Moms with Older or Grown Children.

My kids are now 16 and 14. I thoroughly enjoyed when they were little. I still vividly remember holding my daughter and relishing the moments knowing it wouldn't last forever. Firsts are always fun and knowing with my second that it was the last time there would be "firsts" was a little sad sometimes.
When my daughter was in kindergarten and my son was in second grade we were having a discussion about school at the dinner table. They were talking about something that had happened and I had this moment where I realized they "together" had this life independent of me that they were sharing together. It was the moment I realized they really were growing up and becoming people, not just MY babies.
I do enjoy the freedom of being able to pick up and go somewhere last minute or that they can cook for themselves - daughter is a good cook and my son just discovered grilling.
I discovered my life had come full circle when my daughter was making pumpkin bars with cream cheese frosting and gave my girlfriend and I each a beater to lick. lol
Enjoy each stage of their lives. Teenagers can be a lot of fun. Kids are challenging at every stage in some ways, just enjoy them.

I think this is why teenagers are such pain in the butts. It prepares parents for when they leave the nest. I miss my daughter too when she is at school (going into 1st grade), but I know how much fun she has there and that she also needs time away from me and to be independent. I also need a break from time to time, I can’t get as much done when she is home.

I only wish I knew then what I think I know now. I definitely would have done things differently. So I guess I have regret.

I don't really have a chance to miss her being young because I am now raising one of my grandchildren. But I am glad for the "experience" I gained raising her mother.

I was never one to be sad to see my kids moving on, I was always so excited for them! I guess I see more beginnings than endings: first words, first steps, first day of school, first performance, first soccer goal, first prom, first graduation, first love. I get SO much satisfaction watching them grow! It's an incredible feeling to see your baby boy playing in a collegiate tournament. You realize things haven't really changed that much, you're still sitting on the sidelines, cheering along with all the other parents, just like you did when he was five and barely able to move the ball down the field.
And YES, I love the freedom! Especially being able to take off with my husband anytime we want. We go to the movies or out to dinner on a whim, without worrying about a sitter. We have time to be a couple again. I have time to work on projects and see my friends. I LOVE it!!!
I will say, I was very anxious last summer as we were preparing to send our oldest, only son, off to college out of state. I was afraid I was going to have a really hard time saying goodbye, but again, the excitement kicked in. I was (am) so proud of him, so even though it was sad to see him go I was overwhelmed with happiness FOR HIM. He has started a whole new chapter in his life, and even though I am less and less a part of his daily life I will always be "mom" and I have 18 plus years of wonderful memories :)

I don't miss them being little but then I am the person that can't wait till Christmas. I want to see how it all turns out.

I still remember their childhood, I still have two that are children, sort of. Give me a few years I am pretty sure my daughter will be married and then I get the holy grail!! grandkids. Just like kids but you send them home when they get annoying! :)

I miss her when she is not here.

And i wonder when is she leaving when she is here if she is not doing anything.

And then I feel guilty and want her to always be here.

We love the freedom to come and go. We love having a clean and tidy house. We like watching our own shows.
We like being able to eat at nice places without the added expense of another adult meals.

We love when she cooks, when she does our laundry, when she wakes up and comes and joins us each morning. We miss her when she goes out with her friends, but cannot wait for her to go with her friends when she is still hanging out here not doing anything..

So see, it never changes.

My mom says she feels the same way about us. Misses us when we are not around, loves us when we arrive, but ready for us to leave when she is tired, but wakes up missing us again..

My oldest is 22. When kids are late teens and wanting all that independence and think they are mature enough to make it on their own, you are like ok go, see how fun it is to be an adult.

So typically when they first leave you want them to leave. Then when they start to mature and really understand what being a grown up is like they have a new found appreciation/respect for you. That's when your relationship will blossom and both of you will really miss each other. Then it makes time spent real nice.

My daughter and I didn't have nearly the troubles you hear about or read about. She still needed to mature and not be under mamas wing. When they find their independence it makes them feel good. When they find their independence it also makes us parents feel awesome. I'm loving my new relationship with my mature daughter. I wouldn't have traded her childhood years but I sure wouldn't change this new stage either.

In two weeks, I will be down to only one kid at home. When I'm truly an empty nester, in another year or two, I don't know for sure how I will feel but I think it will be a little melancholy, but overwhelmingly I think I will love the freedom.

Your kids are WAY too young for you to start feeling sad just yet, you have many years. But as you said, really be in the moment with them and experience them now, because by the time it's all over it can feel like it all went by in a flash.

I am fully involved in a life of my own, so that's why I don't feel sad about my kids leaving. I feel more excited for them beginning their own adventures. If I didn't have a clear path of my own by now, then yes, I would be extremely depressed.

So by the time your kids are teens, you need to have a strong focus of your own, otherwise you will be sad. Make sure you have activities and interests outside of your kids.

Dont ask me, I went and had another kid

My kids are 24 and 20. Yay!!! The oldest moved back home recently after she graduated from college. The youngest is in college in Kentucky.

My husband and I ENJOYED being empy nesters and I can't wait for the oldest to move OUT!!! =)

Each stage has been wonderful. I have loved being my kids mommy but I am enjoying being my husband's sex goddess! =)

I suggest that this is normal course of our lives. I urge you to begin to develop a part of your life separate from your children so that you don't become the parent who won't allow their children a life separate from yours. Growing in independence is a necessary part of growing up for both the child and the parent.

Yes, we feel sad. I held onto my daughter too long once she became an adult. Life was miserable for both of us. Now is the time to begin developing an attitude that allows both our children and ourselves a life separate from each other. Just a beginning. Your children are still quite young.

It just isn't healthy to have our children or any one person be our entire lives. Life is complex and includes ourselves and our own interests too.

Well, I would WAY rather be nursing babies and wiping butts then teaching teenagers to drive and negotiating with admissions counselors, sigh.

However, Friday night I rocked out with my daughter (15) at the Allman Bros., Santana concert in a fog of hash smoke while my two boys (18, 20) were in Orlando for the week with college friends. A trip they paid for and arranged themselves!

So, see? There ARE many advantages to time passing after all!

:)

Hecky naw....

I waited 20 years to enjoy my freedom again, and headed straight to the corner bar!! Plus I was a single mom!!! My children are now 23 and 20.

Yes, indeed enjoy your time with them; it goes by so fast. Here is my phrase for the teenage years: tie a rope around them, it’s going to be a bumpy ride. And "Teenagers for sale: Take over payments

Get a hobby or PT job. Do something for yourself that you've not found the time to do for a while. Don't dwell on their growing up. Find new ways to be needed - and then know that ultimately your goal is to let them fly with your wisdom and guidance in their hearts. Just because the teen shuns you in public doesn't mean he doesn't need you - he just needs you for different things.

My little one is 4 and my stepkids (soon to be 18 and 22) lived with us most of the time. It's bittersweet to know that SD will be off to college and won't be even as close as SS was. But we did the best we could and now it's time to focus on DD and not worry about getting phone calls from SD saying rehearsal ran late, can I get her at x time? Or "I need something for school that I forgot about til today and it's due tomorrow" or "I need food for lunch" or "where's my hoodie?"

Love them, but take this time to do something so that when they are gone you are not chasing them, but enjoying them as adult friends.

I think and know it is time for you to transition to your kids not being the center of your world. It is important for children to see both parents as whole individuals with vibrant lives and not to only see themselves as the center of the universe.

My youngest is 16 and were over 10 children in the house at one time.

I do understand how you feel. They are particularly precious when they are little and everything is so new for them. As time passes on and you steer them toward independance and their own destiny, you begin to grow weary of them to some degree but this is normal and natural. We only have them for a short time and then they become adults and on their own if we have done an exceptional job with them.

Take small steps towards transitioning them from childhood to adulthood. It is a process. You must prepare yourself for that process as well because you are more to them than just MOM.

There are phases to life like facets on a diamond. You can't wait to have the baby and be "all" to baby. Then baby becomes independent and is a toddler adolescent and goes off to school. We have done our best to teach our values to child before school like right and wrong and to start to think for him/herself. We try to install a bit of independence in them and not hover over them every waking hour. Now that child is in school we can begin to be ourself again or take care of another child on a one on one.

Know that you will miss them but you are ready for them to be gone when they enter college. All that you have installed (taught) is going to be challenged and it will be up to them to dig deep down inside to do the right thing.

Yes, you will miss them, but you should be able to know that they are their own person and not a "mini me" and have their own views on life and those views may or might clash with your own.

I love my grown adult children and do miss them but they have their own lives. I live for my chlidren but my children are not my life. I was a woman and a wife before I became a mom. So now I have time to be a woman and a wife and a friend. Life goes on and we grew and change daily.

So don't get so caught up in the mommyhood that you forget who you are and only find out who you are after the kids are gone and you and hubby are strangers. Work on the two of you most of all. Show the kids what a good marriage is all about. Yes there are ups and downs to everything in life. Show them flexibility and allowing for changes to their goals so when things do fall off the track they can pick themselves up and go forward.

I now look forward to the grandchildren coming. At least with them I can send them back full of sugary treats with lots of loud noisy toys and lots of love and hugs.

You only live once so enjoy all of the life you can.

The other S.

PS Know when they walk out the door that you did the best you could do for them to be productive citizens in society and feel good about it. Your job is now done.

My oldest is 14 and my youngest is 9. I remember actually dreading my youngest going to 1st grade. (she was in 1/2 day kinder). I really was considering having another baby:). Then my daughter went to 1 st grade and I loved it!!!! I do some volunteering at school but am often too busy. I have self appointed myself to help care for 2 aging relatives (ie drive to doctors appointments, visit with them etc.). I also got serious about my "hobby" and now devote a great deal of time to it. ( A gallery is now showing my work... So exciting although nothing has sold yet:).
I enjoyed my kids so much when they were young and I did not think it was possible but I enjoy their company even more now. I just think they are such neat, interesting people by there own right. My daughters are in theatre and seeing them perform is such a thrill for me. Believe it or not I feel busier now just trying to keep up with their activities etc.
Having said that, I miss the summer time too but seeing how happy And excited they are to go back to school makes it easier.

My daughter is 17. I have enjoyed each stage as she has grown up (WAY TOO FAST).

I don't 'miss" the younger stages. Of course I miss her when she is gone. I am very involved with her school, especially her cheer squad since she is captain for her upcoming Senior year. I worry because she drives herself everywhere now, no more mom taxi :( except on occasion.

She thrives on independence and responsibility (always has) and I am so proud of her because these habits have helped her greatly. She can't wait until Wednesday of this week when the standard college app comes out and she gets started on her college applications.

Now, everytime I see her cheer, hear the graduation song, and think about her living a 2 hr flight away, you bet I get teary eyed and sad. I am very thankful and fortunate to have a good relationship with her... we laugh a lot, chat a lot and indulge in our guilty pleasure of reality TV together.

I will continue to substitute teach in the elementary where I've been 10+ yrs so I can still be around the children I love so much! 1st grade is a favorite of mine. They are so sweet.

My boys are going into kindergarten and preschool (have a toddler girl, too). Yes, they drive me crazy a lot, too -- all the fighting and whining -- but I do enjoy their increasing independence and small things like not having to hover over them at the playground and play spaces. I think it's adorable to watch them interact with other kids when they sit at a kids table at a party or picnic.

I think the difficulties change as they get older...and it happens fast. As hard as things are when they're small, I've been told by parents with older kids that sleeping problems, potty training, meltdowns, throwing food are nothing compared to all of the social drama, cell phone/computer boundaries, back talk and general disrespect, etc.

Enjoy your days and see it as an opportunity to take up a hobby or class for your personal development or having the time to catch up on household projects. You probably spend your afternoons after school running around to lessons, getting homework done, dinner...

My youngest is 14 and starting high school in the fall and yes there are definitely times I miss them being small, not often mind you ... but sometimes :) Having them be 19, 17 and 14 give me an incredible amount of freedom that I cherish :)

One thing I made sure to do was reclaim ME. At one point I found myself with no identity other than "wife" and "mother". There was no A. identity ... and it was a BAD BAD BAD thing. I reasserted myself as a person with her own interests that had NOTHING to do with kids and hubby. It's IMPORTANT to maintain YOU as an individual and autonomous person.

My Momma says having little kids is easier, because they are with you all the time. You can protect them. When they're older, they make their own decisions, and all you can do is... worry. She does a lot of that. :)

The older my kids get (they are 8 and 5), the more freedom I get, but the bigger my worries get. Now, my 8-year-old has been expanding her curiosities on the internet. I just spent a good deal of time this weekend installing software on the computer to limit her usage and to protect her from unsafe searches and stuff like that. My 5-year-old starts Kindergarten this year, and I want to cry just thinking about it. I do miss the days when all I had to worry about was making sure I had enough of their favorite snacks in the kitchen, or kissing their boo-boos. And from what my Momma says, it will only get worse!!

So I told them both, no more birthdays. :)

Hi! Let me tell you a little secret... You do not have to give your 3 yr old away to the system AND he'll be better off!

I find that every age with my kids is my favorite age. Before I had kids, I didn't really care for the 5-15 age group. Under 5 is cute, 16 and over are adult-like enough to be able to relate to. Of course, now mine go from 6 to 14 and they delight me at every age and stage.

As my kids have grown, I've been excited and gratified to watch them master new things and see the adult who they will eventually be start to take shape a little at a time. While some milestones have been bittersweet (my youngest child's last day of daycare or first day of Kindergarten) most have been full of joy and looking ahead and enjoying that they are ready for the next step. I'm sure that many years from now, when they are out of the house for good (please God let that happen someday!) that I'll miss these times but really, by the time my youngest graduates from college I will have been a mom for 30 years and will, I think, be more than ready to go on to the next phase. I will be in my early 50s when that happens and am looking forward to having adult relationships with them later.

I think that for most of us, the future seems harder than it is and then when we get there, we realize that our kids are ready and so are we.

As big a proponent of education as I was then (and still am) I hated it when the children went back to school-could not wait for holidays and summer!

Life is stages and I loved it when the kids were little, didn't want it to end, then enjoyed the other ages, went through the tougher times with some ages and some kids, now all are grown and love each one as much as when little. I did have to adjust to letting go with each stage, still miss little ones, but enjoy the freedom too. I enjoy the grandchildren and seeing them grow up and spend more time with some than others but love each of them the same too. They do grow too fast but that's why we need to enjoy each day with them at any stage and age and teach them how to live and treasure each moment. They're meant to grow up but for some of it's harder to see that than for others. I love the time talking with them as adults now too. Just go a day at a time and love every minute of it, know the hard days when they drive you 'crazy' won't last forever either. You'll look back and miss that but will be so happy to know the adults you have given birth to also.