy in your lives. I truly believe that a joyous existence is the greatest and most effective contribution anyone can make to the world.

Postpartum "blues" or "baby blues" affect 50% to 80% of new mothers, and full-blown postpartum depression affects 10-15% of new mothers (and can occur anytime up to one full year after birth.) On top of that, mothers of children under the age of 4 are the group of people at the highest risk for depression! And longterm depression in the mother has been shown to negatively impact baby's emotional and developmental growth.

You may have baby blues, in which case any kind of social support is the #1 most effective treatment for this, as are exercise, fresh air and sunlight (i.e, taking walks). But if the blues don't go away with support and exercise, you might question whether it is depression.

Symptoms of depression include more than two weeks of feeling 3 or more of the following: unexplained sadness and crying, feelings that everything always has and always will be hopeless, paralysis and lack of motivation, constant fatigue, excessive ruminating, disrupted eating and/or sleeping habits (either increased or decreased), confusion, inability to make decisions, loss of interest in people and activities that you used to enjoy.

In cases of depression I would suggest counseling. I know many people fear the "C" word, but when your thoughts are getting you that down, seriously what have you got to lose? There may also be postpartum support groups in your area that can help with either the blues or depression. If you want to try one-on-one counseling try to get a recommendation for a good counselor if you can, or you can contact your local hospital for a good reference.

I really think it's admirable that you are addressing this and checking it out. I think a mother's happiness is always vital to the well-being of the whole family! Best wishes, good luck, and take care! :-)

P.S. I never watch the news -- they present a skewed version of the world consisting mostly of tragedies, and little productive or positive perspective on life.

Hi S.
The others women on this site have a lot of good advice. I have a little different take on things and yet sort of the same so here goes. Not knowing what your Beleafe Systom is I will just say use your teachings. I disagree that Christianity is the answer. There are a lot of ways to connect to the Creator. For now I suggest that during nap time you mdeatate and calm your mind using soothing music and if needed to get fockested,use a candle to put your attention on the flame to calm your mind. As your mind is calmed talk to the Creator as a best friend and give your concerns to the higher power and let it go. Than Listen to that quiet voice that is with in you. Know what is yours and what is out side of you. You can really only chainge you. If you see a way to help others that is good and do so only to the point that it helps and does not take there lesson. Take vitamans and minerls Omaga3 and flaxseed oil, find some herbs that support your hormones to stabelise them. Fear is an emoshan and is a motivator, use it, do not let it parolize you. Use the laws of attraction like is tought in "The Secret" and remember that thoughts become things so choose wisely. emotion is the engane that powers the law of attraction. Avoiding that what makes you fearful is ok for a short time but the only way to really get over a fear is to face it head on. Take care of YOU and yours first, than others. If you do not take care of you than you can not help any one else.
I hope you find that peace with in.

I believe all new Mom's go through that paranoid and overly emotional faze. I was afraid to close my eyes (what if the baby got sick?).Worried about letting even letting relatives watch the baby ( What if something happens?). Everything brought tears to my eyes. The stories on the news. Sad, happy, scary. All trgger an emotional response. Your not alone. Once you get more comfortable being a Mom ( and your hormones even out) you'll feel better. Do you belive in God? I find praying for my husband and children helps to get rid of alot of my insecure feelings, when I start worrying about the troubles of the world. Talk this over with other women in your family or female friends. If prayer and talking this over doesn't start helping after a little while or things start bothering you more maybe talk things over with a doctor, midwife, counsellor, or church pastor.They might be able to help you sort these feelings out a little better. Try to relax a little and enjoy your new baby. God bless.
H. T.

I, too, felt that way when my babies were born. I agree with a lot of the other moms responses. The biggest things for me were to turn off the news and to remember that the problems of the world are not yours. They are God's. Those mothers and those children are God's children and he knows what he is doing. Trust him to take care of them and make it right. He gave you to your son and your family for a reason, so trust him to do the same for them. If these feelings continue it wouldn't hurt to talk with your doctor about it. Postpartum can really mess with you! Good Luck. ~R.

It's very natural to start worrying about all the things that will affect your child when you've just had a new baby. But it sounds as if you may be suffering the baby blues a bit, too. Do you have a group of other new mothers you could join and talk to about these things? I remember just being with other mothers helped me get a realistic perspective on parenting, etc. If you haven't found a group, try the web site meetup.com to see if there's a group in your area. Or perhaps the hospital where you had your child has a group that meets once a week or something. This way you'll have others who are in the same situation to talk with about your fears, etc. I remember the woman who ran our baby group bringing up this topic with us and we ALL felt the same way! If you need someone to talk with e-mail me anytime!

Hi, S., you have sooooo many wonderful answers and yes, this is how it is being a mom. The world is cruel and this is what we moms are doing every day, wondering how to protect our kids from it. And those hormones are not helping much. They do really get you at that point. I have two advices for you:
1. Stop watching news, dramas and soaps. Stick only with the TV shows that will make you laugh or at least smile. This is what I did during my pregnancy and at least an year after my son was born. Remember - happy mom, happy kids. Try to focus on the positive things like having a healthy boy, loving husband and family, cup of coffee with a good friend, new plant in your garden and etc.
2. Remember that you can't change the World to comfort your child but you can change your child to be comfortable in this World. Add your effort to preserve the planet for our kids, make donations when you can to help the others, there are lot of little things we can do that can make this world a better place to live for all of us. That will give you some comfort.
And yes, this is a phase, it will go away after your hormones calm down. Just focus on the positive things at the moment and do your effort toward a better planet.
When my son was about your age I asked a friend if I ever be able to sleep peacefully through the night again and she told me: "My son is 19 years old and I still wake up in the middle of the night and I will stay quite, so I can hear if he is fine, if he is breathing..."
Good luck!

I had the same problem...hormones have a lot to do with this. If you feel it may be postpartum depression, get help. My son is 19 months and I have one due in 5 weeks. I am fearful, but have to remind myself that the MOST IMPORTANT thing is to make EVERYDAY special in some way. We never know when our time here is over. Love your children, tell them how wonderful they are, and love your spouse. LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYDAY :)

I also find a great deal of relief when I am at church...all that positive energy...

I was very much affected. I turned off my t.v. and lived in my 'bubble' for awhile.

Pray, it not only helps who you are praying for but it also helps you.

Perhaps if we all vote for Obama, things will improve somewhat. But your religious faith will certainly help you get through this.

Probably for at least three years you will feel very protective and anxious about each baby, especially if you are a sensitive person to begin with. Too much worry should raise the flag for depression.

Pay especially close attention to your diet. It is important for you to get a good mineral intake along with vitamins, but amino acids are very important to build up the brain chemicals that we need to be able to cope.

One writer suggested "living in a bubble" for a while. I think that this is wonderful advice.

Good Luck.

S.,

I feel you. I'm a mother to a 5 year old son and an 18 month old daughter. I also have a very vivid imagination and tend to picture my family in those car crashes that I see on the news every night.

When my negativity starts getting too bad and I'm borrowing too much trouble I do several things, depending on my mood and how morbid I'm getting.

1) I put on relaxing music and do some positive medidtations
2) I hug and cuddle with my kids some more at night, letting them stay up a little later if they fall asleep on/against me
3) I write. I keep a journal/diary and when things start getting out of hand I write everything down, no matter how incoherent my thoughts are. Later I look back at what I've read and it all skips around from the weather to my kids to my hope/dreams, to what's bothering me to any other random thing.

Hope this helps,
Melissa