Seeking Advice from Moms with Lots of Small Children and Pregnant

Updated on July 23, 2008
C.K. asks from Columbus, OH
19 answers

I am pregnant with my 4th child and feeling very tired and ill. I have a 3yr old, 2yr old, and 1yr old. I have No energy and No help. I'm just looking for some moral support and advice. I'd truly appreciate any suggestions or hints. Thank you.

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So What Happened?

Well, I'm still sick and tired, but all of the advice does help. I don't feel so alone now! Thank you to everyone who responded.

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C.L.

answers from Cleveland on

Hang in there. As you know, this too shall pass. I'm preg with #3 with a 3 year old and newly two year old. The fist trimester was HARD, but things have gotten easier as the kiddos has learned I have new limitations on my energy. Just wanted to say that you aren't alone!!

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E.S.

answers from St. Louis on

Hi C.....
I'm with you...I have a daugher who is 9, and three boys, ages 4, 3, and 18 months. I know how you feel! I also feel that I have no energy, and we just moved to a new state so we don't have any help either. While I don't have any good suggestions or hints, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone! Hang in there!!!

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T.S.

answers from Fort Wayne on

C.,
That is awesome. I am sure, actually, I know, that you are very tired. My kids are 8,7,6,and 5. My youngest was born when my oldest was 3 1/2. I was very tired all the time, but at night when the kids would be put to bed, I missed them. Sometimes, I would hear their footsteps getting out of bed, and I would be sooo tired, I would go put them back in bed. Today, I wish I had those days back. I loved every minuted of them being little. Every minute. As exhausting as it is, there just isn't anything better than hearing their laughter from their bellies, or their footsteps getting out of bed, even though you are so tired. Watching them lean over and pick up that stone/stick on a walk that looks the same as the one they just picked up three steps back. Treasure those moments. They go by fast. Be patient. Let the kids be kids. Be understanding. Take the time to get down to their level. You will enjoy your life so much. And when they are taking their nap, take one too. Save the house work. Because when they are playing together, you can then, catch up on the house work. Spend time playing with them now, because pretty soon, they aren't going to need you to play with them, and you will find yourself missing that. Good luck. If you ever need anything let me know.

T.

3 moms found this helpful
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R.E.

answers from Indianapolis on

I have 5 boys, all of whom are 14-17 months apart. Three summers ago I had a 3, 2 and 1 year old and was about to give birth to my 4th in August. My oldest has special needs, so that adds a twist! A few things to remember: YOU CAN DO IT! Are you in your first trimester? If so, remember that one zaps your energy the most. Feeling ill will hopefully pass soon. If you feel sick to your stomach, I highly recommend these wrist bands that you can get in the aisle at the drug store that has motion sickness meds. Those really helped me. Also, eat well. Lots of protein (eggs, meat, cheese, etc.) will really help give you more energy. Take it easy by thinking of activities to do with your kids that are out of the heat and allow you to sit, like reading, playing games, etc. Take a nap when the kids nap. Even just a 20 min rest will help you feel like you have a little more energy to get thru the rest of the day. Prioritize your house work chores. Believe me, a house that's a little dirty and messy won't be the end of the world! It will get easier as the kids get older. I've been told that many times and I'm finally starting to see that! Best wishes and feel free to keep in touch!

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M.M.

answers from Fort Wayne on

Well I will say this I was very tired and sick with my SECOND baby which is a boy. Our first is a girl Avery she is 4 in Sept. I can understand the tired part b/c you are CONSTANTLY chasing kids. I was always chasing Avery and when I got pregnant with Quentin now 11 mo I KNEW WE WERE DONE. I had my tubes tied VERY TIGHT. I wanted my life back to getting sleep plus we are happy with our 2. I have NO IDEA how all the mothers can do it with 3,4,5 kids. It is expensive enough with 2. I love my kids and family more than anything and kids are a blessing from God but we are done with 2. I hope things get better for you.

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K.G.

answers from Indianapolis on

Well, I am there w/ you :) I have b/g twins that just turned 3 in May, a boy who will be two mid August and one due Mid August. It is definitely hard and the only thing that has helped me is scheduling, scheduling, scheduling. They all nap at the same time in the afternoon and that way I can nap too. My husband is also a big help and has taken over a lot of the responsibilities for this short duration so that I can get the rest I need. I don't know if any of this helps, but if you have anything else to ask or just need a friendly chat w/ someone who understands, please feel free to email.

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L.K.

answers from Columbus on

WOW!! I too am pregnant with my 4th but my children are 8, 5, and 1. I am a little scared about having 2 so close together. I can't imagine having 4 under 4 years old!! I'm sorry that you have no help. Do you have a significant other? I'm sorry I don't really have any advice other than hang in there. I'll pray for you. You should try to get a few hours away for yourself and maybe you would feel recharged. **HUGS**

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D.S.

answers from Indianapolis on

Hello, I too am prego with my 4th. I have A 6 yo 3yo and a 1yo. I also pretty much am going at this with no help cause my hubby is an active duty army recrutier and works 15-18 hours a day 6 days a week. I was very sick in my first trimester, but now that I am in my second am feeling a little better. I have all girls. My advise is if they nap at all try and grab at least a 15 minute nap durring the day. My 6 yo was actually able to help me out a little but I see you dont have that option. If you just need a friend or some adult conversatition please feel free to contact me. I hope you get the advise helps. I'm sure it will get better as you get further along.

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A.H.

answers from Toledo on

HI!! Are you still trying to keep up with everything ~ i.e. dusting, sweeping, scrubbing, laundry??? That in itself will wear you out! Sometimes you have to let it go a bit. For me, it is hard to do, but I'm learning! On top of the "chores" of everyday life you are the chef, activity coordinater, nurse, storyteller, and..........I know I'm missing other things!! Your health is most important right now....take naps if you can! PLay with and enjoy your children. puzzles, coloring, boardgames, are all quiet and not too strenuous activities.
Easier said than done, I know.........but I've been there & am still there.......five children under age 8, my youngest are twin girls 8 months old..busy, busy, but learning to balance.
Good Luck

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J.G.

answers from Cleveland on

C.,

I can understand your "pain" - I have 3 little ones at home (although I'm a mom of 4, well 5 if you count hubby lol), I have a full time job outside the house and go to school at night to make a better future for my littler ones (4 yr girl and 3 & 1 yr boys... my 13 yr old doesn't live with us). Yes, I do get help from hubby when I'm not home... he is a great dad, but as soon as I walk in the door he is done for the day, week or till I head back to work or school.

Your little ones are still with in "nap/quite" time age range... try to get everyone (YOU TOO) to take an after lunch nap at the sametime. That way everyone is rested to take on the second half of the day... even a hour nap in the middle of the day will help you out. And if people don't think you should... forget them. You need as much rest as you can get - take care of yourself, so you can take care of the little ones both here and on the way.

I'm glad that you see the 4 little ones as blessings... because they are. In time it will get easier!

Oh, try to get them to help you with little things... it makes them feel grown up! My 3 & 4 yr olds like to put cloths in the washing machine (we have a front loader), so that they can push all the buttons that beep, they also like helping set the table, getting thing out of the fridge (juice, milk, condiments, or even an onion when I'm cooking), and feeding the cats or dog. Eventhough they don't seem like big things, the little helps add up and save you a little time & energy and they are lerning to help out and feel proud & good and big cause they helped mommy.

One odd question - is daddy in the picture at all? Can he help or someone else even for a hour or two once a week so you can do something for yourself? Even if it locking yourself in the bathroom for a long bubble bath in candle light. Sometime small things make it better - just a few min here and there to relax... good luck!

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J.O.

answers from Evansville on

congratulations on the beginnings of a beautiful family!!
my kids are all 17-19 months apart. don't be afraid to let things get messy so that you can get more rest and spend less time keeping your house/kids perfect. have a container of seemingly "off limits" safe household items and let them dig through it by the couch when you need a break. put tupperware and other nonbreakables in bottm drawers of the kitchen for them to discover while you are making meals. get refrigerator magnets that they can only use while you are making dinner etc. gate off the doorway to a bedroom or playroom to "contain" them and keep them out of trouble for 20 minutes or so while they play. i too am a big fan of baby einstein-my big kids will still sit and watch the videos in tehir entirety. and don't forget to let them do small chores with you as you move through the house. things where they get to be big and stand on step stools are fun for them, like empying your grocery bags into the cupboard, putting away the clean silverware once you take out the knives, putting dirty clothes in the wash, etc. and don't forget tomake meals a little larger so you can get a few days of food out of it and spend less time cooking each day.
good luck to you, you won't believe how quickly this time will have passed by and you have forgotten how tired you were. it is a blessing to have your children so close together in age- they will be intertaining each other any day now and leaving you with much more alone time than if you had 3-5 years between them:). shame on those how tell you to figure out how to stop getting pregnant, they obviously don't know a miracle when they see it! ignore them and hold you head high at the grocery store, sister!

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T.M.

answers from Cleveland on

Hi C.,
I feel for you. I remember those days of feeling tired and so sick. With my first child I was sick the whole pregnancy and eventually had to be put on Zofran (it's a drug they give cancer patients going through Chemo. or Radiation)it woked THE BEST for me...before that my doctor also had me take Vitamin B-6 with 1/2 a Unisom Pill that also helped with my nausea but would sometimes make me more tired.
We also were living in Missouri at the time of my first pregnancy and I found a pharmacy that made a "Anti-Nausea Capsule" here is their contact information if you get so sick, you can run this by your doctor (or the B-6 and Unisom or the Zofran).
Here is what the pharmacy sent to me:
WE COMPOUND AN "ANTI-NAUSEA CAPSULE" THAT CONTAINS THE FOLLOWING: Vitamin B-6, Vitamin B-12, Folic Acid, Calcium Carbonate, and Ginger Root. WE HAVE MANY MORNING SICKNESS PATIENTS WHO HAVE USED IT WITH SUCCESS. YOU USE ONE CAPSULE 2-3 TIMES DAILY AS NEEDED.
WE APPRECIATE THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE YOUR COMPOUNDING PHARMACY. WE SHIP ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY, AND ACCEPT MOST INSURANCE PLANS FOR REIMBURSEMENT.
IT COSTS $30.00 for 30 capsules; $55.00 for 60 capsules; and $80.00 for 90 capsules. (I'm not sure if these prices are still the same????)
THE INGREDIENTS ARE---- B-6 -- 25 mg.
B-12-- 12 micro grams
Folic Acid-- 0.5 mg.
Calcium Carb.-- 200 mg.
Ginger Root-- 250 mg.

BELLEVUE PHARMACY SOLUTIONS
1034 So. Brentwood Blvd. Suite 102
St. Louis, MO. 63117

800-728-0288 or ###-###-####
Fax: 800-458-9182 or ###-###-####
[email protected]____.com
www.bpharmacysolutions.com

So, C., if you continue to be sick and it gets worse, talk to your doctor about your options. All of these things helped me for a while until eventually I had to be put on Zofran that worked wonders for me. :)
I can't stand to be sick and I thought I would die when I was pregnant for the first time and sick the entire pregnancy. I'd rather be tired than sick.
I wish I lived closer to you so I could help you out.
If you need to talk please feel free to send me an e-mail anytime [email protected]____.com just put mamasource mom or something in the Subject line so my husband won't think it's junk mail and delete it. :)
Hang in there. I hope the tiredness and sickness gets easier for you.
Hang in there.
Oh yeah, if you do order some of the Anti Nausea Pills from Bellvue Pharmacy Solutions your doctor will have to write you a perscription for them. Everything in the capsules are healthy but they will still need your doctor to do this if that is the route you wish to try.
For me, I took Zofran pretty much every day once I got really bad and the other things stopped working for me.
I hope this helps you if you are too sick.
Hang in there.
And Congratulations!!!!!
T.

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E.C.

answers from Canton on

Congratulations on your pregnancy! What an abundance of joy you must have in your home. And likely a lot of noise and toys and fun play time too!

I commend you for your inquiry. Asking for advice and help shows how much you care about your children and yourself. Your children are lucky to have you as their mother!

It might be helpful if you took a few moments to determine 2 or 3 things that would be most helpful to you. Do you need a nap everyday, or consistent snack and meal times? Maybe you need 15 minutes of quiet for prayer and meditation. Once you negotiate how to achieve these things then you could make it your goal to try one of those things everyday.

And if motherhood has taught me one thing it is humility. I cannot mother alone. I am not strong enough. I do require friendship and help and advice and sympathy. I hope that you would never feel like a failure if you needed to to hire a highschooler to help you clean or care for your babies, or if you needed to call on your husband or family for more assistance. All mothers need this.

I hope your children continue to be healthy and happy. And good luck on your pregnancy~!

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K.M.

answers from South Bend on

Get Help. I know you love your kids and your life but you really need help. Family, friends, church, whereever you can get it. You don't say how old you are but your can't keep this up. You will loose yourself
K.

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J.R.

answers from Columbus on

I only have two kids but here are a few ideas:

Google MMO or PMO and your city. These are Mom's/ Parent's Morning Out programs, usually run from a church, sometimes as a co-op where you work once a month. It's 2-3 hours of chikdcare once a week for you so that you have some time during the day to yourself.

If you are a member of a church, appeal to your church cmmunity for a Mother's Helper- a middle schol aged (0r older) child that can come by once or twice a week for an hour or so to play with the kids while you're there to help you get some time without the kids to do what you need to do or get some rest. Many high schools require community service hours for graduation so you may be able to find someone who will volunteer as a Mother's Helper.

If your kids don't have similar sleep schedules yet, try to manipulate them slowly so that they do, giving you time during naptime to get things done.

Eliminate cooking once a week for dinner by having breakfast for dinner (cereal or other easy things), or make double batches of things when you do cook, and freeze the second batch to have later.

For feeling ill, try ginger, real ginger, which you can buy in crystalized form in the produce section of the grocery, or if you have time to read nutrition labels, MAY be in ginger ale or ginger snaps at the store.

HTH-
J.

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J.T.

answers from Indianapolis on

I can relate to the tiredness as I am currently pregnant with #3 and have a 3 1/2 yr old and a 2 yr old. My husband is a police officer and works 4pm-4am and doesn't get up untill 11am on those days and I work part-time outside the home so squeezing in time for me and sleep is far and few between. I will say what I have found that helps is finding other moms with children my kids ages and meeting at a park for an hour or the pool. It just gives me time to sit and not have to constantly be on top of them by myself as someone else is there to help watch. Also, you should look for a MOPS group (Mothers of Preschoolers) in your area although most don't begin again until August or September it will give you a couple of hours to focus on you and allow your children to play with other kids their ages. If you need to know where a group is in your area let me know and I can give you some options.

Hang in there, you will make it. I do also suggest you lay down when they do and take a nap. I have 2 1/2 weeks to go with my pregnancy and if I don't nap when they do I wouldn't make it through my evenings. Take care of yourself! J.

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K.B.

answers from Mansfield on

I too understand and sympathize with your situation right now. I have 3 kids, 3.5 yrs, 2 yrs and 5 mo., and my last pregnancy was very difficult just trying to keep up with the basic tasks of taking care of the toddlers (everything else went on hold!)

One suggestion I have for you that I have/still use is that twice a day I put on a baby einstein DVD (once late AM and once before dinner). All the kids stay occupied with it and it gives me at least 15-20 minutes that are fairly unintterupted to do whatever. Sometimes I just use it for me to have some coffee or read a magazine article, and other times I'll use it to catch up on laundry. In your case I'd use it to rest!

Another thing I do is to do everything in shifts, but you may have already picked up on that trick by now! Everyone gets dressed all at once, all sippy cups get filled together, all baths and jammies at the same time. I guess the more structured of a routine you have the easier it will be for you to "just go thru the motions" and the kids will know what to expect and when.

Do you have any neighbor kids that maybe can play in your backyard with the 2 older ones to give you a 15 min. break?

Good luck and take a few minutes to breathe every now and then - I was suprised at how much I find myself "not breathing"!

If you have any resources at all to have someone help you out, even if it's 1/2 hour a day for you to rest you need to ASK!!! You'd be suprised at how many people are willing to play with your kids, make you dinner, etc. Some great mother/child groups are MOMS club (there is one in Mansfield/Ontario - look it up online) or MOPS which starts up during the school year. La Leche League of Richland County for nursing mothers is also another one. Just by meeting other moms there would give you a great network of volunteers for support and help.

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R.H.

answers from Cleveland on

You don't know anyone that can you can call like grandparents that would be willing to take the kids for a day a week so you can recharge??? I use to take my friends kids one weekend and the next weekend she would take mine. Thst helped. Do you have enough money to send the kids to daycare a couple days a week??? There is a few ideas. Good luck to you. You should find out what makes you pregnant and stop it!!! LOL. Just joking!!!

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S.K.

answers from Cleveland on

if you ever need to just talk, i'm here. i feel ya, i'm preg w/ number 2...baby1 is only 13 months old. i'm super tired, and just feel really lost. with the first preg people are super nice to you and ask how you feel and stuff, but it's like after that they don't seem interested.

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