Seeking Moms with Empty Nest Issues.

Updated on March 22, 2007
M.B. asks from Oswego, KS
7 answers

Time has flown by so fast! They told me it would, but I didn't believe untill it was to late.
My Step-daughter who was three when we meet is now 19. I didn't deal well with that well. After her graduation I came home and spent the rest of the day in bed and tears. If I reacted like that about my step child. How will I deal at all when it's my own blood child. My oldest son turns 15 come April. Yes just 15, and I'm already freaking out over him leaving home. My youngest just turned 13. I spent the whole day in tears, again, same as I did on the oldest 13th b-day! Because I know how fast 5 years can fly. The olsest is already down to 3 years being left before I have to let him go.
It's not that I'm scared that they can't make it with out me. I think I'm scared that I can't make it with out them. I'm being selfish I know. I Can't think past the tears.
The other day I heard a woman say; "That boy better figure out something cause I done broke his plate and kicked his butt to the curb!" He is mostly a good kid. Although I got a good chuckle from the way she worded it. I just can't picture myself kicking them out of the nest like that.
Is there any moms out there that have gone through this already, that might have some good advice for me on how to deal with this? Before I totally embaress my boys.
Thanks for taking the time to read my story, and for any help you may give.

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answers from St. Louis on

Sorry I dont have any advice on how to make things better, I just wanted to comment on what you said about the time flying by, my son is 13months on his 1st birthday I couldnt believe he was one already, seemed like just yesterday he was born. I was sitting there one day couple of months ago just thinking about when the time comes he starts school, I got all teary eyed and he was only 8-9 months old. I am on your level of thinking now. Its funny about that lady saying that comment about kicking her kid to the curb. MY husband said when our son turns 18 he is out. I said OH hell NO, he can stay as long as he likes, as long as he is working and doing his part to help in whatever it is we may need help with, but I know he wont be sitting around and not doing things.

Sorry I couldnt be of help, cuz I know I am sure I will be the same way, not wanting my son to leave. I leave him home with daddy and go off and do some stuff, and I cant wait to get home to see him.


1 mom found this helpful


answers from Rockford on

Hi M.! Try thinking about it like this...From the time our kids are born until they leave home, we are preparing them for many levels of independence they go through...crawling, walking, school, friendships, driving, working, dating, learning to think independently and gaining confidence in themselves as they's all preparation for adulthood and moving out is just the next step. We just have to love them and trust them by giving them wings. It's not easy, but they will thank you for it later if you let them go willingly and support them in their independence by letting them see that you can be independent too. They will be excited about the adventure of life as an adult just like we were. If you start preparing yourself now by becoming a little more independent from them with more of a social life with hubby, outings with girlfriends, hobbies, taking a class, whatever you enjoy, the transition wont be so difficult for you or them when the time comes. You can begin to plan for your adventures too, that you and hubby may have put on hold while raising your kids. Trust me, they will always be your kids, even if they live somewhere else! ;)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on

I did the same thing when my daughter graduated (she's now 23) and when my oldest boy graduated (he's now 21) and now my youngest child is 15 and the tears have started agian. I can't hardly look at him in the face without crying about how big he has gotten! Sorry no advise except maybe start dreaming about those nice long romantic vacations and extra money you'll have after they're moved out. LOL

1 mom found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

At first it will be hard, You'll find yourself spending more time with the child that is left at home.I have fuor children. I've gone this path three times now,and in two years my baby wants to go into the airforse, my lettelgirl.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

I never thought I'd have empty nest problems. I thought for sure that when my two oldest (now 23 and 21) left home, I'd finally have time for all the things I gave up to be a mom. But I discovered that they were the most meaningful activities of my life, and when they graduated to independence, it left me completely empty.

I'm sorry you're going through this, but there IS life after empty nest. It took me a very long time and a cross-country move to figure it out. I hope it doesn't take you that long! All the best...

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Lawton on

Just cherish each moment, because you really don't know which will be your last. It's so hard raising them up just so that they will be able to walk out and make it on their own. But, if we're doing it right, that's what will happen.
My oldest is 25 now, we were very close when he was a little guy, and I'll always cherish those memories. But these days, we are closer in an intellectual way. The same is true for my 22 yr old son, we are developing a different, yet close relationship. They have actually volunteered to tell me what a good mom they felt I was!!
Each time I grieved, I also spent time remembering something wonderful about the latest phase of our lives together. It helped somewhat.
I know the grandchildren will be coming soon and that gives me so much to look forward to. And , when my daughter leaves the nest, my husband and I plan on spending more energy on our health and our realtionship. We're going to date each other til our socks fall off!! Sure , we're going to miss our little ones and sometimes we'll cry together. But we'll know we did the best could and we'll be glad we had the opportunity to be parents.
Bless you and the road you have ahead. May all your tears be tears of joy.



answers from Joplin on

Hi, I'm actually going through this, and my nest is still full. My oldest is 6 and youngest is 7 months. I used to say I couldn't wait until they were all potty trained, and more self sufficient so I could get some of my life back. Now all except the baby are both of these, and I guess I just realized that my life is their lives. It makes me sad because of cancer I wont beable to be pg again, see a baby smile for the first time, or be up with them all night. I think all moms go through this at some point. But even when my 2 boys tower over me and my daughters have daughters of their own they will always be my babies.

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