Politely NOT Invite Siblings...

I know how you feel.

For my daughter's last b-day, she wanted a Teddy Bear-making party and it was going to cost $20-$25 a guest, so it was important for us to have a small group of guests. I told my daughter that she can invite 6 friends for her 6th birthday party.

My daughter has a very good friend who's 4 year-old brother tags along a lot.

So, I told this girl's mom that "We've decided to invite only 6 kids this year." I also told her that all the guests are in 1st grade. This was clear enough for this mom to understand that her 4 year-old son was not invited.

At the party, I overheard this mom talking with another mom saying "My little guy really wanted to come too." But luckly, I heared the other mom say "Yeah, my little one wanted to come too. But, I think it is good that the kids have friends of their own and separate lives from each other. My little one will get invited to a party by his friends one day where the big guy can't go." Then I heared the original mom say "You're right."

Good luck to you and hopefully there will be no hard feelings!

I think you should say in the invitation you are picking the kids up to transport them to the party site and then when you get there only have room for the one child, if others try to join and come along there won't be room in the vehicle...."I am so sorry XX we don't have room, may be next time" then scoot to the party site quickly and get inside before the mom can take the kids on her own. That way if they do want to come they will have to pay for themselves. Then if she brings it up just say we didn't know XX was coming, the party was just for a small group of girls.

Call your friend and tell her that your daughter wants a more "grownup party" this year and so you're doing dinner out and some other fun stuff, but since it's going to be so expensive you told her that she could only choose five (or whatevery your # was) friends... Guess what? Carrie was number one on her list! Offer to pick Carrie up, you could say something like "so you don't have to drag all of the kids out of the house". I think this will get the point across in a really nice way without looking like you just don't want all of her kids to come.

I say that you put "Carrie" on the outside of the invitation. Then the wording of the invitation should have something like:

"Please reply either way by "whatever date you want to set". We need to know for sure if your child can attend as we need an accurate head count. We are limited on the number that can attend so no extras please."

Then if you are talking to your friend you can casually say that Susie is so looking forward to her party with just her girlfriends.

Send an invite with just Carrie's name on it. A follow up phone call to confirm would be helpful. You can just mention politely that this invite is for Carrie only. You can word it anyway you want. There is no perfect way to handle this. Just be kind and tender hearted but firm at the same time. I'm sure they'll have no problem with it. Have fun!! =)

Strike up a convo with the mom....maybe ask if she has an address for Susie (another kid), because you are doing invitations and planning the laser tag party, which "is killing" you b/c you've had to make Mary whittle down her list to x amount of guests due to the expense but she REALLY wants it there...then say "Of course, I'll be sending an invite to Carrie--can she make it on the 14th? She can ride with us if need be...."
She'll get it.

I agree with most of the replies. Just be honest with the mom. Tell her that since your daughter is a pre-teen, she wants to have a small girlfriend only party so she's only inviting Carrie this year.

Wow -I don't understand the mentality either -on several points. Definitely invite Carrie! She would probably be grateful for the opportunity to ditch the family for once ;-) All you need to do is kindly say -"Since this is the big 13th birthday party, we're just taking some of the girls my daughter wants to invite to dinner and the laser show instead of having a big party." If for some reason that doesn't get through say, "_______really just wants a typical 13 year old celebration -you know -something a little more grown up or teen-centered and of course NO BOYS!" Say it laughingly. Surely this family doesn't travel in a pack every single place they go, so the friend should "get it" at that point!

I feel sorry for Carrie. One of my biggest pet peeves are these mentally unbalanced women who have baby after baby and use their older kids as nannies. It's great for older siblings to care about their younger siblings and help out sometimes, but constantly nagging them about diapers and watching little kids is terribly sad. She sounds like she already has anxiety issues from it.

One question -does the 21 year old go everywhere with them including children's birthday parties? If so-WEIRD!

If it were me I would tell this friend that daughter wants a more elaborate party this year and therefore we can only afford to have one person from each friend's family attend.

If they do not grasp that clearly explained concept then I would distance myself (and my daughter) from that sort of rudeness.

PS: We have had many "siblings welcome" parties - we love it actually. But I can also see your point here. The bottom line is they need to respect your boundaries.

don't angst over this, hon. it's really not a handwringer. just tell them, courteously and directly, what's up. they'll get it. if they get snitty, it's their problem. yes, it affects you because your daughters are friends, but you just can't tie yourself in knots trying to forestall thoughtless behavior by others. just handle it honestly and nicely and let them react however they want.
enjoy your daughter's birthday! it sounds like it will be a blast.
:) khairete
S.

I would just be honest and let her know that your daughter is only inviting her girlfriends and only wants Carrie to come. They should totally understand that. Let them know you're having a smaller party this year also.

I really hate it when this happens and I've seen it 1st hand also. You'll probably need to call the other mom and tell her that you're excited that Carrie will be attending, but just so there's no confusion on that day explain the other details OR ask if you can come by and pick Carrie up and let her ride with you and your daughter. This will stop the others from getting there too.

You will have to send an invitation just to the child you want there and no sibs on all of them or claim too and write on the invite that it is a special party with limits. I have 5 kids and one more due in a few weeks and certain friends we do go to all the parties and certain friends just the kids go with their friend. YOu are in a tricky place but just tell the mom in plainly that this party only Carrie is invited to. Good Luck!

Only put the 13 yr olds name on the invite and explain to the mom how expensive this years party is so you are limiting the number of friends your daughter invites. Since you have to pay for each child, the mother should be understanding.
You could also offer to pick up the 13 yr old and take her to the laser place and restaurant and take her home afterwards. That would make it easier on the mom so she doesn't have to get all the kids out.

It's perfectly normal to invite only one sibling to a party, even if you are close friends with the parents. I have a son and a daughter (3 years apart in age) and, even though sometimes they were both invited - especially when they were small - for the most part only one or the other is invited to a particular party. Simply tell her mother that this is a special "girls only" party and your daughter would like only the 13 year old to join her! If you don't make a big deal about it, she shouldn't either. And if she does, tough! It's YOUR DAUGHTER'S PARTY AND SHE GETS TO PICK! :) Good luck!

write on the invite girls only party. If she asks tell her its going to be small and will just be her daughter and 4 other friends.

Absolutely be honest with your friend & clearly state that this is for the 13y.o. only. All you have to say is, "we would like to invite....to go with us for our daughter's party. She's at the age where she's into 'girls only'!" Aid in this by providing the transportation for the 13y.o.....thereby eliminating the possibility of the others tagging along.

Don't be invasive or offensive & hopefully all will be understood without any drama! Honesty is best!

Just be honest. This is only for the kids that are you daughters age. They are now at that age. Only invite Carrie IF your daughter wants her there..

At some point, kids have the right to only invite their friends.

In our family/close friends.. Our daughter will sometimes have a private event.. sleepover, camping.. etc.. but we still have a VERY small gathering for the family.. grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, cousins.close family friends. that is just cake , punch and coffee.. Maybe it is time to do something like this.

Families with lots of kids, often expect the eldest to be like a 3rd caregiver.. it is just part of it.. I only had 1 sibling and it was sometimes the same for me.. I just was a little caregiver..

A couple of thoughts - you could put on the invitation Girls only and the fact that only kids age XX and up are allowed to attend. AND put an RSVP on the invite.
When the mom calls to RSVP and she say "eight" you can play innocent with OH, we only have one RSVP per invitation. So, just drop carrie off or we'll come get her, etc.
IF she doesn't call to RSVP call her and ask if Carrie is coming when she says ,Yes we will be there. Again play innocent and say it is only one RSVP per invitation. :)
OR
Call the other mom and explain to her that this is a girls only party and while you love their family this is a time just for the older girls to hang out and be kids and this is you requesting she drop Carrie off alone and keep the younger ones at home, etc.
good luck!!

i don't know how others would handle this but i would personalize the invitation. specify its a girls party only and make it known--kindly--that the girl is the only one invited. i don't think this is rude and i agree it would be a big hassel to have to pay for everyone. if they get mad they can get over it. its your daughter's party and that is her friend. being a parent i would think they would understand too. good luck.

Perhaps the laser place and restaurant management and staff could be your answer. When you have the final guest list for the party, go to the laser place in advance, and pay for your specific guests by name. When your guests arrive, they give their name and the attendant or ticket person will say "welcome, Carrie, here's your wrist band (or hand stamp or whatever)." If Carrie has other kids with her the ticket attendant will just say "that will be $80 extra". And it won't be your problem. And at the restaurant, inform the host or maitre d' that the table is to be strictly limited to the number of guests you tell them, and no extra seats are to be set, and tip the host in advance for handling this detail. If Carrie shows up alone, she is seated with the other guests. If Carrie is sent with a crowd, the host or manager will inform her that there is a seat for her at the party table but if she prefers she could be seated separately with her family.

This may sound harsh, but since you say this is an ongoing problem, it seems like some boundaries have to be set.