Screaming Toddler - Fullerton,CA

S.,

I agree that ignoring it at this age isn't teaching your son anything and could just be perpetuating the problem. With my son for eating out, I have a whole game plan where we take two cars or if we are meeting someone ask them to meet us there and secure seating and maybe order the food in advance. If you think about it, toddlers have a bandwith of sitting for max 20 (maybe 30) minutes to focus on tasks like eating, coloring, object play and things of the sort. You use your entire 20 minutes just sitting down and ordering food, forget about the wait for food. So, once the toddler is done with his food there is no bandwith left for being patient and waiting for others to finish.

With my family we send the table person, who gets the seats and orders for me and my son and whoever else wants to eat with us. By the time we get there food is on the table and we're able to enjoy the time together, and I usually offer him dessert so it's an incentive.

I always leave in my own car if my son acts out and gets fussy, which can happen if we make plans to eat out after he's reached his peak of activity. So, I plan outings around naptime and when he will be his most perky and awake. It seems like a lot of planning, but it's worked for us.

Also, at home I don't stress about eating at the table or if he finishes dinner. I just love it if he sits with us. Otherwise, if he sits at his coloring table or on my lap that works. But, we always sit down and eat, and my son sits with us as long as he can stand it.

It's really not cause and effect in my opinion, he's done and he has needs that he wants to have met. Toddlers at this stage don't have the patience to sit and wait like adults do. But, you can teach him to sit gradually and develop that kind of patience over time.

Good Luck.

Here's a great article on and a great read for Parents:
http://health.msn.com/health-topics/articlepage.aspx?cp-d...

Ditto to the other posters.

A 20 month old, in terms of attention span, cannot sit still, period, for an entire dinner outing. Their sense of "time" is not yet developed, they don't even have full "impulse control" yet at this age, they don't cognitively know "when" EVERYONE else will finish dinner... and they don't really care. A toddlers world and perceptions are just different... but yes, they need to start and learn manners/rules/boundaries etc. But at this stage, the cannot yet do it... nor have mastery over it, nor the maturity to just wait. For a toddler, a 15 minute wait, can seem like an hour. And as for "inside voice" directions... they cannot yet do that every single time, AT this age. He's not even 2 years old yet. A 2 year old can't even do that sometimes.
My daughter is 6 years old... and she naturally has a "trumpet voice".... even at her age, when I ask her to please talk more quietly... she will sometimes tell me "I don't know how, this is just the way my voice is- I was born this way, and then when I whisper you tell me you can't hear me.... so either way I can't talk perfectly..." AND she has a point! So, we sometimes, LITERALLY have to "practice" using a lower tone of voice since her voice is NATURALLY a trumpet-voice even if she is talking normally. And like the other respondent said previously... you have to DEMONSTRATE it. Or like with my kids, we play "charades" and I use it to show them what I mean, in addition to verbal explanations.
So, when expecting something a child can't do yet, this alone can frustrate a child, then they get 'scolded' for something they can't even do yet. And its a vicious cycle.

Anyway, just some hindsight I learned from my dear daughter... (my son has a trumpet-voice too). And together, they are like the brass section of a symphony!

YOu can also "practice" at home.... how to eat out at a restaurant. That is what we used to do with our kiddos too. And it's fun.

Next, there is NO way, at 20 month old is going to "master" these adult expected skills yet. At this age and through toddler-hood, everything is still new to them and an introduction, which we teach them seemingly repeatedly. But this is normal cognitive development. And even through TEEN years, they will still be learning.

All the best,
Susan

i recommend never ignoring it you need to behave the same at home as you would in public. he probably feeds off of your anxiety in public if you are trying to shush him or bribing him into being quiet he will notice and act out more. when my children behave in a manor my husband and i deem inappropriate they go in time out i take them out of the restaurant store or wherever we are and put them in time out. don't worry about people judging you worry about raising your son. good luck

This is something that you CAN NOT ignore. I have a friend who ignored her daughters screaming and/or gave into her everytime and she is now 26 months old and a total terror, screaming whenever she doesn't get her way. There is a little girl at my son's daycare who does this and I like the approach my daycare lady has. If she screams when she is done eating she will get put into a high chair and turned around towards the wall after being told that what she is doing is not ok. If she does it at other times, she gives her one warning and if she doesn't stop she gets put in time out without saying anything else to her. Children must realize that there are consequences for their actions. Your son is old enough to figure out that what he is going gets a reaction and/or his way. My son does this once in a while however I have been serious about it with him and very consistant with the "punishment" that he receives for acting out. Figure out what works best for your son and yourself & your husband and stick to it. Make it a serious thing that is not acceptable. He will figure out that he doesn't want the punishment assocaited with screaming and will stop. Nip it in the bud now before he gets too out of control. Parenting is never easy so go easy on yourself and be consistant! Consistancy is KEY!!

Could he have a tummy ache? You could call his doctor to ask. Just a thought. Or as LS said maybe he's sitting to long?
Sue

Hi S., I have a 13 month old in my daycare who does that and i am working on nipping it in the bud now. A lot of people believe you should ignore unacceptible behavior, because they are doing it for attention, and their probably right on the attention issue, but i believe that if we ignore bad behavior how will they know it's bad behavior? with my 13th month old his parents flick his cheek everytime he screams, it stings a little but doesn't injur the child or leave a mark. His mom gives him a pacifire at 13 months because he screams the whole time she is driving, he does it in resturants too, it's not acceptible, I told her the pacifire does not teach him the screaming is wrong it just teaches him if i scream i get something in my mouth, which does not teach him anything productive. You and your husband have to figure out a source of discipline and work together and nip this in the bud, before he gets older and louder. J. L.