Wow.. just found out I'm pregnant... thought I was done with this part of my life... have 4 children already 19,17,14 and 7. Divorced for 2 years. Dating a man who is 48 and has one son 18. We have been dating for 5 months. My job is very time consuming as a restaurant manager. Dad is a commercial airline pilot. So his schedule is wild as well. I'm not ready to marry him or even move in with him... he has left all decisions up to me and has said although he is terrified of doing this he would. I'm scared... I feel like a tewnagwr dealing with this. Financially we c9d make it work.... im a goos mother but always feel guilty about my work and the time ut takes away from my children... I can't seem to justify termination...as it has always been against my moral beliefs... dad is 48 and scared of. Ing a fatheer so late. In life... any wisdom our there? For the record.. I was using what I thought was good protection with my age and history... we were using spermicide... he must've had a determined swimmer... adoption is not an option.. I can make it work... just frantic and nervous... I'm also caring for my 74 year old father who moved in with me 2 months ago
You know, you might consider adoption. It's a hard thing to decide to do, but if you think of the infertile couples out there who are desperate for a child to love, well, it might be worth considering.
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Aaaahhh, B.! You must be frantic!
But please don't worry so much. We're all here to help you!
Things tend to happen for a reason. I think you will find a way to make it work. Well, I mean, you MUST find a way to make it work, right?
I WISH, and I mean I REALLY wish I could've snuck one in under the wire, but I had my tubes tied when I was only 30 after my 3rd child. :(
Your kids are older, make it a family event! Involve them all in the decision making, logistics, all the wonderful happy positive things that come with a new baby! And the work expense and time as well.
And congratulations, I feel it's a great gift!
Keep us posted.
:)
I believe in signs....so totally forget about being an "older mom". That term just doesn't exist anymore...we are no longer a minority! Congrats....& be sure to include the entire family - even your dad - in the celebration of this blessed life!
I also have 5 children, and I was really not expecting that 5th one. I am of the belief that every child is a gift, if not for you then for someone who for one reason or another can't have one.
It's a shock right now, but I recommend that you take time to make any decision. How you feel now and how you feel a couple of weeks from now may be miles apart. You also have older children which will actually go a long way to help. It won't be like when you had all of them young at the same time.
At the end of the day you have to do what you thing is best. You and only you can make that decision. I will keep you in my prayers. Good luck and God bless you.
Of course, you're frantic and scared. Even people who plan their pregnancies are often frantic and nervous. I think it's great that you are positive enough to know that you "can do it" and "can make it work." I always hear people in these types of surprise pregnancy situations say that once their baby is born, they could never ever imgaine their life without him/her. If I already had four children, I would also have difficulty putting that "last one" up for adoption. I can never justify termination and I'm so happy you can't, considering it would be used as merely birth control in this case.
open adoptions allow YOU to predetermine how much you are knowing the baby afterwards. You can put it in the contract even.
Well, first off..congratulations!
You've already said that adoption is not an option, so I'm betting abortion is not an option either.
So....you're going to be a mommy again!
As for the father, maybe it will work, maybe not. You've dated him for 5 months and by the time the baby arrives, it will probably be more like 13-14 months...not enough to base a relationship on, IMO.
You WILL make it work. Many moms do.
I was 39 when I had my son, and, I have to say, I LOVE the life perspective I can offer and the knowledge that I'm settled and mature enough to ENJOY my child! Old enough NOT to have stupid games and other immature little things getting in the way.
With or without the relationship with the father, this will most likely be a very good thing!
Good luck!
It is totally your decision, but it sounds like you want this baby. You CAN make it work. You are not "older" (or maybe I am - second was born when I was 38)... That aside, don't do something against your beliefs - I think when we do that we always regret it.
I had my daughter at 41 and her father was 48. Our older two were 17 and 19. But, she was planned. And we were married. But then divorced when she was five. So life doesn't hardly ever turn out the way we plan.
As a mom whose raised teenagers, however, I would be concerned about the reaction you might have from your three oldest. I would be prepared to have some difficult conversations with them (do as I say and not as I do?)
Other than that, good luck and I hope that the father stays involved and responsible.
Dear B.-
Just had my first at 35. Think about it this way, you are not much older, plus you've got the benefit of experience raising your first 4.
Good luck to you.
F.B.
Blows my mind that you can be intimate with a man only 5 months into the relationship and now oops pregnant oh and I can't be married to him??? Seriously! Sounds like you need to make it work now that you will have this responsibility. No additional wisdom other than you will have a newborn soon and he will need to take responsiblity as a father like you will as a mother. Also please don't go on welfare. We are as a society are already paying many oopsies...And every intelligent woman knows that spermacide by itself is not 100% guarentee as you've just learned....Glad you are not terminating just to terminate. Adoption is always an option if not be the mother to your new child like you are to your older ones. 39 is not old.
