Potty Training a Very Stubborn 2 and a 1/2 y.o.

Please don't take this the wrong way but I think she's now scared and won't even want to do it because she's been scolded when she goes in her pants. Children should not be punished for having accidents. Potty training is a huge thing to learn and it does take time. In my opinion she is not ready yet. It could be that you have a 6 month old and she's seeing the baby go in a diaper. Many toddlers revert back after a baby comes home.

My son wouldn't go poop at first when he was with me but he had no problem going with my husband. After a few times with him I'd say "remember, do it like you do with Daddy" and that worked. Sometimes having someone else help out works. 2 1/2 is still young to be potty trained.

Hi N. do not worry about the potty training,she will go poo poo when she is ready. Get her some pullups and put some toys and books next to her potty and tell her when she is ready to wear big girl panties she will have to use the potty all by her self. Do not make a big deal of it when she goes in her pants. It takes a while do get the #2 down pat. My two year old grandson will do #2 in his potty but not pee pee,its a waiting game. I am very patience with him.Just remember that no child is not trained by the tim they go to school.Smile.

It's not stubbornness...it's one heckuva awkward position, pooing on a western toilet. We're just all used to it since we've been doing it for decades.

Just as an example: I DARE you to poo standing up or laying down. It can be done. Don't bend your legs, just lay flat, sideways, or stand up straight. This is essentially what we ask our kids to do, something COMPLETELY different from what we're well practiced in. And a LOT harder to do than peeing. Now...if you took me up on my dare, you'll have noticed something: you would have wanted to pull your knees up to your chest. The "squat" is natural. It's easy, fast, and comfortable. It's what babies, toddlers, and several billion adults in Asia do. You would NOT have made a right angle with your legs so that you looked like you were sitting on a chair. Even birthing...where do our legs get put when we're pushing? Like a gyn/ob exam? Or do they get pushed back? Pushed back, of course!

To poo sitting in a chair position, actually requires flexing some additional & different muscles, while relaxing others. (Ahem, and that's if we aren't dangling our feet and possible fighting not to fall in, to boot!) To poo in a squat, is SUPER easy. No thinking required, if you haven't lost your flexibility.

The thing is...as an adult you may tell me that to poo standing up is stupid and get stubborn about not doing it, when you've already got this super easy method...but with kids...their NERVES that control their muscles (voluntary & involuntary) have to entirely rewire in order to give them conscious control in the first place. Once that happens though...it takes longer to add different things...like knowing in advance that you're going to have to go soon, holding it while excited, OR RELEASING/PUSHING when your nerves are doing something totally different. It's even hard for adults to change around their neural impulses. Talk to any mountain climber...the first time they had to pee in their clothes. Not an easy thing to do. And we can actually think the whole process through, AND our nerves lined up for conscious control years and years ago. Not until we're in Depends may we really remember what not having 100% conscious control is all about.

If you're determined for the toilet right away (most toddlers using western toilets take a whole YEAR before they poo regularly in the toilet ), you can try having her stand on the seat and squat. Otherwise, patience. This skill too, shall eventually come.

Good Luck

My daughter will be 3 in September and we did potty training last weekend. She caught on to the peeing really fast but got freaked out and scared when she needed to poop. We did the potty sticker chart which worked with the pee but I not with poop. You could tell she needed to poop cause she would repeatedly go to the potty bit nothing would happen. So i went to the Dollar Tree and bought her a princess crown. I brought it home and showed it to her.. told her that when she poopoos in the potty she can have it. she immediately went pee in the toilet and I told her she had to poopoo to get the crown. Later that after noon she got all dramatic on me saying she was NEVER gonna get her crown but she finally pooped in the toilet.. I was over excited about it. Told her I needed to get my camera. I took a picture of her and her poop.... mostly to show how excited I was. That seemed to make her super excited too.. then I gave her the crown and took more pictures of her with it on... since then, she has been doing great. so I don't know if this is the right advice but maybe you should get that watch for her and show her you have it and see if she poopoos for you then... ?? hope this helps...
~J.

I did not read all responses, sorry if it is redundant. Sounds like you are pushing to hard. She has to go at her own pace. That is still a relatively young age to be potty trained completely. Ease up a bit mama sounds like she is a smart one and she will get it eventually. They totally feed off of your stress and it sounds like you are doing alot of stressing. Good luck to you.

I worked with preschool age children for about 20 years. I was able to really talk with the children. We built up a report which was unique. They trusted me to help them and they shared with me why they did the things that they did. I saw this situation happen over and over again. With tears in their eyes, many children told me that they wanted their parents to clean them up like they do the baby. The reason may surprise you. Often times young children have a difficult time giving up their "babyhood". Your daughter can see you changing the babies diapers. I'm sure you are a very loving and kind mom. She wants you to continue nurturing her in this way - cleaning her up. I know that this may sound strange, but I saw this over and over again for years. As you said before, she had control and pooped on the potty in the past. She can do it. She is choosing not to at this time. So, my suggestion first of all, show her that being big is fun. In conversation throughout the day, point out all the fun things that she can do that the baby can not do. "It is great to be 2". Also, give her new responsibilities because she is big. Activities such as helping to set the table, feeding the cat, etc. Next, make the "clean up" less pleasant so that it does not give her the nurturing feeling that she is trying to accomplish. You can be nurturing at other times. Give her lots of hugs and kisses - although not when you are cleaning her up. You could even tell her that she is big now and when she has an accident that she needs to help clean it up. If you do this, it will make a bit of a mess. Tell her that if she had gone into the potty that it would not have been so messy. Do not make a horrible mess, but give her a wipe and start teaching her to clean up. She may get a spot on her finger and have her clean her hands well and explain, kindly, that when you go into the potty that it is not messy because it drops right in. Throughout the process, be very patient and very kind, just give her more responsibility. I know families who have tried this. They were desperate and tried everything before. Once they tried this approach, a few days later, they were done. You have to make the cost of the experience worse than the pay off they are getting from the experience. At this point, the behavior will change. It really does work. I would not suggest this for everyone, but since she was pooping in the potty and we know that she can, I think it is a good idea. Prior to the invention of disposable diapers, children were potty trained before they were two. She can do it. Be sure to let her know that you believe she can do it. Good luck!

Try turning her around to face the back- it worked with my son and within a month or so he chose to sit forward facing.

C., mother of 3, sleep consultant, sleep blog writer

My daughter refused to poop in the potty, too. Same as you, pee pee trained in 2 days. I was really careful with her, though, because she was prone to constipation and I did not want her to withhold purposefully and cause more problems. She would ask for a diaper and then poop in the diaper. She had a fear of pooping in the potty, too. It is completely irrational, and something the THE CHILD HAS TO WORK OUT!!! You cannot make her not scared of brown poop! After A SOLID YEAR of pooping in a diaper, she just pooped in the potty one day, by herself and then she told me and we cheered and then that was it! She was "cured" and we got rid of the diapers.

I say, let her do what she needs to do, but you have to work out a system together where she is not going in her Cinderella panties and messing them up. See if she'll be OK with going in the diaper, and she will eventually get over her brown fear and use the potty.

In the mean time, you might try feeding her some foods that will change the color, like blueberries and beets! :)

Hi N.,
I too have a 2 year old (27 months) and have started potty training. Everything was wonderful in the beginning. I got her to go pee once a day for about 3-4 days in a row. It gradually started to increase to 3 times a day. She was so willing to get on the potty! Of course I would only have her do it when he diaper was clean for at least an hour straight. Now, for some reason, she refuses to sit on the potty at all during the day. The only times I can get her to sit is before her nap time and right before bed. She ALWAYS pees at these times. I'm so frustrated because she was doing sooo well! (Nothing has changed at home)
Now, for the pooping situation, she has only pooped one time in the big toilet.(never in the little potty) And that was because she was outside in the baby pool naked. (she will go to the bathroom in the potty no problem if she is naked)She was so excited about it, but never did it again.....
On top of it, she won't even sit on the big potty like she used to. This is what she would do......
She would poop in the diaper and then come to me and say poopy in the diaper. Then we would go into my bathroom, take her diaper off (carefully!) and put it into the toilet. Then she would sit on the toilet and I would wipe her. She would get off and flush the toilet, then wash hands. NOW she even refuses to do that..... I don't get it!!!!!!
Anyway, I know that 27 months is fairly early for real potty training, so I guess I have to be thankful that she has any interest at all. My sister tells me that there will be tons of ups and downs, they change their minds about going in the potty all the time. I know you are getting tired of the poop in the pants, but i promise she will get it eventually. She will forget that she is afraid of the color. She's still very young. I know I haven't given you a solution...I'm looking for one myself.
Oh I forgot, I have an on line potty traing book if you want me to send it to you...I haven't gotten around to reading it myself, but now that I remembered I have it I'm gonna read it.
If you want to send me your email, I'll send it to you!
Good luck! We all need it!
M.

My experience with my 3 girls was different for each one. Two of the three had a difficult time with pooping on the toilet and insisted on using a pull-up. I can tell you that the more you press her the less she is likely to comply. The age of 2 1/2 is still young and when she is ready she will do it! Bathroom habits and eating are the only two ways they can show their independence. It is inconvenient but she won't do it forever. Also, I have heard that at this age the sensation of pooping on the toilet is strange and they prefer the safety of a diaper...? Hang it there! She will get it eventually.

I had a long talk with my son about it, when he was pooping in his underwear. "Do you like that feeling of it squishing against your tushie? It can cause a rash you know. Do you think your friends like to be around you when you smell like that?" Just real serious not yelling or anything. We put a star on his calendar every time he's clean and dry and he knows he has to stay that way for two weeks to get something special (in our case, an overnight with grandma). Maybe commenting while you change the baby about how lucky she is not to have to wear diapers and have to have it squishing against her like the baby. How proud you are that she's a big girl and can use the potty and how much that helps you out! Good luck! Hang in there!

Dear N.,

My sympathies to your family. I did have a similar situation, but different with my oldest child. My son was potty trained for urine for months and months- but would not have a bowel movement in the toilet. I thought he was scared, and I was right- but he never would talk about it. He eventually started withholding and stopped passing feces at all- anywhere. He never had previously been constipated. I got desperate and went to the pediatrician pleading for help. She put him on the maximum laxative he could have for his weight. It took 3 days- and my mom in law noticed he needed to void. She hurriedly put him on the toilet, he defecated and said "It didn't hurt". He never had an accident or problem after that.

OK- so your situation is different. All I can think of doing is when you see she is starting to show signs of needed to go poop ( like running off/hiding, or squatting down)- to pick her up and dash her to the bathroom. Put her on the toilet again and remind her to go there. Read to her/sing to her or whatever to help her to relax. If she keeps withholding her poop ( as you well know, no one can "make" someone eat or go to the bathroom, waiting until she's off the toilet- I would tell her again that big girls go poop in the toilet, and that it's yucky to go in her pants. I know it's a sensitive balance- because you don't want to make her having accidents traumatic, or that she gets a lot of attention for that....but since she has had bm's in the toilet, knows what it is for and how to use it- that's frustrating as all heck. I just thought- maybe after a pant pooping incident, if she wants you to play with her- you can say something like "Sweetie, I can't play right now because I have to wash your poopy pants- that takes a long time" When you poop in the toilet, then we'll have more time together." She's a smart girl- she'll get the message.

Good luck..

Hi N. =)
I know EXACTLY what you are talking about! I went through it with my daughter, who is now 5. As I read your story, I couldn't help but smile, because it sounds exactly like what we went through. Our daughter REFUSED to go #2 for 5 months! I was at my wits end and tried everything just like you did, including tons on research online and even buying an e-book (I'll email it to you if you want). And then a friend suggested that I was overdoing it...and my stress was affecting my daughter's ability to progress. She suggested that I put an immediate halt to all of my efforts and I did just that. No questions after accidents...no reminders...no encouragement...nothing. Lo and behold...a week later...she went! She just said, "Mama, I need to poop." And that was it. Trust me, I know how frustrating this time is, but be patient. One day, she will surprise you =)

I haven't time to read all the responses, so sorry if I duplicate any stories - our daughter (stubborn as heck) was perfectly pottytrained (at 2 1/5 also) for pee pee but requested a diaper/pull up for poop. For, I think, about 3 to 4 months. We just said - "you know, you CAN go poop in the toilet, honey" and let her put on a pull up. When I cleaned it/her up, I'd just say - "gosh, it sure will be nice when you remember what a big girl you are, and that you can use the toilet for poop too". We gave her the choice of potty or toilet (with the insert for toddlers), but she still took several months.

Patience, patience and patience is the best weapon you can use, I think.

by the way, one day she went poop on the toilet with very little fanfare or fuss, never looked back, and has not had an accident since.

I have seen similar posts regularly on this site, it seems to be one of those things that takes more time. My 2 1/2 yo isn't potty trained yet, but will willingly pee in the potty when reminded (I don't think she feels it coming on yet). She definately knows when she is about to do #2 (she prefers to be alone and will tell us to go away until she finishes) but will not go on the potty. I've offered up m&m rewards for poo, stickers, etc but she will not poo in the pot. Please let me know what ends up working for you. Good luck!

-M.

Sometimes having the "reward" at home where they can see it and you can point it out to them works. We got a car for my son and had it down where he could see it all the time. he wold talk about it and finally he got it. Unfortunately I am not sure it really made a difference. I think what did is I was tired of changing him so I put the diapers back on. He did not like that and I told him that when he used the toilet to poop also I would get rid of them. I did not use pull ups because he associated diapers with a baby and pull ups with bigger kid. Just my 2 cents. Hang in there. I promise she will not be in High School and pooping in her pants. heeheee!!!

I went through the same thing with my twins. Finally when they turned 4, I couldn't take it any more. I told them they were perfectly capable of going in the potty and if they went in their pants they would have to sit in it. I know it sounds mean, but after sitting in it a couple of times they stopped going in their pants. Good luck!