Seeking Advice on How to Handle 11 Year Old

T.,
I wouldn't threaten him with no Christmas gifts. I agree that would be hard not to do. Then he will be like i knew she wouldn't do that.
However i do agaree that maybe band or some type of sport for him to do. If he is not interested in anything have him to karate or something. Tell him either that or he is going to go to a tutor after school.
I have an 11 year old he has been having problems in school as well. I set up a reward system for his grades. This has seemed to work.
I offer a certain amount of cash for A's B's and C's but D's and F's get money taken from top. You can also do this with his behavoir to. Money talks for kids LOL..
hope this helps

You need to have some consequences for his actions. Make sure they are consequences you can enforce and stick to your guns! If you don't help him control his actions, someone else will eventually, and it usually is worse than what you would want. Like being expelled from school, or taken to juvy hall. Lisa Whelchel wrote a book called creative correction. See if your library has it, or get some other parenting book and find some ideas you can live with and then sit your son down and explain that some things are about to change in his life. Let him know that certain things will have consequences and what the consequences will be. Be assured, he WILL test the boundaries. But if you are true to your word and follow through with the consequences you decided on, he will comply. Children without boundaries and consequences are the ones who are unhappy, it makes them feel that no one really cares what they do. The Bible goes so far to say that a son who goes without discipline is hated by his parents. Proverbs 13:24 It might help if you have a friend or your dad who could stand beside you and make a united front when carrying out any discipline. We add chores, or take away a valued possession. More importantly, praise anything praiseworthy. Point out your sons good actions and any good characteristics he has. The most important thing is to be available to listen to him and show him you love him. I'll pray for you, L

Please e-mail me at ____@____.com. I am going throuhgh the exact same situation you are right now. I can't write more later so just e-mail me.

Thanks,
M.

T., don't threaten him with no Christmas gifts! You're not really going to follow through with that, and you know it.

Take away his play time, his TV, his friends, etc. Be consistent with it. Ground him until the next report card if you have to.

Meet with his teachers also and talk with them about it. I did that for my daughter (almost 11) when she was having trouble. She knew I did, I told her what the teachers said, etc.

You also should make homework time a priority each night, do it with him, talk to him about the attitude, the consequences of a bad grade, or trouble in school, and the FOLLOW THROUGH!

My daughter has done a complete turnaround. I also informed her (when she said she didn't like her teacher and that's why she was in trouble and making bad grades) that she will go through all of life not liking people. I let her know that she has to pretend to like the teacher, and be *good* and her life would be a lot smoother.

I'm sorry you're having trouble, but things can be done. You have to be the consistent one, and make good on your disciplines. But, please don't threaten those Christmas gifts - that makes me sad!

Take care,
S.

Hi T.! Is your son involved in any extra activities at school or church. Get him involved with something positive. You could have an uncle or older male cousin that he looks up to and respect to talk to him about the importance of good behavior and the consequences of not being a good child. I hope this helps.

Love,
Queen Z
P.S. My husband is a sheriff in Tunica and a minister. If you would like maybe he could talk to your son. Just a suggestion.

Hey T.!
Okay...I've said this before...you have to remind these young people that everything is a CHOICE and that with every choice comes rewards or consequences! if your son CHOOSES to act up, then he has consequences...of YOUR choosing...no t.v., phone, friends, etc....however, if his choices are good, he gets rewards...again, YOUR choosing...you can NEVER over praise a child...I guarantee that he will remember the TIME that you spent with him and NOT the toy/game, etc that you BOUGHT him.

Stay CONSISTANT....stand FIRM...be the LEADER and I guarantee you that he will FOLLOW your example!!

T., Life is all about CHOICES....should I or shouldn't I? The sooner your son learns how to make good choices, the better equiped he'll be to live in this world. It's up to you, T. to equip your son with the "tools" that he will need to be the AWESOME husband and father that I know that you want him to be...YOU can do it...just stay focused...consistant and remember that he's watching YOU...he's learning everything from you...no pressure there huh? LOL!

Good luck T.! : )

S.

T.

i dont know if you are the type to threten grounding but it works alot of the time. my mom dose it with my brothers and she said it works like a charm. take away t.v. computers music and phone, and leave him with pens penciles paper and a book or 2. this may sound a bit harsh but it might hepl turn him around.
best of luck to you

I have an 11yr old as well. This seems to be a dificult age. My son has started to rebel a little. I am learning as I go but what has worked well for me is taking things away from him. After Christmas your son will have all sorts of new stuff to take away haha.....

T.,
I used to work with school age kids and what I noticed several of their parents would do is take away privilages. It seemed to work too! What privilages does your son have? Does he play video games, watch tv, computer time, visiting friends? Those are all privilages that he needs to earn. If he does not do what you ask then his privaleges get revoked until he does. Even if he says he doesn't care at first, he will. Kids with noting to do but sit in their room and twiddle their thumbs get bored really fast. Also he may be trying to get some attention. Is something bothering him? Is he not fitting in at school? Would he like to be involved in some sports or art activities? Just some ideas. I love kids that age but they can run over you like a truck if you let them.

That's the same thing that I would have said. Just find his "currency" and use that against him. You have to prove that you are the adult, and that means that you need to have the power and the authority to exercise that power. Good luck!!

Discipline for all kidsrequires learning what your child really likes and take it form there. For example, my oldest liked to go to a nearby stable and ride horses, my son was into all the sports I would let him play, and my youngest daughter loves music and books. I would use touse things to discus lifes lessons like team work, working together, and helping each other.I would then when necessary remind them that those things they liked doing were priveleges that could be taken away if they did not behave of keep up with their school work. One missed game, or evening away from the horses or books, so that they knew I meant what I said, and I can say it worked. Some kids might need to be "grounded" from whatever it takes for more than one night, especially if they are a little older when you start, but don't give up. the main thing is he need to know that you are in charge, you make the rules, he will follow them because he is a prart of your family "team", and if he doesn't, there will be consequences. Then hod your ground. GOOD LUCK

Ask GOD to open a new door for working at home s