How Did You Feel When Your Oldest Turned 18? - Saratoga Springs,NY

YIPPEE is what I said twice already, oldest is now 21 (moved out, 2nd year college student, and full time IT tech at Staples,) youngest just turned 18 (he has two jobs-works for a restaurant, and service tech at Chrysler.) Between my working two jobs to support them and raising them, I have not been out in 18 years, so I said I was going to the corner bar!! Don’t get me wrong, love them to pieces, but I have been raising children on my own for 21 years, long ago I let them go and grow into this big world...Do I worry, of course, but I know that they can handle what every is thrown their way.

This is your time to live your life, not worry so much, and have confidence that you raised a bright young man, who will do well on his own. I look at it this way, you gave them all the knowledge that you could, taught them right from wrong, but they will make mistakes, this is part of growing up!!!

It's hard. We teach our children to be independent and to take care of themselves, then they fly away. If we are lucky they soar. So, it's wonderful too!

A good two years before my oldest left home I began to fret. It was hard to let go and we are still trying to figure out a balance. My youngest left last year, but all does work out. You find your footing through transition.

I will tell you that I still have moments that pop up. Last week my youngest called to ask if he could go home with a friend for Thanksgiving. I agreed because he goes to college across the country and I didn't want to make him fly home knowing he would be doing it again less than 3 weeks later. Our oldest son has to work on Thanksgiving. Just when I thought I was in step with my new life I felt so sad and abandoned.

Each time one of my children moves forward or shows independence I swell with pride while simultaneously I mourn the loss of their childhood. All is All, however, I AM LOVING EMPTY NEST. It's a time to turn the focus back on myself. After 25 years of making others my number 1 top priority, I am pushed into remembering what MY wants and desires are.

Theresa, there will be hard moments, but I have found for the most part life that my new life is also an exciting adventure.

I hear you. It is wonderful and you are full of pride, but you miss him terribly..

What makes it bearable to me and my husband is that our daughter is sooooo. happy in college. She LOVES it. She literally glows. She is over 2000 miles always and it takes a full day to get to her. I think she planned it that way.. hee, hee.. She has never come home of Thanksgiving and again will not come home so we will not see her until the week of Christmas.

We see her posts on facebook and see the photos of her and her friends. She has been very responsible with her behavior and making wonderful grades. She texts us messages. As long as she is happy we are happy.

She is never really out of my thoughts but you learn to love them from afar. I also sometimes ask her to give me a pity call because I miss her.. She is good to me and does try to call, but I want her to have her own life up there, so I try not to bother her too much..
I am sendnig you strength. Sounds like you have done a wonderful job with your son.

Hi Theresa,

It sounds like you raised a responsible, happy, lovely boy...uh, young man! Congratulations. You should really be proud of yourself, and him! It's a long road with many forks and you got him all the way through and really ready to start his adult journey.

I have no answer for you about what to feel, as I am still having problems adjusting to the fact that my youngest kids are now in the "upper grades" in elementary school and my eldest started middle school this year. I never pictured my family being at this stage. Having a family, to me, was always going to be with kids who are preschool aged and/or early elementary. What happened?! Where did they go never to return?

Good luck. I'm sure, like you say, you eventually get accustomed to being a family with adult children but, wow, what a shock it must be. Hugs.

transitional times are always hard, even if they're good. it is the end of one phase of life (although more so when it's your youngest!) and for those of us who enjoyed the mom years, it is worthy of some mourning. let it happen. be a little weepy and emo.
but just know that the compensations are huge. i'm lucky that my letting go is very gentle (my boys are both at home at least part of the time while they're in college) so i get to simultaneously enjoy my funny, interesting, exciting young men-sons as well as all my newfound freedom to go have my own adventures.
i still do miss my little boys. those years were so sweet. but there's no point living in the past when the now and the future are so fun!
:) khairete
S.

Theresa - I'm so glad you asked this question - I am almost exactly a year and a half from that same moment and I'm already dreading it. It must be bitterswet - great in so many respects but sad in others.

I became a mom pretty young (compared to my friends) and I'm going to be phased out as a mom young too. So I know what you mean about not being ready.

I loved the other moms' answers. When my two don't need me anymore I plan to go back to my profession. Will I be behind there? Yes. But I will have a heart full of a lifetime of memories with my children.

We have to celebrate every moment and milestone. Congrats to you and your son.

For my son's 18th he was still in hs. He was home for that one but 6 months later was gone to MamaNavy. He has spent the last three years in Missawa Japan and San Diego, lightyears away from VA. I saw him for three weeks this year and less last year.
THe day I sent him to the Navy I cried for two weeks straight. It was at that point that I realized he was gone into the wild world and I woudn't be there to help him navigate. He chose Japan to see the world. He is very successful and I am so very proud of him.
All you can do is pray that whatever you taught them at 5, 7 12 and 15 will stay with them unitl they have their own children. That they will make the correct choices in their lives and be successful in their own rights.
I wanted my son to go to college, he chose differently. It was the right choice and he is happy. It's all I want for him.

And the big ol' 21st he spent in Japan. He didn't even go out, the drinkning age is 20, so it was old hat by then.

Lat week mine called and wanted to make tacos, my way. Not with a kit but with real meat and real lettuce and cheese that you actually grate. haha They still need us.

I'm right behind you!
My oldest turns 18 this month, but won't head off to college until next year. I've found that each stage is different, but that they are ready to move on.
They will always need us, but the needs are different - ie: the washer dilemma...
My son has not had a birthday party since he started high school because every year he's had a competition on his birthday. This year he has a football game the night before. He doesn't want a party - he wants his cake during the 3rd quarter with his band friends. So - that's what I'll do.
It's time... they are ready... We've prepared them well.
LBC