Possible Depression

J.:

I speak from experience and, yup! You are definitely depressed! Your regular doctor or ob/gyn can definitely help. And that's how I discovered I was depressed--by talking to my ob/gyn. But eventually you'll want to start seeing a psychiatrist who simply is just going to be much better suited to understanding your needs and responding to them and helping you find the right meds and/or therapy to help. My ob/gyn started me on antidepressants and that definitely helped, but it wasn't until I started going to my psychiatrist before I was able to find the right LEVEL of meds and truly started to feel better. But, to be quite honest, I didn't realize HOW bad I felt until I finally was on the right level of meds. I thought I honestly was MUCH better already and didn't think my meds needed adjusting past what my ob/gyn had prescribed for me. But once my psychiatrist changed them, I felt a GREAT deal better and couldn't believe I had felt as bad as I had.

Please don't hesitate to call your ob/gyn today and get an appt. When you see him/him, simply tell them what you told us. They'll get you a prescription that should help you start feeling better (but know it can take from a few days to several weeks before the meds "kick in" cuz they have to "build up" in your system). Then you'll feel stronger and better able to move on to the psychiatrist. Of course, you can start out seeing a psychiatrist, but I'm assuming you already have a relationship with your ob/gyn and that will be a bit more comfortable for you to talk to that person first.

And don't feel ashamed! Lots of people do, but depression is a chemical imbalance just like lots of other illnesses. You wouldn't be ashamed to see a doctor about having diabetes and taking insulin for it, would you? Of course not! And depression is the same thing!

Also, you need a FRIEND to confide in, spend time with, etc.! If you don't have neighbors you feel comfortable turning to, then turn to your church for some friends, join some type of club (such as one you were involved in before you were even married, such as when you were in college if you attended a university), or even simply join some type of online chat group in which you have an interest. Heck, with owning a horse, I'm sure there are LOTS of others with that same interest!

I have to head in to work, but I couldn't wait to send you a response because I know how it feels to be depressed and didn't want you to spend another minute waiting to start feeling better! You can and will! Take care and hang in there cuz life just around the corner will be WAY better!

Big hug!
g.

You may have depression, but you might also have a thyroid imbalance. Mine went hyper after I had my son, at about the same timeframe you are in. So go to your regular doctor and ask to have that checked. If that's not a problem, I highly recommend Lexapro for depression and anxiety. My doctor put me on it when I lost my dad a year and a half ago in a house fire. I've stayed on it because it helps so much with the anxiety.

It is hard when you don't have anyone to hang out with, especially those with children the same age range and with similar interests. Maybe there is a mom's group in your area where you can get to know people.

You sound very similiar to me after I had my first child. None of my friends had children and I felt so alone. I found a mom's group in NC (where I have lived for the past 11 years) and got out of the house and started making myself a weekly schedule. It helped a lot.

Also, I would call your OB and let them know they can prescribe things to help or lead you to the right direction. I did that and it helped me.

On a side note, I've been in KS for officially one week now. I'm definitely looking for others to hang with and am coming up with a new schedule for myself to help with my homesickness. Let me know if you want to meet up for coffee too. I live in OP.

I agree with the other comments, but also, have you talked with your husband about how you feel? It doesn't sound like he understands that you feel like "the baby's mom" and not like your own person anymore. You mentioned that he came home from the gym. I know he works long hours, but so do you. Sorry if I am completely off-course here. However, if you let him know you need some time away, he will probably be more than happy to spend some one-on-one time with his son. Men just tend to be a little dense about it and think that all women, especially SAHMs, only want to spend time with the baby once it is born. They tend to forget that we were people before we were moms. Not to knock meds because they can certainly help if needed, but your feelings may just be a build-up of little things that some understanding and space can cure.

Hope this helps. Also, I have 2 young kids and one on the way and just moved to KS from Indiana in August. I would love to meet some women with the same interests. I am in Olathe, but work in OP.

J.,
There have been lots of great responses, but one more won't hurt, right? I think that it is really hard to be a stay home mom. It's terrible to get angry and then know that this is supposed to be the happiest time of your life. I suffered from mild depression and severe migraines after my second daughter. Go to your doctor. They are a great help. Talk to your husband. Explain to him that even though you stay home you are not an vacation. My husband, in the beginnig, seemed to think that I was on an extended vacation. Everytime that I needed to vent about my day he was like you were the one who wanted to stay home. I finally told him that staying at home is a job and that I needed to be able to vent about my job like I did when I left home to go to work. Once he let me vent and just listened it was much easier. It's also hard to be in a new area. I know. If you ever need someone to email, you can email me. Also, I live the OP area and sometimes really need time where I am talking to adults. Let me know maybe we could meet for coffee sometime.

J.:

It sounds like you were having a panic attack (when your husband was making the shake). I also think it is possible that you are having some PPD. Although being a SAHM mom is a wonderful experience, being isolated and out of touch with your support system is not healthy. If I were you, I would go to the Mental Health Center (or make an appt. with a therapist), for an assessment.

A. L

I blame Barney.

Just kidding. But really, I went through the same thing when I had my daughter. I had moved when I was 8 months pregnant with my husband who was opening a restaurant. I didn't know anyone and he was gone 14 hours a day, 7 days a week. The stress of taking care of a baby virtually alone and without any "grown ups" to talk to can really get to you. I'd have lost it too if he wanted to make a shake which might wake the baby that I'd spent the 10-12 hours alone with! Its your only time for you to recharge yourself. Surely he can understand that waking the baby wouldn't be so great for you. That being said, I still think that a low dose of antidepressants might be the answer. It helps take the edge off when you're going through stressful and life changing situations. I would definitely look into the thyroid thing as someone mentioned, it can cause depression as well. A good doc should be able to check all those things out and prescribe you something that is most appropriate for you.

I think you're getting a lot of good responses to your question because a LOT of moms relate to your problem. Been there. The good news, then, is that what you're experiencing is not uncommon. So don't feel alone or weird.

I think it's also possibly hormones. I am very familiar with the feelings you described, and for me, they occurred not only as my body was "changing back" after pregnancy and due to weaning, but also suddenly became a new part of my premenstrual symptoms - and never went away completely! I discovered, after talking to my OB about it, that it was hormone imbalance. There are multiple ways of treating a hormone imbalance. The particular thing that worked for me is not recommended for everyone (extremely low dose of xanax just at the time the emotional response occurs) because it can be addictive and also because everyone reacts differently to medications, but something will be right for you.

Also, I too was a working mother who, although extremely excited about motherhood, found myself to be lonely, somewhat lost, and like my "other" identity disappeared when I left my job. I was also tired from lack of sleep, and probably subconsciously resented my husband for getting to go off to work and have a break from parenting. And to top it off, I was so disinterested in hanging out with other young mothers who only seemed to want to talk about which brand of diaper and which pediatrician. (My apologies to anyone reading this who did love to talk about that stuff - it's fine if you like it but, it's just me - I wasn't all that interested in that stuff). I did two things. I took some art classes and later some part-time work - very few hours a week, just to get out of the house and be with adults a little. The other thing I did was to form a group called "moms on the loose" that only had other working moms in it, so that we had something else to talk about other than diapers. You may not need that, but that's what I needed. It was a fun group and we just had dinner somewhere once a month, and some of us met occasionally with our kids to play other times. I still know some of them today and my oldest is 23!

Anyway, good luck with this. You are not alone. And, yes, "hugs." You'll make it through this.

S.

ps...also new to town, looking for friends and open for coffee. i'm probably a lot older than most of you (kids 23, 21, step-kids 11, 8, 5), but i don't care if you don't!

Dear J.,

My name is A., and I live in Kansas City. I went and am going through exactly what you're talking about. I have been diagnosed as having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and more recently Postparum Depression. I would definitely take these feelings seriously and do something. My first step was to tell my OB. I have a 6 month old by the way. I'm also a 25-year-old SAHM. I let my OB know, and then went through my insurance to find a suitable therapist. My OB also recommended her because he knew me and my situation, so that was very helpful. I see a therapist, but I go through my OB/GYN to get my medications. I am currently on anti-depressants to manage my postpartum depression, and it has worked WONDERS. I am now able to function, better manage my stress, and calm down enough to actually enjoy myself instead of the up and down of before. So, hope that helps. Oh, by the way, I am also part of a depression support group that meets in Kansas City at a coffee shop weekly. They're really great, and I bring my kids occasionally when I have to. It's real laid back and I love being able to talk about my issues in a safe and understanding environment. E-mail me back if you think you might be interested. Hope that helps.

Hi, J.! It sounds like you have a lot of great responses. You have two major things going on. 1. You are a new mommy and that is exhausting. 2. You have no family here. That's tough. And I know because we moved here from Indianapolis 3 1/2 years ago. It's tough when you don't have family and friends to pitch in and help you out.
Please talk to your OB/Gyn about the way your feeling. I went through similar feelings after I had my son. My doctor put me on antidepressants and I felt so much more able to cope. I no longer felt like my feelings were bigger than me. And with time I started to feel like me again. Also, do things you loved doing before you became a mommy. I loved reading and running so once I started doing those things again, I felt like an individual and not just like someone's mommy.
Good luck to you!