Potty-training: Is This Normal?

Updated on October 09, 2010
M.D. asks from Hurst, TX
13 answers

My son is a little over 2 1/2 years old and last week, his preschool teacher suggested we start sending him to school in underwear. Mind you, we've not seen any indication at home that he's ready for potty-training. At school, they take them to the potty every hour and he participates and is excited when he uses the potty. However, he's still having accidents - 1 accident the first day, 2 accidents the next day and at home we're having lots of accidents. I interpreting this as him not being ready, but the school is telling me it's normal to have multiple accidents in a day. I'm okay with accidents happening every now and then, but I think when it's routine, the child isn't ready for potty-training. What do you think?

P.S. His teacher started potty-training her daughter at 18 months, so I'm a little concerned she's pushing something he's not ready for and frankly, I'm tired of all the laundry this is creating.

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So What Happened?

Thank you mamas for your feedback. After reading what you had to say, I feel like potty-training is not a one-size fits all approach. As one mother pointed out, doing extra laundry isn't a reason to quit. I will give him the rest of this week and if we're not making any progress, I'll tell the teacher we need to take a break.

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S.M.

answers from Dallas on

My son started training a little before 2 1/2 and is still working on it. He has no accidents at school, but some at home, especially if I forget to take him to the potty. I'd say if he's having accidents at school, he's probably not really ready. He WILL have accidents, and that is normal, but if you aren't ready, then it's not a good time to start b/c you'll get tired and frustrated if he has accidents more so than if you are ready to start dealing with it. I'd tell the teacher you appreciate her efforts to train him, but you aren't really ready to reinforce it at home yet and that you don't see signs that he's ready (like having a dry diaper when you are ready to change him, and asking to potty). You can start with books about potty training to get him excited, you can also put him in a diaper at home and take him to the potty when you change him so he's still getting the opportunity to go on the potty without having to go straight to underwear. But honestly, if you aren't ready to commit, you shouldnt' start. She probably just wants all of the kids pottying so they dont' have to change diapers. Just remember, you are the mom and if you don't think he's ready, then you don't have to do it now. Maybe in 3-6 more months you can try again, or after the holidays might be a good time to try.

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N.B.

answers from Minneapolis on

I guess it depends on your potty training philosophy. Like everything else concerning life and children, there are many schools of thought.

I do home childcare and have always dreaded when a parent would say..."hes gone a few times at home..so today he is in a pull up or undies". I hate pull ups..and I hate being put on the spot to toilet train a child. It sounds to me like this is how you feel? I also hate being the trained one...taking a child to the bathroom at timed intervals trains the aduls, in my opinion..not the child. A child needs to learn to pay attention to their body's cues (again my strong opinion).

However, in the last year, after a wonderful parent approached me with a training method she read about and researched..we discussed it and decided to try it. It the Lora Jensen 3 day potty training method. Since then, I have had 5 children (everyone who has come of age to train since then) do this method..which begins AT HOME. I have no one here over the age of 2 1/2 who is not trained. Most still have some poo issues and their parents (some) use diapers or PU's at night (after the initial week or 2 of the method)..but here at daycare, no one wears anyting but undies. The youngest girl was 22 mos, the youngest boy was 24 mos.

This is something you need to discuss with your daycare. You shouldn't be forced into training your child if you are not on board with it. But ..again in my strong opinion....LOL...if your child goes sometimes..and shows interest...try a method like this...put up with a week or 2 of struggles (the 3 days is the initial stuff...heavy duty intense..never leave your childs side, stay at home, no errands or housework, devoted ONLY to your child that whole time...like waging a war!...after that its a settling into the routine).

But I NEVER take a child at timed intervals and they ALWAYS tell me when they need to go..the way it should be! Sometimes I gotta be really really quick and get them in there (we do just undies the first few weeks around here..quicker for going potty)...but it gets better and its lovely not to change all those diapers! They need help with pants and handwashing, etc...but still better than diapers on big kids to me!

Good luck! And talk to your care provider...either way, you need to communicate and be on the same page....

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B.B.

answers from Dallas on

Before disposable diapers, children were potty trained MUCH younger. My mom said, that it was unheard of for a 2 1/2 year old, to not be potty trained In fact. The truth is, as kids get older, they are HARDER to potty train. They learn to say no, and to live the routine they are given. They are used to using the bathroom in their pants and that's their routine. The more they develop their own opinions, the harder it gets. Any 2 1/2 can be potty trained, in my opinion. (obviously, any kind of disability, is a huge exception.) Frequently, it's the PARENTS who are not ready to potty train, not the child being. Talk with the teacher, see what kind of routine and phrasing she uses with your son. Use the same things, at home. He is comfortable at home, in his own routine. He will naturally have more accidents. You have to be consistent and take him to the potty frequently. If you stop training him, it will be very confusing. 18 months old, is not young to start potty training. She probably did not push her child and I doubt she's pushing yours!! If her weren't ready, he would be intimidated and really fight the process. Laundry can be frustrating, but it's kind of a silly reason to stop progress he's making.

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J.U.

answers from Norfolk on

is he in pull ups? I would just send him in pull ups if the daycare becomes really insistent.
If they are putting him on the potty every hour instead of waiting for him to mention it...then I would have to say he might not be ready. They are getting a good start and it is good that he is excited about it. No harm there.

At home I would just tell him if he needs to go let you know and then after he can have a m&m. But just because you are putting him on the potty every hour doesn't mean he is learning when to go.

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J.M.

answers from New York on

i think this is really a parental decision. does the school have a policy that you cant attend unless potty trained. many do, and if so, i understand then you must make that happen. but if not, i really think she is putting her parenting techniques on you.

my neice is in daycare, and when she moved on to the next room, they take them to the bathroom, but then never advised to have her in underwear. she has no interest at all, but she does sit like everyone else. my daughter is 2 weeks younger, and at home or quick errands, she wears panties, but she had been telling us the minute she goes, immediately pulls off any wet or dirty diaper, and goes on the potty by herself when

Updated

does the school have a policy that you cant attend unless potty trained. many do, and if so, i understand then you must make that happen. but if not, i really think she is putting her parenting techniques on you. i see no problem with him sitting on the potty at school, as well as home to be consistent, every hour as long as no one is forcing him. the problem is see is the underwear issue. having him in panties doesnt magically make him more ready than he was last week. having a child wetting themselves several times a day is not positively reinforcing anything, it just shows the child isnt ready yet.

my niece is in daycare, and when she moved on to the next room, they take them to the bathroom, but they never advised to have her in underwear. she has no interest at all, but she does sit like everyone else but nothing comes out. my daughter is 2 weeks younger, and at home or quick errands, she wears panties, but she had been telling us the minute she goes, immediately pulls off any wet or dirty diaper, and goes on the potty by herself when i tell her. she hates diapers. she still has accidents if i dont remind her, but she was showing signs she def was ready to move to panties. she still wears pullups at night and long outings. two weeks apart and completely different, both 2 1/2.

i would just tell the school he will be wearing pullups until he shows more readiness signs. he is your child, and i expect you know him better than them. pullups are necessary so he can pull them down like underwear, but they will still protect him from the accidents. when you see his pullups are staying dry and he uses the potty regularly(with or without you reminding), then the underwear can come back out. the reason i think intervals are ok, is that my children have no desire to pee in their pretty panties. to me, that means when they do pee, they really forgot. the timed intervals is just a reminder so that wont happen, then before you know it, they go without you saying anything. imo, the constant wet clothes are a reminder to him that he isnt succeeding. im sure he doesnt like the fact he is wetting. wearing pullups can help him be happy the times he goes on the potty, but not feel bad about the times he has accidents.

and boys do potty train slower than girls, its a fact. 2 1/2 for a ready boy is still on the younger end, let alone for a child not showing signs. good luck.

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S.V.

answers from Los Angeles on

My sons teacher suggested to pu thim in underwear also-he turned 3 in July-he had 3 accidents-one all over the carpet in his classroom. One teacher told me he was screaming "no" that he didnt want to go to the bathroom and started crying-so we decided to wait. I think its the childs choice and when the are ready, they are ready. A good friend of mine that has had a daycare for many many years has told me that between 3-4 years old is when boys are ready and we are going to wait a little longer. He is interested in the toilet but has no idea when the pee is ready to come out. He will show me when he is ready :0) Talk to the teacher and decide-remember you are the parent!

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S.Y.

answers from Sharon on

i have heard its easier to potty train boys between 3 n 4 yrs old and girls between a year and 2 yrs old do what you think is best sounds to me he is not ready to be potty trained

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K.U.

answers from Detroit on

If he's not showing signs of readiness and he has not made that connection where he realizes he needs to go and can make it to the potty, then he just is not ready. Just because the teacher's kid was trained at 18 months does not meant that every kid can be - every kid is different, my daughter turned 3 in August and she still is not there yet. We've tried, but every time we try to get her to go without diapers, she has one accident after another. One morning I tried it, I cleaned up 6 accidents with a change of underpants every time! I don't think she understands yet what her body is telling her and what the signals are - she only knows what has happened after the fact. If your son is not ready for potty training, sticking him in underwear is only going to make more mess. He might realize what it feels like to be wet (because there is no diaper or pull-up to absorb it all), but that does not mean he can do anything about it ahead of time. Granted, we have been having a heck of a time getting my daughter to even sit on the potty (and believe me, we've tried just about everything!) but I still think that having "the golden child" that potty trains earlier than average is skewing the preschool teacher's perspective.

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M.S.

answers from Dallas on

You will know and your son will be totally on board. I have 3 sons and all were different. My advice.... don't go backwards, once you make a change don't regress just pull through. Second, no matter what with a child...give it two weeks bc that is enough to really try and get over the harder days by the end of a full 2 weeks you will have progress. Last, boys...ahhhh they are slower than girls, maturity and in everything else. Good luck, he will train, it will all be good...eventually! ;)

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M.J.

answers from Sacramento on

If he's excited about using the potty, that's HUGE. Our son could care less and it took over a year to train him. One or two accidents/day is nothing and quite good for early stages of training. When we finally put our son in underwear and forced the potty training issue, he had tons of accidents ... I was doing laundry constantly. However, very, very quickly it got better. The move to underwear is the way to go with training.

Give it a few weeks. If you're still doing tons and tons of laundry, take a break from the training and make sure the school does the same. You need to be totally consistent in both environments for it to work. Good luck!

A.S.

answers from Detroit on

I never had pull-ups as a kid and I felt that I was 'too busy' to have to stop and use the potty. I was almost 4 when I finally gave in... Because I wanted to flush it. My mom wouldn't let me flush unless I made a 'deposit' of my own.

My daughter was almost 4 when she finally 'caved' and started going... It took less than a week to train her. My daughter did wear pull-ups for that week. She has only had 2 accidents... EVER. Once when our doorknob to our bathroom door busted and she couldn't get in the bathroom. And the other was when she was sleepwalking and thought she was in the bathroom.

My son is only 26mos old and while he likes sitting on the potty, there is no other sign of him being ready. He won't tell us when he has gone or needs to go. His diapers are still very wet in the morning when he gets up. And his daycare is doing the same as I do... When he asks to sit on the potty, we let him, but they don't force it and they still have 3yr olds that aren't fully potty trained. The teachers there are awesome. I told them what I'm trying to do and they said they will do the same to keep things consistant.

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N.C.

answers from Dallas on

it depends on the child but honestly if your son is already in his twos and he's not being trained then he should be. my son is three and he still has accidents. some days more than others. there are times when he pees himself more than should be normal, however he knows better and i think its just because he'd rather play. he was using the bathroom by two yrs of age. accidents are normal so don't let it get you down if he has lots of them. i have no idea how some parents say their kids are potty trained in three days--not likely. it takes months with some kids. as long as the child knows what the potty is for and the school teachers are willing to work with him, i say do it. it just might make it easier on yall in the long run. just be consistant but not pushy. let him know that he's doing great even if he has an accident. good luck.

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J.V.

answers from Chicago on

It depends on your philosophy. I put my daughter in trainers at 18 months. She would have had daily accidents if I didn't take her to the bathroom all the time. She wasn't 'Ready" in the sense of being able to be fully responsible, but most kids aren't till they are much older. This doesn't mean to me, however, that they shouldn't use the toilet. Pee and Poop go in the toilet, and I believe they should go there as soon as possible,. Human waste isn't suppose to go in landfills, etc.

By starting with my daughter at 18 months, she was fully trained (with the rare accident) by 21 months. I have a feeling your son's preschool teacher is a bit old school about this as well. You jump in head first and let them figure it out. This philosophy does produce more laundry, and it does try your patience, but compared to my daughter's friends? She is so far ahead of them in terms of her training it isn't funny. She even night trained at 21 months!

Remember, prior to 1960, 80% of all kids (boys and girls) potty trained by 18 months. They are physical capable of doing so, they just need some help in the reminder front.

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