Potty Training Struggles - Lebanon,OH

Hi K.,

I did the Three Day Potty Training (found online) and it has worked great for my 2 year old. My daughter knows that diapers and pull-ups are not an option so she is good about telling me when she has to go, and early on there was a lot of positive (M&M's and stickers) reiforcement, and a lot of accidents, but after a few days she got it. We tried to do only underwear at night but after a week of getting up 3 times a night to change her and her sheets we went to pull-ups, but only at night, not even for nap time. Everyone I know that has used this method has been more successful overall. Some kids get it on their own, but some need a good system to let them know that they are big enough to move to the next step. Good luck!

Continue to remind her to go every other hour but take away the pullups and even underwear. I used this method with my girl and my boy and it worked. Take time when you can have her run around naked from the waist down and this should just take a couple of days. I do like the poker chip idea too:)

You just described my son at that age. Nothing worked... or so we thought. We stopped - completely (back in diapers, never mentioning it, etc) - for a few weeks. When we started up again, we had him earn poker chips. This was right around his 3rd birthday so he was old enough to understand and so your daughter should, too. He earned 1 poker chip for going pee, 2 for poop and lost 2 for accidents. Didn't matter if we told him or he went in on his own. Each day started over at zero. When he earned 5 of them, he got to play the PS2 for 30 minutes (he was obsessed with the Star Wars Lego game). After a week he was consistently earning it everyday so we upped it... he only got poker chips when >he< told us he had to go (or just went in by himself), no reminders and he had to earn 10 a day for the 30 minutes of video games. This was the only computer or PS2 time he got so it worked. He learned simple math really quick, too... by the 2nd week he'd look at the ziplock with the chips and figure out how many more he needed to earn his reward. :-)

Figuring out what would work to motivate him took awhile. None of the typical stuff like praise, stickers, candy, big toy at end of week, etc worked with him for more than a day or two. It might take awhile to figure it out for your daughter. Is it TV? video games? playing with Barbies? going to a playground? riding a bike? soccer? dance?

Is she around older kids at all? That is helping my 2 year old right now... she plays with her older brother and sister and their neighborhood friends (mostly 4-8 year olds) and she wants to be a big kid like them. She knows they aren't in diapers... peer pressure can be a good thing. :-)

Good luck! She'll get it before you know it.

In my opinion, she does get it but doesn't care. My now 11 year old was very difficult to I stopped for several months. Once she turned 3 1/2 I told her one morning that she wasn't going to wear diapers anymore. I made a big deal about going to the store and buying big girl underwear. I let her pick them out.
I swear, she never had an accident after that. Sometimes they just aren't ready. On another note, you may want to make sure she doesn't have any health issues. Also, limit her liquid intake. I strongly believe that you will mentally damage your child if you hold her down on the toilet while she is screaming. One last thing, children feed off of your energy. If both you and your husband are stressed out, she senses that. Try not to make a big deal out of it.
One mother to another

I'm a daycare provider of over 19 years and mom of 4 grown children. There are 2 things you cannot control with a child - eating and pottying. That said, I truly believe that the more a parent 'pushes' (usually out of stress because the child 'has' to be trained for preschool or peers/family/etc are pressuring you to train) the more it sets the child back. The poster who said finding the one thing that will motivate the child was right on. If you can find that one thing and use it the way the poster said and it works, then great. If not, stop for awhile. Pottying should be the child's accomplishment and not the parents. I understand your stress to make this happen but your child is probably feeling that as well. Once a child is truly ready on his/her own, they typically train themselves in a matter of days. Relax. JMO

Is your daughter aware of the "need to go to the bathroom"? I know this sounds crazy but my son recently stood on his bed and peed completely unaware of what was going on. You cant potty train a child who is not ready physically, and that does not always go with our time-lines and needs. And it has NOTHING to do with intelligence.

Really wish I had some awesome advice, but I don't! My son will be three in July and is starting to progress in this area some, but sometimes just goes in his pull up like yours. I know my hubby and I really stressed him out about a little while ago and just had to totally let it go for him to get interested in it again. Now we just let him lead in this area. If he says he has to go we take him, if we ask him and he says no we don't push it. I know she needs to get trained for pre school, but if she gets a whiff of that you have a personal stake in it, it will probably just slow things down. All I do know is if this area becomes a battleground, the parent loses!! Wish I had more to offer, but I really understand! My son is so smart and super verbal so I really thought potty training would be so easy, wrong! I wish you all the best and I am definitely going to read all your responses, maybe someone else on here has some good answers!! Good luck:)

my daughter just turned 3 on march 20th of this year. she is still not potty trained but is doing alot better. she poops in the potty unless sick and pees most of the time. my mistake is she has access to water or other fluids so she pees alot. i have also tried panties but she goes in them and asks for new ones because they are wet. she has been doing pretty well lately in them though. i have also tried the holding down and getting so frustrated she sat on the potty for almost an hour and said her but hurt, dont you know as soon as the pull ups went on she went in them 2 minutes later. i was furious but hey what could i do. rewards didnt work either for her, daddy gives them toher on a regular basis so that defeated the purpose. i honestly would watch a few videos with her and wait and see. you cant force something to happen even for our convenience. sorry and i hope you feel better knowig you are not alone in this struggle. good luck and take a breather it will happen sooner than you know.

Boy do I hate to tell you this, but I think you just have to wait. Keep encouraging her and have her wear panties at home. I honestly think the harder you push, the more it backfires. I would NOT hold down a screaming child to sit on the potty. When her body is ready, it will happen very quickly. If she isn't aware of the need, there is no way to make her feel it. Sorry.

My 4 year old son is potty trained in that he wears underwear and keeps it dry except for the occasional accident. He still almost never goes to the potty on his own or tells me he needs to if it is just pee (he knows and will poop on his own). If he takes potty breaks every 2 hours or so he stays dry. If I wait for him to tell me he doesn't have time to get to the potty. Being aware and independent is the last step in potty training. I think getting the thicker training underwear and maybe waterproof covers might be the next step. I also got a portable potty for my car. Pull ups absorb well (less mess) but the child doesn't even realize they are wet. There is always the let her run around with no bottoms at home for a few day or a week approach. You might want to check out the Potty Training in One Day book as well. I read it but didn't do it because my situation was different. I had a new baby when my son was turning 3 so it made more sense for us to just wait him out since he wasn't ready before the baby. He stayed half trained and in pull ups for over a year until I had the time and energy to put into training him. At 3 and 9 months he got it pretty fast. I think if you have her (and by extension yourself) or a schedule she can get to the point of wearing underwear and peeing in the potty which hopefully is enough for the preschool. My experience has shown me it is a process and potty trained enough to wear underwear is not the same as 100% independent.