Putting Baby to Sleep Without Nursing

Updated on May 26, 2009
R.C. asks from West Lafayette, IN
15 answers

Hi moms - I am looking for some advice regarding putting my 8 month old son to sleep, both for naps and for bed at night, without having to nurse him first. I made the mistake of always putting him down that way. He is great (for the most part) about taking 2 naps per day and sleeping 10-12 hours straight at night. The problem is that he can't do it without breastfeeding to fall asleep. He is able to fall asleep in the car without nursing first if he is really tired. I am also planning on weening him completely from nursing around 12 months and am already thinking I should be getting him ready for that in some way now. Thanks for your response and advice!

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J.R.

answers from South Bend on

Read, I did the exact same thing and when it came down to it reading worked the best for me. I would just read and read and the baby would fall asleep to the sound of my voice.

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C.B.

answers from Lafayette on

I used this method when my son was six mo & my daughter 4mo & it worked like a charm. start out by rocking them until he is almost alseep, then gently walk & lay him down in his crib. do this for about a week or so. it teaches him how to fall completely asleep on his own. after a week or so, cut down on how long you rock him, then just start laying him down when it's nap time. he might fuss alittle at first, but he shouldn't scream his head off. is he using a sippy cup yet? if so, you can also put 2oz. of water in it and have it readyin the crib for him before youlay him down. never milk! it can rot his teeth & sour if he sleeps too long before waking up thirsty. Inever believe in the 'crying it out" method. to me it's the same as telling your child they're not special or loved enough. i know alot of people don't agree with me on that one. my son is now 6(almost 7) years & my daughter 18mo. & all i have to do for her naps is layher down & within 15min. she stops playng & goes to sleep, and the same with my son. naps & bedtime were never a screaming issue in our house. good luck & god be with you.

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S.W.

answers from Cincinnati on

I'm not sure I will be of much help, but I have a son who is almost 8 months old. He also breastfeeds to sleep every night unless he falls asleep in the car. Sometimes I nurse him to sleep in front of the comupter or TV and then lay him down when he is good and asleep, or somtimes I nurse in the bed with him until he is asleep.

This is my fourth baby and my kids have all done this until I weaned them at night about age 2. I think this is a healthy and normal thing. I tend to follow what is biologically normal for a baby more than what is most convenient for me.

You might also want to consider that the benefits of breastmilk do not end at 12 months. You might want to consider nursing as long as it works for the two of you. The world average age of weaning is around age 4.

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B.S.

answers from Cincinnati on

I know sometimes you feel like a human pacifier, but really, that was one of the things I loved most about nursing, holding a sleeping baby to my breast. I nursed #1 for 9 months, #2 for 12 months, and #3 for 20 months...the last one I was only nursing at night after 12 months...it was just our time--I would put him to sleep by nursing him and rocking him in his room. I loved it.

I know-- nursing makes you feel like you're chained to the baby -- at some point, you're ready to have your breasts back to yourself!!! but if I were going to cut down on nursing, I wouldn't start with the times when they go to sleep.

When you are ready for your child to learn to fall asleep themselves (for my kids it was well over a year, not 8 months) it may take a few nights of them crying for a bit and you feel terrible letting them cry, but eventually they'll fall asleep.

A car ride is like snuggling with mom-- warm, comfortable and slight movement...most (of course not all) babies fall asleep on a car ride... that isn't like falling asleep in the crib.

just my 2 cents.

Oh- another thing. with our #3 child, I had a little candlestick nightlight that I thought I would leave on in his room so I could see when I went in at night... he would cry and cry and cry and not sleep unless he was completely asleep when I laid him down. We finally figured out for HIM...he likes dark. Turned the light off and he fell asleep. (this is also the child who would NOT sleep in the car...but that's another story!)

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M.S.

answers from Bloomington on

i did that too-- what worked for us was giving daddy the bedtime routine. he read stories and sang songs and it worked pretty well. at first it helped if i was either gone or really quiet-- if he knew i was around he'd want his milk.

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N.S.

answers from Columbus on

The book by Dr. Weissbluth: "Healthy sleep habits, happy child" is really good. Basically, your son needs to learn to soothe himself. If you want to, you can try to give him a plush animal which worked like a charm w/my son. And I also put a crib toy that plays soothing music in his crib. Now he hugs his plush toy, turns on his music and goes to sleep. A friend of mine had a great idea too. She took one of her son's blankets and every time she got him ready for bed and held him, she put the blanket over her shoulder first, so that his face would be on the blanket. Then she started putting the blanket in the crib with him. I think he was about 8 to 10 months old at the time. Now when he gets tired, (he is 18 mnths old), he will go find his blanket and cuddle with it. Good luck.

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J.L.

answers from Toledo on

My son was about 16 months before he was completely weaned. He was also nursed to sleep...it was very hard for ME to get him to bed on his own. He would do it for the dad and the sitter. Not me though...we started to put him in his bed when he was crabby about 13 months and he would fall asleep. He goes down very good now, but I am wondering if it is something that they learn on their own since both my kids were like this. My older son went down on his own about 1 too. Good luck, I know first hand how frustrating this transition can be.

S.M.

answers from Columbus on

I had the same problem with my son at that age, if something woke him up before I got him to his crib, he would throw a fit and we'd have to start over. It was horrible! Now he is 17 months old and naptime is no longer a battle.

The key for us was to put him in bed very drowsy but still awake. Start by taking him off your breast before he falls completely asleep. Wait until he is relaxed and his eyes are getting heavy, then very quickly switch him onto a pacifier. It took my son a few days to get used to this, but after that we had no problems.

It's also important to have a predictable routine before nap & bedtime. We will change his diaper, read a story, then close the blinds and turn on some relaxing music. My son knows the routine now and he'll point to the next thing we're supposed to do. Last I'll nurse him for a few minutes, then give him a pacifier and cuddle in the rocking chair.

I would tell you to not be in a hurry to wean him, but personally I am SO ready to be done. So, good luck!

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J.L.

answers from Cleveland on

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth (sp could be wrong). Great book, should be required reading. All kids need to learn how to soothe themselves to sleep. It does not advocate one certain method, but is very helpful and used by all my freinds.

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S.D.

answers from Indianapolis on

First, you shouldn't be "preparing" to wean at all. He should nurse 6-8 times per day until 12 months so if he sleeps through the night, you need to fit those feedings in to his awake time. You don't want to start decreasing how much he gets now or cut him off cold-turkey at 12 months. Start the weaning process one feeding at a time around 12 months (or later if you want to do what's now considered best which is nursing through the second year).
Second, I'd start with night time and put him down before he falls asleep. Then, if he doesn't fall asleep, have daddy try to put him down instead of you. He will always associate you with milk and holding him without nursing him is going to make him so angry.

Good Luck:)

Oh! And just in case anyone is telling you that it's bad for his teeth or that he can get "baby bottle mouth" it's not true. Here's info on that:
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/older-baby/tooth-decay.html

And for God's sake, DON'T read Babywise. The man who wrote it is a total quack. A self-proclaimed baby expert with no medical background who was kicked out of his church when too many parents had children diagnosed with "failure to thrive". He knows nothing about breastfeeding and his techniques go against everything a lactation consultant would ever teach you. Here's info on how disgusting this man is:
http://www.ezzo.info/

Try "The No-Dry Sleep Solution" instead. It's meant for breastfed babies :)

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C.C.

answers from Cleveland on

I did the same thing with my first and he developed breast milk carries. It usually happens to babies that have a bottle in their mouth to fall asleep. But, because it was my breast...you get the picture. The milk eats away at the tooth enamel from sitting on it all night. It took one night of pure horror to break him but then we were done. You will need the support of your partner to get you through the night! My son is 11 now and it did not harm his secondary teeth. Hope this helps.

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T.D.

answers from Indianapolis on

Try the book, "On Becoming Babywise." That worked beautifully for us and our twin sons have always put themselves to sleep.

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T.W.

answers from Cleveland on

Dear R.,

Congrads on the adorable baby. And congrads on having one who not only sleeps well at night but still takes naps. I am a grandma now so offering very old fashioned advise. I would enjoy those times of nursing as long as you can. If you have a child that is thriving and sleeping well, the nursing before a nap seems like a good time to sit and nurture that baby. I know as a mom of six sometimes it was the only time I got to sit down and have one on one with my children and it had several benefits for us both. They grow up so fast and we tend to rush it even more. Sounds like you have a wonderful little one who will soon be weaned, take your time now for these few precious moments together. Just my humble advise from an experience mom of six and grandma of seven. Time flies by too swiftly. God bless. T.

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J.J.

answers from Cincinnati on

I have to say I agree with the first response (Theresa W) - just enjoy that special time and don't worry about what everyone else says. When you want to wean him, you can start the process, but don't stress about it now. Now is the time to just do what feels right for him, and if he is a good sleeper because he falls asleep in mommy's loving arms, what's wrong with that? Believe me, in 6 mos you will look back and wonder why you worried so much.
I nursed until about 15 months, but after about 12 months it was only for nap and bedtime. It was great. It was very hard to finally wean him, not for him, but emotionally for me, because for about a week my hormones were out of whack. That's where my husband really stepped up for me and started putting my son to sleep without me. Just wanted to prepare you for that, because no one told me that I'd be upset - but again, it only lasted a few days....

So again, enjoy this time and trust your gut - it will all work out.
Take care!

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J.S.

answers from Indianapolis on

My little one always fell asleep nursing, so my ped recommended waking her up before putting her down. I had a hard time with that advice since I was a firm believer of the "don't wake a sleeping baby" theory. At first, I only did it at nap times - she would only sleep for 30-45 minutes at a time anyway, so it wasn't a really big deal if she missed it. I still nursed her to sleep at night and left her that way. She did learn to soothe herself to sleep after a week or so. Also, I found that her mobile was too stimulating and kept her up - I took the mobile part down and left the music part...just a tip in case your little one is the same way. Good luck!

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